Relationship advice

>>18203536
You are probably too boring but he sounds boring too
Do you have a job? What do you do in your week?

>>18203536
Male here:

Pleading with him will do the opposite of help your cause. When you wait on him hand and foot like his mommy, and try to cuddle up and be as close as possible all the time, he feels like he has you by the neck. He feels that youre head over heels obsessed with him and he can do whatever he wants and still fall back on you... which seems to be true. First of all, you need to get some self confidence and learn how to be alone and not freak out. Second, you need to start doing your own thing. Put on a sexy outfit and go out with some friends one night. Nothing would get his attention quicker. Stop showering him with attention and begging for recognition.

>>18203548
I am a graphic designer and I work from home. I have my hobbies and those are the only things keeping me sane atm.
It's still winterish here where we live so staying home is kinda a must.

>>18203558
I understand your problem
You are basically a house cat
He gets from work, he wants to play videogames and the cat starts bothering, distracting him, being all over the place, trying. To get food or something
So he ignores you like you ignore a cat
I mean you are home all day, you don't go out or talk to anyone right?
What is there to you beyond being cute and warm like a cat is?

>>18203555
Yeah I agree with the confidence things. I have a lot of people hitting me up on Facebook and that does get his attention. But I am not really a party person and as you said I am too in love with him so saying "bye I'm going out" feels like torture for me.
I do feel like I give too much attention but I don't know how to stop?
I am alone 9 hours a day so I did learn to be alone. I just wanna hang with him at least on the weekend.
The only time I get any attention is before sleep and that is also with Twitch on.
Even trying to watch movies is hard. He would rather play something and watch the movie in the background.

Do you think I should just start going out without much explanation or?

>>18203569
That is a... Cute and sad way to put it haha. Thanks?

>>18203571
Yea, you sound like a good girl, I dont think you would cheat on him. If you have no girlfriends, then take up one of those facebook guys on their offers. Go out one night, dont offer a long explanation and feel guilty, just do it. His fucking head will do a 180 from his computer when he sees you walking out the door.

Continuing to be a subservient little attention sponge will just make him feel like he can abuse you more and more till youre stuck in a shitty relationship. If he sees you getting some independence, hes gonna go 'wait a second' am I losing her? And will be forced to change if he wants to keep you.

>>18203555
Also it's hard for me to find a balance in showing too much attention or completely ignoring him.
Sometimes I try to do my own thing the whooole day but feel like I reset everything as soon as he starts talking to me. I start acting like a googly eyed little girl in love. Ugh

>>18203578
I can't do that. I think I would die if he went on a "date" with a random girl from FB so I couldn't do that to him either.

>>18203578
Yeah I recently moved here so I have 0 friends. Atm I only go to the gym and stores haha.

>>18203536
Dump him. Clearly if you need someone else to make you feel good about yourself, you're clearly not in the right state of mind for a relationship. Be single for a while, and focus on being by yourself and restoring your own inner confidence alone.

>>18203588
Well your bf did it he would be trying to get laid. In your case you could make it clear to the facebook guy that you want to hang out as friends. No harm no foul.

>>18203572
That's cute xD

>>18203596
I am looking for advice to fix this. I know it's easier to just end it but I don't wanna do that without even trying to fix things?

>>18203596
Also I feel great about myself. I am confident and look good. What I am looking for is advice on how to let my boyfriend know that hey I am alive without causing drama and making him think I hate games or something.

>>18203536
Well, you want that social interaction and he ignores you. There are a lot of possible reason.

>priority
Your priority is below his hobbies. Ask yourself if it is worth to be with somebody who values games more than you.

>security
He takes you for granted. This is why so many relationships/marriages breaks. When one partner takes the other for granted, he turns into cold uncaring, shows you his bad side. Try to tell him that you want more of his time. Make a schedule if you must. Sometimes threat woth break up can wake others up.

>interest
You are simply boring to him. Also consider if he is worth of your time.

