How do I deal with my boyfriend's friends?

>>18200418
Break up with your boyfriend.

>>18200423

No can do, he's amazing beyond belief. He's brilliant, he's hilarious, he's loving, he's responsible, and he's a beast in bed. We've been together for 5 years and I'm not going to dump him just because his friends are dicks.

If your boyfriend isn't defending you, then why are you still dating him?

>>18200434

Asking my boyfriend to defend me would defeat the purpose of what I'm trying to accomplish. I want to be respected within this group, I don't want his friends to treat me like a delicate flower in need of a mediator. I just want to know how to get them to actually listen to what I have to say and take my words at face value instead of attributing some percieved alterior motive to my words.

>>18200445
First of all, any guy worth dating WOULD defend you. Secondly, unless you grow some balls and learn to stick up for yourself, nothing is going to change. Thirdly, even if you do stick up for yourself, they're probably not going to think any differently of you for it. In fact, it'd probably cement their views of you.

All I'm getting from your post is that these are shit people and your boyfriend is an even shittier boyfriend.

>>18200434

In addition, I think my boyfriend doesn't defend me because I have Aspergers and he wants me to be able to fend for myself in social situations. I'm okay with that because he's not always going to be next to me to be my translator. I need to be able to do this myself or I'll never have the respect I want.

>>18200469
>he wants me to be able to fend for myself in social situations
Of course he does, anything to absolve him of any responsibility.

Any decent guy would say "knock it off, she has Aspergers," to his friends not "you have Aspergers, you deal with it" to you.

>>18200453

I've definitely tried to stick up for myself but they just laugh it off and attribute it to "that time of the month" or tell me to calm down. I think when I begin to raise my voice to be heard they think I'm becoming angry and I believe it affects their interpretation of what I'm saying. You might be right about the shit friends, but my boyfriend is only trying to make me stronger by allowing me to handle this social issue on my own.

>>18200472

This isn't about him. I don't need defending, I just want respect and to be treated like an equal. If I need someone to come to my aid everytime someone says something mean to me, I'll never be equal,

What's with these faggots in this thread talking about what any decent guy would do. Shut up Nimrods your ruining it for OPs boyfriend it sounds like he's got something great happening.

And to you OP start watching stand up comedy so you can be a funny bitch who can crack jokes with the best of them. The way into a group of dudes inner circle is laughter and not being a conniving stuck up annoying cunt

>>18200480
I'm not saying you need defending, I'm saying that fact that your boyfriend just sits by while this is happening, given how much this upsets you, indicates that he's a shitty boyfriend. If it was plain banter then sure, he can leave you to it, but if people are straight talking shit about his girlfriend, then he's doing something wrong.

Some boy groups are just like that. They're jealous because you're taking up your man's time. Honestly, the best thing you can do is just not hang out with them, and let him see his friends on his own, while you see your friends on your own.

There's no going around this, but I'd honestly be questioning whether your boyfriend doesn't passively or actively encourage this-afterall, people tend to pick like minded people as friends, and if he's friends with assholes...you know, the rest follows.

>>18200485

You have to do improv comedy. Not stand up. It's more about reading people's emotions and energy.

Anyway OP you didn't really say anything specific. Did you get diagnosed? Do you have any physical hobbies?

>>18200498

Doing improv is a good idea but OP should start with finding a few comics she likes then learning the basics of making people laugh. It's highly unlikely she or anyone will go straight to improv without first being semi confident of their joke making abilities and since most chicks suck I doubt OP is ready

>>18200488

Its only ever banter when he's around, the outright shit-talking and treating me like an idiot only occurs when he's gone.

>>18200485
I've tried really hard to fit in and be "one of the guys". I drink the beers, I play the games, we even play Pathfinder together. I make jokes here and there when I have a good one, but I don't pop 'em off all the time. I've also tried to be really easy-going and chill. I don't think I behave like a conniving stuck up annoying cunt, but they seem to think I'm only pretending or something? I just don't know why they think so.

The whole point here isn't that you should tell him to defend you, as your boyfriend he should want to defend you. If I had a gf of 5 years and my friends constantly shit on her and made rumors id set them straight. Hate to break it to you OP but it sounds like your not that worth it or special in his eyes.

Would you defend him if the situation was reversed? If all your friends were making rumors and looking down on him? Chances are your going to say no you'll let him do it himself but that's not true. You sound like your putting him on a pedestal as a hero and a perfect guy, but from a outside perspective you don't mean as much to him as he does to you. Might Be time to open your eyes and reflect on the relationship. Take time to notice little things he does and his reactions to certain situations.

