Confessions thread

I never told this girl how much I cared for her because I felt like it would have been off-putting, against both our best interests.

I still feel that way. We haven't had an actual conversation in months and there's realistically speaking nothing between us except my obsessive thoughts and our bad history.

Some of my friends advised me to write her a letter and give it to her in passing if I felt the impulse. Some of my friends tell me this might be creepy.


I've written maybe a dozen different drafts.
I've lost my mind.

I wish there was an easy way to get castration drugs, because Jesus Christ do I need them.

When I was 16 my parents kicked me out of the house with 5k and a RV my grandpa left me when he died. All because they thought I was gay

>>18180553
I'm attractive. Very attractive. However, I'm also very, VERY awkward with women my age.

I've lead many girls on without even knowing it.

I play it off as being a distant asshole, but I'm actually too akward to function. I stay at home all day besides class and work, where I have no women to interact with.

i think sinking into being a total loser and complete failure was the best thing ever for me in the long run, coming out of it has given me more motivation and confidence than i ever could have dreamed of

also people who have lived easy or perfect lives with little to no challenges in their lives can never truly be funny

I now realize how I fucked up.

Sadly it might be to late.

I'm currently going through what could be defined as an existential crisis, but it doesn't feel like a crisis. I'm 21, so I'm still pretty young, but I'm already starting to be more concerned with my non-existent future family and how what I do now will affect them.
I want kids, but only because I feel like that's what I should do.
I want to work hard and achieve a well-paying job, but only because I'd want to contribute to giving them a more comfortable life.
I want to be able to give them a more comfortable life because that's what my job is supposed to be.
I want these things, but another part of me doesn't see a logical purpose in this wanting.

What's point in being concerned with people who don't even exist yet when in the end none of what I do will truly matter?
I'll live just as my parents did, just like they did with their parents, and so on. I'm just going to continue a string of average people who work average jobs, living paycheck to paycheck, maybe taking a vacation once a year to some theme park or whatever.
Nothing is wrong with this, though. I don't mind living an average life. I want to experience life for as long as it will allow me, but I hate the mundane theme.
I'll be stuck in the grinding loop until one day I can't walk anymore and think of my children as I do now; nameless and faceless.

I want you to choke on my cock you slut

I had work today.

I work hard and most people don't keep up with me.

But today this little fairly cute woman was working nearly as fast as me and as such I spend most of the day near her.

Many awkwardly polite smiles were had. as with a few murmurs of "after you" and "thanks".
Also, awkward glances and trying to avoid eye-contact but wondering if I should make eye contact or if she thinks I'm working hard to keep up with her or if she's doing that for me.

So the questions are;
Do I make a move?
Do I at least try to talk to her?
Do I ask if she has a boyfriend, and then if she says "no" I'll be all smooth like "want one?" and give her a wink?

Nah, fuck that shit. Socially awkward distant politeness is the shit.
This overthinking because a cute girl smiles at me makes my day at work go so much faster.
Talking to her could ruin that.

>>18180560
It's about being vulnerable. Goodluck.

>>18180575
Me too! Except I'm a female

>>18180585
Make it right...

>>18180560

Creepy, trust me.

If you can't say it face to face, a letter aint gonna be better.

You want to let her know you care about her?
Show, don't tell.
Give her a "you're alright, you are" nod every once in a while like she's one of the guys.
High five (but not too often, fag)
fist bump (only if she's done something fistbump worthy).
hug (not exactly recommended, but it's an option if you're both comfortable with it).
Sex (yeah right)
Pat on the back (... use sparingly)
Buy her flowers (if someone close to her just died, and under no other circumstances. Violets)

>>18180553
I'm an attractive guy, but I'm a complete shut in and have no idea how to talk to girls or get more friends than my small core group of friends. I feel like my best chance is to wait until college for a brand new start.

>>18180553

I am a repressed tranny MTF who is a very feminine and offputting looking boy, but a cute (cuter than my sister) girl when I dress up. I steal her clothes to dress up often and then get sad when I realize the surgeries etc. are expensive and I don't have an actual good income yet. I just want a vagina.

Despite me trying to initiate shit, you're gonna put everything off until the last minute again, aren't you? You really shouldn't put this sort of thing off though.

I've never felt like I belong in the united states.

me and my family moved here from Venezuela when I was 12, I didn't speak a word of English for the first year here in LA. Coming here has only made me realize how much people like me are hated by everyone. I've had this idea of going back and starting my life over in my own country. I've told my parents and brothers about this and they all think I'm crazy for wanting to go back; but I can't continue to live trying to justify myself here. I simply don't belong.

This feeling has grown into a hateful resentment for my father and mother for bringing me here and forcing me to learn English.


I'm 23 now, and I still cant fucking stand this feeling like I'm a foreigner here and I don't belong. I wan't to go back.

inb4 wetback, spic, shitskin.

>>18180633
You're right, thank you.

>>18180645
I would say it face to face if we ever made the time for it. We hardly interact.

Normally I'd agree with you, but she and I have a really..unique, difficult history.

SO I suck ass at taking my birth control because I have the memory of a dead goldfish and I can't even remember to take phone alarms or reminders.
I skipped my period last month but I never took a pregnancy test because I really have no where to take it without being caught.

Anyway, my boyfriend and I haven't been having sex as much because I've had this awful yeast infection issue. Apparently my strain is resistant to diflucan, which is the most commonly available medicine for it. My current health insurance doesn't cover the testing for me to find out what medicine I can use…

Now he's claiming to be sexually frustrated and is getting pissed at me. The few times we have had sex he just uses the pull out.

It's now the week I hold be expecting my period again since last time I missed and it's still not here yet.

I was going to get a pregnancy test and then I realized it was april fools day.

I guess I'll get one tomorrow but… shit man. I do not have a good feeling about the future of my relationship and my life right now.

all of shit is obviously my fault but uhg just don't have any good feelings about this.

I'm in love with a girl but her parents hate me because I'm older so we couldn't date then she moved on but I didn't and it's ruining our friendship

>>18180700
she did you a favor.
I used to date an older man myself and I ended up in a similar situation. just date someone your age.

i want to date this girl who has a boyfriend who is much older and frankly he is a loser

we have some history and i know she likes me but i cant get past my own shit and tell her what i want. i think if i did she would go for it, but shes also crazy and there are so many reasons why it would never work but i still want to try

I think I'm only happy if I ignore my problems and drink a lot

Because of my insecurities i pushed him away
He still talks to me and tells me how he wants to stay with me but i feel that he's losing interest on me
I tried so hard to change and i recently made a lot of progress because of it but i feel like I'm just trying so hard for something that might already be over
I may be too needy/clingy but he doesn't talk about himself or sound excited to talk to me anymore and i don't know if i should bring it up

Before he met me he used to be almost a NEET and he claims i helped him to actually think about the future and now he has a job and a social life and I'm very proud of that but I'm afraid he will leave me behind.
I hate worrying so much about everything.

>>18180693
from what i have read, it is not your fault you have caught an infection. truly, if your bf respected the relationship (he very well might, just in the context put it sounds like he is mad you won't have sex) he would care for you and drop the sex until you are back to normal.

and btw, you aren't a service so don't feel like you always have to be there for him.

I used to steal my aunts' panties and masturbate with them. I used to grope women with my butt at the bus and subway. Please somebody respond so that I know this has been read.

>>18180730

Same. I had 2 bottles of beer just to leave my dorm and talk to people tonight. Then my buzz wore off, now I'm sitting in my room reading 4chan and cutting.

>>18180745
Fun fact: once a woman enjoyed the groping and rubbed my butt back with hers and when I was going off the bus she grabbed my thigh.

>>18180748
Don't cut
I understand the need
I'm the fag you replied to

Cutting is stupid
It's a permanent reminder of something temporary

We will get past this
But your scars will never heal

Better to just get drunker
Or listen to sad ass music

>>18180658
firstly, don't let the ignorant people get to you. i am a white male so i don't understand the discrimination some give to others. if I was in your shoes, i would be more motivated to prove those around me wrong. if you go back to your home country, you are doing exactly what the ignorant people want you to do. also, not everyone needs to justify themselves here, you had no influence on how you ended up here, your family simply moved here. the saying that america is the land of opportunity still stands (maybe not for much longer with our current state) but regardless, you still have the free will and choice to really do whatever you wish. everyone in this country is different in their own talent, just sayin.


tl;dr stay, prove people around you wrong, don't let them win.

>>18180615
You're going to have to buy me dinner first.

Haha do you even realize what I could do with those vocaroos you post in the msa thread? You shouldn't publicly post such embarrassing things, especially when your voice is a dead giveaway that its you. If I wanted to, I could send that link to your whole family. I'll probably end up sending a couple to my best friend so we can laugh at how utterly pathetic you've become.

>>18180757

Shit man thanks. I figured that if 4chan told me to stop I would. I only made 1 new line tonight.

Now I'm going to finish my beer. Shit gets expensive fast though.

>>18180693
You do know there are birth control methods beyond the pill, right? Ones that don't require you to remember daily.

Well assuming you aren't pregnant. But on the plus side, if you are, you don't have to worry about birth control for at least a few months.

>>18180772
Beer is shit to get drunk to
All about drunkeness per millilitre
Rum and cokes is where it is at

>>18180700
You shouldn't waste your time trying to be friends with your ex.

Let's face it, you don't actually want to be friends, you want to be in a relationship with her, and this is your attempt to desperately hold onto what you had. It's not healthy and it's not really a friendship.

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>>18180760
>not everyone needs to justify themselves here


when I was 18, I was on a metro bus in the lower east end of Irvine (white neighborhood) in Los Angeles and I was a beaten up and kicked in the head for being brown.

there was 3 white guys and a girl in the group.
one of them asked me if I had a gun on me and i took one of my headphones off to hear him better, then all the sudden I got punched in the head and I was dazed them one of them pushed me against the bus window and began kicking me in the elbow.

I remember the girl yelling telling me to go back to mexico, calling me a monkey.

then the bus driver stopped the bus and started to yell at them and told them he called the cops.

the police got there and one of the officers took a statement and asked me if I was ok. after that, I was searched for tattoos because Im guessing he thought I was a gang member. (im not)

and he patted me down and told me to call a family member from his phone and have them pick me up because it wasn't safe for me to keep riding the bus.

that is what america is, it doesn't matter that I'm a college graduate or currently studying chemical engineering. I'm still just a shit skin. Im still a invader who will never belong.

that's why I have too go back, I have to be with my own.

I found the ELN through the internet 2 years ago and everything they say is right, white people will never accept us. they only see us as slaves and savages who are inferior to them. Everything they said about america is true, they hate people like me and would rather see me and people like me seize to exist than ever see me an an equal.

that's where I belong, with them. not here.

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I miss our talks and the smile you used to give me. Now it's just awkward eye contact as we pass each other on campus. I should talk you again but I don't know what to say.

>>18180777
USA. Only 20. Can't easily get everclear or shit.

