Have to meet aunt whom with I cut contact with over a year ago

dude, this guy on the picture is quite adorable :)

>>18198211
You don't have to talk to her if you don't want to. What she accused you of was very serious and could potentially destroy your life. If the cousins are old enough to understand, tell them that their mother made unfair accusations against you and that you don't tolerate slander. You may want to avoid talking to them away from family.

>>18198225
this

>>18198225
I'm not really intending to talk with my aunt that much anyways, outside of formally greeting her.
>What she accused you of was very serious and could potentially destroy your life.
Yeah, hence I had no real desire to be contact with her from that moment onward.
She flat out stated that I was a "threat" to my cousins, which I offended and hurt me quite a lot.

>. If the cousins are old enough to understand, tell them that their mother made unfair accusations against you and that you don't tolerate slander.
I don't know if they would understand.
The oldest of them is like 12-13 or something right now, while the younger is around 11 I think.

>You may want to avoid talking to them away from family.
Yeah, of course. The last thing I need is fueling my aunt's paranoia further.
Honestly, the scenario that scares me the most is one where the girls will seek my company like they did before all of this shit.
Back when I lived at my aunt's place few years ago, the girls would constantly cling to me and seek to spend time with me.

If they do that again tomorrow, I don't fucking know what to do.
On the one hand, I know that I MUST distance myself from them in order to not fuel my aunt's unfounded suspicions about me, but at the same time, I feel horrible about the thought of basically brushing the girls off if they try to spend time with me.
During the time I was living at my aunt's place, I grew to see my cousins as my younger sisters, and the thought of hurting them pains me.

I also don't know what to tell them if they ask why I cut all contact with them so abruptly. I don't know what my aunt has told them.
The last time I talked with her, she told me that the girls had been anxious and uncomfortable with my company, and that I was a "threat" to them, but the last time I saw my cousins, I didn't notice any of that. The younger girl basically ran up to me and jumped to my arms the last time I came to visit my aunt, over a year ago, before this shit blew up.

>>18198236
>The last time I talked with her, she told me that the girls had been anxious and uncomfortable with my company, and that I was a "threat" to them, but the last time I saw my cousins, I didn't notice any of that.
It sounds like she's putting stuff in their head or really dislikes that you're so close. Them being "anxious and uncomfortable" could really mean that SHE feels anxious and uncomfortable.

>I also don't know what to tell them if they ask why I cut all contact with them so abruptly. I don't know what my aunt has told them.
If they're that young, tell them it's between you and their mother.

>Back when I lived at my aunt's place few years ago, the girls would constantly cling to me and seek to spend time with me.
That shows the opposite of what happens to victims of abuse, and if she brings it up, tell her that. When I was abused as a child, I shut down and physically/mentally retreated when that person was around. There's no way in hell I'd actively seek them out for a joyous hug.

>If they do that again tomorrow, I don't fucking know what to do.
Don't initiate or encourage anything, but if they do that, there's not much you can do. You can move them aside or sit in such a way that they can't sit on you. Just stay near family when that happens.

don't attend the gathering

>>18198249
>It sounds like she's putting stuff in their head or really dislikes that you're so close. Them being "anxious and uncomfortable" could really mean that SHE feels anxious and uncomfortable.
Yeah, that is what I suspect as well on some level.
I have never seen her hug any of her children, or in general, show much affection even towards her husband. She seems emotionally super cold.
When I talked about this whole mess with my mother, she told me that in her and my aunt's home, when they were kids, there wasn't really any overt showcases of affection like hugs etc between family members. My mother learned that from my father when they got together, so in my life, showcases of affection have been norm since I was a kid.
It seems that my aunt never learned to show any affection even in her adulthood.

>If they're that young, tell them it's between you and their mother.
Would that be wise though? I mean, it would open up only more questions for the kids wonder about.

>That shows the opposite of what happens to victims of abuse, and if she brings it up, tell her that.
Good point. I mean, nothing about the behavior of the girls in my eyes at least, indicated that they were uncomfortable around me.
There were a couple of weird incidents where my aunt acted strange though, before all this blew up.
The first was one case when I was visiting my aunt early last year, and one of my cousins came to sit on my lap. When my aunt noticed, she basically dragged her off and took her to another room to speak to her.
The second one happened shortly before I cut contact with my aunt. It was when I was leaving from their place after visiting them, I was putting my coat and shoes on, and saw the younger girl run butt naked from her room to the bathroom.
My aunt caught her in the act, and started screaming at her. The whole scene was uncomfortable, so I left.

In hindsight, I guess I should have seen the signs of my aunt's suspicions, but I was too naive to spot them back then.

>>18198249
>Don't initiate or encourage anything
That's what I intend.

>You can move them aside or sit in such a way that they can't sit on you. Just stay near family when that happens.

Good advice. I guess I just have to avoid situations where I'd be caught just by myself with them.

>>18198268
I have to.
It is my sister's graduation party. I am obliged to attend.

>>18198270
>Would that be wise though? I mean, it would open up only more questions for the kids wonder about.
That's not your problem. They'll eventually find out when they're older, because they'll want to know why their favorite cousin isn't a part of their lives. They'll grow to resent their mother for causing distance between you.