>dependency
You are too "clingy". Maybe he gives you enough attention, but you just wants him 24/7. Try occupy yourself. Your life should never turn into "i have bf" and nothing more. Try hanging with other people to maybe spike some jealousy in him.

>comunication problems
Sometimes we boys are super dense and dumb. You have to talk to him. Maybe he doesnt even realize how you feel. Do not let him to shush you. Stay determined.

>clash of interest
Try to play online games with him. Maybe it will work for both of you.

Anyway happy girls doesnt make threads like these. Whatever you do, dont be shy and do something about situation. Being invisible from your bf sounds like bad torture method.

Tldr: make him realize he can lose you and that you DEMAND his time or he can go fuck himself without you in close future. Make him to ask you on date. Make him to go to gym with you. Force him.to do things, maybe he is just dumb.

>>18203603
Take my advice on making him jealous, bitch. Listen; approaching in a conversational setting and trying to convince him to give you attention will not work and will only give him a greater degree of power over you, thus leading to him ignoring you more.
If you dont wanna make plans with a guy, then put on a sexy outfit and go out on the town alone, you said you just moved there so you should go out and experience the lay of the land. I know exactly how women like you act, youre either doting over the guy or passive aggressively ignoring to prove a point. Both of these are bullshit. You need to grow some confidence and righteously say to yourself "im going out with or without him and im going to have a good time".

>>18203603
If he's not spending a lot of time with you than he's probably to selfish to make the relationship work.

>>18203609
I once talked to him about this but backtracked a lot because he was clearly upset. When I told him we never do anything together, he said "well we eat dinner together", something along those lines.
I guess I'm afraid to give ultimatums because I'm afraid he's gonna say "fine. Then leave."

I have ny hobbies and I do not float around him all the time. Today he even complimented me for being so calm and quiet and" haha never had a gf who doesn't complain" lol. I guess I wanna be perfect and don't wanna be the typical "my gf hates games" kinda girl.

I do give a lot of attention. I cook, clean, cuddle, bjs, touching penis (hahha), complimenting him all the time on his looks and skills (had a ex who told me I never did this so now I do), etc. I just don't know how to stop. I love giving my all. I just get sad I get the minimum back.

>>18203633
You have 3 people giving you sound advice and laying things out in a step by step manner, but you just deflect everything and go back to your mopey self defeatist bullshit.

So are you going to do something or continue getting abused? Its really that simple, sorry the advice youve received so far (and that you're choosing to ignore) is not what you wanna hear.

>>18203613
Bssjsjajahxks I knooow I just... He knows me. He would ask me a million questions if I just decided to dress nice and go to town. He would want an explanation. Not being mad at me but just "hey how come? You never do this." and I have no idea what to say to that. "Just wanna get your attention"?

To be fair he does cuddle me a lot before bed and he does say all the right things sometimes. I feel like I painted a picture now where he is the ultimate villain. I guess what I'm saying is... I get very little and want more. I will try what you guys suggested.

The only way you're going to fix it is by talking to him. You can't expect to change anything in a relationship without proper communication. You need to be explaining to him how you feel, what you want from the relationship and pretty much everything in this post. If he doesn't want to make more effort towards you and he actively won't change his ways to fix it then he clearly doesn't want to be in a relationship. It's pretty clear he loves his PC and you very much sound like the clingy type which is fine on both ends, but if you're BOTH not making an effort to A: spend time with one another and actually enjoy it and B: be able to spend time on your own and leave him alone, then I seriously don't see your relationship working. Be truthful to yourself, talk to him about it, and if he doesn't want to do anything or brushes it off, you'd be better off on your own. Don't let your feelings blind you on the matter either, there's no point waiting around when clearly there are millions of guys out there who would be actually willing to spend the time with you that he isn't. Just communicate okay. Good luck anon.