>>18180658
>>18180788
venezuelan here

ive been living in the us for 10 years and feel right at home

learn how to defend yourself stop going to white neighborhoods by yourself m8 see if you can move into latin americanized communities or diverse areas with lots of ethnicities and backgrounds

you should know by now America is too big to condense it all into one tiny like-minded country

good luck assimilating with venezuelan culture if you do go back (or not getting robbed and finding food)

>>18180794
You sad fucks
Try to take it easy as you get 21

Going too hard will make you regret a lot of things

im not attracted to girls my own age for some reason only girls a few years younger than me or girls much older than me

not really sure why that is

i want to fuck this girl but shes not promiscuous type and i dont want to lie for pussy

think ill just keep flirting with her anyways

>>18180799
>ive been living in the us for 10 years and feel right at home

these people will never accept us. they see us as a plague in this country, i don't know about you, but I don't want to live my life like a second class citizen and having to apologize for who I am as a person.
the people here hate us anon, they rather see us dead than live here.

>learn how to defend yourself

there was 4 of them.

>good luck assimilating with venezuelan culture if you do go back

llo nunca e parado de ser venezuelano camarada, alamejor tu si, pero llo nunca.
esta gente de mierda piensan que son mejor que no sotros y les da el derecho de matarnos en sangre fria.

no te mientas tu mismo, nunca nos aceptaran aqui, nunca.

y llo prefiero livir y morir en mi tierra, que
estar lambiendole los guevos a estos gavachos de mierda.

todo por venezuela.

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I've changed my mind about what I want to do with my life so many times, it's practically meaningless to say I want to do any particular thing.
However math has always been a sore subject with me. I was never "good" at math, but feel I'm now better than most at it. If I don't fuck up this semester at college I'll be able to take calculus in the fall. I'm immensely proud of myself.
I kind of want to become a mathematician just to show others that becoming good at math is a matter of work and not necessarily being "good at math" or being "born to do math".
The problem is I have doubts. I fuck up so much during tests because I have doubts and get nervous about my ability. If I'm comfortable at home I can do my work very well, but when I'm taking an exam I fuck up and go retard.
I feel both smug and retarded in my math classes because I've come so far, yet others seem to do much better at the subject than I do.
I can't tell if I'm wasting my time because I'm stupid beyond repair and will never get where I want to get, or if I'm actually beating myself up for no reason.

>>18180804
lie for that pussy. fuck her silly and often. then when the next pussy comes along dump the old bitch

>>18180642
It won't be easy but I'm trying.

Fingers crossed

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To the dude who posted like a whiny bitch on her period about me confronting my fat, lazy, man child boyfriend.....I regret to inform you that not only do you seem to have the wrong person but you sound like a tiny dick ejacultaing excuses. If youre insecure aka a chubby bitch and you ARE AWARE that you are a chubby bitch then you should work out. It's not hard to work a treadmill. Don't lie around and expect someone to give you approval or exceptance for being a chub. Also this is a place for people to come and vent and bitch so if you have a problem with me "bitching" you can get the fuck off 4chan. You seem to have more issues than me so good luck with your gf who clearly just wants you not to die of diabetes or heart problems you fat whiny fuck.

I've been actively searching for something for 3 years and still haven't found it. It's not tangible, it's a feeling of satisfaction, contentment, and happiness. I'm beginning to feel I will never find what I am looking for and because of this missing piece, I will always be incomplete. The void weighs heavy on my daily life and everything I've tried leaves me unwhole and broken. I'm not sure how much longer I can continue to try by I am running out of the effort.

>>18180572
It's not easy being a faggot.

>>18180794
>Not having a single friend a year older than you

Sad.

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I kind of want to just die already. I mean I didn't ask to be born. I wish we had a choice because I really hate myself.

>>18180868
>>18180868
Hey I tried to help you. If you want to keep your feelings bottled up and not actually talk to your awful manchild boyfriend who apparently you don't want to break up or cheat on. That's your issues I gave you solid advice and even congratulated you on not wanting to break up or cheat on him.

So if you don't want to take advice on a board called advice maybe you should go ahead and accept the cold realization that your insistence to not communicate with your boyfriend or understand his issues means you are going to be either
A: alone forever spending your twilight years surrounded by cats as you desperately cling to your sanity while looking back at your series of abusive relationships you had and wondering what went wrong.

Or

B: you're gonna get on the cock carousel and ride it all night long until you're about as worthless as a wet Kleenex filled with cum. Most likely you'll also coal burn and lower your value even more.

Love you you desperate faggot and or cunt. Enjoy your horrible life with your communication issues and the fact you're a shallow whore.
With love, your buddy .S

>>18180895
This one time I used commas, more than once.

>>18180553
You teached me the most important lesson in life, trust no one. Glad you're out of my life, bitch.
You were holding me back on pretty much every aspect but now I'm fine.
Thank you, but fuck you at the same time

>>18180653
On my way

>>18180894
You're an amazing person and I hope you are soon able to see all of the wonderful things about life and the world. There are good things all around you. You'll be happy some day.

>>18180933
Taught*

>>18180895
You realize that you're only proving that person is just by stooping to their level, right? You seem deeply insecure and I hope you seek help for it.

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>>18180992
Working on it

All my friends are at prom and I am 2000 miles away listening to music in my dimly lit room while drinking the remnants of a coke slush I bought myself two hours ago, wishing I could sink into my mattress and fall through the floor, disappearing forever. I feel dead, watching all my friends live and enjoy life while i am so far away from them. Absence is so hard, today has been bad as childlike envy runs through my body. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

>>18180868
>It's not hard to work a treadmill.

Yeah, but it's still not as easy as sitting on my couch drinking beer and eating cake for dinner.

>Don't lie around and expect someone to give you approval or exceptance for being a chub.

Who's looking for approval? I'm a grown ass man, and the way I look is the result of my life choices. I don't give you shit for your obsessive need to look a certain way.

>You seem to have more issues than me

Really? I like my life. I like my girlfriend. You're the one that is disgusted by her boyfriend and feels the need to change him and yourself. So who's the one with issues?

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>>18180553
Is anyone else not experiencing feelings or emotions as vividly as they did before?
For example, being excited when I was as a kid was like 20x more intense than being excited now. Same thing with sadness or anything else.
Man, even jerking off doesn't feel as good as it did when I was a teenager, sometimes it doesn't even feel good
I'm not taking any drugs and I'm constantly feeling like pic

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>>18181020
Your mom. That is all

>>18180553
I'm quite attractive (allegedly) but have problems with relationships because I'm very low maintenance and assume everyone else is.

Also I can't seem to fall in love. The closest thing I ever experienced was crushes during high school that had no chance of amounting to anything. Every girl I've dated since, I've never REALLY felt anything for. I've previously enjoyed my distance from girls, because it saved me from any serious heartbreak, but now I'm regretting that I've never fallen in love and experienced all that. I think this problem relates to the first one...

you're the only person I've ever met that I've never found a single flaw in, aside from you acting kind of spoiled at times. good looking, fun to be around, beautiful wife, cute kids, great at your job, smart as hell, very well-respected...its crazy to believe that we're actually related
I'm glad mom has one son in her life she can be proud of. also I wish we could talk more often

>>18180553
I wish I would die in my sleep

>>18181087
same
it'd be so nice to just randomly naturally die. none of the drama and whatnot that would come from suiciding

My current partner (I don't really know what to call us yet, but we've hooked up twice and just recently started spending a lot of time talking/hanging out, we both seem to be trying to make it more serious) of the last few weeks is studying with one of my (male) friends at the moment, he has a girlfriend and is honestly a good person and nothing is going to happen, but I can't help feeling really frustrated and pissed off.

It's not only because he's hanging out with her, because I really do trust the guy, but because I think she was trying to reach out to me yesterday to get me to hang out with her and I totally misinterpreted it. She was complaining about how she can't study at home due to loud/drunk family and I probably could have asked if she wanted to come work with me or something and I didn't ask her at all.

I just feel like I should be there for her more than other people but unfortunately I'm not, whenever I'm in a situation like hers I just put up with it an isolate myself from other people and so I assume that everyone else feels the same way as me. However, almost no one I know is as stoic as I am, but I constantly make the mistake of assuming that they are. I feel like as soon as I start giving too much love/attention, I'll come off as clingy, but really I need to show more love if I want this relationship to work, because I think this girl really needs it.

I've had everything handed to me and I have a leavened helplessness and I'm an alcoholic

I am a shadow of the man I once was. Though I'm in humble success, deep down I feel I'm so broken, I don't understand.

It's like the little loving, innocent child I once was and always wanted to remain as just died and his corpse is releasing this demon that just so happens to resemble me. Though he retains the same personality, you can tell he has changed in a way he can't explain.

Lots of family died, old friends lost, so much stuff jettisoned, many betrayed, and more. The world, to me, looks like a brutal place to trudge through. I'm not alone on this journey yet, but I have deep fears that I'll be alone and jobless again. I keep fearing that my fears would manifest into a reality, because thanks to a few coincidences, the fears manifested within my actual true family.

I don't know how to feel. I feel some odd form of happiness with how I'm now able to hold down an apartment+utils, impress my bosses, and somehow make friends from both work and free-time, yet the feelings of doubt, sadness, sorrow, and even some hatred settle within.

I'm sorry I typed so much and in such incorrect manner thanks to excess commas, but I'm just so very conflicted at how I should feel. My past family betrayed me, told me to drop out of college, get a job, and basically told me to fuck off, my actual family is dead or on drugs, and there's nothing I can do about either of these. However, I have a good job, my little apartment is great, and I'm finally talking to people after remaining reclusive for so long.

>>18181071
Clever AND original. I'm impressed.

>>18181120
I know the feeling. I kind of hope every night that when I go to sleep I'll just never wake up. I'm not suicidal, I'm just kind of done with life and want this shit to hurry up and get over with. It frustrates me realizing I've probably got at least another 40 years left of this shit.

>>18180745
not gonna lie, the panties thing kinda gave me a tingle

I'm feeling incredibly lonely and really want to die. I miss all my old friends even if they did treat me like shit forever.

When I was really little I strongly wanted my dad to make love to me- before even understanding what sex was- I still don't know why and whenever I think about it I kinda wanna just hurl.
Don't think I've ever been sexually abused but who knows lmao

Not been on the best terms with him for the last few years (completely unrelated reasons) and those feelings have long since left

I'm tired of working hard, life is too hard, I think I want to leave life.

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Love you best frand. Thanks for being there for me and taking the time to ask me how I'm doing and feeling each day. You may never see this and that's okay, but I'm gushing over you right now. Who couldn't? You're a beautiful woman with an amazing personality and give stupendous advice.

I appreciate you for many things; for talking with me when all that terrible stuff happened before your birthday, for keeping me distracted during that time to work on our cosplay, for pushing me to hit the gym when I felt so low, and so much more.

Anyone would be lucky to call you their best friend but I'm so glad that you are mine. Let's grow old together and gossip more over narrow headed psychopathic Chad's.

Keep modeling. You look fantastic.

>>18181255
...Yeesh.

>>18181201
This is actually pretty normal shit.

>>18181071
Lol you almost got your information right in the Mark

>>18180575

I'm much the same. Quite introverted and likes to spend time alone. I get bullied from time to time because I'm akward/easy pickings. However for some reason I get invited to quite a few parties. I don't understand, it must be the alcohol but I get off with grills.
I've had a relationship which staryed to fall apart because she didn't understand why I don't talk all the time.

I want my new day.

I want to wake up. I want my freedom. I want to know what I am. I want to know what the FUCK HAS BEEN GOING ON

My dad hasn't talked to me in three months.