>>18200511
You are the common denominator here and until you understand why they think this way they wont change their mind. Stop saying you have tried X and blah blah it obviously didn't work or else you wouldn't be here, keep trying

Laughter is the greatest thing you can give to someone it truely is the best feeling when you can bring a group of people to tears and there is no faster way into the inner circle. Learn to differentiate between a genuine laugh and people going along with your joke so it isn't awkward. Balls in your court niggae

>>18200509

It's not about making jokes. It's about reacting to people's energy. When you are in a scene the reality you share will be funny without trying.

You will not get over your social anxiety by reading comics (well, you might, but it's self confidence / deluding yourself). You also won't be funny if you try to make jokes on purpose. Those are spontaneous and you don't have time.

Also don't propagate women stereotypes. At least not on here. Go to a workshop and be sexist in character. You'll get over it a lot faster.

>>18200497

>see your own friends

These are the first friends I've ever had. I was bullied a lot in school and before I met my BF I was a hermit. Oddly enough, my BF isn't much like his friends, they're technically his brothers friends from school but they all hang out in a big gang or interconnected weirdness.

>>18200498

I was diagnosed last year. I have a couple hobbies like archery, knitting, and gardening.

>>18200509
>most chicks suck
I agree, generally. I've never actually seen a truly funny female comedian. Most of their jokes revolve around how gross vaginas are or how much they sleep around (fucking Amy Schumer)

stop caring, they can probably see how hard you're trying.

>>18200418
>they all came to the concensus that I was at fault for something
well, what did you do?

Look, male groups can be real nasty to girls that are dating members of their group. My boyfriend's friends were awful to another girl who was dating one of them, but she brought it on herself somewhat.

She was a wetblanket, get upset over banter and couldn't take a joke, as well as trying to convince her bf to not hang out with the guys. He eventually left her.

Now I don't like these boys much either, but I recognise that they're my bf's friends and for the sake of peace in the relationship, I don't make a fuss when he hangs out with them and simply don't see them much myself. I've reached an equilibrium about it.

Men get quite jealous of their friendships where girls are concerned. They don't tend to like it when a mate is spending too much time with a girl. Yes it's petty and annoying.

Why are you trying to hang out with his friends anyway? Don't you have your own?

They could see you as infringing on their group.

>>18200511
>'ve also tried to be really easy-going and chill. I don't think I behave like a conniving stuck up annoying cunt,

If you self identify as an aspie why would you trust your observing ego? Have you ever recorded yourself in a social situation and watched the tape later?

Because I've been doing improv for about a year (also an aspie) and The scenes I thought were good were the worst ones (usually seem contrived on the recording).

Also, asking again -- did you actually get diagnosed with ASD? Because that's usually because of also having anxiety or something that could help us if we knew.

You can be a hardcore aspie and not get diagnosed and you can be high functioning and get diagnosed so it's an individual thing dependent on circumstances. I took the official test and got diagnosed so I know about the process and what it means (since I hang out with theater kids a lot too).

>>18200549
>Men get quite jealous of their friendships where girls are concerned. They don't tend to like it when a mate is spending too much time with a girl. Yes it's petty and annoying.
If you're dating manchildren, sure.

>>18200541

Its a long story but

>we have ferrets in the group room
>I'm the resident animal expert, I clean up after the animals, feed them, bathe them, even though each ferret is owned by an individual in the group
>in the same room, the guys decided to grow pot plants
>they say the pot plants need warm temperature and 24/7 light
>I said it can't be too warm in the room and the lights can't be on constantly because its bad for ferrets health
>they argue with me that the plants will die if they don't get light and heat
>I argue that the ferrets are more important than the plants, move the plants if they must but the ferrets can't be in the heat for too long
>I go home and go to bed with BF, tell him about our arguement and vent a little
>the next day all the lights in the room are unplugged
>everyone thinks I did it, despite that I went to bed early and couldn't reach the outlets on the damn ceiling
>when I tried to tell them I didn't do it, everyone just threw up their hands and said "SOMEONE did it!"
>now I feel like they think I'm lying

>>18200530

The reason I asked is because

A lot of dynamics in groups of guys / mostly guys are about status transactions. Especially if they're lame guys, there's a lot of one upping and being dicks to look alpha. If you do a physical hobby like archery you can avoid that whole thing of trying to prove yourself since you're not that invested in their games. If I were you I'd write some goal to get better at archery. Focus on diet and training schedule.

It'll give you something else to obsess over and you'll seem "effortless cool" since you actually legitimately don't care what they think.

Other advantage is you won't feel inclined to hang out with negative people so much.

>>18200571
I'm not dating a manchild. His friends however, certainly are. So do the men in OP seem to be.

