Life is colorless

try drugs and while you're at it pick up a hobby like video games or something. be careful about drug tests though

>>18171636

I think you know the answer to this yourself. You're losing your interest in life, so you need to shake things up until you find something. Try hobbies, new friends, travel, whatever. You need to shake yourself from the apathy to create the energy you're looking for. Work and rest obviously don't offer you any meaning, so you have to look for that elsewhere in your free time. What it is depends on you, no one can give you answers.

>>18171657
>mandatory drug tests
>afraid of getting addicted
>afraid of bad trips
I don't think I can, anon.

>>18171659
Social things are difficult for now. What would you recommend that's not too expensive and time-consuming?

>>18171717
Why are social things difficult?

Song for you OP

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Aj9_8t1eQc

Also, set yourself some goals.

Purchasing a car.
Purchasing a flat.
Saving up for some travel.
Starting some sports/hobby
Starting new sports/hobby

I'm working, finishing my PHD, doing gym, climbing. Soon I'll replace gym with boxing because why the fuck not.
Saving up for car, house, unfortunate events, retirement. Maybe will start some business of my own, write a book.
I have shitload of options, just lacking enough time.

> do nothing of importance

wow you fucking retard you even IDENTIFIED the problem, you just cant be bothered to DO something about it

DO SOMETHING OF IMPORTANCE THEN

>>18171752
Well I can speak fine with people but busy places make me really anxious. I've been inside small rooms alone/with few people for far too long.

>>18171809
I try to get myself interested in stuff but I haven't found anything that doesn't feel gloomy in my dark room... I wouldn't know what thing of importance I could do outside of that.

>>18171782
What is the point of setting goals? I couldn't do them if I wanted to, I just don't have the motivation to work towards all that.

>>18172028

Goals are what creates meaning for life. They offer consistent check points where you can look back, feel a bit self-satisfied and think "I did it after all". Just existing and surviving day to day without any kind of aim is exactly what gets people in situations like yours. If you'd rather just submit to your fate of drifting through life, then fine, that's your decision, but coming here to whine about the lack of meaning in your life is pointless, if you're unwilling to actually do anything about it.

>>18172028
Goals are for motivation, not motivation for goals.

Without goals you just repeat routine, with goals you have direction and change.

>perfectly describes depression
>"I'm not depressed"
every time

This happens when you have no hobbies, no passions, no goals and nothing excites you. Life, as you experience it is boring and pointless. If this goes on for long enough it becomes engraved in your mentality and way of thinking. Either that or you're constantly told that life is boring and pointless until you believe it. You create an ideology by which you filter your every experience. A pair of gray lenses you see life through. At this point nothing excites you because you think nothing will excite you. Nothing motivates you, nothing drives you, you see no point in putting in effort towards something or even trying to have fun. You become defeatist and passive, you feel like you have no control over your life. Sucks doesn't it?

The point I'm trying to make is that everything is internal. Your life is dark and somber not because the universe is working against you, but because you think life is dark and somber so you roll around in your own misery instead of trying to pull yourself out of it. You become "comfortable" with the status quo and you subconsciously sabotage any attempt at trying to break it. Usually before you even start working towards change.

So what do you do? Well I'm not sure what's the best course of action here. I experienced the same thoughts, albeit to a lesser extent. What made me break free of them was reading a lot on psychology and understanding why I feel the way I feel, convincing myself I can change, quitting my job and switching to a field I'm interested in and making small, constructive changes in my life. This doesn't mean that doing the same thing will work for you, but it's definitely worth considering. One thing I'm sure of though. For you to change you must believe that change is possible and within your grasp.

(cont)

>>18172130
You can set up goals, change jobs, try new activities and hobbies all you want, if you believe that these things won't change the way you feel about life then they won't. So the best thing to do for you right now, at least in my opinion is to expose yourself to new ideologies, learn a few things about how your brain works and try to understand why you feel the way you feel.

You should read the following books (preferably in that order):
"The power of habbit" by Charles Duhigg.
"You are not so smart" and "You are now less dumb" by David Mcraney
"Mastery" by Robert Greene
"10% Happier" by Dan Harris
"Happiness" by Matthieu Ricard
And actually apply what you read. Read them twice if you must, or find other books with similar subjects, simply knowing something is not enough to bring a change in your life, you must believe, accept and internalize them.

One thing I should add, depression (yeah, you have depression. You tick most of the symptoms) has been linked to poor nutrition, lack of physical activity and lack of social activity and intimacy. First thing you should do, besides reading those books is form some habits that regarding these issues. If you have a hard time interacting with other people also read "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie and "Models" by Mark Manson. It's very basic stuff that seems obvious when you read it, but most people don't consider these things when interacting with others. The latter is mostly about attracting women, but it explains pretty well what kind of behavior and mindset you should have to be appreciated by everyone, not only by potential romantic partners.