>>18203536
But some sexy lingerie and seduce him as a surprise and he'll be off his games lickity split. If not then he's probably not that into you anymore and should cut and run

>>18203598
Don't do that or you might see a "My girlfriend went out with a guy, she says he's just a friend, should I dump her?" thread here made by him. And if you've spent any amount of time on this board you'll know what the answer to that will be.

To me it sounds more like an issue on his end. As in, he's fine with the way your relationship is going so he doesn't want to change that. You insisting on receiving attention will most likely come as clingy to him. Your options are limited. What you should do is find a common interest or hobby, something you can both enjoy doing together, but I can see this being a challenge considering he likes spending all his free time playing video games. These fucking nerds, I swear to god.

So you must try to push him away from games a little bit, not by sabotaging him, but by giving him a pleasant alternative. Something he can do with you. Preferably, something exciting. Try to figure out what he'd enjoy doing. Hiking, climbing, paintball, driving to rural areas and looking at the sky, whatever, be creative. You could also go for a vacation in an exotic place or something like that, that's bound to make him give you more attention, at least for a while and it might spark his interest and love for you again, because, honestly, it's kind of lost right now.

I don't know exactly what, but from the sound of it you really should do something about this because your relationship is getting stale. If this keeps on you'll become just 2 people living together. This is how most long relationships end up and it's quite a shame, really. A relationship can't sustain itself, it needs novelty, excitement and interaction. Strong emphasis on excitement, nothing "creates" love and affection like a thrilling experience.

>>18203648
Thanks. I will try to talk to him again. Do you guys have any suggestions for activities to do? I know he will ask "so what do you wanna do instead?" and I have no idea. We can't do any outdoor activities atm because of cold and I don't have any ideas for at home? Movies are not really a good option.

>>18203659
>Sit at home all day, playing games, laughing with my autistic friends on ventrillo
>hot girlfriend worships me, cooks me meals, sucks my cock, cleans up after me
>she's so desperate for attention I can do whatever I want and still get laid at the end of the night
>Living like a fucking king
>One day she approaches me in the middle of an intense raid
>"H-h-hey honey... I was um... thinking... um... do you wanna go for a hike?"
>WHAT? I-I CAN'T HEAR YOU *points at headset*
>girlfriend starts crying and runs into her room
>"Lol, sorry guys, fucking girlfriend aggro"

>>18203659
Thanks, I do agree and I am afraid to become one of those couples.

To the anon that mentioned sexy outfits. Have a million of em at home. Doesn't really work. His libido is low atm because of winter depression and "work worries" so doing something like that atm only leaves me even more sad.

>>18203671
This made me laugh soo hard he put his headphones down and asked me "did you say something?"
Thanks anon

>>18203660
To be honest nowadays the only things that classify as activities are watching TV shows and movies, pretty much just Netflix. If those aren't options for you, you're gonna have to expand your horizons a bit and try to find some sort of middle ground with him, maybe even getting another PC and playing games with him. But also you have to let him decide activities as well, can't always be up to you.

>>18203684
Yeah but if I'm the one having a problem he's gonna expect of me to come up with something to do, right?

>>18203687
Right, but I can't be the one to decide that for you. You're the one with the issue here, so you need to decide what you want to do. YOU give me options and I'll decide whether or not he'd actually enjoy them.

you sound to sweet to berate you

some good advice has already been posted for you

good luck OP

>>18203683
You're laughing now but ...

I don't see why you think you can't do stuff outside in winter. You have clothes right? Unless it's -40 degree Celsius you'll be fine. There's nothing like walk in an empty park in a winter night.

But you need somewhat of an open mind for that. So I don't know if he'd find any pleasure in stuff like that. I was actually quite like your boyfriend a few years ago, I would spend ALL my free time watching cartoons and playing games and would screech at the mere idea of doing something else with my free time. What worked for me was massive depression and an existential crisis which led to me reading up on a bunch of buddhist stuff which gave me a different perspective. Now, I reckon that recreating these conditions might not be realistic in any way, but that's pretty much what he needs, a change in perspective. Right now he sees videogames as the only way to pass free time and entertain himself, the only release from a boring, stressful reality. If he could find another option, or better yet, learn to find pleasure in every kind of activity he'd be a lot better off. And he'd probably give you more attention. I know I'm making a lot of assumptions, but I know pretty well the type of guy who spends most of his time playing videogames and watching twitch stuff, despite having other options, like, you know, human interaction.

