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Been meaning to make a thread about this at different stages of the mess.
I've been in a relationship for 3 and a bit years and I live with him. We're 19, been together since we were 15ish. For most of this time I've been kinda into his friend, to different degrees at different times and know he liked me too. Really drunk a few weeks ago I was told by someone else that the friend had been in love with me for years, and so being drunk, I went to the friend and asked if it was true, and he said it was.
I was real happy, and I went home and the next day broke it off with my boyfriend and tried to get into a thing of some sort with the friend, following my heart and all. At first my boyfriend was like "ok that's fine I guess, like we had lots of problems but this was just a catalyst of us breaking up really" which I agreed with.
But over the next week or so he just got really angry and essentially convinced me to stay with him (after a few weeks of hanging out with the friend, but living with and sleeping with a guy I was trying to break up with which obviously is stupid). He said he'd change and I was so sick of all my emotions from the whole thing I agreed.
Now I'm not talking to the friend, and I'm just back in this unhappy relationship with my boyfriend who I feel no real spark or emotional connection with. I feel really lost and angry but we're acting "back to normal' I guess so I don't even know if I can handle trying to break up again. I've brought it up a couple times over the past week and he just gets mad and is like "no that's finished now" and won't let me talk about the feelings I have.
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What I'm really asking:
Should I bother trying to make it work with my boyfriend because I "owe" him or whatever or commit to leaving properly?
Should I try to get back in touch with the friend? - I obviously shouldn't call him that because they're not really friends now obviously.
Should I just try to break up and focus on myself for the first time in years since I've been with this guy since I was so young? (this is the advice all the mature people in my life eg my parents have given me).
How do I avoid being a selfish dick?
What would you do in this situation?
Sorry for the long post guys.
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>>18187222
I'd break up and make it stick, if the interest isn't there there's no point prolonging it.
As for shacking up with somebody else right away, eh, perhaps just enjoy single life for a bit. If the other party is a golden opportunity which may close soon perhaps jump into it, but finding your own independence has its merits. Enjoy being single for a bit.
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>>18187240
I literally have no idea how to break up with this person. I bring it up and he groans and is like "omg just stop", and when we did break up properly a couple weeks ago he'd just guilt me into sex and stuff so I'd feel attached. It's so shit.
I'm not used to being single and I'm really worried about it. To break up with him, I'd have to go live with my parents in the country and like never see anyone and I'm just worried I'd be really lonely.
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>>18187256
Dont rush into breaking up with him just because you like someone else. You managed to last for 3 or 4 years so you clearly have something. Having a crush on someone else is going to make you biased and look for ways out. If i were you i would tell my boyfriend that i really want to talk about my feelings as to if i should stay or go and i need him to listen and try to help whats best for you. But idk, if he is really enough of an asshole he wont let you do that then he isnt worth your time and find someone better.
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>>18187269
I don't even know how much I do like the other guy, but being with someone else has highlighted to me how little spark there is with my boyfriend now. I do feel like I'm wasting my youth and it sucks.
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The fact that you'd just break off with him and date his friend is proof enough you need to drop them both and find someone completely new. Nothing good will come from it, and you did this to yourself
What a fucking piece of shit you are.
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>>18187269
Speaking from experience, I promise you will regret leaving your boyfriend for a "crush". Watch
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>>18187281
>>18187285
This is difficult because it implies that my boyfriend and me were really good before any of this happened, which wasn't true at all. He'd never leave the house and spent all his time smoking weed. Our sex life was/is like nothing, and we have nothing in common. At this point I resent him quite a lot, and I don't feel attracted to him.
Even if I take the friend out of the picture, my relationship's pretty fucked.
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>>18187297
Obviously you aren't here for advice, because you keep trying to justify being a piece of shit. So go ahead, leave him. Because he deserves better than some degenerate like you
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Leave while you can, itll only get worse within time... about the friend if he truly loved you like you claim he will find a way to spark the flame that drawn you towards him give it time..
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>>18187221
I think it's only natural to get tired of being with someone for a such a long time considering you're both very young and probably never had the chance to have another serious relationship with someone else. Maybe the way you felt about his friend it's just a sign that you have to move on.
Being with someone just because you feel you "owe him" something will make you both miserable. If you're meant to be together (which is the gay way to say that you're both compatible enough to have a long-lasting monogamous relationship) then breaking up for the time being and see other people won't be the end of it.
Use this chance to get to know you better, be grateful with him for the good times you spent together and more importantly, don't rush into having something serious with another guy until you've moved on completely.
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>>18187297
With that added context, getting out of that scene and back to the countryside is not such a bad option. Sucks that the there's little to do out there but it's better than wasting life trying to bark up the wrong tree.
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>>18187354
That's a pretty helpful piece of advice, and pretty much the page I'm on at the moment. Thanks.
I'm worried to talk to him about this because he'll get mad but I feel it is for the best.
I'm pretty worried about moving out, but I guess if I'm at my parents I can keep paying rent for the time being.
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>>18187365
I suppose the fact you live together make things more complicated and scarier for you but consider that if you keep going that road things may get unbearable or even violent.
As a guy, I'd understand if he gets angry (I considered my ex nothing but an ungrateful bitch by the time she broke up with me) but someone has to act like a grown up and this time it has to be you.
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