>>18171813
Are you referencing prison here?

>>18172141
No I mean my home and my work. In both I spend time in a small room either alone or with a few people I barely talk to.

>>18172130
>switching to a field I'm interested in
I'll give a more thoughtful reply to your comment(s) later but I'm curious: what did you do first, and what did you switch to? Did you go to college while working in the first field, acquire a degree in the second field, and then make the switch?

I don't know if I dislike what I do now or if it's just because life is dull, but I might do this too in the future. Hearing your thoughts on this would be interesting.

>>18172277
I have a degree in banking and finance and I worked for some time in auditing while going through my last year of college and a little after I finished it. It made me hate life so I eventually quit and started learning programming on my own. After some time I got an internship in java which turned into a full job. I have no formal education in programming but I plan on starting a masters program next year.

You should change the field if you know that you don't like it and you have an idea about what you want to switch to. This kind of change can be scary and tough, but sometimes it really is necessary.

For now you should focus on the other things and stay where you are with your career. You will figure out if it is what you want to do for the rest of your life in some time (most likely after you read "Mastery"). It's probably not, otherwise I don't think you would've reached this point, but there's no reason to rush things.

Whats a masters degree in programming?

>>18172406
There's a ton of options depending on what universities you have in mind. The most straight-forward programming master degree in my country is Advanced Software Services, but I'm planning on going for Economic Informatics, Information Security or Database - Support for Business (I haven't made up my mind yet).

>>18172378
I actually work as a programmer with no formal education and it's killing me. Hobby stuff used to be really fun back when life was ok, but after I got a job and everything turned grey, I feel negatively about programming. Maybe I should first read those books you mentioned and then make a decision, but I can't help but already wonder what my future is gonna look like with all these doubts in my head...

>mfw I work on a cruise ship

8 month long contact, 16h shift, everything is either chrome or generic hotel visuals, crew speaks broken english, passengers are retards, 6x10ft cabin, shared with a crewmate.

Vacations are 4 months long, but I have no friends left home, so i sleep/shitpost the free time away.

Find a hobby OP. Distract yourself.

>>18172499
Can you lay out an average week? Also, do you work 8 months straight and then 4 months of vacation or something else?

>>18172482
You should try to figure out what, exactly was it that you enjoyed about the hobby stuff programming. That will be a good point to start figuring out what you'd enjoy doing for a living. Was it creating neat little apps you could use for small things? Was it figuring it out how to translate a certain task into code? Was it deconstructing big problems into small algorithms?

Your problem is pretty common, actually, you start hating something you used to love when you do it for a living. One possible reason is your mindset on work. You see those 8 hours you spend working as necessary evil (or rather, boredom). You have to work so you have food and shelter, it's not a choice or a passion, it's an obligation. And as soon as you start getting paid for it and you become dependent on it your mind ceases to acknowledge every other benefit it offers. It stops being stimulating, it stops being interesting, it stops your creativity and it turns into an empty automatism meant only to keep you employed and put food on the table. This is a mentality driven by fear, not by curiosity or creativity as it should. This may sound like loony-talk, but it's a real problem in our society. Our creativity, sense of wonder and freedom of expression is killed when we're children and we're told that we HAVE to do certain things, to like certain things and to think certain things. We're put into schools to study rigid materials instead of exploring and observing the world for ourselves. We didn't evolve to do this so it messes up our minds to some extent.

But I digress. Another reason why you might have stopped enjoying it is because there's no creativity and personal creation involved at work. If you're a code monkey who does nothing but put pseudocode into code all day then you're not exactly doing the same thing as you were when it was a hobby. If that's the case it's not that you stopped liking programming, you're ... well you're not really programming now.

>>18172565

8 months straight, no days off, then 4 months of vacation, rinse and repeat.

Average day:
Wake up @4:30;
Shower/shave/dress up;
on duty from 5:30, breakfast rush, Americans and Chinese eat like swine;
break @13:00;
During break do laundry and eat;
16:00 pre service meeting;
17:00 supper service;
Doors close @21:00 but always get some late ass retards;
Retards take their sweet time, finish by 22:30;
Crewbar is sad and boring, so I play basketball on deck 20;
In bed by 01:00;

occasionally i hit up the crewbar if i like a chick, most of them are after officers, so i usually don't bother.

I'm a restaurant supervisor.

