Alcoholism

>>18168840
Great blog post, now add it to your blogspot and come back when you need some advice

OK, and?

>>18168840
You sound like a typical alcoholic who never sees the problem with himself. Good for your gf that you break up.

>>18168840
Good thing she got out while the getting was good. Now leave her be while you work on your shit, no drunk calls/texts begging her back.

>>18168840
>>18168854
>>18168859
>>18168860
>>18168879
Okay, honest question. What does it seem I did wrong? Because I know I drank more than she would like, but I was never abusive or mean. When she'd leave I'd reminder that her wallet fell out of her purse onto the couch and shit like that, in case she needed it.

99.9% of the time, shit was awesome between us. Until I had a couple beers, then I was trash in her eyes.

>>18168840

Not sure what advice you're looking for here, but I guess I get the need to vent.

I'm an alcoholic, but have been sober for a while now, and I can't tell you how frustrating it is when you deal with someone who just thinks alcohol is outright evil. Besides putting on pounds for me, there's nothing inherently bad about me sitting in front of the tv with a beer as compared to sitting in front of the tv with a bottle of water.

If you were a shitty person to her when you drank, it'd be one thing, but it sounds like she just wants to manufacture something to be mad about. If she hates alcohol so much, she should date a Mormon.

>>18168893
I hear that. Honestly, since I was in fucking middle school I've struggled with anxiety and depression. I've been diagnosed with both. But the pills never helped, the only thing that ever made me feel better was booze.

And even that I sacrificed for her. I used to drink liquor regularly, but I switched to beer and wine for her comfort (even though it's so much more fattening) and it'd be alright for a week or so, then she's find another issue.

Basically, I know I drink more than I should. I know I use it as a crutch. But it was never at a detriment to her.

>>18168888
Then why didn't you stop drinking, clearly it was extremely important to her that you not drink and for obvious reasons.

Was having those few beers really worth ruining a relationship that was otherwise great? I sure hope it was.

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>>18168888
Quads of shit.

She was traumatized by her past, and you didn't respect her enough to stop when you were reminding her of the pain of those days. Doesnt matter what you did drunk or not, what you basically said was, 'I don't care enough about your painful past to stop doing what I like.'

>>18168900
>>18168901
I get that you guys are empathetic and everything. Same here. But the whole deal is that even if I gave up drinking, it would be some whole other deal. Like if I stayed home sick from work, it reminded her of her alcoholic father leeching off her mom and not working for years, so she'd be shitty to me.

We were seriously close. We've been talking about having kids, at least 3. And neither of us believed in marriage, but she wanted to legally get her last name changed to mine. Yet here we are.

I'm not trying to paint her as the bad guy, she's not. She had a very traumatic childhood. But I've tried to deal with her issues for years (perhaps mostly because she's so goddamned attractive, modelled in NYC for years) but it's just getting out of hand.

>>18168917
You live in NYC? Want to get a beer and talk about it?

>>18168899
Whether or not you breakup with your girl you need to work on yourself. You shouldn't be relying on alcohol to deal with anxiety and depression. Go to therapy.

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>>18168924
Thanks but no, we left NYC a year ago and live in Montana now. Much more peaceful, bigger yards.

>>18168925
>you need to work on yourself
Ha, thanks. Been to therapy since I was a boy, it's always been a waste of time. Best therapy I ever had was a dog, a loyal and loving Irish Wolfhound. But I'm gonna leave him with her, because I know she needs him more than I do. I'm honestly worried she'll get suicidal after I leave. Not necessarily because I'm so great, but because she's in such rough shape.

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>>18168947
>Irish Wolfhound
I love that little guy. He's not this big yet, only 9 months and ~110 pounds. Sweetest little fella I ever met.

>>18168947
That's her problem, not yours. You can't fix anyone but yourself.

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>>18168952
Honestly, I'm more worried about leaving him than her. I know she'll most likely bounce back. She's young and attractive, she'll find a new guy in no time and forget about me eventually. But our dog we got when he was a puppy, I think it'll be much rougher for the poor little guy.

>>18168900
>>18168901


Not him, but I see this on /adv/ and hear it in life all of the time, basically "well why didn't you just do X to make them happy?"

