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Anonymous
Need /adv/ to break the tie 2017-04-06 06:03:27 Post No. 18195823
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Need /adv/ to break the tie 2017-04-06 06:03:27 Post No. 18195823
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I asked two friends about this, of course both had different answers. Guide me /adv/
Greentexting background for ease of reading
>Be in professional graduate program
>Become friends with a few people in class, including a cool girl
>Oh god no, caught the feels bad
>We're pretty good friends, it comes out, we talk about it
>Shes not interested, but we're pretty close so it comes up every so often and we talk about it
>Needless to say were pretty comfortable with each other
>However when in class and not drinking on the weekends, she is more walled off, less friendly, never initiates contact or texts
So I'm hurt over the unrequited love, sure. However what really kills me is that on the weekends she seems more friendly and open and during the week during class she is closed off. I'm not sure if its just the alcohol making her open up more, or if she doesn't wanna seem like shes leading me on to our classmates, or if she's just putting up with me and what she's saying is a lie just because she feels bad about me.
I can approach this two ways:
1) Stop approaching/texting her for a time and see if she starts coming to me or messages me asking whats up. If we're really friends in her mind, she'd ask me whats up or start initiating.
2)We're supposedly close. Ask her directly. However the disadvantage is maybe shell just feel bad and not give me a true answer.
I'm impatient and like being direct and honest but I know that's not how a lot of people are. I'm not trying to get out of the friendzone (I'm not so delusional), I just don't want to waste my time and be upset if our friendship really isnt there. Its hard to see when we're both very aware of the one sided love situation
What say adv?
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>>18195823
Looks like classical friendzone. It's better for you to give up and find somebody else. Ask yourself, if she were a guy, would you still want to hang out with him that much?
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>>18195908
OP here.
Yes, I know it's a friendzone, but I'd actually still like to remain friends and I have to interact with this person for two years. I'm not trying to get involved in a relationship at this point right now anyway
The question is how should I approach this to determine if our friendship is genuine or if shes just worried about self image or feels bad?
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>>18195920
You want to have your pie and eat it too. Until you get over your infatuation with her, it's not possible for you to be friends. I have been on both sides of friendzone. Believe me, friendzoners (at least those who do it knowingly) are really cruel people. If you know you are friendzoning somebody and you care about that person, the proper way to address it is to talk about their feelings, explain why that's not gonna happen and propose to minimize any contact with them, at least until they stop being infatuated with you.
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>>18195976
OP again
So you don't think its worth it to see what the status of the friendship is? I'm not sure we can really limit our contact given the nature of our program and I dont believe it would help me either. I really cant cut her out of my life right now. I'd prefer to just be friends and deal with it. I'm just not sure if she wants to be with the mixed signals
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>>18195908
This. Friendzone is an exile for lonely, desperate guys, not friends.
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>>18196189
OP again
The answer to the "if she was a guy" question is yes though? We started as friends to begin with.
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An alternate view:
Perhaps she just wants to focus on her studies at school and she seems standoffish because you are distracting her.
Not saying she likes you, but that could explain why you feel like you two are only friends outside of school.
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>>18196265
thought of this, she interacts with others more readily than me (not much if anything) in school. Out of school its equal ground
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>>18196298
But what are the topics about? School or random pointless shit?
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Get her really drunk on the weekend and fuck her. She begs for it. Believe me, give her the cold shoulder during class too and you'll immediately shift the dominance due to her confusion - she will create ways to approach you in one way or another.
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>>18196309
This is not helpful. Hoping for it will only drive me fucking crazy. If we remain friends and shit progresses to that, awesome. But in no way am I going to make that my goal
>>18196302
Both, school is a big part of our lives but we talk about our personal lives at all
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>>18196376
>Hoping for it will only drive me fucking crazy
Do not hope, just do it. Don't wait for something to happen; make it happen.
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>>18196387
Trying to get my to kms
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>>18196425
Thanks mate.
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>>18196430
Anytime friendo
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