Maybe you can get him to read some books on meditation or something, since he's complaining about work stress and such. Actually that would work pretty well for you too, since you seem to be so emotionally dependent on him. Pick up "10% Happier" by Dan Harris and "Happiness" by Matthieu Ricard.

>>18203781
Thanks anon, will do.
It is pretty cold for some activities we both like, shooting arrows (things are frozen and arrows break, apart from being too cold for me I'm a pusseh), too windy for flying drones which he likes to do and I'm happy to keep company. I will suggest more walks thoug! We used to do a lot of pokemon go during summer so I do look forward to wormer days.

I wanna suggest things but he will ask why. I guess my first question in op was how to approach it. What to say? What would make you not be mad/defensive? Because ofc I would rather discuss it with him rather than trying to make him jealous. But at this point I guess I'd try anything.

>>18203819
It's a pleasant fantasy to think going for walks and polite conversation will fix it, but youre just gonna sink deeper in the whole. Take the unpleasant advice that people have been giving you if you want to be happy.

I had a girl like you very recently. Desperate to please, always wanted to be liked by everyone, clingy, kept her emotions bottled up and only let them out in passive aggressive spurts, would fuck me however i told her to and be happy just accompanying me while I did what I wanted. I broke up with the bitch, I couldnt fucking stand her. So grow some "balls" so to say, or else youll suffer the same fate.

>>18203572
well its not like a graphic designer is swimming in busy work
find something else to do, outside, with people

>>18203839
Hahaha wow this actually teared me up.
I will try and grow some balls then. I guess guys do like girls who are more confident and don't go with the flow only to please.

I will try out what you guys suggested. Thank you for helping

>>18203859
Didn't mean to offend. But its the truth. I told my ex the same things, in slightly different words. You and her are both sweet girls, and you dont deserve the treatment youre getting. It upsets me to see people like you sit and deal with shitty situations, and justify to yourself why you deserve it and why its okay.

Getting some independence, not relying on your bf as your only source of validation, this is the path to a better relationship. And if he asks for an explanation, tell him exactly how you feel. He's not gonna boot you for speaking up.

I'm not joking when I say this. Arouse him. Sexually.

>>18203868
No no hard feelings just hit me right in the gut but I guess I needed to hear it.
Thanks guys I really needed some advice. I don't really have girlfriends who would try and help. They would all say "he plays games? Dump him asap" haha.

>>18203819
To be honest I think you should just be honest without accusing him of anything or being too dramatic. Say that you want to do more stuff with him, that you get bored sitting all day at home and want to try something new. If he's unresponsive push further, tell her that you feel neglected and that you're afraid the relationship is dying. But try to avoid conflict and drama at first, it may spare you a lot of unnecessary arguments.

To some extent relationships are about power dynamics, but treating them as such and trying to control your partner through petty games and jealousy will not lead to happiness. This kind of relationship brings happiness and content because of intimacy which is based on trust, honesty and openness. Trying to fix it by creating reasons for mistrust and negative emotions will feel like an unpleasant, crushing chore and it will most likely blow up in your face.

Touch.

Massage him. Hug him. Kiss him, like a lot. A lot a lot.

I would do this to my gf... if I had one.

I was like your boyfriend until she left me, then it felt like the world had just dropped out from under me. He probably loves you more than you know.

You literally just described me OP.

Living with your GF can be hard for some people. It is for me at least. I constantly want alone time.

He probably still loves you but also loves time to himself too.

Unless he secretly is waiting for the relationship to end and he's distancing himself so that you will break up with him first.