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at least you have a job. i threw my twenties away being a degenerate drug addict and ignoring responsibilities as much as possible.

now i am looking how to peice my life back together but its not looking to good. going to school in my late twenties seems really depressing. getting a mediocre job knowing i sold myself short is also depressing. not sure what i should do. anyone get their shit together in their mid to late twenties? please share your story.

>>18172626

You're overthinking it. Just be honest to yourself and find what distracts you the most. I'm stuck on this ship because of my parents' debts, and since my folks are good people, I will take care of them and the mess they made. I've graduated college, database major, but that field is so competitive that I honestly think regular jobs ar better.

I would have to go through 2 years of screening, tests, and courses for a good job in my field, in the end I settled for the cruise ship because time wasn't on my side.

Life just might seem gray, but it was never colorful to begin with, so no loss there.

>>18172626
I cleaned up at 24, and I'm now 27 and just transferring to a uni from community college. It's not as bad as you think.

>>18172378
Hey WeebLord how was working in finance and what made you want to quit it? I'm studying finance and economics because I want a well paying job while pursuing my interests in art and philosophy, but idk man finance is so dull and nihilistic, like who would care if enough to like this profession

>>18172620
That sounds both cool and horrible. I want to know a lot more.

>in bed by 01:00
>Wake up @4:30

Do you only sleep 3.5 hours per day or something?

How often do you get to land and what do you do when you get there?

Do you always have internet available, both as a crew member and as a passenger?

How rich is your average passenger?

>>18172130
You hit a lot of points that are true about me. On one hand I do believe that there's little hope, but on the other hand I realize there are a lot of things I could potentially do that I have never tried.

>it stops your creativity and it turns into an empty automatism meant only to keep you employed and put food on the table
>Another reason why you might have stopped enjoying it is because there's no creativity and personal creation involved at work
Yeah. My job is exclusively for money and I recognize that. There's no room for creativity at all.

>This may sound like loony-talk
It doesn't. I liked programming because it was creative and enjoyable. Now I just write as fast as the boss demands it. Code makes my head hurt and that's pretty sad.

>>18174144
I meant to add to the last part that I absolutely believe that kids are taught to think about creativity in a corporate way rather than the idealistic way.

>>18172136
I have read some of these books before. They are great when you read them, but afterwards I always wonder if they really mean as much as I thought while reading. I will start with "The power of habbit" for now though, maybe it will help.

> depression (yeah, you have depression. You tick most of the symptoms) has been linked to poor nutrition, lack of physical activity and lack of social activity and intimacy
I could at least join a gym. I'd be forced to drink a lot of water, be around people, get out of these small rooms, and of course it would make me more fit.

>"How to win friends and influence people"
I have read that and I do use some of the things he says. I used to always look at the ground while talking to people, but now I can look them in the eyes at least half the conversation. I don't remember the other things, but it has definitely affected me in some ways. I might read it again after the other books.

Thanks for taking the time to type these things out. If you have more to say then I'd like to hear it.

>>18174144
This answer is also an answer to >>18172593

Like most anon's said, you just gotta find something to strive for. A goal to achieve.

For example: My goal is to pay off a debt to my family, so that I can finally kill myself and enjoy the sweet release of death.

>>18172626
The only thing I have is the job, and it's not one that pays well nor do I like it one bit. You'll just have to press on and do that which you think is most useful. Going back to school in your late twenties might be depressing, but at least you'll come out better in the end. Plus, assuming you mean college, isn't it pretty common for older people to go to college? And late 20s is not even remotely old.

>>18174695
Are you joking? How can you keep living if your end goal is to kill yourself?

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>>18174695
I laffed

>>18174778
Why are you like this?

There's lots of mature aged students in unis. I've seen quite a lot in my lectures.

>>18175120
This. In fact I knew like a dozen guys aged 30 - 45 in a pool of about 250 students. Might sound like very little but it's still a visible amount. No one cares as long as they're decent to deal with.

This shit is so accurate for my life it's scary. I'm 24 and I've done nothing of worth. I see people who are around 19-23 and they're traveling and shit. I don't do much. I dropped out of college after one semester and for two years now, my life has just been me going to work part-time for minimum wage, come home, shower, video games then sleep.

I just don't know what to do right now. It's just my mother and I and she's always talking shit about me whether it's with someone else or she only tells me shit via text because she claims I don't listen.

I really like a co-worker of mine because she's the extreme opposite of me. She's fucking great at socializing and she travels a lot. Guess what? She doesn't want shit to do with me. Can't be mad though, I'm just really fucking boring. My 'friends' would go out and never tell me shit which just leads me to believing that it's pointless to make friends (or new ones).