I feel like these people haven't been in a relationship before, or are just so scared of being alone, that they'll completely sacrifice their autonomy until they're a shell of themselves.

OP wasn't being self-destructive, he wasn't harming his girlfriend, he was partaking in a perfectly normal thing that his girlfriend KNEW she was getting into. She was getting mad at him for the way someone else acted, and that's not his fault. She doesn't get a piece of clay to mold the way she wants, she needs to cope with her issues to make this a successful relationship, and not retreat into a shell and punish him for doing something perfectly acceptable.

You quit something bad if it is actively doing harm to you or your partner, not just because they demand it.

>>18168917
Well considering that my father had terribly alcoholic parents who both died alcohol related deaths before he was 19, and he eventually kicked me out over drinking, once I stopped he never said anything about it again.

It's the sight of drunkenness, smell of alcohol, and change of character that gets to them. Lying on the couch sick is totally different than lying on the couch hungover, and they know it.

But what do I know? I've only been sober for several years and work with struggling alcoholics frequently.

>>18169008
Y'know, if I'm being honest, the fact is that I'm not willing to give up drinking for this relationship, even though I love her dearly and would die to keep her safe

Also offtopic, but am I the only one that gets a "connection error" if they try to update /adv/ posts, and has to make all new posts from the top, not from the quickpost, or it'll fail? I've had this problem for years. On different browsers, on different OS's (win7, win10, linux mint) and it's been the same every time. Can't update the thread, have to hit F5 every time.

>>18168969
>trauma from a difficult childhood
Not a choice
>drinking for pleasure
A choice

People change in relationships. They change on their own, and they change for each other. Maybe your refusal to change is why you're currently single. Think about it.

I see what you're saying but there is no way quitting drinking should be an issue if it strains her so much and he actually cares for her, unless he actually has a drinking problem

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>>18169020
Well perfect. I'm glad a thread came to a conclusion for once, and not just OP endlessly rejecting advice bc he didn't life it

>>18168956
>That's her problem, not yours.
Thanks, but that's easier said than done. When I was in high school I had a girlfriend that hung herself after I left her.

In this current relationhip, she's talked about how she would want to die if I left. I know that's not my fault or whatever, but it still makes it difficult to bail on her.

>>18169021
>drinking for pleasure
>a choice
But that's not all. Yes drinking is pleasurable, but that's not the only reason I do it. For years I've struggled with anxiety and depression, and the only thing that's EVER made it feel better is booze. Therapy, pills, did nothing. Booze made me feel great.

And y'know, I get the distinct impression she preferred me being in a depressed state than being cheerful and positive.

>>18169021

I'm just sick of the "trauma from childhood" excuse. My childhood was a goddamned fucking disaster, with an alcoholic father, grandfather, crazy as shit mother, and all of this other shit, but I don't dump all of my issues on my partners and whine and bitch and moan about how traumatic it was. That doesn't mean I'm over it and it's comfortable, but I just accept that there is shit I can't change, and all I can do is move forward.

I'm happy to be single, personally, but when I AM in a relationship, I'm willing to compromise, but not outright change, unless that change is something I'd like to do myself. I also won't ask my partner to change. There's nothing wrong with asking, but there is a major issue with threatening the relationship over not changing, especially when the issue existed BEFORE the relationship existed.

Drinking is a normal thing that normal adults do, and being completely sober is not a normal expectation. It is one of those major lifestyle dealbreaker kind of things that need to be communicated and not fixed later.

>>18169042
Difference is you're a dude and not a chick, huh.

>>18169065

Chicks don't get an excuse because they have a vagina, bro. We're all adults. No one is there to protect you anymore.

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>>18169078
Well sure, but

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>>18169082
>>18169082
pt2

>>18169042
I've read on some drug forums that drug X or drug Y makes people who felt defect their entire life feel down to earth and functional for once. You sound like you're one of them.
But I hope you know that those drugs have long term side effects and always change people for the worse. Alcohol is especially hard on the body. How long have you been drinking? How much do you drink a day? 2-3 liters of beer?

>>18169042
You're the same kind of guy that goes 'well, why can't you just NOT be depressed/get over your anxiety? Just do it bro. I've had some tough things happen too but I didn't get all downcast all the time about it. '

So you don't really have empathy and you really shouldn't be giving advice.

