Attractive and alone?

>>18190366
>pressured
stressed by it or pushed by your female friends to date?
also obligatory post face if you're pretty anyway

Yes dear, it's fine.

>>18190388

>pushed by your female friends to date?

I guess stressed. My female friends don't know I've never had a girlfriend. For some reason they assume I mess around with girls a lot (which I don't). I have no idea why they assume this.

>post pic

No.. I don't think I'm attractive. Infact I feel really unattractive. But I've had people tell me otherwise. I'm not trying to be an attention whore.

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27-year-old attractive dude, never had a girlfriend here.

Nah, bro... you know this shit is not okay. You have female friends? What's your problem?

>>18190400

umm :/

>>18190366
i had relationships with women that i always hesitated to call my "girlfriend" because i'd never want to do anything more than just have sex with them. they were attached and wanted to get closer but i'd make sure to see them only 2-3 times a month, at most.

so maybe it's kind of like that for you

the first woman i was actually comfortable being with and calling my girlfriend is now my wife

> For some reason they assume I mess around with girls a lot (which I don't)
Do it with them
if they don't like it, stop wasting your time with them and meet new women

>>18190393
it's /adv/, people usually end up posting faces and nothing is attention whoring since it's a board specifically about individual problems, but don't worry
I'm just trying to determine if you're in that curve where you're attractive enough that people automatically assume you've had relationships
you sound caring/outgoing enough for that to be at play, and even if you're shy, being nice & attractive makes it easy mode for you to ask people out when you feel like it really

If you don't find yourself attractive, remember that your friends find yourself attractive enough that they don't even think it's possible you haven't had a relationship, so take their word for it if your self-esteem is low. Trust their judgement, and even if you feel stressed, go for it if an occasion presents itself. it's always abit awkward at first but that's how things go for everyone, and your mind will be at peace if you start trying stuff at your own pace

>>18190405
Hey man... I'm willing to tell you mine. C'mon, let's beat this thing.

>>18190414

I don't feel comfortable with being intimate. I clearly have problems with that.

>>18190415

>Trust their judgement

I've tried to do this. But whenever I see a picture of myself, or try to take a picture of myself. I feel gross.

>>18190417

I don't really know what else to say

>>18190431
>I don't feel comfortable with being intimate.
no one really does when they start

here's a technique that works for me:
whenever something makes me really nervous i accept the fact that i am facing my impending doom and am about to die

that makes it easier to relax for some reason.

flying scares the shit out of me. but whenever i'm at peace with my imminent death i'm relaxed.

if you're ok with dying, you're ok with getting some.

>>18190431
hm, that does sound pretty damn low anon
Is it focused on your appearance only or do you not like yourself (mannerism, hobbies, skills) in general?

Do you know of anything/anyone that might have caused this insecurity when you were younger?

>>18190436
It's different.

I don't feel comfortable with getting as close as physically possible with another person. Literally exchanging fluids and all. I really don't feel comfortable doing that. Even tho I find girls sexually attractive. I don't and go actually go through with it. I've done it 3 times in the past and it was an awful experience for me. I already have 3 bad memories. Why should I just continue to make more bad memories?

>>18190450
You might just be aro/ace or both anon, but that's not something you'll hear on 4chan
do you want to ""fix"" yourself or accept yourself?

>>18190441

I just hate how I look. I've been going to the gym and I'm in ok shape, I've posted on /soc/ before and I've even been complimented by some good looking girls. But I can't accept it. I tried to take a selfie the other day, I took probably 40 pictures and skimmed through them to see which one to send to a friend. All of them were shit. So I got frustrated and deleted all of them, and deleted my pictures on one of my social media profiles. I really hate how I look.

>anything or anyone caused his insecurity?

I have no idea Tbh

>>18190459

>You might just be aro/ace or both

I don't know what this means.

>fix or no?