It sucks, I just can't think/function properly like a regular person. I'm highly pessimistic and it fucking sucks. I just want to fucking cry man, seriously. Can I get admitted to a psych ward for depression? Being and living in NY makes it worse because it's where everyone comes when they've 'made' it and it's a lot of pressure. My mother wants to move to North Carolina, but I don't want to leave because I don't want to start over.

>>18175731
>traveling
come on
this isn't a big deal, you literally buy a ticket and get a room somewhere
it's not even very fun to do

>>18175750

It just seems like a lot for me given I don't do much. I know having a gf or a partner isn't the answer. I would really like one. Just knowing that there's someone who will not only talk to you about anything, but will also be happy or excited to talk to you. idk, I guess I'm just jealous because there are people making moves, but I'm just afraid to make some.

On top of everything else, don't be afraid of failure towards your goals. Everyone you might look up to? You are seeing their highlight reel. There's unimaginable hardship in everything, and you can't always prepare for it, but when it comes you have to judge yourself by how you handle it. Mistakes don't make you a bad person.

I decided to split away from my family in September and went largely out of contact with them. I split an apartment with three friends and used all my savings for the deposits because I trusted them and myself to try.

They all bailed before the end, earlier this month. It was crushing. I sat there for 15 days without power in 30°F weather trying to figure out how I could save myself. I wanted to lay down and die every night. But on the 15th day, I decided to swallow my pride and apologize to my family. They wound up paying $3200 to get me gas to drive home and pay all the late bills I had. I'm expected to pay them back via a loan contract - but that's ok.

I learned so much about life, independence, naievete, trust, and willpower during every little upside and major downside. It was worth it, as bitter as it got, because I became a more mature and patient person. Now I have the opportunity to share a cheap apartment with a beloved family member and start my new job.

Everything good and bad that happens to you will go away some day, but you'll still be right there with all of your future to just try.

Happiness comes not from success, but moivation.

The basis of all mid life crisises, become succesful, no progression, stagnate. Desire change so much you reach a breaking point and do something drastic to change your life.

>>18175731
Yeah, sounds about right. A lot of pessimism to the point that I can't imagine anything being fun anymore. Hell, I look at videos of people skydiving and it looks boring, even though in my head I'm a 100% sure that my heart would beat out of my chest if I ever tried that. I don't know man, I started reading the power of habit that another anon in this thread recommended and I hope I can at least get myself to exercise. Maybe that will get my brain chemicals more balanced or some shit, and maybe then I'll feel more optimistic about life.

>>18174776
Whats wrong with killing yourself? Not everyone can live happy and fulfilling lives.

>>18176285
>d recommended and I hope I can at least get myself to exercise
Just a heads up, besides exercise and proper nutrition you will also need social interaction, preferably a gf or something.

Just eating and lifting properly will make you a depressed /fit/cel and wont do shit to make you happy (from experience).

>>18172036
But goals like buying car etc are pointless to me. It isnt something to be proud of

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>>18171636
Dude, I feel you. What is keeping me moderately sane is escapism - setting goals doesn't work for me. My "goal" is to have an ok life, enjoying the little pleasures of life. There's really nothing more if you think about it.
Many people get a hobby. I feel kinda better since I started drawing, seeing results is satisfying.

Just do something you like to do. Cook, read, draw, whatever. Experiment stuff. Without escapism there's nothing left.

>>18173237
>I want a well paying job while pursuing my interests
That was my motivation when I went into college too, find a relatively comfortable, well-paying job so I can spend the rest of the day playing games, watching cartoons, reading and shitposting on the internet. You can see how that turned out. I know it's a cliche at this point, but you shouldn't pursue a career only for money. You'll be spending 8 hours a day working that job, a third of your day. Half of your waking day. So unless it's something that you enjoy, or at least something that stimulates you to some extent you will find it soul crushing.

I worked in financial auditing which, despite it's name is more about accounting than anything else, but I know what finance jobs entail pretty well (and they're not that different from what I did). The problem is that it involves little to no creativity and they're not very stimulating. It's very hard to find something in this field to be passionate about. Some people do find it, but they're quite rare, most people in the field do it only to make a living. Since you already see it as dull and nihilistic I doubt you will be one of the few who enjoy it.

>>18174168
>afterwards I always wonder if they really mean as much as I thought while reading
They only mean as much as you trust and apply it. These books, if nothing else are really well researched, they give both real life examples and explanations, it's not just some guesses or pretty ideas meant to make you feel good about yourself. The reason why I keep recommending them is not because they gave me some incredible life skills or secret knowledge (which they might have done if I put more effort into applying it), but because it made me understand how easy and pleasant my (and everyone else's) life can be, no matter the circumstances I'm thrown into if I have the right mentality. And most of the time, outside extreme circumstances, this simple belief is enough to keep you happy.

