What should I say?

You can be honest without automatically being "mopey" or "moody."

>>18169864
Sop I want to be with him eventually but you want to be friends? You're overlapping here.

Well depending on what you want out of him.

If you want to be in a relationship with him tell him the truth. I'm a dude and I find that telling me the truth about how you feel makes you more attractive in my eyes because it shows you're willing to open up to me.

If you just want to be friends with him then lie.

Either way friendship will come before the romantic part so it'll kinda be up to his response ( if you want to be more than friends.)

But if you lie you can always tell the truth later if you two become partners so it's kinda a win win!

>>18169887
He has some complicated relationship going on with an ex girlfriend that I'm not interested in getting in the middle of. I haven't really been able to look at him as a viable partner since discovering that.

I also think I'm in bigger need of good friends right now than dates.

That said, because of my interest, I don't want to say anything that makes me ridiculously unattractive, even if I'm 100% fine with nothing happening now or in the future.

Maybe I'll tell the truth but downplay it - like I won't mention "depression" and just say I was tired or something.

>>18169901
Smooth move. Sounds perfect!

I know how you feel. I've been dealing with depression for a year now. It's hard to explain to people. Plus they judge us like we are beings from another world. I know being depressed is normal but why do most people ignore other people's depression? I'm bad at faking my feelings. But anyway.... yeah that sounds perfect

>>18169901
I guess I should stop using "interest" to mean "crush", maybe that's why I'm being confusing. Crush just always sound so girly and juvenile to me.

But because of my crush, I still want to appear cool and hot, you know? Even if it doesn't go anywhere, I don't want him to know I'm sitting around in my own filth playing video games because I'm too lazy right now to even breathe.

>>18169908
Cool, that is what I will do. I just need to wait a bit until it's too late for him to try to talk me into going.

>>18169908
Oh, and thanks for the help, anon!

I have been depressed for most of my life. Depression turned schizo, i was reckless bla bla bla. I had everything and stopped playing the game of life for a year. I kept hiding things, i never wanted one to find out what im going trough. I was scared to upset others over my own state (which sounds really stupid now i think of it). I met a girl, i needed to get myself on the tracks again. The first thing i did was accept myself. Am i feeling bad? Then im feeling bad. I dont hide it anymore. The less i was hiding myself, the more love i was getting from people around me. The guy that always said "BRO! You know me man, through good and bad i always survive :D" to his friends, was very unhappy. Now i accepted that im fucked, im not being a special snowflake about it. But i am more open with it. When i thought i was at the end of life, i started picking it up again. All because i accepted my state and opened myself to the people close to me
This is my story, make sure to be kind to yourself. No one on this world will be good to you, if and only if you're not good to yourself. Remind yourself daily what a lovely person you're

>>18169931
This is sweet, anon. I'm not sure I want to bring out the big guns and say "depression" quite yet, but I will let him know that I am not 100%.

>>18169918
Np!

>>18169931
Very true bro.. I'm in that process now. Having a gf helps but I noticed no gf wants a depressed dude ironically lol. So I'm excepting it and moving past it. Thanks for the advice!

I did the honesty but downplay thing and it went well, though now he is trying to set me up with an interview with his exgirlfriend, who is apparently his girlfriend again, for some grad school project of hers. Man, fml. I am not sure I want to do that, but I don't want to be a petty dick either.

>>18169994
Lol. Wtf

>>18169994
Don't do it if you have any inkling of a feeling for him. It'll probably be awkward because you're trying to hide it from her.

>>18169996
Yeah, I mean, I knew there was a strong possibility they were in the process of getting back together, so I don't care much about that.

But I don't really want to sit down with her and talk to her when I'm probably going to be thinking of how envious I am that she gets to make out with her boyfriend and I don't.

I'm kind of irritated he put me in this position. I thought it was kind of obvious that I liked him.

>>18170003
Yeah, but I did mean it when I said I wanted to be his friend. Part of being his friend would mean dealing with his girlfriend.

I will probably say yes, but ugh. I will dread it until it's over.

I haven't answered him yet, and he keeps sending texts. I'm just going to say I got distracted by something.

>>18170012
Being his friend doesn't mean dealing with her. That's just the " I still like him" in u that's talking.. don't do it lol

>>18170037
Well, if we became good enough friends, I'd probably have to hang out with both of them from time to time.

It's not really that big of a deal. It's just kind of a "seriously? Guy, how do you not know that I like you? Jesus Christ." situation.