If he wants to abandon his family and pretend that paying my car insurance is the same as taking care of us, fine. He'll regret it when he's 90 and wondering why his son won't visit him.

Fuck you. You bullied mom, destroyed my her confidence, made her feel inferior to make YOURSELF feel superior and left me to teach *myself* how to be a man. Fine, do what you want. Go enjoy your solo life. You didn't even know I was in college until years later. I don't need you. I'm paying my own tuition. Mom's working again, she doesn't need you either. Go fuck yourself, you lazy prick.

Yeah ummm no, that's not gunna happen. Karma wills it.

>>18181374
Whats not going to happen anon.

Are you the karma fairy?

>>18181374
That's not what Karma means

Hello, can I speak with the old R- oh she's not home now? When will she be?

I miss the old you. The one who was flirtier and energetic. The one who would wish me sweet dreams at night. The one who I could text until 2am and not get bored of talking to. I don't like seeing you like this. Even your friend says you've changed.

It just doesn't feel the same, you can deny it all you want but you've changed. You're friend says you still do have feelings for me but im tired of unreciprocated love. It wouldn't hurt to be called cute from time to time you know. I mean I do the same for you so it's not like I'm not putting in any effort.

I may back off and give you some space but I don't want to let you go....

Did I dream that you dreamed about me?

>>18181421
No. That was my dream.

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Help.

I have never spoken with anyone in 10 days already, neither I ever came out of my flat. Last two days I have been probably starving, eating apples and drinking water as my breakfast and dinner. Nothing but pressure in my chest and I don't know how to bear it, how to deal with it. I think I am slowly going insane, and I don't know what does it feel like to feel normal. I became excessively paranoid towards people recently, I called my friend and could say almost nothing, had to pull the words out of me. Nothing but chest pressure and feeling of inadequacy.

>>18181436
I haven't gone outside or spoke to anyone for months now.

I have adapted to the crushing pressure and darkness.

I have until monday evening to write my thesis proposal (+/- 3000 words) and I'm only at 200 words right now... Honestly I don't know how I managed to come this far in life with always doing things later, or when I "feel like it's the right moment".

I'm going to do it, but it's just meh... i'd rather practice on my keyboard, it's the only thing who makes me feel "alive" recently.

>>18180658
All people deserve a homeland where they feel like they belong. Come home anon.

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>>18180693
You seem mildly retarded. Why dont you pick one thing to be responsible for?

WTF does she seee in him but not me? I dont understand. I m hilarious, confident, charming, and make an effort to connect with her on more than a superficial level. This guy can barely put a few words together and has nothing going on but shes still interested in him over me?!

Anyway, thats out of the way. I guess Im more shocked by the revelation. I had no idea there was attraction there. I guess im too open and honest and im reliable as just the friend. I dont get it, i dont think i ever will. Im not even super attracted to her, im just miffed that theres the comparison between me and him and he comes out on top, thats what really gets me. I dont understand, and the fact that I dont understand just makes it worse, because i cant learn from the situation and avoid the problem with someone else in the future.

>>18181565
It's not a god damned competition. Not everyone is going to find you attractive/desirable. Stop being so arrogant and realize everyone has different tastes.

>>18181582
Yeah I know, I'm really pissed that I just dont have a good read on things like this. I think things are a certain way, but not only are htye not, but what appears to be nothing is actually something real. It's more anger directed at my inability to percieve attraction and the fact that im so bad at finding romance. I just hate how im so clueless all the time. This other guy is my friend, and he deserves love too, Im just venting.

I just want to make frenchtoast and coffee for a pretty lady. Is that too much to ask?

Die already you ugly chink cunt! You and your autistic fob husband can both go kill yourselves for being the most deranged trash alive you fuck pigs. Your disgusting pig shit face is gross you you stupid bitch I'll torture you the more you practice your brainwash crap you awkward dumb cunt. Fuck off back to china!!!!"

>>18181631
It doesn't mean you read the situation incorrectly. She may have found you attractive, but just found something more attractive about him.

Also, is it possible that he simply made a move before you? People tend to not just sit on their thumbs and wait forever to get asked out.

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Got completely drunk yesterday and can't remember anything. My mother told me later that I told her over and over again that I want to kill myself. Lost a shoe and my Love Live! manga. I'm a complete fucking subhuman that shouldn't be allowed to exist imo. Sorry for blog.

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Four years.

I've spent four years in guilt-ridden shame, cursing myself for not being enough for you.

For not being strong enough to stand by you while you were sinking deeper into the depths of your own mind.
I left because I thought it was the only way to save myself.
Because it seemed as if you were dead already, and I would die with you if I stayed.

So I left, and tried to forget.
But the memory of you haunted me all that time, and now it haunts me again.
Knowing you had the strength to lift yourself out of that bog after all.

And now I'm here with a hole in my heart and my guts in a vice for missing you.
Fuck, I miss you.
I miss you like I miss joy, comfort, warmth and peace.
I wish I knew then what I know now; that I only ever wanted someone to love.
Only ever wanted to save someone from the horrors of the world.

But you went on to save yourself,
and I ruined everything I ever was by blaming myself for your misery.

Four years.
Four years I've spent running from my own hopes, my own wants and dreams.
Until they all caught up with me and beat me to a pulp.

But I will live on.
I will live on like an empty shell on driftwood,
with only your memory to guide me through the endless storm,
knowing you are stranded far away in the arms of another.

And I, lost at sea, will never see a hope on the horizon.
For yours is past, and the tides drag me far away into the center of the Earth, to never truly live or love again.

I'm sorry.
I wish I could take it back, but I can't.
I know your memory of me will always be tainted.
I will always be the one who ran away.

And I'll carry that weight until I fucking die.

>>18181434
So that's what you meant that day.
I was wondering why you bothered telling me.

I secretly wish to have another psychotic break because it was the most intense and interesting experience of my life. I secretly wish to develop schizophrenia for the same reasons. I still think that some of the stuff I went through during my psychosis were absolutely real and I'll go to the grave thinking that.

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Can't believe I'm wasting my affection and love on someone as lowly as you. You're all looks and nothing more. You're a cheating slut of a golddigging cocksucker. You're a walking stereotype and I'm pissed that I had a crush on you. Bitch you're a wasted good and I am so over you.

PIcking up package that had drugs in it. Hear FBI chatter "Suspect, approaching package... male.. err, umm... female?"

While eating lunch at a mental hospital with table across from me... "Is that a guy or a girl?"

I DON'T FUCKING KNOW EITHER

When we were all 5 and 6. My neighbors and i went out to the woods and saw (no touch) our neighbors vagina. And that was it. Is that fucked up?

>>18180553
Why are ugly chinese bitches so delusional that they are beautiful? Lol these dumb cunts have the most disgusting faces I've ever seen not only that their entire chink culture is vile trash.

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>>18181942
How fucked up is it for children to see each other naked casually? It's not at all.

I started a new job yesterday, and last night I had nightmares for several hours that I was stuck working the register, making mistake after mistake, and just when I was about to leave, someone new would come up and the cycle would continue. When I tried to force myself out of it, I discovered I couldn't break away. I can't remember how it ended, but it was a surreal and scary experience.

So let me think for a bit...

I have learned that I am the direct descendant of fucking Hitler, that because of this I am the center of a massive conspiracy, that everyone I have ever known has been an actor including my lovers, that I was adopted, that my every moment has been recorded and watched, that I have some kind of Parkinson's disease, specifically lewy bodies dementia, I have learned that such a diagnosis means I only have 10 years left to live...

And I was born with both male and female sexual organs and despite being raised male the female hormones were winning...

I also learn that every hardship, every broken heart was strictly by design. That my "handlers" have been fucking with me on purpose, getting my hopes up time and time again just so that they could cause them to come crashing down... They have been making me fucking miserable ON PURPOSE.

What the fuck else could you POSSIBLE FUCKING TELL ME THAT YOU ARE PUTTING OFF? WHY THE FUCK WON'T YOU COME CLEAN? You tell me that "I am the one", that I will never be lonely ever again and yet... I'm fucking miserable, feeling worse and more alone than ever before.

Just fucking end this already. Stop fucking with me jesus fucking christ WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU FUCKING PEOPLE?

>>18182078
hmmmm

>>18182078
You idiot, you have it all wrong. Hitler is your direct descendant. Your existence is necessary so that through time travel, history can be set on it's current, predetermined course, thus ensuring the rise of humanity to a higher level of existence that transcends linear time. Get it right.

>>18182082
I wake up multiple times a night from having seizures. As well, my dreams are INSANELY vivid. I had a dream the other night where I am amazed by how crazy detailed it was. Like, there were stone walls, flowers, gardens, and I remember the designs of the lace in people's outfits. While I was in the dream I was saying "HOLY SHIT THIS DREAM IS SO FUCKING DETAILED."

When I close my eyes I see bright flashes of light. It's not the fluids, white blood cells, or other physical stimuli that cause these lights.. They are often mirrored on one or two axis and the full spectrum of hues.

The lights are so fucking bright and distracting it makes it hard to fall asleep.

The more documentaries I watch on psychopaths the more confident I become in my decision that I moved back. Personally, I'm enjoying my new chapter where I've gotten back into drawing, taken up reading, studying a different language, saving up for a motorcycle, going in for a new tattoo next Wednesday; lots of positive things going on. It's strange for me to think I couldn't picture my life without my abuser when I'm flourishing and genuinely happy in the decisions I'm making.

I like my parents but they make so many unneeded purchases. Just now they bought another tablet and they don't even use them, but then complain about spending too much money.
Hello????? Wake up.

>>18182099
Sorry to hear about your problem. At least, it sounds potentially interesting at times.

>>18182136
The seizures/dreams/whatever wake me up in a sweat and I feel like I'm on fire. Even if I don't have covers on... just on fire and sweaty and gross.

It's pretty clear I have parkinsons/lew body dementia... which means I have at most 10 years of being able to live on my own.

Even knowing that.... you guys STILL won't fucking tell me what's going on is extremely fucked up. Let me live whatever little life I have left... or just fucking kill me now. Stop pissing around.

>>18182144
I don't know who you mean by "you guys", but I hope you find some consolation. That's a really shitty thing to deal with.

>>18181676
I did ask her out, close to when we first met, but she wasnt interested. She's a friend of mine, and recently thought she might have feelings for me with the way shes acting now, so i wasnt going to ask her out again, balls in her court.

It came as such a surprise she was into my friend cause i literally didnt see anything happening between them at all. But now I found theyve made out a few a times and have expressed mutual interest in each other, but for some bullshit reason arent going out. I was drunk when I posted this and these feelings were bubbling up. Im not into her, but there are lingering feelings apparently, Most of it was/is just the ego being hurt at not being the one "picked" and stems from a history of little romantic success. Im trying to figure out why i dont get "picked" often enough and trying to learn about why others do. That's why i didnt understand what she saw in him that I dont have.

GOD DAMNIT FUCKINNG TELL ME WHAT ALL OF THIS IS ALREADY. SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK.

this is actually the shit I was talking to you about the other night, then you stormed off all upset. im totally fine with keeping this casual for the time being so please don't feed me that "ive been with so many douchebags, im just tired of it" when you're going out with them every night.

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>mfw I am so fucking lonely
>mfw I have come to accept that I will never have children of my own.

Why do we live? Just to suffer?

