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My life is thoroughly fucked. I have been in a dead relationship for a few years now with a guy who is a decade older than me and is financially irresponsible and has basically no life experience because he is very charming and has influentual friends and family who take care of everything for him. (Never delt with debt, legal repercussions, has never had to pay rent, etc.)
We initially had a fun relationship but I have felt used because he "lost his job" after we moved in together, and didn't get another one until 2 years later. I have supported him and he has put me in serious debt and wrecked my car(s), so I have been severely depressed for a very long time. I'm the one who gave up my life so he could have this job and now I'm having to pay for everything he has destroyed.
He is extremely callous toward me, and we are basically still together because he owes me a substantial amount of money. I have no friends of my own, I quit college and life in general because my classes and hobbies did not fit his work schedule and then he destroyed my car, so I can't even take an offer for a great job.
I am financially drained, isolated, and have had severe problems with anxiety and depression for most of my life, so the thought of starting over is so overwhelming that I'd rather kill myself. I was on the path of restructuring my life following a physically abusive relationship, reintegrating socially, had a 4.0 GPA in college and felt like I had a chance at making something of my life.
I'm in shape because I work out way too much to work off my frustration and I am a talented performing artist, but I have given up on my interests, feel dead inside, sleep as much as possible, and have no confidence. I have been used for years but I am absolutely terrified to start over again.
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>>18167674
I have no advice. But i hope you not worry about money so much
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>>18167674
All I can say is that you've hit rock bottom so you might as well take a leap of faith and start over. It can't get any worse, right? Starting over will be hard and might take a long time to get the ball rolling again. But regardless of how difficult the journey will be, just remember that it won't suck nearly as much as your life currently does now.
I don't know if you can afford to, but if you can, I'd suggest seeking professional help. There are also free services online and numbers you can call.
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Jesus, don't know what to say to you.
I could've told you to live the hobo life but you must be a girl.
No advice here as well, but you could contact your family(?) again in case some shit happens to you or him and you could go back to their home again and start a new life alone(?).
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It is nice just to see that random people care enough to post some words of encouragement.
Yes, I am a girl, and I've thought about leaving everything behind and going to a state where I can smoke myself into euphoria.
I have been in therapy for several years for clinical depression and anxiety, but it has not been helpful. I have seen the gambit; from high priced to pro bono psychiatrists. There are no trauma or abuse specialists where I live. I am prescribed medications which help when I have panic attacks, but I cannot get past the severe depression and general lack of interest in life. It is very difficult to like myself after being beaten until my bones were broken by one person, and then used for money and a car by another. It's my fault for staying, but there are several factors that make it hard to get away.
The only thing that mildly interests me is working out, and I feel like I am on angry auto pilot when doing so.
I lived in a very traumatic situation in my previous relationship where I was tortured and beaten to the point of hospitalization, so I settled with my current relationship because at least I don't fear for my life. I'm very frightened of ending up in another abusive relationship because the other one started out as a very accommodating and charismatic person until he got me isolated and then I learned what a psychopath he was.
I don't know how to interact with other people because I have been isolated and depressed for so long. I've been hit on, but I don't know how to react or what to say because I don't have any interests aside from sleeping and working out. I don't have friends or even any family. No support network. I'm very lost.
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leave
cut your losses
and dont fall head over heels for handsome men
there really is no other way which cut this cancer out of your life
also you are an idiot for staying despite all the signs so you deserve every bit of shit you were given
be smarter
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>>18167804
Fuck you; I'm sorry people have feelings
No one deserves to be abused, dickhead
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>>18167820
No they don't, and while it doesn't absolve him from anything, but by staying after all the signs that still makes her partially at fault for her own misery. Enablers aren't blameless.
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