>>18170058
I understand. Well good luck.

>>18170068
I told him I'd think about it but that I'd probably do it and that I just get anxious around new people sometimes (all true).

Pretty irritated with him right now though.

You know, I just realized he texted me not because he gave a shit about me not feeling well, but because he wanted to set up this interview for his girlfriend and was surprised when I didn't show up so he could ask. When he asked if I was doing ok, he was just making pleasantries, not genuinely inquiring.

After I gave him my answer, he made a few more pleasantries and faded out quickly.

Man. And now I am crushed.

>>18170079
Lol. Sucks for you. Glad I don't currently like a girl who's in a relationship. Is this what I would have to deal with??

>>18170099
Probably not. I've liked people in relationships before, and I've never been set up for interviews with their gfs.

I'm usually just disappointed for a while and then I get over it and never really deal with either of them ever again.

This is like some sitcom shit.

>>18170098
So based on this, I can't do it right? I have to turn them down?

Do I say something about that being a shitty thing to do? Or is that my irritation talking and do I just let it slide?

>>18170102
Lmao yes it is. Your side and my side would make a good show. Funny thing is: when I was in a relationship I would get girls like you hitting on me and flirting with me at least 3 times a week. Most times I didn't know the signs until they made it blatantly obvious.

Now: single and not one women even looks my way. What's up with that? What kind of intergalactic relationship radar do y'all have and how the fuck do you know when a dude is in a relationship and when he's not? It drives me crazy!

>>18170148
Nah I told u the first time not to do it. Lol

>>18170156
LOL, I hope it doesn't come across like I'm only interested in him because he's in a relationship. I was interested in him from the first moment and he was definitely single then.

I was working up the courage to ask him out, and then I heard talk about him chasing an ex around and my crush kind of receded into the background because I've been in that situation where I'm pitted against another girl numerous times and I'm never the victorious one. I mean, it was and still is there, but it's not nearly as strong as it was at its peak, when I knew he was single.

But I have heard that from guys. I think it's just that you just stop giving as much of a fuck about girls since you have a gf anyway and that sort of confidence and....lack of neediness....is attractive to us. I don't think women just walk around desperate to break up couples.

>>18170160
Yeah, but I thought he genuinely cared about how I was doing at least and that alone made me feel a lot better. I didn't realize it was just a segue to asking me for a favor. That is hitting me really hard.

It doesn't have much to do with my feelings for him, I don't think, though that certainly enhances it. That's just seems like a really shitty thing to do. I'm near tears now and I think I would be no matter who was it.

>>18170170
>>18170178
I understand. No. I didn't mean women chance me around lol. I'm not that good looking of a dude. Here's an ex: starts new job. Female employee overheard me talking to my gf. Before this we would casually say hi. After. She bends over in front of me on purpose. Sits close to me in meetings. Is more friendly than usual. This happened with multiple women at the same job.

No need to cry. Your luck will change soon. You'll find a dude who will genuinely like you as much as you like him. Just gotta be patient

>>18170215
Weird, I don't know what to say about that. Maybe it's like PUAs talk about "demonstrating value". Maybe having a girlfriend "demonstrates value" to your female coworkers, As a female, I don't want to think lowly of our gender, but what those women in your example sounds pretty shady.

I personally have no interest in any guy who I find out has a girlfriend before I'm able to develop feelings for them. It's like a switch gets turned off. The problem comes when I like them and then they get into a relationship. Then it takes a little while for the feelings to subside.

I'm not upset so much about not having a boyfriend. I'm kind of enjoying being single. I'm just upset that someone I care about demonstrated that they cared about me too, only for that demonstration to turn out to just be a segue for asking me for a favor. He might as well have hit me for up for money.

I read back through the text messages and it became pretty clear he really just wanted to ask me to do the interview. All of his other remarks were just window dressing. So now I feel stupid for not realizing that right away. Reading my posts up at the top about wanting to seem cool and hot in my response seem so insipid now.

>>18170255
Well if you've deciphered his text do you really think he genuinely cared for you?

That was just one example out of plenty. I could be at random places and have women hit on me (while in a relationship of course.) as I stated earlier, seems women have some kind of spiderman sensory gland which picks up vibes related to dudes who are in relationships. Fuk idk. I've had other dudes tell me the exact same thing.

In any event it boils down to your feelings for someone who doesn't have feelings for you. So crying will not help. Just being honest with you.