My gf is cool, but holy shit I fucking love being alone in my house. The second she leaves it feels like a breath of fresh air. I blast music, listen to podcasts, jerk off, workout. But when she's here we kind of just sit in silence and she gets upset if i put on headphones.

Just leave him be OP. Give him space. Find a hobby and get out of the house more. And if for some reason, you are actually my gf who im talking to, please just end this already.... I am too weak to end it myself...

Hi heres my advice get married have a kid and focus on the kid. You got a guy thats commited to you and stays home. At least hes not out chasing other women. You want him to quit gaming and then what sit there and look at you all day boring. Heres some advice from a guy that games a shit ton. Im married my wife cooks cleans what ever and i game when im home. When im not home im working my arse off 12hour days. People need time out. Yes relationships need work. Go for a day trip somewhere have time away together. Tell him your problems argue get it out there. Good luck dont quit. You sound like a good girl all the best.

>>18204527
He doesn't wanna break up, and he is not distancing himself. He just doesn't see he is doing something wrong. I think he probably just relaxed too much.

I know in the beginning of the relationship he told me his ex was always whiny about games and that sometimes he didn't know he was being obsessed.

I know I am also the big problem, always backtracking when I see I might upset him and start a big argument.
I am too weak and wanna make him happy all the time. I want him to do stuff for me but I also don't wanna force him aka be the one that tells him what to do? I guess I just want him to want to spend time with me without anyone forcing him to do so.

Thank you guys for the advice. I will most probably just tell him what is bothering me and also try not being soo clingy.

"Yo faggot get off the computer, jesus."

>>18204783
Wish this worked with me desu

The eternal stay-at-home gf dilemma.

You just got yourself a gamer guy, depends on how old he is it might be ok or not.


>tfw I'm basically playing vidya 1 or 2 days a week, an hour, not much longer.
>And I still would not have much time for gf since I'm at work 8 hours a day. In traffic 2 hour a day. Studying at least 2 h a day. Doing sports /out/ at least 4 times a week, especially on weekends. I have only like 5-7 hours a week to meet friends and not always using them. Rest is housework, sleep, hobbies and such shit.

It's kinda cute that someone wants your attention, but back when I had a girl at my place it was kinda annoying and always a problem.

>>18204819
I am 24 he is 26.

He works 8 hours on a casual/sometimes stressful IT job and his work is 5min car drive.
He doesn't like going out with friends and says he prefers staying home with me so.

I do think going out on my own and dressing up would work now. Everytime I'm texting someone or smiling at my phone he comes to ask questions/see who it is. :/

>>18204826
im not going to read this long ass thread have you tried playing with him? have you asked him for date nights? have you tried to make plans with him on shit so he has a reason to not be on the computer.

>>18204826
Welp, when I was his age a was about to stop playing so much, maybe he will change it soon, or maybe not.

I think living together is one of the main causes of this problem and I can't find the middle ground or solution from my perspective.

>>18204858
Nah, I'm not OP but I',m 100% sure the problem is that HE has to plan the dates organize time together and take initiative.
And even if OP takes the initiative, she still won't be satisfied and there will be complaining.

Am I right?

>>18204858
He plays competitive games in which I am not good. He would rather play with his friends because he is going for rank etc. We already have games we play together (or rather I watch while he plays) and I love those times but it's only once in a blue moon if we find a non online game he wants to play.

>>18204859
I think living together made it kinda like this yes. He doesn't miss me probably and me being over the top nice always doesn't really make him think "hey maybe she needs me" or something

>>18204863
Also having woman around all the time is already enough energy and emotional draining for some guys and they try to create a space by escaping into vidya and stuff.
I can relate.
That's why I'm happy single now. The moment I got myself free I basically stopped procrastinating and got my shit together. Relationships are just not for me I suppose.

>>18204867
honestly i have a stay at home gf and i try to get her into everything im about just so it would be easier to do what i want if we both happen to want the same thing. you literally say you just watch him play so i say give it a shot, everyone sucks when they first start the difference is he was probably 10 when he learned he sucked and you don't want to know you suck. What about sex shit do you ever approach him? Thats a definite way to get some alone time

Really sounds like a breakup is in order.
From what I've seen when a guy loses interest in a girl it never comes back.

