Given up all hope, need /adv/

>>18166013
do what holden did
grow up

>>18166021
How do I do that? I've graduated college and am working full time in a nice job, I'm exercising regularly and keeping fit. What if a girl gets my hopes up again only to destroy them once again? I don't know how many more times I can handle that

>>18166013
You're probably just a loser. Change that. It could be that you're desperate for female attention, it could be that you're unsuccessful in life, whatever.

My guess is that you're probably both. You're probably very giving to everyone because you desperately want approval, which is why you think people are selfish. I bet you're not very successful, either, and are bitter about people who are because they had to act in their own self interest to get there.

There's nothing wrong with acting in your own self interest. If you think that's wrong, life is going to suck for you because you'll never do anything for yourself.

>>18166035
Desperate for female attention might be right, but I don't think I'm a loser. I have a good job (one of the most successful out of all my peers career wise) good social circle, people like me when I meet them, girl are attracted to me but one night stands aren't something I enjoy, they depress me.

I am very giving though to other people, I don't care much for myself and would rather make other people happy.

>>18166035
What should I do to fix these problems then? I have given up all hope in having a better life.

>>18166050
> I don't think I'm a loser
Ah, alright. I meant no offense, I was just trying to feel things out.

>Desperate for female attention might be right

That's something that needs to change. That is very destructive.

>I am very giving though to other people, I don't care much for myself and would rather make other people happy.

That's not a bad thing, but I think you don't realize that you're acting in your own self interest to some extent. You probably want the positive attention. I know because I'm the same way. I love helping my friends with their homework, helping them prepare for job interviews, and helping them learn skills I know. I kinda recently-ish figured out that it is really about me really enjoying positive attention. I'd get giddy over people saying "Thanks for the help" and stuff. Do you do the same thing?

>>18166013
Holden Caulfield was a douche. He whined about everyone being a phony and selling out and all he did was lie and wear a hipster hat. Look for the patterns in your life that aren't working, where are you meeting these junk cheating women and what are you doing to drive the others away. If you act like Holden Caulfield that's the reason, nobody will be able to stand you after a while.

>>18166063
Well I can tell you that you're depressed. I'm not saying clinically necessarily, but I wouldn't rule that out. I'd do some research on your own and see if you think you fit into clinical depression or bipolar disorder or something. If you do, talk to a doctor. It's a medical issue.

I should make it clear, you should probably avoid relationships for awhile. The reality of it is you can't blame the world for your unsuccessful relationships. There are plenty of successful relationships in the world (including those that end cleanly/mutually), so it clearly isn't a problem with the world. It's either a problem with your judgement (getting involved with bad women), or a problem with your behavior (maybe you mope too much, maybe you're clingy, maybe you get mean; I don't know).

What went wrong in your relationships? Why did the girls who broke up with you do it?
Cheaters are whores, yes, but more often than not they were driven to do it to some extent, not just some desire to cheat or fuck tons of guys. Maybe they lost respect for you, maybe they felt trapped, whatever. Doesn't make them good people, but think about why. And yes, maybe they were just selfish whores.

>>18166069
I'm not insulted by you calling me a loser, I guess I probably am a loser because I'm unhappy with my life

How can I go about getting less desperate for girls attention? I just feel like I need love in life, I want to find the person I want to marry and settle down and have kids and everything but I've completely lost all hope that that's a possibility. I've never made it past 2 years in a relationship and nearly every time I've been cheated on.

As for gaining stuff from helping others, for me it feels more like I have completely lost hope in finding happiness, so I might as well make others happy because I'm not going to be happy either way so at least then I'm having a positive impact on those around me.

>>18166070
I dont act like holden on the outside, I just feel like him on the inside. Where I meet most girls is friends of friends at parties and whatnot. I'm quite good at talking and joking etc. I feel like I've met a disproportionate amount of shit women compared to everyone else. I don't know what I do to drive women away, why do I always get cheated on?

>>18166092
I would probably agree that I am clinically depressed, I feel okay when I'm hanging with friends and my mind is occupied but whenever I'm on my own I literally just lie in bed doing nothing for hours until I have to go to work or until I'm meeting up with a friend. Maybe moving in with one of my friends will help with this

I have quite often felt like the world is to blame and not me. Maybe I am just a terrible judge of character, every girl bar one who broke up with me did it because they wanted to bang hundreds of guys, like literally, they just wanted to whore themselves out. Its just happened so many times that I can't think its possible for any attractive woman to not be a whore.

>>18166103
1) You "feel okay" when you're with friends
2) You are desperate for female companionship
3) You are a giving person who always puts other people's needs/wants ahead of your own

Personally, I think it's pretty clear you like, and crave, attention. I don't mean attention like how people think of attention-seeking sluts, class clowns, or people who like to perform for audiences. I mean it in a more abstract way than how we're used to thinking about it. Maybe there's a better word to describe it.