I'm not really sure. I made this thread to see if this is acceptable. I can't say I'm happy, but I think it's probably best if I just keep going this route. Girls cause me too much stress. But I feel a bit lonley sometime because of her expected having a girlfriend is pushed by society. Infact I have to lie a lot to people about it.

>>18190466
my first sex was at 23 and i'm a handsome, tall guy.
it was great that evening. a week later it was horrible when the girl told me she had herpes
luckily, she was on valtrex and i didn't get anything
i was scared of sex for a while after that
eventually someone non-threatening was really really into me so i just fooled around with her for a while and things were ok (for me)
she freaked when she found out i started dating someone

>>18190466
aromantic or asexual, not interested in or not comfortable with romantic and sexual relationships.
If you're unhappy it's because you're not meeting society's standards when it comes to relationships, society being represented by your friends' opinions here.

If you're not comfortable, pushing yourself again in the exact same way has little chance of bringing good results really. I'd tell you to talk about it with friends you trust, explain the situation, because obviously you're also suffering from the fact that you cant speak openly about this with the people you care about and who care about you.
Low self-esteem is something that can be hard to shake and the process of being confident and gaining a realistic image of what you look and sound like to the outer world is a process that is very personnal and will take some time, but it's a well-documented and studied thing: going to therapy about that specifically is the easiest way, and you'll get exercizes and stuff that'll help you personally.
What worked for me was to compile nice stuff that people told me about me, to force my brain to face the dissonance between what people saw of me and what was actually there. A big notebook with nothing but good things people had said/written about me, and I asked some close friends to actually list stuff they liked about me (which took me a LONG time to feel comfortable enough to ask but it also helped them understand what I was dealing with, so it was a win-win step.) But again, those things vary greatly, and talking with your friends and going to therapy should have you sorted out. Take it from someone who's been through that, it's so fucking relaxing and quiet to just exist in a state of not hating yourself, and slowly transition to liking yourself. the relationship stuff should sort itself out as you get along better with yourself, and then you'll know if it's you not being into relationships at all or you not being in that mental space at the time

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>>18190431
Alright, bro... let me tell you what I'M doing to help with MY negative self-image.

1: No watching porn.

It's a big part of what makes me feel gross. Once in a WHILE... okay. But, discipline yourself, deny yourself the luxury, learn to use your imagination when necessary... and take pride in your progress.

2: Diet/Exercise.

Water, my dude... DRINK IT. You're not 18 anymore. The time to get fit is NOW. Lemon water. Cucumber water. Rice cakes. Pull-ups, crunches, weights. Run, nigga... RUN!!!

That's about it. And, I get it bro... I was raised mostly by women, and it always fucked with my head whenever I thought about approaching a girl romantically. I also had a seizure disorder, never really played sports, and couldn't join the military. I was never PUSHED properly.

You've gotta push yourself. Willpower. Do it.

>>18190494

I hate my smile. I have healthy teeth. But I can not smile. I look like a fucking moron. Regardless of what people say, that will never change. I'm ugly. It's fact. I can't lie to myself to think differently


>>18190499

I haven't looked at porn in probably 6-7 months. I don't miss it.

I drink tons of water and milk. That's the only 2 things I drink. I eat healthy and go to the gym

>>18190514
fact is, people have told you you're attractive, even on this shithole of a website.
the actual facts are:
1) you don't think you're attractive
2) regardless of that, you are attractive to other people, and this has been proved

>>18190514
Okay... do you have a job? Making money?

>>18190514
so, all you lack is self-confidence. your perception of yourself is skewed because you have no self-confidence. you could very probably be an absolute stud if you manned up.

>>18190521

Yeah but I still know I'm not attractive

>>18190527

Yea. I have a well paying job, and I travel a lot too

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>>18190537

You sound like one of my friends (pic related)

I'm sorta like op, but younger and with fewer friends. I'm rather good looking, but I have poor self confidence for one reason or another. I'm also naturally very quiet and withdrawn, probably making things worse.
What should I do?

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>>18190538
You're scared, bro... you're terrified to have a girlfriend, because it would mean manning up, and taking on responsibility.

