I could use some advice here. This will likely end up pretty

>>18187863
The girl is a ho. You're being a trick. Find someone that shares your values

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>>18187871
what does being a trick even mean? I'm not sure I'd call her a ho, but I'm not sure about anything at this point. I still need to know how to bring it up, and I suppose I should add, I can't just walk away from this. I don't make enough money to live alone, and we're in a lease until October, so it's not like I can avoid talking about it.

>be not-dating girl
>have a mutual agreement that you won't date
>get upset that another guy slept with her
I'm sorry, but did you think you had an exclusive right to her and that she wasn't allowed to sleep with anyone else or something?

>>18187863
Are you a girl or a guy?

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>>18187892
Of course I know she wasn't reserved for me or anything, but did you miss the part where I said that we were very romantic with each other all the time, practically as if we were dating? I know she didn't actually do anything wrong by sleeping with the other guy, but the issue is that she told the other guy after the fact that she was never interested in me to begin with. Based on her actions, there's no way that can be true.

>>18187894
A guy, although it doesn't really matter in this situation, as she is bisexual.

>>18187895
She was interested in having nice moments with you but she wasn't actually interested in a relationship. She just led you on so she could keep getting showered with romantic and sexual attention without having to make any sort of commitment.

>>18187895
You also said
>we'd discussed the idea of us being in a relationship, but we agreed the time wasn't right.

And who cares what she said to him? First of all, you shouldn't have been reading her messages. Secondly, if she's lying, it's not you she's lying to. If she was lying all along then you dodged a bullet and it's not like it was going to go anywhere.

This isn't something you should be hung up on.

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>>18187898
Is that a thing? That seems horribly manipulative, I hope that isn't the case. I know she's been manipulated by partners in the past, I'd hope she'd be better than that.

>>18187905
Perhaps the time wasn't right then, but we agreed that it was a possibility for the future. Yes, I shouldn't have snooped, but if she was telling the other guy the truth, I'd have to hear it from the horse's mouth at some point anyways. And I am hung up on it, because I've spent the last four months slowly falling for this girl.

I appreciate everyone who has responded, but nobody has answered the very pressing question: how should I bring it up? It's not a subject that can be avoided.

>>18187923
>It's not a subject that can be avoided.
Yes it is. Don't bring it up, because this isn't something you should know. She's told you multiple times she's not interested in dating you, I don't know why you think talking about it more is going to make you change her mind.

>>18187928
The tension really cannot be avoided. There is no way it can't come up. It is something I can know, because the other guy told me, though I refused to believe it. If she truly is not interested, you're right that I won't change her mind, but what if she was lying to him? As I said, we never ruled out the possibility of a future relationship, just that now wasn't the time.

You seriously need to stop, breath and calm the fuck down.

I am speaking from experience okay so trust me.
Don't and I mean DON'T bring this up if you are actually interested in her. Pretend that you never saw those messages and don't overthink it. If there is one thing I've learned from my horrible love life experiences, it is that women HATE when guys over analyze situations like this. It comes off as needy, desperate & insecure.

Women like strong independet men who doesn't get "wounded" from shit like this, so if the situation makes you feel bad, keep it to yourself.
You can be whiny about it in your own head, but when you're around her you should act cool.
When it comes to women, always act more cold than engaged. Never let it show that it "hurt your feelings".
Maybe if you put a little bit of distance between you, she will sense it and if she feels like you do, she wil try to do something about it.
Best advice I've ever received in life is "Don't care so much".

Be strong my man.

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>>18187967
Her and I have already discussed how hurt I am by the situation. I try to be strong, but I'm just a very emotional person.

So she already knows how upset I am, and even if she didn't, I don't think I would be capable of hiding it. I appreciate the reply, but any other advice, with this additional information?

>>18187970
Being emotional on the inside is fine, it's more about how you act on the outside.

My advice would be, now that you've talked about it, let it go. Don't initiate further conversation on the matter. Move on and let her decide the outcome of this particular situation. Don't go seeking an answer if you haven't gotten one, just wait and see what happens.
The most important part is that you keep showing her the best part of yourself, don't act hurt or angry/jealous.