Can you see where I'm coming from? If it helps, I'm talking from personal experience.

>Maybe moving in with one of my friends will help with this

Not if you agree you're clinically depressed. Instead you'll just feel bad about bringing your friend down. The reality is that clinical depression is a chemical thing. If you would agree that you fit the mold, you should talk to a doctor.

Do what Jeff Dahmer did, open others up to new possibilities.

>>18166126
Your points 1, 2 and 3 are entirely accurate. I understand what you mean about craving attention. How do you think I can stop this?

My friend is eager for me to move in though and I'm currently living in a pretty toxic environment, I'm currently being evicted because I'm still under the probation lease and my housemates put in complaints about me.

For clinical depression, I tried therapy once and it didn't do anything for me. I also don't want to get thrown onto medication. I can't see how drugging myself up will help with anything in the long term.

>>18166130
I've actually thought about doing this to the ex that fucked me up the most. I was away for 3 months for my job and in that time she screwed a bunch of my "friends" and acquaintances slept with over 50 people and literally became a prostitute. I've never been the same since I flew back home to see her and discovered all that.

>>18166150
>Your points 1, 2 and 3 are entirely accurate. I understand what you mean about craving attention. How do you think I can stop this?

Liking attention isn't necessarily a bad thing. I mean, that's what drives people to do a lot of things.

Waiters at high end restaurants love making people happy, and get rewarded with decent wages and tips. Actors thrive on attention, and love adjusting their performances until the director is happy. Teachers may love the feeling of seeing their students become interested. It's not a bad thing.

What makes it bad in your case is your depression. It leads you into unhealthy relationships because you don't have good judgement and want to take whatever comes to you.

>My friend is eager for me to move in though and I'm currently living in a pretty toxic environment, I'm currently being evicted because I'm still under the probation lease and my housemates put in complaints about me.

I guess you have to move, but I can virtually guarantee that things won't suddenly be great just because you moved.

>For clinical depression, I tried therapy once and it didn't do anything for me.

Therapy isn't for everyone and it isn't for every issue. Most doctors will have you go to therapy once and refer you to a psychiatrist to medicate you, check in on your progress once every few months until you've stabilized, and/or refer you to group therapy. It's not a cure.

(continued in next post)

>>18166150
(continued from >>18166176)

>I also don't want to get thrown onto medication. I can't see how drugging myself up will help with anything in the long term.

Clinical depression is a chemical thing. Our knowledge of the brain is not perfect, so we don't know *exactly* what causes it in every case. This is why there are so many different medications to treat it, and why getting the right medication is often trial and error. I believe in the future, depression will be an umbrella term for specific chemical imbalances that we know of, and we'd have a way to medically diagnose it and prescribe the exact right medication to treat it.

Unfortunately, we're not there yet. Writing it off completely as "drugging" yourself is ignorant. At some point, you need to accept that you can't control it.

Also, you might not have clinical depression. You could have bipolar disorder, which would explain how you've been so successful career-wise. Could be other things, too. I only have personal experience with bipolar disorder, and I am very close to people who have bipolar disorder and clinical depression. I'm not a doctor.

Beyond giving treatment an honest try, I don't really have any advice to offer you. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think that you need to accept that you can't control your mood and your energy level, and that what it is currently is not healthy.

So my advice to you is research clinical depression, bipolar disorder (bipolar II specifically; bipolar I is the "scary" one), and other things. See if you think they fit. Talk to a doctor. Tell them your reservations. Psychologists/psychiatrists aren't dumb people. They're doctors. It's not a sham.

>>18166176
>>18166187
I didn't mean that moving in with my friend would "cure" me, just that it might help me go on the road to recovery.

After reading your post I would say I actually am definitely not clinically depressed, bipolar fits my feelings much more. I can get huge drives of motivation and work really hard towards something (I.e, I was always top of my class in school, college etc and can work hard st my job. When I decided to get /fit/ I'm only 2 months in but lost loads of weight and nearly have abs, every person I know has commented on the drastic change) it just always seems so fruitless in the end. I never thought of being bipolar before but bipolar 2 fits me perfectly. Maybe I'll talk to a doctor about feeling bipolar, maybe that will help this time.

>>18166156
You got to just write that one off, if she slept with 50 people in 3 months and literally became a prostitute it means that she was seriously spiraling with some mental health issues and/or serious drug addiction. I am guessing both.

>>18166433
Daddy issues and drug addiction yeah,

She also became a mad feminist and was actually proud of being a prostitute bragging about how much money she could make and how many guys she banged, to my fucking face.

Its been over 2 years and 2 relationships since then but it still fucks me up sometimes thinking about it.

>>18166013
You're just as selfish m8. So am I. Everyone is, i don't know what to make of it either.