what do I text my boss to tell him I'm not coming into work?

>>18198497
what line of work?

You don't.

You phone in and tell him you will not be in.

>>18198497
Unless your boss is a millennial I'd call not text

And if your boss is a millennial then get your shit together

>>18198497
"I'm having stomach troubles, don't think I'll be making it in today."

When I had started a medication that caused massive diarrhea, I had to call out one day because there was no way I wasn't shitting myself. The boss of my boss called and tried to guilt me into coming in. When pressed on my issues (because they love to guilt trip), I outright told her I had severe diarrhea and wouldn't be leaving the toilet for a while. She was taken aback and ended the call swiftly. She also liked to intimidate her female employees, so that made my year.

Depends on your regulations, if you need to overstay the allowed amount of sick days in a row tell him you're going to see a doctor (and do so, they usually don't give a shit and "excuse" you)

Tell him you threw up or have some serious headache/generally feel sick all over. Protip: Tell your coworkers you are not really feeling well the day before you go "sick".

>>18198518
kek

>>18198518
Do you realize how old millennials are now?

>>18198519
Lmao hell yeah good for you. I had a boss like that, had to go in to a Methadone Clinic early in the morning for a while, done with it now but it helped me get where I am, and they would always press me about it after I said I couldn't come in at 4 AM

>>18198519
>not holding the phone to your anus so she can hear the sound

Are you even a working man

File: 420_ayy_lmao.jpg (24KB, 480x480px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 480x480px

>>18198518
>>18198534

My fucking.mom and dad are millenials

>>18198547
fucking your mom sounds pretty nice

>>18198550
Dude nice

>>18198547
>having parents born in the 80s or 90s while being over 18
Feeling bad 4 u

>>18198518
>tfw millenials are old enough to be people's bosses

>>18198497
Tell him your having eye issues, you can't see your ass coming into work

>>18198497
>Hey boss, not going to be able to make it into work today, because [INSERT REASON HERE]. Sorry about that, not much I can do.

I've always used the "explosive diarrhea" excuse. Works every time.

>>18198547
Lmfao.