>>18204874
We would play but I can see he would rather play with the guys. "oh the guys are calling me. You mind?" so.

The sex thing is a different story...
I touch his dick all the time, initiate everything, tell him his butt is amazing and tease him all the time. He have sex maybe once in 2 weeks because of what he calls winter depression. He says his libido is just low and we already had a million discussions about it ending in a fight because I wanna talk about the problem and try fixing it and he basically says that talking won't fix it so what's thr point in talking.
Before anyone tells me he is not interested in me, he tells me everyday he loves me and how lucky he is to have me (without me asking or anything) and has said a million times I am sexy and beautiful and the best sex partner he ever had, most sexy etc. So it's not just "he is over you lel"

>>18204880
Not really, he might just turned on "daddy" mode.
It's the end of chemistry, but mature people live on with this. Erotic interest and adventure turns into friendship and intimate care. Although modern women can't cope with this in majority.

If there is a breakup, it's her to initiate it I bet.

>>18204886
He once told me, regarding the sex thing that he thinks me making an ultimatum and him seeing I am at the end of my strengths, will make him think "oh shit see is serious I need to get my shit together" so like maybe I should just start with living my life without him stop being so dependent on him and if that doesn't make him come to me just say hey let's fix this or I'm leaving.

I have a problem where I wanna be perfect. I don't wanna whine to him or MAKE him do things he doesn't want...

>>18204884
Yup, OP, the hoolywood love comedy days are over. The only solution is finding some other guy if you still want to live intense. But it will become same eventually in any new relationship I think, especially if you move in with a guy.

Maybe kids is the thing to fix it indeed, dunno.

>>18204884
to be fair to him talking a lot about it can cause some concentration problems making it difficult to get hard or stay hard. basically thinking about it makes it difficult to do as unfortunate as it sounds.

idk if you really want the time he is giving to his friends you need to do the thing he is doing with them. I know some girls think its boring but i mean it has your boyfriend right?

>>18203536
OP im like your boy. I have a gf but i don't pay much attention to her. Its not that i don't care, i fucking love her.

The issue is doing things, we're both shut ins. We have a lot in common in the way of movies, music and political / ethical views and we cannot just watch movies all day.

She's told me that she feels ignored, but what can i do? Watch movies all day, which she will eventually get bored off ?

If hes anything like me, he wants to spend time with you, he just doesn't know how.

List some things that you would want to do with your bf

>>18203536
Get in the discord server and talk to him there kek

>>18203660
You can do things even when it's cold. Winter clothing is a thing.

>>18203555
This. Do your own thing but prompt up some dates every other week. He'll take notice if he cares. If he doesnt care about you he wont do anything after a month or two.

>>18203558
Go out more often, preferably with him.

>>18203571
then hang ONLY on weekends. He'll no other opportunity to see you and will have to make that effort to.

>Do you think I should just start going out without much explanation or?
yes to going out more, just say you'll be out. If he complains where you've been, tell him you felt like going out since he was just too busy playing.

>>18203578
this. let him notice you'll losing interest.

or plan B, play games together.

Show him this thread. It will help.

>>18205264
As I said I tried games but as soon as the guys call him it's kinda over.

We live together so I can't really dissappear during the work days and appear on the weekend.
I'll take your advice and going out more. I am not really a party person nor do I wanna flirt but I'll make sure to look extra nice when going. I know he will notice.
I just don't wanna make this into a game of hard ball. I want him to care, I don't wanna trick him into caring. But I guess it has to be done?

>>18205364
It's a very woman thing but I don't really want him to know it hurts me to the point I'm asking for advice from people on the internet and talking about our relationship there.

>>18205364
I second this, letting him see the things that people would say would help the situation and fix your relationship problems would only do him good.