Just keep being the nice guy that it seems like you are and eventually, most likely sooner than later, she will find out what she wants and express it to you.

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>>18187984
Not initiating further conversation on the matter will be really hard. Her and I are constantly spending evenings binge watching TV shows, and texting/snapchatting while at work. I'm just so attached to her, I can't stand the thought of losing her, especially to someone I had considered one of my best friends. He's another matter entirely, I can probably be fine around him, but I really doubt I could keep my cool if I see the two of them alone together. As I said to someone else, I'm basically stuck with the two of them for the forseeable future.

What do you think of the idea of doing things that are kind of indirectly romantic? I like to take her out on not-dates often (they're really just dates but we don't call them that). I was planning on decorating her room to welcome her back, too. Does this sound excessive?

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>>18187998

I've been lurking this thread and dude, just start moving on. I got in way too deep with a FWB girl who sounds a lot like the girl in your story. She was emotionally unavailable having just ended a 4 year relationship, but she always gave me signs that maybe her and I could date. In the end, we dated and became exclusive for a few days but she instantly changed her mind and moved on from me like I meant nothing. It fucked me up pretty badly and triggered a major depressive episode.

Trust me, it's just not worth it. If she slept with your roomie then she clearly doesn't hold you in the high regard that you hold her. This is textbook unrequited feelings and it almost never ends well. I know it may feel impossible to live your life without her but that will fade in time. Go hang out with your friends and just enjoy yourself.

>>18187998
I would say that you should act exactly as you would if none of this had ever happened. Keep doing the things you do together and just try and forget about the hole ordeal, if that's too hard for you at least try and act as if you have forgotten.

Doing indirect romantic activities together isn't a bad idea, as long as you aren't too obvious about it. You don't want to give the impression that you're trying to create romantic situations, but rather that they become romantic naturally.
Don't force romanticism, but encourage it with your actions as it seems you've been doing already. The most important thing is to be calm and cool about it. It shouldn't feel forced, but natural to her, you want her to feel that she makes the decision, not that you are making it for her.
Again, show her the best side of yourself, don't act too vulnerable and don't get disappointed if it doesn't work right away, things like these takes time, women are hard to understand, som much so that they don't even understand themselves. Be the person that she would want to be with and then let her approach you, rather than the other way around.

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>>18188056
Of course, I'm aware that even if her and I never get together, I'll get over it eventually, though if my "friend" ends up being a cause of that, I'm not sure I'll ever forgive him. I'm sorry to hear that you situation depressed you, but I'd like to know, what helped you get rid of the pain? I've been tossing around the idea that meeting another girl would help, what do you think? Also, thank you for sharing. It honestly does help to know that I'm not alone.

>>18188056
Also, I second this.
Despite what I've said, moving on would probably be the best course of action. I've been in similar situations and they rarely end well.

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>>18188058
Very sound advice, I appreciate it more than you can know. I have two more things I'd like to ask. One, in the event that I become overwhelmed with emotion around her, what should I do? Second, do you think trying to find another woman would help this pass?

>>18188071
If you become overwhelmed with emotion around her, no matter what, don't show it to her and don't act on it. If it's too much, consider creating some space between you. Better to take a little break than to make a fool of yourself.

Spending time with other women will definitely help, if that is a possibility you should do it right away.

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>>18188078
I don't have any female friends besides the one I've been talking about that I'd ever be interested in, but I'm thinking of options. Google has been my friend in that regard. It wouldn't be weird of me to ask other (male) friends to introduce me to anyone, would it?

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>>18188062

Meeting other girls will always help. Personally, I realised I had barely hung out with my other mates because of this girl. I started messaging them instead and organising hangouts which helped me feel a bit better. Just focus on yourself, join a gym or exercise, read a book, or learn new skills. The idea is to develop a sustainable lifestyle that isn't dependent on the presence of some girl. Above all, time and distance are the most important factors in trying to get over some silly girl. It's going to be difficult for you as you live with her but I guess you can just minimise interactions, especially sexual ones, with her. But yeah, no worries dude. Shit sucks, I know, but ultimately, girls are not the be-all and end-all.