Depressed boyfriend

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>>18165620

**continued**

I've recently been doing a lot of CBT stuff for my anxiety and I've been reading a book that primarily talks about depression. He does have depression and hasn't sought any form of help or treatment. So I saw this as him hurting himself and his depression getting worse. I told him how I have repeatedly told him that I loved him and how he was the one breaking up with me right now. I explained to him how I saw this as his depression probably making him feel this way because I've really been trying so hard to make it work and what he's describing is mostly his internal dialogue filtering out what's really there through the lens of his depression. He says he feels like I wanna break up with him but I haven't done anything to indicate that. He said he was surprised I've stayed by him and I said that's more of an indication that I'm here for you and I don't see these fights as bigger than how much I value you. I ended that by saying ultimately I don't know how you feel on the inside and whether or not you love me but if you don't then please just break up with me. It's ok if this is real and you actually fell out of love with me because that's possible but I honestly feel like it's the latter and you need to work on it. I can't tell you how to feel.

He said he was confused but thinks I'm right. We got coffee and I told him all I know about cbt and how it's helped me and we talked about how he can work on his depression. I'm still very shaken up by this.


Sorry if this is jumbled and confusing but did I do the right thing here? Am I being manipulative or gaslighting him? Am I being stupid for staying with him? I really love him and I want what's best for him but it hurt me a lot to hear him say that he doesn't think he loved me. I don't know if I'm doing the right or wrong thing here.

>>18165620

Not at all - it's natural to want to justify the actions of another person, especially if they're hurting you. I think it's great that you have personal experience of depression and CBT, but please be careful not to become an armchair psychiatrist. You are not a professional and giving him pointers on CBT when you've probably only have a small period of treatment yourself will not help him.

If he is depressed, he needs to see a doctor and get an official diagnosis and course of treatment. If he is depressed, he probably isn't in a position to be making sensible decisions about his personal life but that doesn't mean he is wrong or you should try and influence them either.

What he said was very specific and also something very common in relationships. It doesn't sound a million miles off something which could genuinely be the case.

You're doing the best thing by making your feelings clear, giving him options and stepping away from the situation and I really hope it works out for you because you sound very caring. Just try not to influence him into doubting his feelings, just in case they are correct.

>>18165620
>>18165627
that sounds like the best response that could be given in that situation. I would have appreciated that and been grateful for it. Sounds like it could all work out.

>>18165620
>>18165627
This is probably in no way helpful, but you sound like an angel. I wish more girls were like you.

>>18165919
>>18166047
>>18165748

Thanks for the advice. I talked to my friends about it and they pretty much said the same thing.