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>>18171636
People. I know/knew that feeling very well and the answer was people. The more fulfilling, interesting and fun relationships I built the less I contemplated the horrible soul crushing monotony of life. Also, try picking up a hobby. I recommend an instrument if you don't have one already, it can be very cheap (or very expensive if you like) to get into, it's entertaining and cognitively challenging, and you have something to show for your work at the end of it. It can also help you meet more people, which is really the most important thing. Also PLEASE IMAGE VERY IMPORTANT!!!

How about getting a pet or some plants? When I was feeling that way, I got myself some carnivorous plants and researched how to maintain them well, and seeing them catch something on their own felt pretty fulfilling even though you only have to water them. I have a bird to train now, and watching the bird go from fearful to comfortable around you is also pretty rewarding to me.

Well shit man, you make your life about work and then wonder why the fuck your life is work.

Fuckin' wisdom there.

No shit you don't have energy if you've convinced yourself that this is all life has to offer you.

Move, you queer. Dance. Your in a fucking hole already, why don't you try climbing out of it. Stop doing things because they make fucking sense. Are you a fucking idiot? Nothing makes sense. Do shit because you want it, and fuck anybody who says otherwise.

The biggest fucking problem is that we make all the driving forces of our lives negative things.

Curiosity? Well look what it did to the fucking cat!
Pride? Nothing but vanity!
Perfectionism? What are you, a fucking elitist?
Joy? Well that's fucking stupid, what a waste of time!

"You should be serving the machine all the time, and if you can't then you should just die!"

No shit they'd have you believe that, it's convenient for them.

>>18176304
Didn't say there was anything wrong with it, I'm just asking how someone can keep pushing themselves to live when they KNOW that the end goal is suicide...

>>18171752
People revert to their dumbphones the instant something boring, offensive, or different pops into their state of being. Do you have any idea how hard it is to have a conversation about someone now and actually stay on topic? This constant world openness creates a kind of transparency of people that now has everyone avoiding in real life because all of their dirty details are online. People like to say every generation complained about the newer becoming less social and the fact is, it's not a complaint; it's a fact. Sure, you really don't have to acknowledge it, but our rights and liberties are slowly being coerced away from us the more these stupid fucks post, tweet, snap, pin, and shove whatever e-shit they can down their throats instead of actually being a society.

>>18171636
what do you want us to say, murder a homeless person? idk. just save up some money and take a vacation. fuck someone in the ass. get drunk a lot.

>>18176465
>they KNOW that the end goal is suicide...
How do you keep pushing yourself when you know in 60 years you will be dead?

>>18176573
Completely different scenario.

>person 1 is miserable and knows they want to kill themselves yet they keep going to pay off someone else's debt before doing it
>person 2 is a normal happy person who knows they will die in the future but still wants to live a happy life until then

>>18175766
This is exactly the reason why I don't want one. I'm too much of a lonely faggot to push that onto someone else. Not only could I possibly suck them into this "darkness" (edgy, I know) but I would also have to tolerate them when I'm feeling empty and sad and just want to be alone.

>>18176305
it wont hurt tho

>>18176319
My escapism is stuff like anime and games. I want to learn how to cook so I can at least stuff myself with delicious and somewhat healthy things rather than the garbage I eat now.

Keep on drawing. I wish I hadn't stopped when I was in my mid-teens. I would've been really good by now.

>>18176335
>I recommend an instrument if you don't have one already,
I have 2, and I barely touch them. I come home and feel too miserable and defeated to play music. Even worse is the fact that it would take AT LEAST 6 months of dedicated practice to play any semi-entertaining song. No one with my mentality is willing to go through that

>>18176323
Out of curiosity, what would you think of someone getting a minimum wage job that's satisfying or at least not soulcrushingly corporate. Even if it's something like working on a farm or being a high school sports teacher. And then just live life paycheck to paycheck but you'll at least come home and not feel like you just came down from the morgue.

Thoughts?

>>18176388
Pets are not an option since I live with loud people and I don't wanna scare my pets. Plants maybe but I'd have to do research.

>>18171636
Go experience things. Do things like reading, running, the gym, video games, gardening, ice skatting. Activities.

>>18172130
>>18172136
This guy knows it. Reading opens your mind to thoughts from other people who have felt the same as you. I read Albert Camus books, who helped with my dilemma, which was similar to yours.

>>18171717
LSD Shrooms and DMT don't show up on tests fan, wouldn't say the have addictive potential either.

bump for no reason