Stop making excuses. It doesn't matter how you think you look. Every man is an ugly beast in his own mind.

You're already dying. Think about what you really want, though... is there a girl in your future or not?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0b-2Jd7OVI

>>18190563
>doesn't matter how you think you look.

Yes it does

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>>18190569
Not if you're smart. If you're a real man, the right girl grows on you like a fruit grows on a tree. If you're a real man, you're perfectly content with yourself. If you're ashamed for some reason... seek repentance.

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>>18190569
it matters, but not as much as you think it does. you think it matters because it matters to *you*, because it matters a lot to men how women look, it's the primary thing we look for in a woman, but women are different. they like men for a variety of reasons, of which looks is only one. ugly, short men get absolute bombshells because they're confident as fuck and calm, cool, and collected.

pic extremely related. that guy's name is Jeffrey Gurian. He's an obnoxious, short, goofy-looking motherfucker, but he dates literal models. He dated the girl in his pic for years while simultaneously banging other models on the side. if that human troll-doll can land top-tier women, you can land some pretty damn decent ones.

>is it ok to be a 27 year old attractive dude and never have had a girlfriend before?

Only if you see it as a problem.

>>18190366
>not realizing that said female friends are indicating interest

You're the male version of me I'm just as confused as you

Didn't have the time to read the whole thread but did you have the chance to get into a relationship?
In any case, the problem may lie in your lwo self esteem and/or intimacy problems. Otherwise, as attractive as you are, you may appear as off putting, aloof, unavailable, etc.

>>18190832

I've never had a girlfriend

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>>18191144
Waaaaaaaaah...

You know the reasons. Get back in the game, or be a loser forever.

>>18191249

I'm not crying about that. I'm just answering that anon's question

>>18190366
Same thing here. 22, never had gf, lots of female friends. I heard one saying about me being "good as g'day". Doesn't make lots of sence in english though

>>18190832
>>18190366
Its fine OP. If you feel super insecure about it just tell them you haven't found the right one.

I have similar issues, not with getting into relationships but with sleeping with woman, i get super anxious, like i have no idea what to do, so every time i go out with a woman and it gets to that stage i just back out, it feels like shit but im just super anxious about it, i mainly use the excuse of marriage before sex, ive lost a lot of nice girls over it and i fucking hate myself.

>>18191266

Oh I can't get to that step either. Generally if a girl starts to show interest in me, it's an immediate turn off. really. Like if a girl starts to like me, I distance myself. It creates too much stress if I don't

>>18191265
Do you have issues around why you haven't asked them out, like anxiety ?

For me i have autism and anxiety, and holy shit bro its one fucked up combination. You know that you don't understand social interactions well because of the autism, but then your anxiety kicks in from that and tries to stop you socializing.

Like 99% of the time i cant say anything, that's why i fucking love 4chan, it makes me anonymous, i can't be judged and rids me of my anxiety.


If you don't have issues, just ask your female friends if they can introduce them into some of their single friends ? I don't know if it will work but it seems logical.

>>18191144
Anon, I feel your sentiment quite heavily. I have never had a boyfriend and am constantly pressured about being alone. I am just as insecure and likely much worse than you, but that stems from being previously unattractive to "attractive". My head still sees myself as being an obese, ugly girl in high school. I used to stress and worry heavily about this but now I really don't care. I freely say that I like being alone. I don't need anymore pressure to be with someone when I can't be comfortable even with myself. Perhaps you should do the same and not worry about it. Focus on accepting yourself first before you try and dealing with a relationship with another person's feelings. If you feel comfortable being alone but want company, make friends. That's what has helped me. Don't worry about not having a girlfriend, especially if you have heavy issues pertaining to yourself. Help yourself first because you want to, not because you feel you must. Ask what you do like about yourself and tell yourself you are attractive because of those things. If my advice is shitty, sorry about that. I'm not very great at expressing sentiment.

>>18191270
Yea it sucks and i feel you bro, that actually sounds worse than mine.