Look OP, I'd advise you go out and make your own friends so you don't have to depend on your boyfriend for friendship as well as relationship stuff. Aside from anything else, it'll strain your relationship too.

They sound really immature and annoying, so I don't know why you'd bother being friends with them anyway.

>>18200549

I have no friends of my own, but I'm an introvert and I do enjoy my alone time. I only hang out with them because I thought they enjoyed my company but its becoming more and more evident thats not the case.

In addition, I encourage my BF to hang out with them without me, since it allows me some time to get my personal projects done, but he wants me to socialize since without it he would be literally my only social interaction.

>>18200558
I've considered that perhaps my bias makes me unable to see my interactions with others objectively. I've not actually recorded myself, maybe I should. It probably doesn't help that I have resting bitch face and social anxiety. Do you think they're picking up on my stress and interpretting it as hostility?

>>18200601
Why don't you try making your own friends then? It's not that ha... oh who am I kidding, I know girls are really hard to become friends with if you're not interested in gossip etc.

If I were you, I'd just tell him that you don't think they like you, and you don't want to impose yourself on people who don't like you just for him. Reassure him that you're okay on your own.

>>18200592

Its so difficult to make friends. I've never been very good at it, and even in other groups the problems I've been having persist. I can't seem to make myself understood and my anxiety makes meeting new people a hell in itself. I'd almost rather just be by myself.

>>18200529
Why not on here dummy ? This is the last truthful bastion of facts and shitposting left in the world let's not lie to OP from the get go women have never had to be funny , now OP realizes her pussy is useless for trying to make guys that can't fuck her like her. Now op must find a way to be better than her pussy

Saying it as it is OP do both , go to improv and watch comedy. Also 5 years is a long time I guarantee you have pissed them of numerous times by taking their mate away from them, being a needy chick and them just dealing with you in general. You have to be better and more fun then the guys in the group to get their respect good luck

>>18200610

Haha yeah I've never been interested in other female friends. They understand me even less because they generally use a lot of double meanings or sly words instead of just saying exactly what they mean. I've really wanted to confront the boys and tell them I feel like they don't like me, ask them why or something but I can't seem to get the courage to touch on such a subject.

>>18200628
>>18200601

>Do you think they're picking up on my stress and interpretting it as hostility

If you want my opinion, then yeah, probably. The real question is what do you do about it.

I would not "confront them" because you don't have an observing ego yet so all they'll really know for sure is that you really care about your image. which is not what you might want to communicate.

Resting bitch face can be changed with conditioning btw.

What helped me was finding an environment where I didn't have to try to fit in. For me this is music concerts and bouldering and to a much lesser extent acting. Your environment is gonna be different but you have to find it because it'll help you connect with people which is what you and me suck at. Shitposting on 4chan has its limits obviously.

>>18200621
>from the get go women have never had to be funny

Yeah because one foolproof way to make people laugh is to act like you're about to kill someone and then be like "nah nigguh jus' joking"

OP you should become obsessive with archery and hang out with (i.e. complain about your daddiesto ) the other empowered taxonomoical vaginal disasters who also don't have anything better to do then shoot things then you can be an alpha female start a riot grrrl band and rob a fucking bank. That's what I'd do if I were you.

Personally I'm probably perceived as hostile because I have personal space issues (parents beat me) and I'm also defensive about having ass burgers because I haven't told anyone yet, even though I have a great group of friends and probably should.

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>>18200672

You have many fair points I'll take into consideration. I think I'm about to head out and go see what they're doing, I'll try to be more concious of my own actions and how they might percieve me. I imagine this is a process that will take time and some real thought on my part.

Thank you to everyone that offered me advice, I really appreciate it.

>>18200573
>I clean up after the animals, feed them, bathe them, even though each ferret is owned by an individual in the group
>the guys decided to grow pot plants
don't tell me you all live together
because these friends sound like actual niggers

>>everyone thinks I did it, despite that I went to bed early and couldn't reach the outlets on the damn ceiling
even your BF?

>when I tried to tell them I didn't do it, everyone just threw up their hands and said "SOMEONE did it!"
if they're niggers, then it would make sense for them to self-sabotage and blame someone they don't agree with for it.

>>18200699

dude the ferrets are obviously a metaphor

maybe she's a drug addict and literally just smoked all her bf's pot and then smoked all her bf's friends' stashes too. just snuck in at night and stole the buds.

I mean it's plausible right?

>>18200573
Your boyfriend's friends sound like really horrible people. I would not associate with them if I was you.

>>18200715
>literally just smoked all her bf's pot and then smoked all her bf's friends' stashes too
wut?