Thread replies: 7
Thread images: 1
Thread images: 1
Anonymous
Crush doesn't want kids 2017-04-08 11:02:05 Post No. 18203287
[Report] Image search: [Google]
Crush doesn't want kids 2017-04-08 11:02:05 Post No. 18203287
[Report] Image search: [Google]
File: 1490658125092.jpg (22KB, 478x320px) Image search:
[Google]
22KB, 478x320px
So yeah. For six months or so I was crushing on my female friend. I planned to confess many times, thanks both to friends and /adv/ I didn't do it (it would be too soon). Instead I escalated things a bit, got more physical with her, we spend more time together, and so on. She was my ambition to have some standards in life and not just somehow live from day to day, masturbating and playing games all week. Lately I found out that she does not like kids. She's bi, so I guess that's to be expected. Nevertheless, it's a serious issue for me, I want to have children at some point in the future. Being a good father is half of my life goals.
I immediately got depressed, apathetic, back to my old lazy ways. For few days. After that when I kinda let go.. things between us got amazing. We talk even more, hug for longer, it's a whole bunch of small things that weren't there before. Yesterday I was waiting with her on a bus stop and It felt eerie that we weren't tightly hugging. I already see her as my girlfriend even though by all means it should not work.
In two-three weeks we'll go for a evening of watching movies (in cinema), drinking beer and eating some food. Last time it was fun, and I'm determined to tell her that I love her. My question is: should I? Can I hope that she'll change her mind at some point? Should I tell her upfront that "hey, I like you very much but it's a deal breaker, what do we do?" or leave the topic out for now?
In my last relationship the matter of kids was an issue, my crazy ex was very openly against it, even to the point of looking for abroad clinics that would sterilise her legally, because she didn't like kids and getting periods. But she was younger than me and a psycho, so I felt like "being the sane one" I had the right to try and discourage her. But this girl is different, my age, sane, educated - I see her as equal if not above me. And if she does not want kids I know that's not just a whim on her part.
>>
Getting into a relationship with somebody when your life goals are the polar opposite seems like a bad idea dude, you should really not assume that she will somehow come around or change her mind, thats a big gamble.
>>
>>18203287
>For six months
>(it would be too soon)
>Crush
Aaaaaand DROPPED.
Underage, b8, etcetera.
>>
>>18203287
You're putting the cart way before the horse here. This is what putting pussy on a pedestal is. You haven't found out if she even is interested in you romantically, and you're planning out what it's going to be like to have kids with her. And, you're planning to "confess," or "tell her that you love her." You don't love her. You love the idea of her, especially if you're using her as your sole motivation for improvement in life.
You're failing to realize that in life, everyone's shit stinks at least a little bit. This girl is flawed just like the rest of us, and even if she IS interested, you've got years ahead of you to learn whether or not you can spend a weekend together, much less a lifetime raising kids.
For one, take two whole big steps back, and don't tell this chick you "LOVE" her. You're going to dump this whole big pile of dependency on her and immediately scare her away. People don't respond well to these grandiose gestures of love because they realize they might hurt the other person when they don't feel the same level of intensity.
Now, I don't know what idiots on here told you it was "too soon" to make your interest in her known, because that's a stupid fucking idea. While the "friendzone" doesn't exist, the longer and longer you hammer away at a girl that you're just her pal and not in this because you have feelings, the worse off you're going to be. Take a minute to step back from this friendship, reassess your feelings, ask her if she'd like to go on a more serious date, and don't fucking pour out your heart. Never works.
>>
It sucks that this one detail has to get between you two, but it's one that's super important to you, so you'll have to find someone else.
>>
>>18203391
What is the difference between loving someone and loving the idea of them? I hear that term used, but I don't know what it means. I guess that's to be expected of a husk of a person like me.
>>
>>18203895
The idea of someone is a fantasy, unflawed, "perfect" version of someone. Basically what you've built up in your head without actually having the reality of it crashing down, mostly done by people who like to stare wistfully at some pretty girl/boy from afar and imagine a life together before they've even spoken 5 words to the person.
Loving someone is taking a person at their worst and their best, loving all of their flaws and their strengths, the things that make them who they are. There's a vast, vast difference.
Thread posts: 7
Thread images: 1
Thread images: 1