Quick question for you all - specifically the guys as I think

To be blunt, it sounds like he may have found someone else.
He feels alot of guilt when he's around you. He feels bad for what he's done or is thinking of doing.
You haven't done anything to warrant this behavior I assume? You haven't flirted with someone and left your phone around to be pilfered?

>>18168390

Guy here. I can think of a few possibilities.
Have you changed physically in the last year or so? Put on weight or changed hair color/length. Something that might have made him less physically attracted to you?

Has something significant changed in his life? New job, town, death in the family. He could just be super stressed and not letting on why?

And of course he could be having an affair and feels guilty.

Oops, forgot the important answers to the inevitable questions.

>didn't get fat
>no real issues with money, friends, work, only issue is the sex
>I don't think he's cheating, at least not physically, if only because he doesn't have the time

>>18168408
>barely any sex, forced
>doesn't acknowledge you or your naked body, even when you flaunt it
>refuses blowjobs
>It's not you, it's me
>I want a midlife crisis bunker so I can spend more time alone
Either something big happened in his life where he can't focus on anything but his problems or you're just not captivating him anymore.
It sounds like the latter really. You need to have a talk. This is a cancer that will spread and make your life unbearable.

>>18168400

Even if he looked through my phone he would find nothing. This is the love of my life, I'm only interested in him and I don't even have any male friends

>>18168405

Nope, I workout more than ever and I look better than I did when we met (in my opinion). Not considerably different, just slimmer and more toned.

The only change I can think of is that he had a five year addiction to benzos but weened himself off them about four, maybe five months ago. Doesn't take anything now.

Thanks for your replies.

Does he have ED?

>>18168422
This

>>18168390
Could he be back on drugs? I'm sure you'd know if he was, but it's possible. Most likely, he needs alone time to figure out who he is again. I can't imagine being high on benzo's for 5 years would do anything for introspection or personal development. He probably just wants to get regrounded in reality. I stop feeling "real" after if I drink more than once a month, so I'd imagine after being high out of his mind for half a decade he is probably feeling like a downright ghoul at the moment.

>>18168436

I know this guy extremely well (Or rather, thought I did) and the only reason he gave up benzos was because he "wanted to be a better person for me". I have never judged him for his drug use, nor did I ever suggest be could stop. I'm positive he isn't using anything at the moment even though I've suggested maybe taking a lose dosage to see if it helps him. Thanks for the suggestion though.

I think he feels like it has to do with withdrawal which I was understanding about until the spare bedroom thing came up. Sex has become such a huge elephant in the room now that I just have this terrible feeling that there are more insidious reasons for this.

And I know that sounds fucking nuts, before someone points it out.

>>18168450
You are completely ignoring the second half of my post.. which makes me think maybe you only hear what you want to hear, and he just never picked up on this while he was busy being a drug addict. But now that he is sober your relationship issues are coming into focus, and he is becoming withdrawn.

>>18168418
good chance the benzos thing has a lot to do with it. takes a bit to get your brain chemistry sorted again after regularly fucking with it for years. anything else changed recently? mood/habits/behavior wise

>>18168454

So you think perhaps he could manage when he was off his face every day on benzos but now he's sobering up, he is starting to struggle with the issues we have in our relationship?

The only real issue is the sex and intimacy thing - as far as everything else goes we work extremely well as a couple and he regularly tells me how much he loves me.

>>18168457

Nothing at all. He's still very chatty with me, work is okay (if a little busy), he's eating the same, we spend quality time together and to be honest, this has been our first "disagreement" if you want to call it that.

I'm worried that I can't see the wood for the trees and the relationship is failing and beyond my control. When we discuss it, he assures me it isn't me, just a weird state of mind and things will get better.

In the meantime I worry more and more that the issue is deeper than that, something to do with me or someone else, and this is causing a lot of resentment and loss of confidence. It's kind of a self fulfilling prophecy and a strange cycle that is hard to get out of.

>>18168482
>the only real issues are sex and intimacy

So you're fine as room mates, but not as lovers or a couple? That doesn't sound like everything is fine at all to me. The relationship part of your relationship is failing.

>>18168493

I should add, when we do have sex it's always great and just how it was when we met. He just had low interest in it at the moment.

>>18168482
trust him. he knows the score. he's aware of the issues that have arisen from this. he's straight up telling you it will pass once his head settles back down again. trust him. give it some time and support him. you realize you're adding more stress and unnecessarily putting more pressure on him, right? i understand how hard it is not to worry that something else is behind this. promise you i get it & understand what you're going through. you're being rather selfish however. that part is no fun to admit but it gets better pretty much immediately after you start seeing things -- and particularly your role in them -- for what they are objectively. becomes much much much easier then to have patience and actually be helpful in getting the main point of contention resolved. just try to chill out, yeah?

>>18168510

Believe me, I know how utterly selfish this is. Every time I bring it up with me, I can see his eyes glaze over and it's starting to mean less and less when he tries his hardest to assure me it's just a temporary thing.

It's just so hard for me because I've always stuck by him and believed in him. I thought we had this wonderfully open, completely perfect relationship and this is the first blip we've had really. Perhaps it's high expectations from me but I truly love this person and it's an intense feeling I've never felt before.

I'll take advice and back the fuck off a bit. He's a wonderful guy and I have been riding him a bit hard lately (no pun intended). I don't want to end up beating his pride down so much that he isn't himself anymore, because then be won't be the person I fell in love with.

I will trust him and support him until there is a change. If it goes the wrong way then at least I gave it a chance and didn't run at the first sign of trouble. I really want this to work.

Thanks anon.

>>18168390
Have you both recently moved in together?

>>18168553

Not super recently, we've been living together for around eight months now.

Can't you just ask him?

>>18168559
Oh right. Because when I moved into a place with my girlfriend for the first month I was the same but that was it hit me how serious we were getting aha. Maybe he just wants to have a bit of space as all I used to do was browse /g, /b and/adv listening to music but she doesn't like my music so I felt so bored and didn't like it. Has there been some change recently?

>>18168574

I think you're on the money with your answer, anon. He used to workout a lot before I moved in, but when we moved he was no longer able to as there wasn't room for his weights. He said he wants a space where he can go and spend time doing weights while he watches Netflix, rather than flitting between rooms and losing interest.

If this is the case then it might be just what he needs. Working out tends to increase confidence and it'll also give him some space to reflect on things away from my annoying face.

Thanks for giving me a new point of view :)

>>18168591
Mild depression is one of the biggest symptoms of benzo withdrawal. Guess what mild or heavy depression does to your libido?

>>18168591
Of course, no problem:) let him get back into the swing of things that he enjoys to do; my girlfriend and I sorted it out by one night I put up with her music and the next day she puts up with mine so everything is cool and fair. I understand what you mean but if he isn't happy or inconfident about something his drive will go down and certain things seem like a chore. Don't worry, don't overlook it you both need to space out a bit and find something to do in the meantime:)