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My younger brother was conceived via rape. The man who is his biological father was my mothers ex boyfriend at the time. The story goes, she had broken up with him because he was very abusive to her and myself, and for months after she kicked him out he tried getting back together with her. One day I guess he raped her, which then conceived my brother. From what I understand it was textbook sober aggressive rape, none of that bullshit "i was drunk and decided after the fact" rape. Surprisingly she never pressed charges on the rape, but did file a restraining order after he broke in once after my brother was born. He denied he was the father and never wanted anything to do with my brother. My mother just recently told me the truth about his biological father. I always knew it was her ex, but never knew the story behind it. But just recently my brother's been questioning my mother a lot about his biological father. She's told him who he was, and that he's legally restrained, but never how he was conceived. He's in high school he's a pretty happy kid. He's had plenty of constant father figures in his life, such as our grandfather, 2 uncles, and my father who accepts him and treats him as one of his own. My brother doesn't know he's a product of rape. My mother broke down one evening after my brother kept on prodding information about him. The whole ordeal with his biological father was a very traumatic period in her life. My mother and I had a heart to heart after she calmed down and told me everything. She told me "she never want's him to know" and asked me if I'll keep that secret; I said I would. I'll respect that for as long as he's still a minor, but I feel like that's a secret too deep for me to bear about his own existence. I'm torn, should I leave it for my mother to decide and respect her wishes, or does he have the right to know and should I tell him when he's legally an adult?
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>covering for a lying cunt
Your brother is already your bro. That means he's covered by the bro code. Tell him the truth NOW.
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You don't have any stake in this. Your mother was raped by him and has to bear that trauma. Your brother was the product of rape and, if told, would have to live with that fact and come to terms with the fact that his father was an abusive piece of shit who raped her and that he exists only because of that and is related to that man. If he is told that will affect his relationship with your mother and his relationship with himself.
You have no business doing any more than making a case for why she should tell him, because frankly this does not affect you significantly on any level regardless of what you do and only involves your ability to live with yourself. You will also directly be betraying your word to your mother about this. She shouldn't have gone to you for comfort and support in the first place, that's not an appropriate role for a child to have with their parent, but you will definitely hurt her if you do so. If you feel you must involve yourself in this making a case for why she should tell him or how she can let him in on the truth more or respond to him is preferable, but again this is not a role you should take upon yourself nor one she should ask of you.
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>>18187767
If he's in highschool, he's old enough to know. It's better that he find out now rather than later. He'll grow resentment over not being told, continue to pester your mom, and then one day she'll lose her shit.
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>>18187795
I really agree with this, thank you. This helps. But I'm always going to feel bad knowing while he doesn't. I've just been through a lot of my own trials with truth an lies in my own life, I have a high regard for honesty, and feel like I'd want to know such a thing about myself. But I know this is a very touchy subject and really has nothing to do with me. I just want what's best for my brother, and maybe him never knowing is for the best. My mother is very broken and hides it well, I think her breaking down and confiding in me was her releasing a lot of built up pain, but nonetheless I agree and think she was wrong for unleashing that on me. But I suppose it's just a bullet I'll have to take for him. Just pretend I never knew.
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>>18187829
Counselling might help you deal with that guilt and the burden your mother places on you by treating you as a confidant.
I work in child care and something we need to keep in mind is a balance between honestly answering or addressing their questions and concerns versus saying too much. If I were to say what I personally think he should know about his father it'd be something along the lines of:
>He and his mother are no longer in contact
>There is a restraining order against him
>He was abusive and is unsafe to be around (but without going into the details, as that is your mother's burden to bear as opposed to his and involves personal information for her that she may not wish to share anyway, no matter whether he feels like it would help him to know or not)
All of this information should come from her though, and from what it sounds like she's already doing a decent job at striking that balance with him even if she's struggling to do so with you. But he's a teen, he's meant to be testing his boundaries at this point in life. He's also going to want to judge his father for himself, and that is why I think at some point he should know that he was abusive. But him prying at the intimate details of it definitely isn't a good way for him to go about it, and unfortunately it's going to make your mother both incredibly stressed out with concerns of what might happen if he finds out, the lengths he might go to to find out, and be reminded of what happened to her.
Honestly she needs counselling herself if she's not getting it. But the only person you can make see counselling is yourself, and it might help inspire her to do so if you talk about positive experiences with therapy now and then.
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