help me understand my grief

What kind of advice would you like?

We can't fix your girl. We can possibly make you feel better, but that comes with possibly making you feel worse, or angry. We can tell you to break up with her (most on /adv/ will do,) or we can try and tell you what to do to re-establish a healthy balance in the future with this girl.

But I for one am always reluctant, since most people don't really see the point in doing much else than discussing and arguing. Are you willing to do some research on your own, if we lead you in the right direction? Can you give us some context, please?
Age of both of yous, and how long you've been dating.

youve been there for me for at least 4 years boys, please

>>18200087
2 years, 19yo point me, ill research, theres one thing for accepting and experiencing grief as it comes but holy fuck

>>18200094
I've been there senpai, nothing compares.
What you need to do is put things in perspective. How long did you break up for? Why did you break up? How did you reconcile? At what point in the transition did you learn about her rebounds? And are you showing her your gried, or is this our secret?

>>18200110
broke up 4 weeks, I was holding on to some anger at her,she was terrible at communicating, decided to break it off to fix our issues, came back, she tells me only parts of the truth, i have to push and corner her for the rest. Learned about them gradually, the sex with one guy the very first night we were back together, then found out about the making out about 3 weeks down the road, she knows how Im feeling, trying to make it better, its futile

Dude fucking stop talking to her. Delete her number from your phone. Stop talking to this douche "friend" who hooked up with her.

The grief that you are experiencing will only be exacerbated if you remain in contact with her. Any attempt to understand your grief can be done, but the plug needs to be pulled first so the autopsy can proceed.

Seriously, she sounds really shitty. I get that you still have feelings for her, but it'll pass. Remember that time when you were at work and really really couldn't wait to get off your shift? Every glance at the clock moved it only a minute at a time, and you thought you would never get outta there?

So, I'm telling you it's just like that. You will get over it, and in time you'll look back on it and chuckle "heh, I really did get over it"..

I wouldn't dig much further into your grief than this. It isn't helping to let it stew. Break it off, take a trip somewhere else, quit your job, do whatever it takes to make sure you don't have the chance of even looking at her.

>>18200120
I would despite my feelings,but she seems genuinely sorry and it seems like she is really making changes that need to be made, I dont think breaking up with her will help me feel any better, ill just end up missing her on top of all this, is just laying there and taking it the only way to handle this grief?

>>18200114
I see. Well, she's right about not doing anything wrong. It's your job to get over it. First off, you need to accept that it might be a slow process (it doesn't have to, but I'm prone to suggest fringe methods,) the most obvious way is to spend time and enjoy things together, have passionate and raw sex and laught together - but be real and honest whenever you need time to yourself, and make her understand that you might need some time to adjust. You need this to be a better partner. Since she already knows of your suffering, she should understand this. Don't sit around and mope, go out and experience stuff. Get fit, work on some projects and count your gains. Don't keep her at a distance, but don't spend too much time with her when you're miserable, because it'll affect her, and the relationship might fail pretty soon if you do.

Back to the letting go thing. Screengrab this if you must. It's all about accepting how you feel.

Welcome the feelings that arises, and just sit with them. Don't try to fight them off, or protect them from anything, just let them come to you. And please do this as an exercise, several times a day, whenever you emotions surface; Try and welcome and accept the feelings, whatever they are, open up to them, and see if you can also welcome your need to influence them in anyway; make them stop, change them or control them, any wanting to do anything about them, push them away or hold them close, welcome any need to make them stop. When you find a peace within, where you can say yes welcome, stay for as long as you want, and then see if you can welcome and accept that these feelings are about who you are as a person; that they got anything to do with that which defines you, and that it's personal, and just breathe and stay with it, with eyes open or closed, both are effective.

You can do this exercise at any time, whenever you have any unwanted feeling or sensation, doubt or concern, for the rest of your life, and be free.

>>18200159
I used to practice this, I used to be deep in Buddhism and meditation when all I had to endure was my legs falling asleep, in my most recent grief, I forgot all about it. Thank you anons,no matter what anyone says about this Mongolian yak skinning consortium you've always been there for me, and I genuinely so with all my heart appreciate it deeply.

>>18200120
Don't listen to this dude, he's in the wrong thread.

You girlfriend does actually seem quite alright. The thing about you not asking her to block a guy, only brought back issues from her past. You might one day learn that this was something you didn't handle as well as you could have. Catch yourself whenever you feel an urge to display jealousy. It's not an attractive trait. I do the opposite, and joke with my girl about how she should try and hookup with other dudes, which makes her realise how relaxed I am about it, and makes her want me and trust me even more.

Again, we have to put these things into perspective, unlike the poster I'm responding to. She's 19 and was broken up with. Those kind of people are supposed to fool around. From how you describe her, she might turn into a good woman.

>>18200180
Glad to hear. Worth staying awake for.

If reading it from text doesn't make it stick, go search 'letting go sedona' on youtube, and spend an hour of your life reconnecting. I could only wish I knew this stuff when I was your age, dude.

Just always remember to count your gains and pat your back. There's nothing to be lost in walking slowly.

>>18200183
>>18200190
Thank you, I will heed your words

She just sounds young and confused. If you can't deal with her bullshit then cut her loose and move on. She just doesn't sound ready for what you want out of a relationship.

>>18200070
meds.. depression meds might help. i know it sounds like a weak approach, but if you wanna endure the shock of something so painful the old fashioned way, get ready to hurt.. can't be easy.. at all.

>>18200070
Did you fuck anyone else?

I am in a similar situation. I broke up with her. I fucked 15 girls. It was good.

When I wanted her back she'd fucked someone else. My beautiful virgin (when i met her) baby girl had fucked someone else. Same story as you, same type of guy.

It was tough to deal with..

So I can't imagine how pathetic you'd feel if YOU hadn't been laying pipe this whole time.