>>18181445
Yo, I just wanted to say I feel you man, when the anxiety becomes too much I get the feeling of deep mistrust that you can get around people. I'm still coming down off of a night on MD, if your not a drugs person I wouldn't try it but if you give it a go it can really help to get you out of the "I can't trust anyone, so I must stop speaking to them". Again, just an option if your into that sort of stuff, given your current state I wouldn't risk trying the stuff for first time. It only has long term usage side effects for most part, so doing it once a year or so to get back in touch with people you've pushed away during the bad times had worked well for me.

Over course of last week or so I've managed to make amends with the group of my longest-held friends, although in fairness they were happy to speak to us and didn't hold a grudge, they understand our condition well enough after dealing with my bullshit for half a decade.

I'll try and be clear, despite the comedown being twelve hours in now and still not tired enough to sleep. I would recommend trying the stuff if you've taken any uppers before, really can help, but if you want to speak to someone who doesn't know you at all, to give you the trust I think you need to get through this stage, I'm all ears mate. If you want to speak but feel more comfortable in email, I can send you the address across.

I get that recommending you take a drug may seem like terrible advice (it is if your not a drug user at all, only consider this if you have done heavy drugs before), but I am well into the worst part of the comedown and I'm still feeling good. The stuff makes you open up so much, if your anything like me I think it's an valid option, could help you trust people again. Obvs the effects only last for while your on it, but if you use the chance to clear the air with the people you feel that you've pushed away or just can't trust, they'll still remember in the morning even if your memories gone.

I'm ruining my relationship with my insecurities.

Even now I feel like you want to leave me. Why won't you answer when I send serious texts? This is only gonna get worse when I move out next month isn't it. We'll talk even less. I can't tell if our relationship is dying or if it's in my head. You're not saying anything to reassure me. It's just me telling you how bad I want this to work and you saying "me too"...

Are you trying to get me to leave you because you think it'd hurt more if you did it? I'm so confused I feel like I'm going crazy. I love you more than you love me and it's obvious and I hate that. Why does this hurt so much. A part of me wishes you'd breakup with me so I can move away and have piece of mind. I don't think you see forever with me, because you've never said it back.

>>18182288
Your post feels like Drake lyrics and I couldn't help hearing the words as if sung by him in my head

>>18182269
Forgot my confession, I feel much the same as the guy I replied to a lot of the time. I isolated myself from my group of mate a year ago, trying to quit drugs for good by getting out of the environment. As I said last post, made amends over last two weekends, but feel that going back I'll be making the same mistakes again and I'll end up in the endless cycle of going back to them, taking drugs with them (weed for the vast majority, was a major problem for me for a long time). But I also think if I don't go back, I'll never escape the stay at home all weekend and only leave the house to go work ritual.

Hoping for some advice on what I should prioritise getting over the social anxiety and lack of trust for anyone by going back to the people I still blame for my drug use, or just keep clear of the environment entirely and get proper control over how much I smoke before I start getting my social life back together?

I do get that it was my own choice but peer pressure makes it seem like a fault of theirs deep in my paranoia. For context, btw, weed was only real problem drug for me, I played around with MD and a few others at parties but never became dependant. Over last year I've failed to quit entirely, but have managed to quit for several month periods at a time, last one being the eight week period before Christmas. On a planned relapse last couple of weekends, was just trying to tie up loose ends but felt welcomed back when I reached out and I need to hear an unbiased outsiders perspective on whether I should stop going back to the friends who represent the druggy lifestyle in my mind, or if I should try and make a clean break again and struggle with the loneliness until I find new people who can deal with my occasional isolationist periods.

I'm going to meet one of them tomorrow to catch up, going to have slept and my system will be clear of drugs by then, I just want an opinion on whether I should be going for closure or to try and make up properly.

Good job ego, if you had stfu and let me go talk to that woman with the beautiful blue eyes instead of putting crap in my head to force me to not do it maybe i would have had her number by now, maybe we would have become a couple, gotten married and had children, even if she rejected mei would have felt good for doing it and she would have been happy that someone approached her, now instead she feels lonely and goes through the same daily motion of watching a movie, masturbating and going to bed, the result of you blocking me is fucking HER and YOURSELF over, and now everyone on /adv/ can read this and laugh at you too like i do, IDIOT.

sometimes i get so sad because i think of you. I REALLY hate you, though at the same time i can't get peace of the fact that i miss you.

I know i don't miss the "you" you became,
I miss the past you. The nice person who was always open for adventure and fun stuff. Eventually your mask fell off and i got to see what you really looked like,


I'm glad you live your life now like you wanted to. I'm glad i can see you change from time to time.
#mindofacrazyperson

I'm also ruining my amazing relationship with my own insecurities. And drinking to mask emotions, Which makes me crazy, which makes me say things to ruin my relationship. I'm also a new stepmother type figure and it's not fucking easy when u don't have kids of your own.
I gotta get my shit together

Despite being polite and good to others,i feel dead inside and sometimes want to snap somebody's neck
I'm not a good person and i must've fucked up badly in past life,because i'm still paying for my sins by living in solitude,forgotten by everyone
I never asked for being brought up into this world

Do you remember our conversation years ago while you were still in? The one where you shared with me people's hatred towards you fueled you and that you would intentionally go out of your way to do things to make people hate you?

Now I can comprehend how you felt at that time. I resonate with that feeling in this moment.

As a woman, I feel the need to be a good, upstanding person with morals and high standards for myself and others. At several points in time, I classified myself as a conservative which we both know is/was bullshit. I enjoy showing off what I did to my body, something we enjoyed together. I felt like hiding myself was useless to the point where I got a tattoo to portray how I feel about myself and to others, I care about.

Many points in time I convinced myself I felt love but I don't believe that's true. Love must be a choice and not a feeling; one chooses to fall in love and to fall out of love. Having a familiar companion to go to when you're done being alone, do romantic activities with, to sleep with is much better than "loving" someone where expectations are made for you. I finally get it now. I'm still learning and adapting. Maybe one day we can meet by the sea but I still don't trust you fully. There are many things I have planned before I even approach you with that thought. For now, it's best if we don't speak and remain to have complete and utter disdain for one another because I feel like I'd go off in a psychotic rage if I see you anytime soon. This summer I plan on branching out and exploring my sexuality more and I can't have you fucking that up for me.

I will be back there. They're all in my sight. I will show you all how wrong you all were.

the way you made me feel. The person that I have become. The pain that I feel. I WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU.

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>>18182568
But I will furiously beat my meat thinking about you.

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>>18182568
did she play you like a DAMN FIDDLE?

>>18182582
kek

Sure

>>18182181
IT'S IN THE SAUCE, MAN!
I REPEAT, IT'S IN THE SAUCE!

>>18182485
You disgust me as a human.

>>18182605
You disgust me as a human, too.

>>18182619
My dream is that one day degenerates like you will be cut off from society and be forced to live in the sewers where you belong.

>>18182652
When in reality it's people like you that will be forced into sewers.

>>18182078
Woah... Your delusions would win an award as the master of fucking drama, weren't you also alien? I cannot believe all this is just because mr. I have to be the Centre of the fucking world cannot accept that he is a fucking dick and refuses to take responsibility of his actions and would die before not making an epic drama in order to use it as a reason to blame everybody else rather than taking it as an adult and dea with it. In the other hand, if you really have a mental disease whynobody has done anything? You know why? Maybe because you are or just trolling nd behaving differently here or you made everybody that knows you well so tired of your shit that they prefer not to deail with it anynore. In both cases... You need help and a board like this is not gonna help you having several trolls feeding your delusions. If you really want to know what the hell is happening maybe you should consider that maybe being a little humble and accepting you are not a special butterfly would be a massive step.
Honestly I am tired of your fucking shit, I do have mental illnesses myself but even with the struggles I keep fighting for me and by accepting that the consequences of my decisions are just mine to carry.
Anyway, good luck

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>>18182605
>>18182619
can you two keep it down here?Trying to feel bad for myself here

>>18182145
He is not, he has been saturating this place with imaginary adventures and making people just pissed with his ridiculous posts

Confessing never gets anything off my chest, but here it goes.

>Consistently sleep around with women whether I'm in a relationship or not
>I set up fake profiles to match with hot superficial women. My body can pull off the face that I'm using so I snap chat successfully and drop off the face of the earth until they forget how I look then start flirting again and show my real face. Usually they are oblivious
>Completely am doing it to a co-worker of mine although I'm just doing it to get nudes

>>18182671
Yea, sorry about that, mate. Feel better soon.

>>18182660
>fiscally responsible and a fire of ambition
>good morals
>meaningful life

tell me more about how I am the one being forced into the sewers

>>18182685
0/10 bait.

If your life was meaningful you wouldn't be here.

>>18182696
There's no point for me to counter that. Good luck on making yourself miserable for the rest of your life.

every cut guy I have dated is an asshole

every uncut guy I have dated has been blissful and when it didn't work out it was always civil and nice

Probably no correlation but I can't help but think there is

>>18182803
you should probably try them all before drawing conclusions

you don't make any fucking sense to me

>>18182857
Join the club.

I wish I lived for myself and not have been motivated by getting my family's approval.

Now I work in retail with massive amounts of student debt and two useless degrees. Didn't make any one proud and my family turned their backs on me anyway.

Fuck, I want to LIVE. I want to go find an isolated place to stay and do what the fuck I want for the first time in my 30 year existence.

I hope it's not too late.

>>18180575
Holy shit same. Except I'm not attractive but girls love me because I'm hilarious.

>>18180611
You need to get yourself a long term objective. It can be anything, such as accumulating knowledge or just straight up building a great relationship with some woman you found worth it. Then you can worry about kids. Its better than forcing shit with a desperate 30 years old woman because you feel the need to have a child.

>>18180658
Just don't come to England

>>18180788
Oh fuck off you packi. Not all white people think that. Grow the fuck up

>>18180627
Talk to her.
Do it you fuck. DO IT.
Be smooth, I believe in your ass.

I've been lurking since friday doing nothing while the girl I like and have a lot of contact with is getting wasted on Tequila. The bitch seems to like me too. She even commented how much she wanted to get drunk on thursday. If I had actual nuts and confessed, she'd probably ask me to go and I could get something done. But now I'm here, thinking of how to comment about that tomorrow without sounding too creepy.

Don't be an overthinker anon. It hurts. Sucessfull people do shit. Do shit too.

Why can't you just show affection normally?
I feel like I've made such progress with you. We've gotten so close.
Sometimes I feel like you're leading me into asking you out, but I'm too oblivious to get it. Or maybe it was all a coincidence and you pondering about your future boyfriends' name wasn't a lead for me to say my own as a joke.
I mean, why don't you hit me up on social media? I know you don't really do that but why disappear on the weekend and spend the whole middle and start being cute to me? The worst is. You're not even cute in the right way! You don't make physical contact with the guy who's literally trying his best to be BF material but you hug this other nigga who you've known for a long time just because of that? Do I have to wait a little bit? Maybe be more obvious? I feel like even though we talk about real deep meaningful stuff, asking you out would be way too much ''assuming''. So far you've only got far that one time where you trolled the shit out of me in that 4 people conversation.
Be more welcoming for fucks sake. Hug me voluntarily again like you did that day please. I've even meme'd about it. It's all I need to grow balls and ask you out. Can you do it?

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I'm terrified that I will date a girl and realize that I was just lonely and don't actually want to be with her. I hate breaking people's hearts.