>In hindsight, I guess I should have seen the signs of my aunt's suspicions, but I was too naive to spot them back then.
She sounds crazy as fuck.

>>18198249
>It sounds like she's putting stuff in their head or really dislikes that you're so close. Them being "anxious and uncomfortable" could really mean that SHE feels anxious and uncomfortable.
I agree with this. I imagine the aunt started asking them questions and was sounding suspicious. They probably had no idea why and responded anxious/uncomfortably to her, since she sounds like a cold intimidating person. She took it as confirmation something was wrong.

>>18198277
>That's not your problem.
Yeah, but I don't really want to cause problems within their family any further.

>She sounds crazy as fuck.
Yeah, I guess.
Hindsight is golden. Before this bs, I had always seen her as reasonable, if emotionally cold person.

>>18198286
She really is quite cold. I hardly ever saw her encourage or show any real affection towards the girls.

>>18198295
>Yeah, but I don't really want to cause problems within their family any further.
I get that, because you genuinely do care for them (doesn't sound like she does, more like control issues). But it's unavoidable because of your aunt's actions, not yours. You've done nothing wrong so don't beat yourself up over what may or may not happen. At the end of the day, it's her circus that she has to clean up.

>>18198304
I guess you are right.
I just hope tomorrow goes smoothly. I don't want to cause a scene

File: concerned tom.jpg (34KB, 314x246px) Image search: [Google]

34KB, 314x246px

Welp, it is confirmed that my cousins will be coming here tomorrow.
I guess hoping that I'd only have to deal with my aunt was just wishful thinking.

I hope that I can lie well enough to the girls if they ask why I haven't visited them in over a year.

>>18198778
How old are the cousins? Why can't you just tell them this? Have you told your other family members?

>>18198787
The older is around 12-13 I think, while the younger is around 10-11.
And no, I cannot tell them that the reason I haven't visited them in over a year is because their mother basically accused me of wanting to rape them.

I talked about the accusations my aunt made against me to my mother when this shit first blew up. She knows about this, and this mess is one of the reasons she too hasn't had any contact with my aunt until tomorrow that is.
She did invite her to my sisters graduation party though. I hoped that she would not come.

>>18198778
Tell the girls you've been very busy and sorry that you haven't been able to visit. I don't understand why younger girls seem to want to sit in relatives' laps, like it's really weird and just uncomfortable to think about . I personally never did that when I was young.

>>18199045
>Tell the girls you've been very busy and sorry that you haven't been able to visit.
That's what I am planning to.
I just doubt that they would believe that.
I mean, I lived in the same city as they for the last year and a half. They aren't dumb enough to think that I'd have been so busy all that time that I could not have visited them even once during a weekend or something, in the span of over a year.

> I don't understand why younger girls seem to want to sit in relatives' laps, like it's really weird and just uncomfortable to think about . I personally never did that when I was young.
I can't pretend to know for sure, but I suspect that one of the reasons why my cousins initially began to seek my company and spend time with me, was the fact that I gave them attention and affection which they did not really receive from either of their parents, as their mother is emotionally very cold, and father very busy with work, while I had basically all the time in the world to spend with my cousins.

>>18199105
Also, I still live in the same city as they, because I am studying there.

So yeah, I sorta doubt that my cousins are so dumb that they will buy the story of "lol, I've just been so busy for over a year that I never had time to come visit you or even to stay in touch with you, despite having done both regularly with no problem previously."

Kids are naive, but they aren't bloody morons.

Also, this all depends on what, if anything, my aunt has told them, and if it is actually true that the girls were anxious and uncomfortable in my company, like my aunt said they were.
I mean, the girls haven't even tried to contact me either, despite them previously quite often calling me and sending photos to me.

I got zero clue of what the girls think of me, which is perhaps the most distressing thing about this.

I guess tomorrow will see this conflict I have had with my aunt for over a year, evolve to one direction, or another.
We will see. I hope things go smoothly, but knowing my luck, it won't.

>>18198273
>I have to.
>It is my sister's graduation party. I am obliged to attend.

What? No you aren't. I'd be disgusted and infuriated having an accusation like that levied on me out of the blue, and anyone that cares about you wouldn't expect you to be around her ever again. In fact, I'd be angry my family invited that person to (presumably) my house for my sister's grad party.

>>18200701
It is my sister's party, I do have to go.
And regardless, I am already here.
I am not that happy about my aunt being invited though.

They are here.
Things have gone smoothly so far. I have just avoided my aunt. I did chat with my aunt's husband (whom I still respect and enjoy talking with) and the youger one of my cousins came to greet me and asked how I was doing, but besides of that, nothing much has happened.

>>18201371
I went to my room for a bit at one point, and almost immediately the youger one of my cousins barged into my room.
I had to shoo her off, because I didn't want to be caught alone with her in my room. It visibly hurt her.
Later she came to me when I was sitting alone on a sofa, and asked me why I was mad at her. I told her that I wasnt mad, but when she asked why I shood her out of my room, I could give her an answer, and I just mumbled something about not barging into my room.
She didn't protest against that "answer" and just sat next to me and rested her head against me. I made an excuse and left quickly.

