female virgin Been getting intense sexual urges lately. i am

Depends, it's a personal matter. There are healthy reasons to want this FWB (wanting to experience freedom while young, just lust itself or good chemistry with this guy, feeling like it's time to lose it and you are in the right place in life) and healthy reasons not to (being true to what you believe in, being certain that it won't offer what you want, not such great attraction to this potential lover).

Likewise, saving your virginity because you feel you would be worth less without it isn't a line of thinking you want to follow. Nor is feeling pressure to lose it because you are afraid of being an older virgin.

How old are you now?

>>18174923

Nah...have sex when you're ready. No rush.

>>18174933

Early 20s.

I don't think I would feel worthless as a non-virgin, just kind of wrong if I did it with someone I didn't really feel anything for. Intimacy is pretty important to me and I like the idea of saving the experience for people I love.

I just feel like this also makes me a bit prudish or putting too much meaning on sex.

>>18174945
Eh, it sounds to me like you know what you want and are just a bit worried that it makes you weird. That's not a big concern.

For what it's worth, I have been in your position, more or less. I guess I'm still a virgin if you don't count oral sex, otherwise I lost it at twenty one. Plenty of options but, like you, I always felt certain that I wanted to lose it with someone I loved who loved me back.
In my case I realize looking back that I was always a bit blind to my issues with opening up to others. I told myself I was just waiting for the real deal, but it was also a way to avoid getting involved and becoming emotionally vulnerable. I do not necessarily regret waiting because I never felt ready but at this point I do resent my technical virginity a bit, it feels like a strong reminder that I am not that great at connecting with people, as I obviously know it is the result of issues I have/had. This intensified after I planned to lose it to the guy I did oral with (and thoroughly loved) and this did not work out.

I am fairly sure that my situation is quite different, from the way you talk about it. Just wanted to give an illustration of what bad reasons to hold on to it can look like. You are right to take your own preferences seriously whether or not it's what the majority of people want. I don't think wanting to lose it to someone you love necessarily means you put sex on a pedestal, at all.

>>18174945
>I don't think I would feel worthless as a non-virgin, just kind of wrong if I did it with someone I didn't really feel anything for. Intimacy is pretty important to me and I like the idea of saving the experience for people I love.

Important thing is to keep true to your beliefs. If you don't feel like it you don't feel like it.

I'm a dude, but I was legit abstinent by intention for most of my life, then one night just decided fuck it. I'll share a bit of my limited experience. Hopefully you can pull something from it.

I can name a number of instances where I wanted to, all I had to say was yes, but I always believed in waiting to meet the right person. Not necessarily the person I would marry and be with forever or whatever, but someone I felt a genuine connection with and could share a positive experience with.

When I hit 23, I thought I finally met her. But then it didn't work out.

So I said fuck it.

A few months later, I'm 24 at this point and literally my first date out after, a girl was clearly interested, and I wasn't really, but thought to myself "fuck it. Let's see what all the huhbub is about", and just went ahead.

Afterwards, I remember feeling so incredibly empty, thinking to myself: "This? THIS is what people steal, rape, and kill for?". It basically confirmed everything I ever believed before that.

I ended up seeing her again, and trying again, exact same lingering emptiness.

Compounding this, things got messy after. At the start of it all, I was straight up with her, telling her that I had no experience, was on the rebound, and wasn't at all looking for anything serious, and she agreed.... But then my phone got flooded with calls, drunk tests, and sobbing voicemails that made me feel both like the biggest piece of shit on the planet, and also at the time slightly indignant (I was trying to do the right then when I let her know all this at the very start)

I actually slightly regret this all.

>continued

>>18175140
>2/3

At this point I just stopped caring about sex and lost any sort of impression towards it, good or bad.

Fast forward a year or so, one night my best friend and I are at a club, and we just start messing around, and one thing leads to another and we hook up (because drunk, single, horny. I also later realize she's probably also having a minor identity crisis; tired of being gay and not having her mom understand/accept her)

In my own mind I say, "eh why not, this persons cool. Sounds interesting" about the whole thing. An we add "benefits to the friendship for a while (though at the very end, she got her feelings confused for a second, which is what made me realize her ongoing crisis.)

So this time, I actually mildly enjoy it. It's not the pleasure of sex itself that's exciting (I remember thinking it was way easier to just take care of myself), it's actually just fooling around and discovering the things that set her off that's the fun part for me(I'm the inanely curious type of person that liked taking clocks apart as a kid).

