How to start and keep having more sex

>>18198066
talk about it with her and start looking for new girl, she aint putting out because she feels like she doesn't need to give you more to keep you interested.

>>18198078
Thanks. The thing is, I've talked to her about this many times and laid it on the line to her that this would be a reason for me to break up with her. That was a few weeks ago and it hasn't spawned any change in behavior.
>she feels like she doesn't need to give you more to keep you interested.
This is what I would believe if she wasn't the perfectly good and gentle soul that she is. I'm at my wit's end here.

>penetration doesn't work most of the time
Does she have vaginismus? If you don't know what it is, look it up.

Either way, don't believe the other comment. Sex isn't normally some favor women do for the sake of men. Many women love sex, your girlfriend isn't one of them. Perhaps because she naturally has a very low libido (is she on oral/hormonal birth control? that typically lowers the sex drive as well), perhaps because she has mental and/or physical issues with sex that rewired her from seeing sex as fun and pleasurable to seeing it as an intimate failure to be normal already.

Either way, this isn't some issue that's going to change if you speak magic words to her or try some trick. This is who she is, at least right now, and even if she can and wants to change it will take a lot of time.

>>18198109
That's just not how women function

>>18198109
>I've talked to her about this many times and laid it on the line to her that this would be a reason for me to break up with her.

And obviously she knows you're full of shit, because you haven't broken up with her.

>>18198109
see
>>18198139
She knows you won't do shit and even if she is nice in her subconscious mind you are just low value male who doesn't need a lot of effort to keep interested.

>>18198112
>Does she have vaginismus? If you don't know what it is, look it up.
Nope, she visited a doctor because of this.
>Either way, don't believe the other comment. Sex isn't normally some favor women do for the sake of men. Many women love sex, your girlfriend isn't one of them. Perhaps because she naturally has a very low libido (is she on oral/hormonal birth control? that typically lowers the sex drive as well), perhaps because she has mental and/or physical issues with sex that rewired her from seeing sex as fun and pleasurable to seeing it as an intimate failure to be normal already.
She used to have a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, but that was lifted last year. I believe there are some underlying personality issues and it is very difficult to find therapy for that around here.
>Either way, this isn't some issue that's going to change if you speak magic words to her or try some trick. This is who she is, at least right now, and even if she can and wants to change it will take a lot of time.
Thank you for the honest words. The thought of leaving her for this one single reason pains me because everything else is going so great. But it is a constant source of frustration for me on the other hand. The alternative would be to have no relationship and no sex after breaking up with her right now, so you can see why I have a hard time making this decision.
>>18198114
I would very much prefer honest and useful advice to spouting racist buzzphrases.

>>18198152
I have never heard of borderline personality disorder impacting ability to have sex. Not saying that just because of that it's impossible that it's a factor, just that it doesn't really clarify (the way vaginismus would) why she is so unwilling to engage in sex with you.

If you want to stay with her, I would try with all your might to create a good sex life not based on penetration. Explore dirty talk, mutual masturbation, (mutual) oral, roleplay, edging, tantra, anything. But somehow I cannot imagine this would be easy to get her involved in either, based on the rest of what you said.

As for "this one single reason"... anon, it's not a single reason. You would not be leaving her "just because of sex". You would be leaving her for feeling rejected in your desire for her. You would be leaving her for being unable to connect with her as intimately as you'd want. You would be leaving her because it will hollow out your self esteem, your self respect, to be shot down again and again by the woman who's supposed to love and want you over anyone else in this world.
There is nothing shallow about that.

Which doesn't mean it won't hurt a fuckton to leave her. And if you would, then you'd have no relationship and no sex but you have chosen to prioritize your own needs. To not settle. To pave the way for a woman who can offer you what you want out of a romance relationship.

>>18198164
>I have never heard of borderline personality disorder impacting ability to have sex. Not saying that just because of that it's impossible that it's a factor, just that it doesn't really clarify (the way vaginismus would) why she is so unwilling to engage in sex with you.
Eh, it's one of those things where everything is possible, from extreme sexual desire to the problems I addressed. Psychology is complicated and who knows which behaviors are causes and which are results. There are most likely some underlying issues which spawned both.
>If you want to stay with her, I would try with all your might to create a good sex life not based on penetration. Explore dirty talk, mutual masturbation, (mutual) oral, roleplay, edging, tantra, anything. But somehow I cannot imagine this would be easy to get her involved in either, based on the rest of what you said.
Yeah, that's what I've been going for for the last one and a half years at least. We've been to couple therapy, I bought toys, we tried roleplaying, talking and some light bondage, but her interest waned as soon as we'd tried the stuff maybe two or three times, sometimes even before that. Our sex life could be nothing but handjobs at this point and I wouldn't ask for more, but my advances are shot down more often than not.
>As for "this one single reason"... anon, it's not a single reason. You would not be leaving her "just because of sex". You would be leaving her for feeling rejected in your desire for her. You would be leaving her for being unable to connect with her as intimately as you'd want. You would be leaving her because it will hollow out your self esteem, your self respect, to be shot down again and again by the woman who's supposed to love and want you over anyone else in this world.
>There is nothing shallow about that.
Reading this hurts, but I can't think of anything to refute it.

Cont

>>18198164
>>18198220
>Which doesn't mean it won't hurt a fuckton to leave her. And if you would, then you'd have no relationship and no sex but you have chosen to prioritize your own needs. To not settle. To pave the way for a woman who can offer you what you want out of a romance relationship.
I'm currently in therapy myself and I realized I'm terrible at recognizing my own needs (my gf advised me to speak about the issue in therapy). I mean I know when I'd like to eat, take a shower, play a game or whatever. But as soon as another person is involved, it's like I don't even realize what I want anymore, it's all about them. This is something I need to fix before I start my next relationship.