I hate this. I hate how I cant show her that I care about her andhow much I have missed her. I just want to hug her ;_;

>>18201469
Dunno man, just tell your parents that your aunt is a bitch about the whole thing and that sort of stuff.
There's really no cure for this problem unless you just let people know about it.
It would help if you had a gf or something to serve as an argument that you're not into kids.

Well, they left.
Things went smoothly overall, I didn't have to face my aunt. The older one of my cousins acted quite distant throughout the whole party, but the younger girl did still seek my company.
She gave me a hug before she left, out of the sight of my aunt, but when they all were leaving, and exhanging good byes, she hugged other people but not me, perhaps because my aunt was there.

This whole event has left me feeling tired, sad and hollow. Something that I used to treasure, is lost, perhaps forever. I still care deeply for my cousins, but now that feling is tainted by guilt.

>>18201583
My parents are aware of this.

As for a gf, I doubt that will ever happen. I am too shy and socially awkward, not to mention inexperienced (23, soon 24 kissless, handholdless virgin) to everget a gf.
I did have a crush on a girl my age last spring, but it never went anywhere.

>>18201591
Tell your parents to talk to her and ease the situation up. They know you, after all, and they're gonna have an easier time explaining it to her.

>gf
From my experience, take a girl to a place where you can do stuff, like a swimming pool, where there are some people (but not too many, so you both feel comfortable because it's a public place, but there won't be eyes on you), and make na excuse of tickling in order to touch her, and slowly build up on that. Your first kiss should be a peck, because duuuude, there's a 99,9% that if you try anything more, you're gonna look like a fish and it's gonna be embarrassing for the both of you.
The rest is gonna be an easy slide.
I picked up most of my gfs that way, so it's kinda working.

>>18201601
My parents have talked with her, and she denies having accused me of anything. Too bad this shit blew up in a facebook chat I had with her, which I showed to my mother. In those messages, she calls me a threat to her daughters, and claims that I've made them anxious and uncomfortable.

I dunno if this situation will ever get resolved.

As for yor pickup advice, I am far too shy and socially awkward to do any of that.

This whole day has left me feeling super down.
It brought all the painful emotions I had back to the surface.
I don't know what to do.

I guess that I'll have to talk about this to my therapist during my next appointment

>>18201610
>I dunno if this situation will ever get resolved.

I feel like you're over-thinking this. you're a red-blooded male. If my own aunt accused me of being a pedophile toward my own cousins there'd be hell to pay. At this point you should just pretend like nothing ever happened, if just to spite her. Try and provoke her into a bout of paranoia again and make sure you have some sort of voice recorder on your phone on speed dial. If after that your family still refuses to appreciate the situation, and she keeps on with this shit, just tell her if she ever sets foot near your house you'll snap her neck.

>>18203174
That would just make things worse.
I want things to return back to what they once were.

>>18198225
this if it gets out of hand at the get together tell her you are going to file a police report on her because what she is acusing you of could ruin your life it is not something to accuse someone of.

>>18204296
The get together is over. I didn't socialize with my aunt at all, but I did spend some time with the younger one of my cousins, mostly because she kept seeking my company.
I guess that at least shows that my aunt was full of shit when she claimed that my company had made my cousins anxious.
The younger girl basically climbed to my lap at one point when I was sitting on a sofa on my lonesome.

I really wish I could talk to someone about this.
I talked to my mother a bit, and he just told me to stop thinking and worrying about this, and reassured that I had done nothing wrong.
Still, I cannot stop worrying. I worry for my cousins, moreso than myself. I grew to view them basically as my little sisters, and the brief time I got to spend with them yesterday, really brought forth how much I have missed them. The fact that they cannot be a part of my life pains me so much.
I love them.

>>18204794
let it go. bitches be crazy

>>18204852
I wish I could, but yesterday reopened the wounds.

>>18198211
Ignore them. Don't greet them or make eye contact.
If she approaches you and greets you, you can say a formal "hello, how have you been?" But end the convo as wuicks as possible and don't be too smiley.

Basically maintain your pride and hurt feelings towards her so she realizes that her accusation was out of line and based on nothing.

As for the kids, if they see you m, be polite but brief. Don't interact with them really or else she might see it as "evidence"

>>18204893
I ended up basically fully ignoring my aunt. I talked a bit with my aunt's husband but it was pretty awkward.

As for the girls, the younger one sought my company, and even barged into my room when I went there to get some of my stuff. I had to shoo her off, because I was afraid of getting caught alone with her in my room. It visibly hurt her though, and later she came to ask me why I was angry at her. I of course told her that I wasn't angry at her, but I couldn't really explain to her why I drove her out of my room.
She came to sit next to me later, and sorta tried to get on my lap, but I didn't let her.
All in all, I tried to sort of keep my distance from the girls and not respond to the affection the younger one gave towards me, despite wanting to.

As a silver lining to yesterda, at least it became evident to me that my aunt was full of shit when she claimed that my company had made the girls anxious and uncomfortable. If that were true, my cousin wouldn't have acted the way she did.