>>18169082
>>18169090

I read like, four posts from that and there's some shit where I'm like "well okay that makes sense" and some where I'm like "this is fucking autistic," so I'm not going to read it all. I get the point. Kinda. It's too much bullshit.

>>18169094
I've never felt defective. Shy and anxious sometimes, yeah, but I (the guy you're quoting) am not OP. Alcohol has helped me cope with it a little bit at times.

But I am an alcoholic, although sober for a couple of months right now. I typically drink 10+ drinks a day, and before quitting for a while, was up to 20+ a day. I've been drinking heavily since I was 17, and I'm now 30. I've been lucky enough that alcohol hasn't hurt my body very much.

Part of why I put the bottle down is that I saw it absolutely tearing my other alcoholic friends to shreds. My sober friends are amazed that I was able to hang on so well and put it down so easily - I am too.

I'm 100% sure everyone criticizing OP is a virgin faggot jealous because OP had a girl and let her go instead of becoming her doormat.

>>18169095
Nope, that's not what that anon means at all. If anything, OP should have broken up first, or the girl should not have gotten into that relationship if that was such a deal breaker. Nobody should be expected to change their own (normal, non-destructive) ways just because a partner wants them to.

Fuck, would you give up a hobby you really enjoy because "gf has trauma"? I'm a girl and holy fuck, not only would I never do that but I'd also never expect anyone to.

>>18169095

Figured I'd split this into another post. I'm nothing like that. I've dealt with anxiety and depression most of my life, and have used alcohol to cope in many instances. I have also never felt that you can "just get over" that shit, and have sought resources, whether it be therapy, friends, exercise, or other outlets, to try to cope with it in healthier ways. Depression almost caused me to drop out of school, depression made me homeless, depression has pushed me to the brink of suicide.

But I have NEVER pushed this onto a partner, or demanded that they change and exist to comfort me. I don't let my traumas leak into day-to-day life. That's not fair to someone that I'm seeing. They're not my therapist.

I may vocalize my concerns and try to express and talk through my feelings, but I won't make someone act a certain way because of my issues.

>>18169127
>>18169139
Thank you. I get that people can pick up that she's otherwise a great girl and all, but a good relationship is NOT built on compromise. Especially since most faggot's idea of compromise is one party being difficult and the other altering all their ways to accommodate them.

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So anyway, should I go ahead and leave, or try to salvage it? This is maybe the 4th or 5th time we've had an episode like this. And every time it comes sooner and sooner, and for less reason. The last time it happened I was set on leaving for that reason - that it's a telling pattern. But she convinced me not to.

But here we are again.

>>18169663

Alcoholic poster here. Can you talk to her about working through this? Maybe couples therapy to settle down her reactions to this? There is the potential of it backfiring in therapy, because it is a "bad word" to therapists, but it's a thought.

Maybe you can agree to some booze free days? Promise that two or three days a week, instead of drinking, you'll just mainline a little heroin or something?

>>18169694
>Can you talk to her about working through this? Maybe couples therapy to settle down her reactions to this?
Maybe. Probably. But honestly, I just don't think it's worth it anymore. Seems like it's about time to move on. I'm more worried about missing the dog than her honestly, but she needs him more plus she works at a veterinarian office so she can probably take better care of him than me since I'm gonna be pretty broke for a while, finding a new place and all.

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wat

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Not one for blogposts, but I haven't cried since I was a little boy, and here I am bawling while holding my dog, trying not to let him see how upset I am. I'll probably never see him again, and he'll never understand why I left him.

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No more advice? It's just me at home alone with my pupper now. Gonna head out tomorrow with as much as I can fit in a rented car. I feel terrible for the little guy. I hope I see him again someday.

Just pitching in about something someone said.

Drinking is a completely normal adult thing, but only in moderation. Complete sobriety is also normal too. So is only drinking socially. It's whatever the individual is comfortable with.


I'm so glad me and my boyfriend both feel the same way on alcohol. We are completely sober. Last time we had anything alcoholic was some wine on new year's.

It's just that when you drink a lot, it harms your body over time, and often changes how you act