I'm terrified of being too ambitious and never feeling satisfied.

I wish I had friends, but I'm extremely closed off and private and I just can't seem to connect with anyone.

I hate how I assume girls like me when they pay attention to me. No matter how much I try to talk myself down, there's always this part of me that thinks "Well if she is paying attention to me, she must like me!" and feel inevitable disappointed when she doesn't actually like me romantically.

I read somewhere that Astrophysicists don't have good job opportunities in astrophysics and almost always get a job in some unrelated field in some company.

>>18183034
Pengu and panda!

Sorry about your issues and meme degree homie

>>18180826
People who get too nervous need to either medicate their asses to oblivion or find a shrink. Seriously, its no big deal, I'm smart as fuck and literally failed the year because I take things way too slowly, literally only trying to study the last second. If someone with as little study time as me can take a test without being nervous, your hard-working ass is basically obligated to ace that shit scot-free.

i tried to kill myself last year and nobody ever found out

>>18183034
I'm on the same boat. Have been hunting puss since I was 16, actually scored a few times, but made sure my overthinking stayed on my own mind, never telling the girl how I wanted to build a solid beautiful relationship with her. Cut ties really quickly.

The good thing is, I got really into bettering myself, specially my own mind. Which is where I think your ambition should go. Someone eventually will like you for your behaviour and who you are deep down. That alone will give you a great reason to love someone. At least for me is whats happening.

If all fails and you end up in that unrelated job you can always force yourself into getting something more applicable. I'm currently trying to get a languages degree because I'm a knowledge hunting fuck and this girl I like is pushing me through. I just hope she won't have a sudden realization moment and cut ties like I did with all my past girlfriends.

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>>18183042
I love Shirokuma Cafe so much
>Sorry about your issues and meme degree homie
I'm sure I'll make it! Thank you.

>>18182878
You are never to old to live for yourself, find out what you want to do and go for it no matter what tries to stop you.

>>18182352
If she's pretty she has guys approaching her all the time. You're not fucking her over at all.

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I really fucking hope you didn't mistake my People's Cube pin for some actual Jewish event souvenir. I have no idea why you'd want to date a gentile, because I wouldn't fit in with your family whatsoever long-term.
>not the first time this has happened
>I should probably stop dying my hair darker than it actually is
>I'm probably going to need a rhinoplasty
Fuck.

>>18180553
For at least a year I've been becoming increasingly lonely and depressed and drifting away from everyone, and frequently have suicidal thoughts. I thought it would be strange i died before my cat who I've had since elementary school and was pretty much the last part of me that has remained since childhood. And even if I drifted away from everyone else I always had my kitty. But now he died a few years earlier than expected and it feels like I have lost my "anchor" in the world

where I work, I got a new colleague. The boss asked me if he was a good lad, because he knew I am acquainted to him. So I put in a good word and the guy got the job.
A few months in, he asks for some extra days because he has some extra expenses. The boss calls me and says to me about the situation. My work week gets shorter. Which was fine by me since the pay is ridiculously small, so why not at least have some free time, right?
Fast forward to these days, three months in "extra expenses". I had a financial emergency myself, so I asked him if he could give a day or two in the next few weeks so I could make up.
Keep in mind that not only does he work more days than me, he also gets paid more for a day's worth of work than me, which is something I swallowed.
And he denied. The boss does not support me at all in this and says I have a fixation. I confronted everybody at the place and the guy looked straight at me and said "give it a rest".

>>18181154
Keep moving on anon. Maybe you'll even find somebody. If you take it one day after the other and keep trying to be your best, it'll pay off. It always does.

>>18182485
>As a woman, I feel the need to be a good, upstanding person with morals and high standards for myself and others.

why the fuck you lyin'

Seriously, I've yet to testify a man who actually gives a shit about becoming a great person like an old samurai or whatever. Imagine a woman.

>>18183090
>People's Cube
the fascist's the onion people's cube?

>>18180611
You want to make the difference? Do it. But you can't just want to do it, you must do it, step by step, and if it worth it, it'd probably be hard,but that's not an excuse not to do it, that's even a better reason to start doing it. You can't just sit there and complain, you must get up and move

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Broke up with my gf about 3 months ago, decided to get on Tinder, plenty of matches but also plenty of flakes and boring women, and PLENTY of single moms.

Fuck.

Also I used a prowler for the first time, good form of short, intense cardio.

>>18183056
How are you now? Would you attempt it again?

>>18180627
You like to talk to her? Keep talking to her. But stop thinking every sign means she wants to get laid with you. By having a more "solid" conversation she will have the opportunity to show you if she likes you back

I'm a 26 year old virgin and everyone says that I should be depressed by this... but I'm not? I've been told by freind that I should get therepy for this but I don't see why - I'm just not interested. Is that really worth seeing a therapist about?

>>18180652
Check the pros and cons, and go for your choice. If you think too much you will always think: fuck maybe I should have/haven't done it. But my opinion is that you are who you are, it doesn't matter if you have penis instead of vagina, or if you have just one arm. I think I cannot feel what you feel, but, anyway, it's an opinion.

People will probably like you for what you look like, but they will love you for who you are.

>>18183223
It depends, your friend might be foreshadowing your self-pity once you reach a certain age. At least thats what happens to most 3 decade virgins. They melt down when they realize not hunting made them into unfit no-reason-to-keep-going slobs.

If you're completely detached of sexuality and got other objectives though, enjoy your self pleasuring life!

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Today is my 26th birthday. I've spent all day today, all yesterday, and the day before that, studying for a course I've failed 3 times already. College Algebra. Not failed because of inability, but because of laziness, because of poor health knocking me out of a class for a month, and because when I got behind, I freaked out and hid from it.

This is the fourth time I've taken college algebra, and today is my 26th birthday.

I don't normally celebrate my birthday - the most birthday celebration I get is a beer and a bunch of notifications on facebook. While I don't celebrate my birthday and play it off to not be a big deal, I secretly wish one of my friends would organize something behind my back, and throw a surprise party for me.

I miss my friends. I miss human interaction with people my age. I wish I still had my health. I wish I wasn't so scared of failure as to shy away from it and not realize my potential. I wish I didn't need drugs to keep my brain on something of a straight and narrow. I wish my parents had gotten married, and not separated after I was born.

I'd also had the hope that my ex of a year and change now would send me a text, happy birthday, or something, since I sent her one on hers, to which she replied and seemed okay with the text. Probably a bit much to ask, but whatever.


I miss human interaction.

>>18180652
Honestly, I would try and identify as a boy, maybe that's impossible, I'm not trans, I don't know, but I know this with certainty, it's impossible for a man to become a woman, and subconsciously you'll know that you're not the real deal.

If trying to be a girl is your only option than go for it, but know you'll only ever be an imitation and that's the truth, and a lot of people will be able to see through it. I'm not trying to be mean, that really is the truth.

my mom and dad both decided to stop talking to me this past year all because of money. My dad was pissed I needed 8k to continue on with school. My mom stole 1k from my tax refund out of our joint account and when I asked for it back she didn't respond and stopped talking to me completely after that.


God I wish I wasn't dependent on either of them and could afford to cut them off completely but once school is out ill need a place to stay again so I guess this is how things are until I graduate...


also really annoyed that /adv/ won't work properly on google chrome

>>18183207
fuck man, I want to move where you live. Did you have sex with that one?

Long story short, I started a business in a third world country.

The business is still hemorrhaging money. There's no chance of TFW GF out here thanks to the religion of peas.

The few friends I've kept think I'm some big baller because I have a better job title than them and some responsibility at work, meanwhile they're just glorified interns blowing half their salaries on big city rent.

It's been so long since I've had a girlfriend. I haven't been on a normal IRL date for 8.5 years. My last proper GF was 6.5 years ago. I don't have any siblings, my mother is dead. I can barely remember what it's like to feel loved.

The stress of the business was killing me. I ended up drinking a lot but I swapped that out for safer things.

I'm more stable but the business isn't. I may have to fire 25 people in a few months. I have no idea what I'd do if the business failed. I've already started another business but it's not going anywhere either.

I'm so tired of being emotionally attached/dependent in this guy. I don't know why it's so important to me to make him laugh and share that playfulness. I guess it comes down to feeling close and comfortable with him and feeling it's mutual. But the thing I don't even consider us friends, we're in this weird position where I work for him.

It's exhausting because he doesn't really return it. But I don't know how to fucking stop

>>18181774
Do I know you?

>>18183317
Why are you so into being your own pedestal?
You should chill with trying to fill too much in your mouth and enjoy the little things in life. Maintain the business running as much as possible and make smart decisions so you don't have to keep restarting. Otherwise it'll all fall down and you'll have nobody to blame but yourself.

Also, try to get a functional relationship somewhere (not work coz you're the boss and that never works out) and go from there.

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>>18183191
The ironic commie shitposting site, yes.

>>18183318

It seems like you like him, try to get closer, if it all fails at least you will have settled it with yourself and all of this doubt will go away with some heartbreak to replace it.
Eventually he'll realize you like him and cut ties/show mutuality.

>>18183288
Disable adblock. This is the only board, it seems, that actually generates a connection error when trying to post with it on.

I'm morbidly depressed and emotionally unstable. Parents always laugh whenever I've told them something serious so I don't like going to them, ever. I've tried to kill myself 3 times before I went to talk to them and now that I am they won't listen. I asked for professional help but all I got was "You don't eat, sleep, or excercise enough. It's your fault. You just have to get out more and start sleeping, eating, and excercising more." Do I not have the energy, even when I do eat, because I'm depressed or am I depressed because I don't do these things? I just want to be happy but I can't even feel that anymore

I'm not a happy person with you, although I love you so much. I will never leave you.

>>18183354
What country do you live in? Medical professionals generally take it seriously if you say you're suicidal in the UK, may be different in other countries though

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A bit of a good confession.
I have anxiety issues, and when things get out of hand with other people involved, my anxiety skyrockets.
Anyway, I've been working on my anxiety really hard the past year and I've made monumental progress. I just heard about how my uncle's drunken and estranged wife went and visited my grandma (my grandpa wasn't there at the time). Things got out of hand, and my grandma had to call the police. Just thinking about the situation makes me really anxious.
Then, I thought, "Well, maybe I actually CAN handle a situation like that like a normal person" and my anxiety disappeared. Something like that is very, very rare for me. If I may be a bit cheesy, I feel like I "slayed a demon".
I feel pretty happy right now. Life is good.

I live in the US

>>18183346
Only way to cut ties is for him to fire me or me to quit. I think that would make it bigger than it needs to be, not the direction I want to go if I can avoid it.

You reckon that's my only option?

>>18183390
don't stress

just fight

your voice matters

>>18183354
your parents sound like literal, actual Criminals if you have made attempts on your life and they laugh it off, absolutely seek regular professional CBT (there are always affordable or sliding scale options if you explain your situation). this is fucked, please recognize that from an outside perspective, your situation is dangerous and you should find support tonight. hang in there X

>>18183384
:)
meditation helped me to keep my anxiety far away 99% of the time, and that 1% is completely manageable now.