For me its like, i love them but i love them so much im scared of fucking it up, making it an unpleasant experience for them so i avoid it. I lost the love of my life for it, we had been dating nearly 3 months and holy shit i loved her, but i couldn't bring myself to disappoint her.

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>>18191270
(>>18190563)

Hmmm...

>>18191273
Yes, I've some anxiety but not around them, I feel relaxed around them. I tried to ask one out, didn't work out amd I've lost interest in her. I'm just inexpirienced when it comes to "seducing". One jokingly sad that by the time I learn it, she'll lost me. Amybe I'm clueless or that something meant.

>>18191275

I just feel so stressed by society. I don't mind that I go to bed by myself. But I feel so stressed by society to look as attractive as possible. Not to mention. Older people keep telling me "man these are the best years of your life, you're single and can hook up with a lot of girls. This is your prime" and "you'll regret if you don't take advantage of his now".

That shit stresses the fuck out of me. I work very hard to make myself better. Between my job and exercise. Infact I'm at the gym as i type this. I don't want to be a disappointment to society. Fuck me

Only 1 of my friends knows about my issues. He told me that if I don't just start being with girls I'll regret it when I'm older and won't have the opportunity anymore.

Fucking STREEEEESSSSSSS

>>18190832
Okay so you're a femanon? I ask you this as im >>18191266

What would it be like sleeping with a completely inexperienced guy? if you knew that he was inexperienced and nervous would you guide him/tell him what to do?

My main thing is, i just don't exactly know what to do, my parents never talked to me about that and school never taught sex ed, they taught some puberty shit instead.

Its like im so scared of disappointing a woman, or doing something awkward that im not supposed to do. I was thinking about making a thread about it, but it seemed to vaguely fit into this thread as im a virgin because of it.

Anxiety is a monster that if you feed it just continues to get stronger and stronger. The first time I had sex I had no idea what I was doing, I had never let anyone see me naked and wasn't even sure I could perform but I ignored those fears and just enjoyed the moment for what it was. I don't think I was too bad but I didn't get a chance for a retry with that particular girl and you know what, I'm just fine. I didn't die, my ego was bruised a bit but what's the value of ego anyways? Stop second guessing yourself and be in the moment.

Fear turns small concerns into debilitating losses of opportunity and wasted time. I mean imagine setting aside the time for a date, going through the process of going out with a woman and connecting with her just to throw it all away because of fear. What a sad thing.

>>18191286
Okay, so hes right. But don't be stressed. You go to the gym so im guessing you have a good body (all that means is that you're not fat) If you're not fat and over 6ft then chances are a girl will date/fuck you as long as you don't have a horrid personality.

Just ask that close friend if he has any girl friends that have single girls that you could see, or if you have any girl friends ask them if they have single friends.

If you're not ready to be with a girl yet, don't. Yes its true this is where you will have the most opportunity but if you force yourself into something you don't want to do you will regret that.

How ever, if you feel anxious about asking, or want a girl / sex but are anxious to ask that's a different thing, and you WILL regret that.

>>18191298

>You go to the gym so im guessing you have a good body

I'm ottermode, 5ft 10inch

>ask friend for girls

No. No no. I honestly can't handle girls. Infact, my friend thinks I'm crazy because a cute female friend of mine was blatantly flirting with me and I completely ignored it. I knew what she was doing. But I can't go with it otherwise I'll get sick from anxiety.

I got pressure into sex 2 times when I was younger. Both times I did it out of pressure and they were awful experiences. I reflect on them with regret

>>18191291
That really hit home anon.

Briefly, to help ease my anility can you are someone else explain what is / isn't appropriate to do as your first time.

Im only 19, so there is still a lot of girls that are virgins, the girl im with now has only ever been with one other guy.

I want to know, what should i do, i know shit like touching, teasing, kissing, dirty talk, feeling but this is the big thing, do i eat her out, do i finger her, do i take extra lube with me or would a condom be enough?

