I just found out my bf was still texting with his ex-chrush.

>>18196887
>He told me he did it because he was feeling lonely and he was sad I couldnt spend the day with him

If he feels he should get validation from a girl he crushed on when you're not around and then puts the blame on you for not being around he's a dumb cunt. Tell him either he takes responsibility and distances himseld from her or you'll distance yourself from him. Guy is playing with fire and he knows it.

what a fucking loser.
he's chasing a fantasy op. i'd cut him loose so he can realize that he lost a real life girl who gives a shit vs some chick on the internet who is probably playing him for attention.

if you know for sure he's deleted messages and convo history, then it's pretty certain he's lying to you. go find a guy who won't place you second to a digital screen.

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>>18196887
Bumping with cute cat girl because I'd like some more opinions.

>>18196887
Okay I did this exact shit to my wife way back when we first got together. Only there wasnt really a crush.
I don't know how but I met this girl (K) in an AOL chat room when I was 14 or something. Some how we became really good Internet friends. Talked all the time. I never had a crush on her but she was kinda cute and she was always trying to get me to visit. Eventually life happened and I stopped talking to her for a few years.
I meet my current wife (S) while we were both working at a superstore at the age of 19. We went out for a couple years and eventually move in together.
Somehow K and I find each other on social media. I think I signed on AIM to see of anyone still used it and she was online and we then traded Facebooks and started to talk again.
Now I wasn't lying to S but I didn't tell her either. When she finally does ask I try to tell her ad little as possible and keep it to myself. Not because something is going on but because my wife gets jealous easy and I'm trying to avoid the "stop talking to her fight."
We eventually do have the fight and I tell my wife to deal with it, shes got to learn to trust me if she wants to be in a relationship. I also deleted my aim convoluted history because she's the type to spy on me while I'm out of the house. Eventually they add each other one Facebook as friends, which was prob my wife trying to keep tabs on me but I don't care because I'm seriously only friends with K.
>TLDR
He's prob doing it to avoid a pointless arguement. Sometimes guys like talking to women that aren't their SO.

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Update:

I talked with him today and he unfriended her from all social media and games infront of my own eyes even thou I told him I was not comfortable to stand between him and this girl. If he would really still have feelings for her I'd like him to tell me because I don't really want to be a second choice for someone.
My bf showed me a picture of her and she is really cute and much more beautiful than me, she is blonde and pale and thin and has nice, above average size boobs (literally how I wish I looked like) while I am average at best.
He also told me he "could get everything he could get from her from me" and I don't really know how to take this.

I really want to belive him but I don't really trust him at this moment and how do I make sure he won't continue writing with her behind my back? I don't want to spy on him that would make me feel bad....

>>18198565
>could get everything he could get from her from me

wow he's an asshat.

>>18198579
Can you maybe tell me what he wanted to tell me? I am scared I might be overthinking

>>18198593
>>18198579
wtf? Isnt that a compliment? Like him saying that op is pretty much better than her and theres nothing to worry about?

>>18198650
In my mind it's the same as saying "you will do".

If my gf told me that she could get anything from me that she wanted from another guy, I would dump her ass.

>>18198650
Since this girl lives in another country I got it more like: if she would be living near me I would take her over you.
He also told me he considered moving near her back when he was jobless but than he got a good job so he couldnt really leave.

>>18198565
you cant do anything but trust him unless you want to snoop and betray his trust in return. also, youd probably have to snoop for a long ass time and if you dont find anything you'll probably feel like an asshole, plus if he finds out you're snooping he'll be rightfully pissed. what's causing you not to trust him? unless there was already an agreement to not text her before, i dont see how he could have broken your trust.
>>18198673
you probably should've asked what he meant then
>>18198670
I still think he meant what i said, because thatd be retarded to say to your gf when he's obviously trying to fix things. maybe he just worded it badly and should've said something like "i can get everything i could want from her from you and more"

>>18198687
I got cheated on twice already thats why I am having trust issues...
I didn't want to ask because I was scared it could be something mean.. I regret it now but I also feel it would be stupid to ask now what he meant.

>>18198565

It sounds like hes being reasonable and trying to give you what you want.

I've had mixed results in this scenario. I dated someone that fell in love with his ldr "friend" and would get angry about my jelousy.
He kept it a secret as long as possible till i caught him and broke up with him
It started as messages online and evolved into texting and caming and he told her he loved her etc
(Naturally he did this kind of stuff while i was at work)

But later i dated someone else that tried to hit up an old crush early in the relationship because he went through somewhat of a phase of commitment-phobe type behavoir
Since he had been a bachelor a long time. He was ashamed of himself and it didn't happen again.
We've been together about 7 years without any more issues like that.

You know him better than we do so only you can decide which direction hes heading. To me it sounds like the latter because he was willing to delete her and is actively trying to make you feel better

>>18198694

To me that sounds like a spaghetti response.
He was trying to say shes nothing special but he worded it badly.
If her pics are as you describe shes probably a catfisher anyway.

>>18198694
To add, I completely understand why him texting her makes you uncomfortable, and I believe its good that he acknowledges that and deleted her, but i don't recommend snooping unless there is a concrete reason to, and i mean you're 100% sure shady shit is going on. I honestly dont think it was meant to be mean and he just said in a way that may be confusing, because based on what you've told us, he seems like he's trying to work shit out with you. I think all you can really do is either try to build trust between you two, break up with him, or snoop which will probably result in breaking up, and i assume you dont want to do the latter two.
>>18198703
this. if youve never fucked up with trying to say something sweet to your SO you are not human

>>18198694
Also, if it's any comfort, I was pretty much in your bf's position with someone i told him i used to have a crush on and i genuinely meant it when i said i didnt anymore.
I did the exact same thing and stopped talking to them as soon as i saw the effect it had on my bf (he never forced me to and even tried to pretend it was fine, but confirmed later that it really bothered them) even though he was pretty much my only friend and we were strictly online gaming friends who never discussed ANYTHING intimate and were friends for 3 years.
It was actually relatively easy, just because I cared that much about my bf being comfortable and happy. I have never texted my old friend since and don't really feel bad about it or anything because i know friendships can come and go as you get older and it was for the greater good of my/our relationship, which has lasted a while now and it's still perfect with no adultery or unfaithfulness at all. I've never regretted my decision.