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>>18183354
>Parents always laugh whenever I've told them something serious so I don't like going to them, ever
i fel i can relate to this in a way
my parents have infantilized me my entire life (comments like "bless your heart" when i'm telling them about how anxiety is fucking me over) and have been emotionally unavailable at key points in my life, and it made me only ever feel crippling shame for who I am as a person
for example i can have a great night out and as soon as i get home i'll pull myself into a downwards spiral - why did no girls hit on me, i must have been dancing so stupidly, nobody there really liked me
it's an insidious thing because my parents totally financially support and so it's easy to assume i have a better-than-average life, but my childhood was full of events where it felt like i was emotionally kicked to the ground, and not a single moment that i can take pride in
i'm essentially looking to unwind 18 years of learned helplessness

>>18180560

Would you consider posting your most recent draft of the letter?

>>18180572

Tell the doctor you're attracted to children and don't want to be.

>>18180637
make that three

i just want to be alone forever

rejecting people is emotionally exhausting

>>18183412
Shit. Then sadly your only option is to suck it up and stop living for him, considering youre not even passionate for him yet. Boss and employee relationships almost always end up badly.
Try to remember yourself that he doesnt appreciate the extra stuff you do, that should be enough reason for you not to do it.

I've considered myself straight for nearly all my life but recently I've been jacking it to the thought of sucking someone's cock.

>>18183181
just venting man, relax.

>>18183483
Do you think there's something wrong with this?

>>18183465
I've tried this because I am a pedophile, that's why I want the castration

It didn't work. The medical professionals I've told basically said I can't get the drugs until I actually abuse a child.

I honestly am scared that I may end up falling for her. We've spoken for hours friday night just about Politics and our views. And basically Agreed 95%.

The only reason about why I'm concerned is that she lives across the country

>>18183518

Holy shit that's fucked up - and worse, you'd have to out yourself to openly lobby for it.

>>18183507
Not really, just venting to people who probably don't care.

I'm fucking a dude I'm physically repulsed by because my self esteem is so low I don't feel like I have any right to reject him and beggars can't be choosers.
But he really is a good person, so it just makes me feel worse. On one hand I feel like it would be insulting to him to be rejected by such an ugly disgusting person such as myself, and on the other I feel like it would be insulting to him knowing I'm fucking him despite not wanting to.

I just wish that things would go my way, just once. If I wasn't religious and my mom and brother weren't around, I would've offed myself long ago. I'm so damn worthless. I have no skills, no friends, no confidence, I'm in a shit major, my dad hates me and my mom thinks I'm a total failure, I'm bad at writing, and even my therapist thinks I'm pathetic. The only thing good about me is that professors like me, but only because I work hard and show up. I ruined my parent's life and their marriage just by being born, me being an ugly, friendless loser was just icing on the cake.

>Back when I was 13 or smth
>Class called me a fag and bullied for being feminine
>God I hated my girly outlook and wished to be manly
>21 now and hormones did their job
>just a regular uninteresting guy, only little shy and introverted
>hate my beard and wish to be a cute femboy
Fuck irony

i'm so insecure that the very few chances i've ever had with girls i completely threw away because i was so paranoid that other people would think she was ugly or a slut and that it would make me pathetic for "stooping to their level"

so that's how much of a pathetic loser i am

>>18183626
You weren't paranoid of other's thinking that, it was YOU thinking that all along

Trust your gut

>>18182078
Didn't you get banned? They actually deleted all these threads because of stuff like this

I need help. I should be happy now, but I'm so so sad.

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Have you ever had a song that you can relate to? In my case, it's two. Girl from the North Country and Boots of Spanish Leather, both are by Bob Dylan. In each song, the protagonist is speaking of a lover they have/had that is in/going to a foreign country. It's what I'm dealing with right now.

Boots: https://g.co/kgs/fKZWFS
North Country: https://youtu.be/IJCmgKRszYM

>be me
>in Literature class
>first day of semester
>get put into new groups and shit
>get paired up with girl from Europe and some Mexican chick
>Mexican hardly talks, so it's mainly European girl and I
>Her and I talk now and again but don't talk outside of class
>fast forward 2 months
>girl from art history class invites me to her birthday party
>I accept and walk there
>was about a half an hour walk
>freezing cold & windy as hell
>by the time I got there I couldn't feel my face
>around 9:30pm
>walk in, socialize with the group
>European girl from literature class is there
>we talk, make jokes, etc
>having a great time
>around 12:40am at this point
>we talked for 3 hours without stopping
>I walk home, message her on FB for a bit
>over the next few months, my life is completely changed
>grandparents disown me, find out my two best friends are talking shit about me constantly, get fired.
>European girl becomes the only person I enjoy talking to
>we still make jokes
>she brings me chocolates from her country
>I fall madly in love with her
>one day talking to her, find out she's going home in May
>everything falls apart again

The girl I love will be almost on the other side of the earth in a month. I will never see her again after that. I'll be alone once more. There's no hope for me, is there? Once she leaves I really will have lost it all. /adv/ what do I do? How do you get over this kind of shit?

I love being ignored until YOURE bored. And i know you lied about where you were last night. Giving you an opportunity to confess and then im done. Just not worth it any more. Im not happy. Youre kind of gross too. Laziness does that

I'm not sure if my period finally started, or if I hurt myself shoving a toothbrush in me too hard. It feels like my period but it keeps stopping and starting and there isn't near as much blood as usual.

What's the point of just being friends?
Am I just supposed to snap my fingers and suddenly not want to be with you?

I don't know where i'm going

What makes me happy seems unattainable and i don't even know if it would make me happy if i get it

I don't know where i'm going, i'm just drifting and it's not pleasant.

I'm on a very dangerous spiral in my life. Despite having a university degree, full time job, place of my own, saving for a car, friends, etc., I'm not happy. I'm sitting here high off cocaine working on my reports for work. I know that I don't need it. But it fills this deep empty hole within me. I can forget about my ex girlfriend. Even then, I know this won't last that long. Like everything it'll just fade and then I'll be chasing something else to make me happy. I just want to be happy.

I mean, compared to other people my age I have it good. And I know that, but I want to be the best. I want to be the one who makes it. I want to be rich and be successful, or at least appear to be. Everyone think so, but they don't know that I do cocaine just to get that edge over everyone.

I feel bad because I have a double life. I love my family and friends, but they don't know this side of me. I can't really connect with anyone, and when I try I'm disappointed. So I withdraw into my career. I constantly feel like I'm trying to prove something to everyone. It never feels like enough. I have so many aspirations and goals and I know I'll do a lot with my life, but I just know that snorting lines to get by will eventually catch up to me.

Fuck.

>>18180883
Holy shit, this hits home. I know exactly what you feel. I felt this exact feeling once, in a dream. I don't even remember the dream anymore, but I remember that there was a girl, and that with her, I was literally the happiest I've ever been. If I could, I would've spent an eternity in that dream.

Then I woke up. I still think about it, to this day, and hope that one day I can experience this feeling again.

I am so ashamed of the porn I fap to that I hide it behind a lless hidden folder with vanilla porn.

I am also deathly afraid of sex and it has ruined my relationship with my best friend

It's nearly 2 and I can't fucking sleep. Every key stroke is so fucking loud. I don't want to wake her up. I don't know why I put so much effort into my studies. I'm an honor roll student who doesn't want to go to college. Fuck.

I've been saying I'm over my ex as of late (broke up a few months ago). Been fuckin plenty of fine bitches, but last night before bed I was laying awake and thought "What are 3 memories that I could re-live forever, and never get sick of?" and all 3 of them were with my ex, when we went to Paris together last summer. I'm assuming this means I'm not over her? Or does it just mean I simply cherish the memories? I don't fuckin know man. I've been happy lately until I thought that shit last night

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>>18180883
>>18184030
pic related.

>>18181039
you have dehumanized yourself, now face to violence.

>>18181141
team up with me, for 50k a year I'll bust your ass into being a capable machine and break your alcoholism. then we go into business together doing motivational speaking seminars for similarly rich but problem addled people. we'll make millions.

>>18183090
jew attracted to someone wearing a commie pin. whodathunkit.

>>18183181
firstly, there are no women on the internet.
secondly, I wish i were half the man the ancient high warrior kings of my ancestry were.

I had a dream some days back of kissing someone I barely knew. It wasn't my first kiss, but it's the first kiss I had in a while and it was someone who was probably OLDER than me. Odd, considering I'm older than the supposed average user.

I just desire companionship so much, I just want to forget how shitty my own mother was to me. Kind of the opposite of my dad, who married HAPPILY after his divorce with my mom.

I need liberation

>>18183770
Why should you be happy?

I don't know if we ever talk again after this breakup if I should bring up that I found out that your ex is a coach at your gym. I feel like that's something you should've divulged in the first place. That's more than just phone contact. That's everyday contact. I don't want to be the paranoid bf, and I want to be the paranoid ex even less.

>>18183564
Lmao. Is that really the best you can do?

Fuck why do she have to be so cute and flirty. I met a chick a few months ago and she's easily a 10/10, yet she's a complete nerd. I always enjoy hanging out with her but she friend zoned me hard and I'm ok with it, she's actually a really good friend. But she sends so many mixed signals to me. It's starting to drive me insane.

>>18182663
it's not working.

I'm currently amazed by how much time you guys put into trying to fuck with me... right after making me aware of this bullshit.

Do you guys sit around giggling to one another with how clever and totally "got him good" nonsense? It's just confusing.

This has to be a lesson. A "There will be many doubters, many people that don't want you to succeed, many will not believe you, don't let them kill your vibe, break your stride."

Oh they won't.

I'm a force of nature.

>>18184392
The thing is that no one that is a nice person is fucking with you. Trolls are, you are deciding that actual help is nothing but bullshit. Keep being a fucking drama queen! Go on! You are at that special point where it is just impossible to reach you, and honestly believe whatever nonsense you fucking want. It is way better than accepting the fact that you have no balls to be an adult and grow from your mistakes. Go on whatever family member you are fron hitler, alien hibrid, hermaphrodite (so far my favorite hahahaha), saying you want to be a pretty princess but talking trash about women and being a total dick, that your ex have miscarriages, is a slut, STD'S and probably a child, that she keeps fucking every male in the world at any second, what else... Ah...CIA and epic conspirancies surrounding you and planting whole cities full of actors (my second favorite btw), what else I am missing.... What new stuff is coming? Ah... You are god! Man... Seriously write a fucking novel and be fucking rich, that way people will pay to read your stupidity and you will be able to make a living.
Go get inspired,we will be waiting for the next chapter of the novel. My popcorn is more than ready.

I exclusively date and go out with virgins, i have turned down women who really wanted me simply because they have fucked someone before. There isnt much that can change my mind either, the thought of a girl screwing someone else before me makes me feel like a total cuck.

>>18180553
My girlfriend doesn't compliment me anymore. She makes me feel so invisible...

>>18184572
>talking trash about women
huh?
>and being a total dick,
huh?
>that your ex have miscarriages,
what?
>is a slut
heh?
>STD'S
She literally told me last we talked she had some...
>and probably a child
What?

What the fuck are you even talking about?

>>18184610
Ah! The I don't remember phase! Dude... Being serious and concerned about you, go seek for help, talk to someone close to you or a doctor if you can. I might sound as a dick, but it is litterally the only way you hear by now. People that cares for you are there waiting for you to reach for help.
Being in a place lije this not only make strangers pick on you but you expose yourself to be bullied. Be safe and take care of yourself.

>>18184619
No, those things never happened. Now you're just making shit up.