I really want to go for it, always have but its questions like me that prevent, and I've never had a chance/bothered to ask them before.

>>18191286
Then stop caring, anon. Just say fuck it. If you sincerely feel you will not regret it because that isn't what you want, then you should not care about what society wants from you. I have never had sex and it's rather awkward for me when female friends ask me things about sex but I've gotten used to saying that I like being celibate without feeling intense shame and embarrassment. I sincerely don't see the issue if you don't feel bad about it, they may want to help but if you don't mind being alone, then likely they will not be able to understand that seeing as it isn't normal to be alone.

>>18191315

That's hard. It's hard when you're around alpha males all day long where masculinity is everything. It's hard watching TV shows, movies, listening to music, just walking in public where the "couple society" is plastered everywhere. I know that's what is expected of all of us. It's just how the world is suppose to work. But it makes me feel like a failure that in not living up to societies expectations.

I have seen it when I've been honest with people. "Dude why don't you want a girlfriend?? Are you gay?" From men. And "oh wow anon! WHAT? How? How have you not had a girlfriend?? That's sad :(" from women.

That shit really fucking makes me feel guilty

>>18191308
So its an anxiety thing ?

You want to have sex and enjoy intimate moments but you are anxious about it?

You have friends that are girls, so you can handle girls. your anxiety is telling you that you can't. but you have a female friend so you can.

I suffered from anxiety around woman, i went to an all boys school for most my life and had no idea how to, they were like different beings. One day someone that went to my first primary school (only mixed school) messaged me, she was a girl, we used to be good friends and she wanted to catch up.

I made excuse after excuse as to why i couldn't meet up, and i just talked with her online. eventually i ran out of excuses and had to meet her, so i did and she threw me in the deep end. I thought i was just going over for a few drinks with her, no she was having a birthday party and had mostly woman there, i didn't talk, i sat in the corner doing nothing, i started drinking and eventually, slowly got reeled into the conversation "haven't you had enough anon" shit like that, i kept going, talking about drinks, asking for drinks, inquiring about the mixers this other guy was making it lead me into the conversation. it was a break and i finally could talk.

Now i sobered up in the morning, and froze up even tho i was social the previous night. so i went to more and more parties by her and tried to talk while being less and less drunk. eventually it got to the point that i felt comfortable talking with her friends when i was sober.

Moral of the story is, you need to find a way to break that first barrier, if that means getting high, asking the girl on social media something, you need to find something to get you past that initial anxiety barrier and then you will be away.

good luck anon, you can do it!

>>18191326
>You want to have sex and enjoy intimate moments but you are anxious about it?

No

>You have friends that are girls, so you can handle girls. your anxiety is telling you that you can't. but you have a female friend so you can

Yeah as platonic friends. I'm comfortable around girls as long as it's a friends only thing

>>18191320
holy shit, this is me.

okay so i don't want a gf, it just seems like a lot of effort to me for something i really don't care about.

i was in a group chat (facebook) with a few friends (3 girls) and they were all complaining about how they were single, i said something along the lines of "Why bother with a bf, its just a lot of effort" and they all messaged back shocked, like they couldn't understand it. they said shit like "the cuddles, the affection, the sex", i eventually went back on it and said i was being sarcastic. Its hard to open up anon.

If you're like me, you wouldn't mind sex, it sounds cool but something like a nice cold beer sounds better so you're not ready to give it much effort and people are shocked at that.

don't worry about society, look at some of the laws, its alright to have late term abortions, but as soon as that babies head comes out and you kill it, you're a monster. You can dodge taxes and fuck over the community but you cant use a natural substance like shrouds and weed. Society isn't always right, infact most of the time its wrong.

You do You!

>>18191334
bottom part of
>>18191342

>>18191342

>they said shit like "the cuddles, the affection, the sex"

I could totally feel that conversation. Reading that actually made me get a very bitter feeling in my chest.

i'm 26 year old dude, been told i'm attractive a couple of times both irl and online, girls/guys have come up to me at times when i'm out drinking and tried to talk to me, but i'm too autistic for that, i'm tall and skinny, and a virgin.

sometimes i wonder if i got molested or something. i can relate to what you said about feeling sick with anxiety, i get that over even thinking about going on a date or whatever.

as for regrets, got luck laying on your deathbed without them.