Overall I had a slightly better impression, though not like I had my mind blown or anything, but I did not regret it either. And in fact, I think the shared experience made us better friends afterwards.

Fast forward a bit more, I'm 25.

One day I meet a friend of a friend. She unexpectedly drops by along with a couple (the male of whom is my childhood friend) to crash with me. Her and the other girl just graduated so I take them out to celebrate. End of the night the couple retires, us two end up chatting, drinking, and realizing we share a pretty remarkable similarity in sense of humor, taste, and interests. The more we talk, the more we get excited by one another. We end up talking 'til we both end up passing out on the couch.


At some point we're half-asleep and start fooling around, and we end up back in my room.


>continued

>>18174945
I learned the hard way that sex without feelings is garbo

>>18175153
>3/3

The sex itself was innocent. It was sweet, filled with smiles, and small moments I woke up the next day as chipper as I'd ever been, with a grin on my face that didn't fade. I finally experienced why sex could be so amazing.

Sadly, this was a one time thing, but in a lot of ways, it was perfect. The irony of this all being: she'd lived not 40 miles away the last 4 years. Her friend had been trying (and failing) to set us up for years (we actually met once before. Didn't speak more than a few words because we're both suborn). And now she was moving back home half a thousand miles away--this being her last weekend.

A year later I meet my 4th partner, my girlfriend. And to cut an already long story short, I genuinely enjoy my experiences with her, they're filled with laughter, joy, passion, experimentation, and after a few months I started to do something I never had with any other woman; I actually orgasm--which... believe it or not, I never did before. Probably DIRECTLY because of how miserable my first experience was.

>In the end:
I'm 28 now. If I could take it all back, I'm conflicted over whether I would skip over my first partner or not (because it was horrible. I was forcing myself to do something I wasn't ready to do yet and it had repercussions, but at the same time some of those repercussions probably helped me grow a bit and I probably wouldn't be where I am without it), but I know for certain that I wouldn't skip past my second. She wasn't the ideal partner (like my 3rd was) but she was someone I did trust and like (albeit as a friend) and someone I didn't mind sharing a moment with.

Whatever you choose to do, you don't have have to force yourself to wait for perfection (waiting for that will only hold you back because it doesn't really exist), but at he same time, don't force yourself to do something you don't actually want.

Keep an open mind and be flexible, but always stay true to yourself.

Just my 2c though.

>>18175160
+1 internet

>>18175160
>Sadly, this was a one time thing, but in a lot of ways, it was perfect.
>you don't have have to force yourself to wait for perfection (waiting for that will only hold you back because it doesn't really exist)

I just realized these two lines sound massively contradictory... and the truth is... I guess it kind of is?

Something I've realized is, one of the funny catch 22's of life is that waiting for "perfection" very rarely pays off, and in fact often holds you back and keeps you stuck where you are. Often times the moments you actually DO end up finding perfect, end up happening because you've been actively putting in your best efforts to tread your path and to keep an open mind, and through those travels you just happen to stumble across them.

Anyway, good luck. May your path be storied and your journeys lead to happiness.

>>18175200

>may your path be storied and your journeys lead to happiness

Yeah I'm probably just going to buy a vibe for now but I'll try to keep an open mind.

It is best for your personal values to triumph over primal urges.

Master your spirit.

>>18175243

lol. Sorry, I've been reading a lot of eastern literature recently and the Dao just kind of popped in my head at that exact moment, so I got cheeky. That last bit was more me making fun of myself and the analogies (the path, travels, the journey, etc) I was choosing to use more than anything.

Anyway, step by step is always the best way.

I like I said somewhere at the start (or maybe I deleted it because my posts were getting too long...>.> ), my interpretations of life are not yours. What I've come to believe is based off of my experiences, and even if you shared those same experiences, it doesn't mean you'd come to the same conclusions. Even if they would be the same, it's always better for you to make your own through first hand experience.

You have your own beliefs, stick to them. They are part of what makes you who you are. But also realize that your understanding of those beliefs is shaped by what's going on around you, so keeping and open mind and experiencing more is what helps your understanding of them evolve and grow deeper.

Ok, that's enough eastern philosophy shit for now lol.

>>18175243
>that short response that took no thought
This is why men don't like being frienda with women.

I'll be your BF