If you could tell me one time I ever talked trash about women I would love to see it.
"and probably a child" doesn't even make sense... she was 30 years old ya dumb fuck.

What I need is for you guys to stop being cunts and tell me what the fuck is going on. No amount of... whatever this is, is going to stop me. It's not going to get me off the board or to stop posting. It's literally the only way I have to communicate with you dumb fucks and I'm just waiting for answers.

>>18184619
You see, this... whatever it is relies on me being worried about what people think of me.

I don't... I don't give two fucks what people think of me. I don't feel shame, or worry that some random faggot thinks I'm "crazy"...

Because in the end I know what I know, I have seen what I have seen and I'm sure of myself. There is literally nothing you can do to silence me or make me doubt myself. You could come to my fucking house, point a gun in my head and the only response you will get is "Pull the trigger faggot."

>>18184625
Do as you wish... It is your safe space I guess. Btw, she is a beautiful human being and people admire her for that, she works hard and is not afraid to say what she thinks. And maybe trashing her name for the world to see was one of those times. You were hurt, I get it, but it is now acceptable to bully the person you were supposed to love as much as you said.
Anyway, keep posting all you want then. I will completely block you from now on and will never attempt to talk to you anymore, it is plain useless. As a last advice, take it or trash it, you decide... Please seek for some kind environment where they can help you, keep doing your amazing work and get better. You deserve happiness but not at the cost of others. Peace and I'm out.

>>18184640
The best part?

I have never, ever ONCE said anything about being an alien hybrid. I have, however, seen a thread over at r9k of someone saying >tfw you will never been an immortal being with trillions of alien-human hybrids that will do whatever you say.

Way to prove you're full of shit and in on this bullshit.

>>18184631
Btw... This is the most stupid response ever... Who the hell would like that? I am sad for you and hope you get better.

>>18184644
>>18184640
aka,

SUCK MY DICKKKKKKKK
I'm a shark.

I've spent the last year caring about a dumb slut. Now I'm alone again and realize how badly I want to die.

Both of you are shadows of your former selves and have turned into huge faggots. You turned from the realest people I know into fucking paper-face degenerates. You will look back on these times and be disappointed.

>>18184647
I appreciate your kind gesture... But I will be happier to drink a beer for you and cheer for your peace of mind. Bye

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>>18180575
This fucking feel right here.

>Have only ever been in one relationship of any kind.
>Four years of hell with a manipulative sociopath who I only stayed with because he kept threatening to kill himself if I left.
>Finally get rid of him this New Years.
>Have had a huge crush on a friend for about two years during this time, since we met.
>Decide to just go along for the ride and do what makes me happy for once without worrying about anyone else.
>Spontaneously start a 'thing' with him. We both just really want to bang eachother but don't know if we like eachother seriously enough to start anything, so are keeping it on the down-low.
>Now my other friend (and housemate of the guy I'm sleeping with) has fallen for me.
>This guy is honestly the sweetest, purest person I have ever met in my entire life. Unbroken by the world.
>Keeps trying to ask me out and I'm just gently sweeping it to the side, trying not to hurt him.
>Honestly, I really like him too and would go for it if I hadn't already started something - Still don't know if he actually likes me or is just in it for the banging.

I'm getting ready to just call it off and gently reject both of them, because I just do not have it in me to hurt either of them.

I have no idea how to handle this situation whatsoever.

>>18184661
:(

I enjoy talking to you so much. You've come to mean a lot to me. I wish you lived closer.

I really have to pee, but if I go to pee, it'd be a waste to not brush my teeth while I'm at it. The thing is, I'm not sure if I want to eat another bun first, and I still have some of my drink left. I have to wait for the drink to melt a bit, and I don't want to have to get up to go to the bathroom like 3 times.

Why does life have to be so difficult?

I have a very ugly face.
It bothers me, life sucks, I tried all that shit working out being interesting but it doesnt matter if your face is just ugly. just how it is
And even worse, people will lie about it. They will say it doesnt matter. Repeatedly. But it does. Try datingsites, talk to girls and eventually when you show them a picture they lose all interest or ignore you. "just a bad angle bro xd" stop fucking lying.
Beauty is everything. People are very visual based creatures.
and then whats left for you? Dating other uglies and pretending that they are what you wanted? Struggling to keep a relationship with an ugly whale who would cheat with a chad if given the chance 9/10 times?

Eugenics shouldve been a thing a long time ago. Nobody wants to suffer from birth due to poor genetics.
Yes there are exceptions, but theyre rare and usually require luck in other areas.
Its just all shit.

Kinda hard feeling joyful in anticipation of talking to you, when the only thing you're talking about is how bad you feel and how hard you have it and how I should be out of my skin to help you 24/7

I almost gave you a chance, until you showed me how much of a pothead you are. Stop texting me about how poor & jobless you are when you also tell me about how much weed you scored.

>>18180895
>this much projection

remember when sweat and tears used to mean working hard?

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Motivation and willpower are completely foreign terms to me at this point, and with it, so is self improvement. Video games and intoxication are good daily distractions but it's getting harder to tell myself I'm content by the day.

>>18184905
Real life is the best RPG of all.

I don't like being around you because you insist on hiding so much. It's easy to tell, you always were a terrible liar.

I wanna spend time with you, but for some reason I'm not doing anything about that, it's been almost a month since we saw each other and I suggested we hang out and then nothing. Instead I message girls I have no interest in apart from their bodies, even though I myself know that's not enough to get me going. I still wanna watch at least one of my favorite movies with you, still deciding between paths of glory and ghost in the shell.

You know, there are times I start to think "Maybe it is in my head..." but then I remember all the batshit insane things that have been happening.

Like the time I was in the ER where all the nurses were my female friends.

Like the time I was taking medication named after fucking pokemon. Even more, when you told me the name of one of the meds, when I said "Wait... isn't that a pokemon?" I heard someone say "haha that's exactly what she said."

Like that time It was pretty much proven to me that I was in the women's ward when you guys gave me frilly panties. The second I noticed I heard someone go "Oh shit, read him the list."

That time when I PUT ON the panties I heard someone say "Oh my god that's adorable."

Like the time my "psychiatrist" name was chapman... like, tracey chapman mine and R song

The time when I met the SAME guy his name was then "Hunningan" refto RE4.

That time it was confirmed that R EX was Elliot Rogers, and that "totally a psychiatrist" said "Think about that."

The SECOND I woke up there I heard one of the "patients" say something that alerted me to the fakeness of the whole thing. I wasn't fooled for a fucking moment. I knew the entire time "Holy shit this is setup to study me." and I spent that entire time studying those around me. I would test them to see if they were real and they failed miserably every time. I could tell every little test or trial that you guys were waiting to see how I would react. From the different races, from how the tiny girl would react standing next time, by the placement of tablets and where I would sit, from the different ethnicities and cultures of the foods, from the conversations they had around me. (Like, is it woman or man. "Drugs are bad, mmk". I have a lot of thoughts so the docs thought I was schizo!", from the content you had on the TV (like gone girl), how the black people responded to "Michele isn't as pretty". the conversations others on the phone "Did you ask him about the star?"

>>18185004
That list could go on forever...

I never gamed the system, I never lied about how I would actually respond. I know who I am and who I am is a good person. I totally don't care how you all judge me.

What I wanted the entire time was the truth. To know why this is happening. To know why you're fucking with me.

I'm clever, I'm quick. I'm strategic. Fuck, you know where I come from. A good man he was nottttt but a clever man... by far a genius.

I can see the game now, I could manipulate it but god... I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired.

Free me.
Please.

>>18184582
This is insane. Just insane. I'm sorry but this is some totally abnormal shit.

>>18184661
>fuck buddies with guy A and nothing more
>guy B is into you and you're into him
>keep sweeping guy B off to the side
>keep fucking guy A but not sure if he's into you or just wants to fuck
>omg what do i do

i want you to read this out loud to yourself, in the mirror
so you can hear how fucking retarded you are

i think i'm developing a crush on someone i shouldn't. (friend of an ex) We talk as friends and we talk about hanging out and I get that excited feeling whenever I see their name on a message. I feel like such a bad person for even thinking about it.

>>18185099
Forgive her anon she's a woman logic isn't her strong suit.

>>18185099
>>18185110
I mean, logic would dictate that I shouldn't shit where I eat to begin with and should never have gotten into the situation.

Cut me some slack, anons. These feels are too new and confusing.

>>18185099
>>18185110
On that note; You can't seriously think that the logical course of action is to just jump ship. The fallout from that would be astronomical within the group.

>>18185148
it has nothing to do with shitting where you eat

and everything to do with you stringing along one guy while fucking another, which honestly makes you a shitty person

so fucking grab hold of your goddamn ovaries and straight up ask the guy you're currently fucking if he wants it to be anymore more than a fuck buddy thing. i can assure you that you are not the only girl he's doing this with, either

if all he wants is to fuck you, then maybe you should break that off (you're just fuck buddies, right?) and actually start something real with the guy you're actually into

because sooner or later that "super sweet guy that you really like" is gonna get tired of your shit and begin looking elsewhere for a relationship

>but he's super sweet and good friend
>and i'm already fucking this other guy

grow the fuck up and stop trying to have your cake and eat it too

you say this guy is unbroken by the world? he's super sweet and pure and all that?
then don't be the trick ass bitch that turns him into a cynical piece of shit like the rest of us

I had that really weird nightmare again for the second time last night. I just started a new cashier job at a store, and in my dream I'm stuck checking these people out forever. I desperately want to break away, but more and more people show up and I have to keep scanning their stuff. I do whatever it takes to make it stop, like turn the machine off and tell myself I can go home since my shift's over, but I can't stop. Eventually the dream ends out of exhaustion.

Nightmares are rare for me, and this has occurred two nights in a row now, so it's interesting to watch.

I now call you "my Lolita" to my friends. This is accurate, however mis-gendered. My Lolita, fire of my loins. Why you gotta be such a whore?

>>18185331
learned all about being a whore from observing you senpai

Can I tell you guys how fucking hilarious it is when I make a jew joke? If there is only one person on this Earth that truly has no fucking place to make an anti-semitic joke... it would be me.

The just... absolute awfulness is what makes it so funny to me.

That post that was written to me months ago, I think In decemeber or early january... The one that went kinda like this:

"Have you ever noticed? Did you ever think... How did I not notice this sooner? If you are able to forgive me, I will bring you into the real world. I will blow your mind.

Anything you want is yours. Anywhere you want to go, I will take you there. Anything, for you."

I have noticed,

I did think.

I am ready.

Not sure if I should keep being nice to people since it hasn't made any difference from the time I was a cunt to everyone.

I know you disabled the car because I planned on taking off once I got my new shipment. I would have left earlier if I could have found the others.

once it's fixed, and if nothing new has happened until then I'm going to blast off like team rocket.

Look, it's either that or I burn the fucking house down. I am ready to go so there is absolutely no reason to hold back on me. If you don't do anything soon I'm going to take drastic measures. A cornered animal doesn't fuck around. If nothing happens I will make something happen.

Another semester in college, another girl in each class whose ass gives me chest pains but I'd never be able to talk to without coming across as older-brotherly at best, fucking creepy at worst.

