Fatherly advice

>>18177557
(contd. from last)

But he then expects me to make that effort when it comes to his flat. So I told him to fuck off. So that's one reason I don't speak to him now. Clearly he has stopped caring about giving me and my brother advice (he paid even less attention to my brother over the years than me). He only cares about himself now to be honest. It's like he's been waiting to become a bachelor again for many, many years while he was still in our family home... and now he has that chance, he's taking it, and he can't give a fuck about the rest of his family, including his kids.

Anyone else know this feel? And should I just suck it up and get on with something? Maybe one reason I feel so unsure of what to do next in my life, is because normally I would get assurance from him. I'd ask him, and he'd give me advice, or just reassurance. But now, like I say, I'm past talking to him, because he has been illogical and unreasonable. I'm not going to cave to his double standards this time, basically.

What should I do? Am I being a faggot? Probably I am, but still, I need to move forward somehow. Apologies for very long essay.

You don't need your dad to tell you to get a job.

>>18177565
Yeah probably I guess. I quit though because my mum's friend had pushed me into this job. And also at this job, there was this fucking woman who was telling me shit to do - even though she wasn't my boss. That pissed me off.

I guess I was at an angry and depressed point and I just wanted to tell everybody to fuck off because I want to do my own shit in life.

I keep thinking of travelling - because a) I have the money to do so, because I have saved money from working for many years. And b) because many of my old school friends have gone travelling. So I think why not? It would be perfect for me to learn how to take decisions for myself, and learn the consequences of them. Learn to become independent, most importantly.

But then I feel some guilt about it, for two reasons: 1) some of the money that I have (maybe 60% of it) was not stuff I earned, but stuff which my mum saved in my bank accounts for me throughout my entire childhood - birthday present money, stuff like that. She hoped I'd spend that on a house deposit or something like that. So I feel guilty about spending it, BUT my brother spent all of his equivalent money, on trips with a girlfriend of his. So then I think, why not spend it?

And 2) if I go off travelling, my mum will be in this house by herself. Both her and my brother have stressful jobs, and not very enjoyable lives. Both are socially isolated (like me I guess). Although my brother does have a girlfriend, and I think he enjoys his job, at least somewhat. And he's able to buy nice stuff for himself, because he earns a relatively decent amount.

Don't know. I think my dad always instilled in my this idea that I need to fucking take risks. He wanted me and my brother to become tech entrepreneurs. Like fucking Steve Jobs. Steve Jobs went to India, and I think that's another reason I want to travel. But then my mum obviously wants me to be sensible. I don't know.

(contd.)

>>18177565
>>18177598
(contd from last post)

Also I think I probably have an anger issue because I have always been angry at the feeling that people have fucked over our family. My dad has always had a similar anger... but for him it's only about himself getting fucked over.

On the one hand, it spurred him on to earn good money. But on the other hand, he's a scared and insecure person. He buys lots of expensive shit to make himself feel like he's accomplished - he makes his apartment look minimalist, modern, with loads of expensive gear.

But he's restless and hates himself. He takes antidepressants and has done for 20 years. He's highly irritable in many ways. Also he had a big breakdown 20 years ago, and he was sectioned (that is, forcibly put into a mental hospital).

My entire life I have envisioned following my dad's example, because he's successful. Well, relatively successful. He earned pretty good money, he put me and my brother through private school, he bought lots of stuff over the years, because he could.

But now I am wondering whether I should be the perfectionist, work-obsessed, self-hating person that he is. I guess I always thought that the anger, the obsession with becoming better and better, was a productive thing. I thought that it made me do great things. Which he obviously thinks about himself. Steve Jobs arguably believed this as well - he was a guy who always felt abandoned by his biological parents. Arguably this is why he became such a driven perfectionist. I think this is why I got interested in Steve Jobs, because of this same tendency.

(contd. Sorry for long posts, I wonder if anyone will read this)

>>18177611
Nowadays I see this self-hating, neurotic, restless, uncomfortable-with-oneself mindset as actually being a sign of weakness... it means that you're constantly intimidated. It means that you constantly don't think enough of yourself. You're constantly scared. That's why my dad had his breakdown, because he was so obsessed with the idea that he had to prove himself, and become the ultimate male. So he became manic.

I dunno. We all have fucking problems. I just don't know what to do.

Is it good to spur oneself on with a sort of hatred? With an attitude of "I fucking hate everybody and I have been bullied and I never stood up for myself, so now I'm going to become as successful as possible financially to make up for it"? On the one hand it can drive you to financial success. On the other hand, it can make you manic, bipolar, insane.

These days I am thinking about joining the services - perhaps because I want to confront my fear of other guys trying to bully me, instead of running away from it. I've already gotten into physical exercise somewhat. If I become strong, and the services will do that, then I won't have to fear people trying to fuck with me anymore. Maybe.

I don't know. But typing it out helps me think about what the fuck I'm going to do, really.

>>18177622
u is a good writer man u should try doing this program

http://www.selfauthoring.com/

watch some of jordan's videos if you have doubts about the program

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8GSf5cYCvE

>>18177666
>u is a good writer man
Am I? Fair.

>u should try doing this program
>http://www.selfauthoring.com/
>watch some of jordan's videos if you have doubts about the program
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8GSf5cYCvE
Yeah I've been following Peterson a lot. I haven't tried this thing yet. I don't really like the idea of being constrained by an exercise. I like dealing with the world in my own way. Even if such a way is actually fucking stupid.

But I'll consider it. I might watch that video. Thanks.

>>18177666
Actually I'm watching the video now, it's great.

Man Peterson is awesome. I don't watch his lectures because they're too long, but these short videos are great.

I just love how brutally honest he is - and that's why he's so great. He doesn't avoid the harsh realities of life, like today's leftists do. Today's leftists pretend that biological sex doesn't exist. Well, it does exist. And Peterson is just brutally honest about the truth.

E.g. in this video he says how social anxiety places you low on the dominance hierarchy, which interferes with your sexual success. Just brutal honesty! How many other university lecturers would say this today? Hardly any, because they're so fucking concerned with being politically fucking correct.