>>18191320
No, I understand 100%. I get an ear full constantly and I'm always made to feel really guilty and like shit for not wanting to be with a man. I had considered being a few relationships but every time I was asked if I was a lesbian or a prude and that instantly made me feel so shitty. Women will also make subtle jabs to me about this and a few times have straight up made fun of me for it. At my old job I was the target of my female workers because of it. I tried desperately to get into relationships but they would all fail miserably due to my extreme insecurities. Now I realize that it's best to do what makes me happy/comfortable. If I let what other people say get to me I'd be the same anxious depressed mess. It's really hard but once you really feel that you are happy how you are, you start feeling better and less guilty. And perhaps when that happens, you can find a relationship or something that you enjoy with someone.

>>18191334
I know the feeling, i know it wont help. but you cant let society say whats best for you.

You don't want sex and intimate moments, that's your choice and only you know what you want.

Im not going to SJW on you anon, that's a problem, that's an issue, if everyone was like you human race wouldn't exist.

Because of this, our brain is "wired" to make us crave sex, crave a partner to procreate with. Most people will not be able to understand you, they may say they do, but they don't.

They, society, cant understand you.

But your need for social acceptance is still there, so it puts you in a really weird situation. You will never be happy unless you overcome this, you need to somehow overcome your fear of being socially accepted or you will never be truly happy.

It's something you need to do alone, like >>18191326 did. he overcame his fear, you need to overcome yours

>>18191350

I'm sorry you share the same experiences as me.

It's just hard. I am working on myself a lot, between my career and being /fit/. But it's just so stressful having a place you're expected to be. Not being there and being a waste of space from it.

I go to bed at night ok that I don't have someone laying next to me. But I feel so shitty being around people, hearing stories, watching movies, music. And just knowing I'm expected to be participating. I'm expected to have a girlfriend.

>>18191345
Yea man, they all know me as a joker, so they feel for it and think im a normal functioning human being.

feelsbad

>>18191357

I don't know how. It's hard when I'm not asexual or gay. I think women are attractive. Which causes me more pressure and stress. Because I can't explain to people anything. I have to lie. Because nobody understand how I feel. I'm going on a trip overseas next month. My co-workers (who don't know my issues) keep saying "yeah man! Go get some euro puss!". When I come back, I'll have to make up stories. Because if I don't, they'll probably think I'm gay.

>>18191359
Dude, you're telling yourself that, its part of human nature that you want that. you cant avoid it.

You ARE telling yourself that you don't want it, because your anxiety is getting in the way.

If you really look deep, and don't try to tell yourself that you don't want it. and you still find you don't want it. you're most likely have some kind of medical issue, now their is nothing wrong with this imo, but don't tell the doctor that because if you get diagnosed with something you have to disclose it on so much shit, it will mess up your life and you still wont get help for it.

if you truly look deep and don't want it, that's you, and that fine. but don't go telling random people that. Just play along, act like you've been with a few girls if you need to.

>>18191374

>Just play along, act like you've been with a few girls if you need to

I do this. It makes me feel equally as bad. Because they are lies

>>18190366
was in your same place bro. Girlfriends are just money going away.

>>18191421

Yeah I know, that's why I tell myself. I have too much going on in my life anyways. I try to remind myself of that

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>>18191270
>>18191277
This...this is too much real life for me. The only dates I've been on are ones where the girls asked ME out and I realized that they were dates after the fact. None of them got to the 3rd date because they probably saw me for the pathetic excuse of a man I am on the inside after all.

>>18190460
>So sick and tired of all these pictures of me
>Completely wrong
>Totally wrong
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKIxDKOfGv8

post a pic for reference

>>18191753

no..