I've gotten so fat. I dress so bland and baggy. Combined with my shaved head and glasses I basically look 40 now, even though I'm only 24. And these girls are all 20 at the most. I look at the few legitimately older dudes in my classes who are going back to school after decades and think to myself "that's what these girls see me as".

By the time I lose all this weight and get to dress better, I'll be far along in my degree that my classes will mostly be sausagefests. And I sure as fuck am not going to meet worthwhile women at my shitty fast food part-time job.

Meh. First world problems.

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I can't stop to resent my parents. My mother is psychotic, she had several mental breakdowns and throughout my childhood she frequently called me a retard, an idiot, so on, so forth, yelled at me, if she asked me if I had any troubles and I revealed mine, she burst out laughing. For me it feels she is completely foreign person to me. I don't want to speak to her anymore and never. Glad I moved out, yet it's something that sits inside me which I can't calm down.

Every time I speak to father he says "you have to be grateful, you will say thanks". He sends me related pictures, he mentions it all the fucking time. I don't remember when was the last time we had any meaningful contact.

>>18184214
Eh, only thing thats really on my mind

>>18185186
Buddy, not her, but you and I both know that happy dude's already long gone.

This chick already fucked him up internally. It's only a matter of time before he collapses within and becomes a true cynic. Let's just hope he won't become a stereotypical MGTOW, but rather an ideal one.

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I recently woke up from a coma.

>The government is tracking our internet history
> Donald Fucking Trump is the President
>The US is losing allies
>North Korea is being taken seriously
>weed is legal (this one is actually good though)
>There's a fucking Power Rangers movie

what the FUCK did you guys do?!

>>18185497
>A cornered animal
interesting that's what you refer to yourself as.

boooooring.

>>18185018
I kind of imagined this story as some weird anime. I hope you find peace anon. Take care of yourself.

I had a wet dream about Sam Hyde and I can't stop thinking about it.

>>18185101
I think I have a crush on my best friend's ex. I'm pretty sure I've friend zoned him so hard that nothing will ever come of it though

Ghosted by two close online friends last week. Second time they've done this and both times they never told me what was wrong or tried to disucss it. We were a group of three, and we were close to the point where those two are planning on roomating and wanted me to come and visit. Wednesday, one of them ghosts me on everything. The other avoids the topic and claims he didn't know why. Then he ghosts me on fucking April 1st. It wasn't a prank though; and I knew it. This time I barely feel anything, like no anxiety. I feel like one day they may come back, but they may not. For now, I'm learning to keep myself occupied and be comfortable being alone. I just wished they discussed whatever the issue was with me, because they're still on my mind and it hurts.

https://youtu.be/qb83YsEJCdk?t=1m24s

You're my ex. And meeting up after all this time is like falling in love all over again. It's been a terrific few weeks. But holy shit I remember why we broke up. You're entirely too god damn needy.

Yesterday my condom tore. She can't take birth control because of allergy. Immediatly drove to the farmacy to get the pill for afterwards and tomorrow she's gonna get a spiral reducing the risk of pregnancy to less than 99,9%. I've always been really chill about even the serious stuff. Yet I can't eat, can't sleep and am the most nervous I have ever been. Acting strong arround her tho. Fuck my life.

>>18185842
It's going to be alright anon, don't worry

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Look at these rad facebook photos of friends who tell me nice things to my face at a party I wasn't invited to!

I'm sure glad they're having a good time! I'm having a blast myself, in my room, wiling away the time browsing random pages wanting to socialize.

>>18180553
I am not liking my life right now, but I do not self-disclose because I think no one can help.

I JUST. WANT. TO GO. FOR A DRIVE. fucking hell, it shouldn't be this goddamn hard to bleed a new clutch. FUCK YOU AIR BUBBLES, YOU CUNTS. FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. everything else is done. it took 3 months, but everything is finally installed and finished. the transmission is back in, the exhaust, driveshaft, and all chassis supports are finally back on. she runs, BUT THIS TINY DETAIL IS FUCKING UP MY MOMENT OF TRIUMPH. FUCKING BLEED YOU OVERLY COMPLICATED CLUTCH SYSTEM! BLEED YOU FAGGOT PIECE OF SHIT. REEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

day two of this shit. no joke, been trying to bleed the system for two days now. this should take about 10 minutes. I've used three different methods and done this so many fucking times now. I've gone through 3 quarts of dot 4 AND THERE'S STILL AIR IN THE GODDAMN MASTER CYLINDER.

Not religious but I was in the cemetery this afternoon and saw something by the gates, like a ribbon of light flying in front of me. Still depressed but maybe I'm not as alone as I think. Maybe someone or something still loves me. Maybe.

>>18185018
Dude, you sound like a squizo, get help ASAP. It could go from bad to worse very quickly. Trust me when I tell you this makes you see and hear things that look as real as yourself,it is a scary disease. Take care

i feel guilty fapping to w-loli-e-sickshit-ird things and i have watched things... and fapped to it too.. i guess its all about what other thinks really, i don't really give a shit, i mean because you masturbate to something doesn't mean you're onto that stuff in real life, like fapping to rape hentai doesn't mean you're gonna rape someone, shit what have i become

I went out on Friday and got drunk. I couldn't held myself and I texted her, we dated for a very little time, she dumped me because she said she didn't have time.

She's the most awesome girl I've met in years, smart, cute, perfect. I told her I miss her, she just said that she didn't know what to say, but that she was glad I could get it off of me to feel better, I replied with a Ok, I heven't heard from her again,I know I fucked up things with that text, but I know that we were never going to be together.

I feel bad, but I'm glad she knows how I feel.

I'm feeling kinda shitty today. I was texting this girl. And it was as going as usual, then it just dropped at random. This never happens with her. And now its 24 hrs later and nothing

She was asking questions and seemed interested in the conversation. Then just stopped. My last message was a semi-philosophical question that a friend posed and I was curious about her ideas for it

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I got rejected by a close friend fourish months ago. Now she's dating another of our friends and I have to sit here and watch their love blossom. Every day I am reminded of how I'm inferior to him in every possible way. Every day my life seems like it's worthless because if she doesn't love me then what's the point? I can't do better. Every day I think about killing myself but instead I have to put on a smile and a happy go lucky attitude since I'm too much of a pussy to actually end my life. My youth is gone and I'm turning into a boring old man. I use strippers to numb the pain but it's only really making it worse. What good woman would want a stripper tainted man?

>>18185351
Couldn't you have observed the way I can conduct witty and erudite conversations as well?

I brought my blanket this time with me to sleep in my car if I feel bad enough after work. Sure it will be weird if my parents won't find me in my bed after night shift but I want to try it once to see how it feels like sleeping in my car on a public parking lot. I suppose its a good thing that people could only see me sleeping when they take a look from the front because the back windows are toned black for some reason. Wonder if people will actually call the police when they see me,but the way I will park this car should make it hard to look inside,unless they enjoy walking over bushes. Now the questions is,should I even try to explain it to my parents so in case they worry too much and call the police or won't they think much of it. But I assume its the latter when they see my keys missing but my car on the parking lot.

Why do I want to do this again?

I am still madly in love with a woman I dated that was in an open marriage. I was dumb for getting attached. She of course behaved like a shitty person thus we broke up, what was I to expect. I would do anything to get her back and marry her.

>waaah nobody loves me!
>does nothing to be loved

wow I grew up wrong

Dude I am so lost. Do you want to be more than friends? You keep inviting me to do things that make me believe you do. Yet, you haven't acted on any of the chances I've given you. You are so flirty around me, but I think that's just your personality. I like you, but I don't know whether I should wait around for you. If I was more sure of my feelings for you, I'd just ask you. But maybe you feel the same way I do, and know that we shouldn't date.

I'm no advanced being. I'm just so sick of being emotionally numb all the fucking time. I don't feel genuine happiness. I haven't felt it since I was small. Writing and playing music with my friends is just about the only thing that makes me smile. And making new relationships is becoming damn near impossible because my life is in shambles every fucking day. I'd give up almost anything I have just to have a good woman in my life. But no one would put up with me because of my depression. I feel like I'm worthless. I just want some one to love me and not hurt me for once.


If the military doesn't take me, what's left for me?

Don't call me your best friend because it breaks my heart knowing I'm not more than that.

I can't put it to rest. I barely knew her, I don't even find her physically attractive, and now she moved out of the country, not that we had much contact to begin with. I can't stay mentally occupied for long to keep my mind off of her, and even when I do something all it takes is a miniscule detail that I somehow relate to her and my thoughts are spiralling.

How can one person mess me up this much, and why have I not healed after all this time.

18 in high school
Kissless virgin
Socially awkward...you know the drill
Prom is this weekend, the same day as the act test, the same fucking day as my birthday...
Only 1 week to ask someone, though I'm too afraid to, sure I could definitely get 5/10s and below easily.
Poor faggot me is too shallow, seriously wtf is wrong with me I can't accept anything less then a 7/10.
Anyways mom wants me to go and if I don't I'll be the only one of five siblings to not go so I'll be an even bigger loser.
Also my main friends all decided not to go and instead probably going t get high or go to the movies, the problem is the never invite me to stuff like that idk why and j can't just ask to go or I'll look like desperate or needy.
I might be making this into a bigger deal then it is but I honestly don't know what to do.

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>>18180553
I'm not happy with the relationship i'm currently in at the moment we have been together for 4 years now.
She doesn't turn me on, sex is like a chore .
but i moved across four states to be here and if i go home i'll be jobless and have to move in with my parents and the money i'm making right now i could never make back home.I'm torn between staying unhappy/with a job and maybe end up loving her again
or break it off and be a broke basement dweller again
i mean i was smitten when we first got together but right now it's kinda stale, we have been work out lately and maybe when we both get down to a size it will fire that spark again .
but, till then i'll keep jerking it to lewd pictures her 24 year old sister and her best friend put on tumblr and Instagram

>>18180553
I pushed a lightbulb into a guy's ass while we were fucking in his house and he died of haemorrahing in his ass and they never caught me

>>18180553
M

I wish I could be truly happy for once in my fucking life

>>18180553
>Autism awareness month was a mistake.

I am frankly a emotional Vampire. Talking to two friends I love has made this very clear today...And I don't know how to make it better.

Like I have fucked something they might have had going together up because I can't deal with my own emotions. The part that hurts is I thought "Maybe if I just cut myself out from their lives, it will be better for them! They met through me, I am not needed here!"

And the object of my affection basically said that it would kinder to slit her throat..I fear a codependency of fucked emotions between us..and I don't know /adv/

I don't even know why I came here, maybe just to get it out to wider audience hoping for some kind of Catharsis before I return to my hole Lurking /tg/

I think a girl at work was extra flirty with me, and really, REALLY wanted me to make a move.

...Then my buddy decided to butt in and grab her for himself.

I'm conflicted, but it's too late to do anything now. To be honest, I have other options to chase. She was high-tier, which was also why I decided not to make a move...as she's out of any league I would ever join. I'd probably sperg out and make asking her out awkward as shit.

Are letter threads banned now? I didn't get the memo.

>>18187562
haven't seen one in so long, man

Often I wonder if I'll ever be able to find that person, my missing piece, who will commit crimes and heinous deeds with me. But psychopathic guys are just into mind manipulation, molding their partner's brain into their own personal slave, leaving when they become bored. I crave something more. I just want to feel again without feeling compelled to hide how much of a monster and piece of shit I am.

So is there going to be another one of these threads?