>>18170293
>Well if you've deciphered his text do you really think he genuinely cared for you
No, i don't. I had hoped he at least cared about me as a friend. I had reached out to him before and occasionally we seemed to be making forward progress at least as friends, but now i don't think so. This would have been before he got back with his ex, so maybe i fell by the wayside once he got a gf. I've had male friends where that has happened before. They get a gf and suddenly you may as well not exist.

If women are consciously or subconsciously after guys in relationships, that is shitty. I don't think and hope that's not me though.

Honestly, you make up an excuse and nothing is going to get fixed. Maybe he can help you, maybe not, but if you don't tell him what's wrong, and he definitely won't help you.

>>18170327
Lol, the thread is not about that anymore.

Simpler times.

I also just reached out to an ex who i still care about but no longer want to be with (he dumped me) to get his opinion on what i should do and he's not answering.

So tonight has been a real shitshow all around. Great decisions and good job to me.

>>18170325
Exactly! That was my point! He didn't genuinely care about you. If he does he's compressing it deep down due to his current situation. You have to understand he's with his ex not a new gf.

Ok new subject. Lol

>>18170364
Well... what should you do about what?

>>18170368
You can care about someone and not want to date them. When he asked if i was doing ok, i thought he was genuinely concerned. I didn't take it as a sign that he wanted to date me though.

>>18170377
Mostly if i should do the interview and / or continue staying quasi-friends with this guy and a few other details that might out me.

>>18170368
I think I'm not explaining myself well...i hemmed and hawed over whether or not to be honest or just make up an excuse as to why i didn't go out tonight. I thought an excuse would make me seem normal and fun, but honesty would potentially lead to a closer friendship. I wasn't concerned about him wanting to date me. I knew about the situation with his ex so i knew it was definitely a no, at least for now.

But now i realize it didn't matter what i said because he wasn't really asking. It was equivalent of a salesman asking "how's your day going?" I spent time debating how to answer a question, i was nervous when i sent my response, and all the while the querent didn't give a fuck about the answer, not even as a friend. I just feel foolish.

>>18170379
>>18170385
Very true! You can care without intimacy. Seems like you still want to care about him. You keep eluding my attempts to help you get over him. Lol.

Oh lol duh right....

>>18170415
I do care about him and i do want to cate about him as a friend. He's the funniest and most interesting guy I've met in a while, and up until now he seemed like one of the nicest too. As i said in my original posts, i was more interested in a friendship. He is / was someone i could see being friends with for the rest of my life, but I'm not sure how long a relationship would last.

Sometimes i think it's better to take a long friendship over a short relationship.

>>18170408
No you're explaining your self correctly so far. I already understood how his text (once you calculated the whole) depleted you because of your previous feelings regarding him. I've been there. It's fucked up because you think they're genuinely caring for your wellbeing but in reality they want something from you that'll benefit them.
This is why I'm trying to explain why deleting those feeling for him will help you in the long run.

>>18170443
Oh my crush is definitely enhancing the pain, for sure. I think this would have hurt coming from almost anyone though, unless i 100% didn't give a shit about them.

>>18170453
Very true. Well idk what else to say regarding the subject. I get you want advice. Seems like you want someone to just vent with as well.

>>18170457
Lol, yeah, I'm pretty much just venting and clarifying my thoughts. I know you are right.

I wanted to do that with my ex who knows me better than anyone and can talk me out of burning bridges but he didn't answer so it wound up being you. Sorry about that!

I texted the guy and told him i can't do the interview.

>>18169864
quit being a bitch and suck his dick. then let him cum in you. dumb cunt

>>18170462
Great fukin job femanon! And it's cool I actually enjoyed our conversation! Nobody saying fag, no racism, no dumb comments. I can say this was the first actual conversation I enjoyed on 4. So congrats to you for popping my man conversation on 4chan cherry! Lol

>>18170462
Welp! Spoke too soon lol.

>>18170475
I enjoyed it too! I will be trying to put this whole thing behind me starting tomorrow, but tonight I'll probably wallow a bit, listen to some mope music.

I'll pretend that guy never said those things.

Thanks for your help! Sorry if I seemed like I was ignoring your advice, I was not! I just needed to work through my thoughts too.

>>18170483
NP. Do we have to part ways here? You got kik?

Mann she was pretty cool. Now I feel used for my advice like a prostitute is used for sex lol