Girlfriend wants to just be friends after 9 months

Part 2:
"Cool show me her art while we're at it cos that'll make me feel even better about myself, yknow being an artist and already having confidence issues about my art"
"Whoa? She reactivated her Facebook account? Maybe you can say sorry to her and you guys can get back together."
Then she sends this, and I start apologizing like crazy, I felt so bad, those weren't my intentions at all, but no matter what I said, the situation stuck with her.

Events like that happened, maybe 4 or 5 times, about different stuff, not my ex. But I would say things and hurt her. She would put them behind her and say she forgave me, but I still hurt her, and they compounded on her I guess.

In the last 3 months, she started questioning whether we were right for each other again. She pointed out a few reasons she had doubts.
1. I was stubborn like her dad, and we had small fights about that. Her parents didn't have a happy marriage, so she didn't want to end up like them.
2.I had hurt her so deeply, she didn't want to give me another chance to hurt her.
3.In the last 3 months while she was having those doubts, she wasn't getting horny during sex, and I hurt her once trying to do it but she wasn't wet. I tried once, she said it hurt, I slowed down, it started feeling easier, but I hurt her again, and we stopped after that. Essentially she said that sex was super important to her, even though I was her first boyfriend, and her first sexual partner. I told her I'm sorry and she never gave me signals she wanted to do it, so I didn't force myself, but I would try to give her massages, and play with her, but still nothing. I don't know if she no longer found me attractive, she said it was probably linked to her other frustrations with me.

And for those 3 reasons plus the already unfortunate distance, which she mentioned without the distance problem she probably wouldn't have tried breaking up and kept trying. We have decided to go back to just being internet friends.

Part 3: My questions

1. Is it normal to hurt your girlfriends feelings once every 1 to 2 months? Then apologize because you honestly didn't mean it the way she interpreted it. She says I wasn't learning from my mistakes of lacking empathy, but I have been trying, its just hard.

2. Can you have a relationship without the sex life being super passionate and sparks flying? This one is important to her even though she's never experienced sparks flying sex. In fact she's never had an orgasm or masturbated. So one of our issues was I couldn't make her cum. I even bought her a hitachi which we used together, and she still wasn't able to cum. I was always supportive and said it's normal for the first time to be scary, and difficult to achieve. But she, I'm guessing here, linked it to the fact I wasn't the right one for her, sexually at least.

3. Goes with question 2, she said I made her feel safe and happy as long as we weren't in the middle of a fight, but she never felt the passion. Like while we were cuddling she wouldn't get horny and want to have sex. Is that normal for certain people? or if you are dating, is it the norm to get horny when you're in bed everytime, because that was not the case for me either. I would start kissing her neck and lips, and that would be when I got horny, just cuddling was more warm and safe.

4. THE BIG QUESTION: Is the relationship salvageable? I love her! I honestly do! And when she first brought up breaking up, she said she still loves me, but that we might not be right for each other, for the above reasons. She doesnt want to open herself up for more heartbreak, but when we weren't fighting or upset, which was more than 2/3 of the time I'd say, things were amazing. I felt like I was with my soulmate. We liked the same TV, videogames, movies, we loved cuddling with each other, we'd go out on occasion, but all around we were super happy. And I feel like all the mistakes I've made have spoiled those good moments.

>>18165604
Not to be a complete douche but this thread makes me not miss relationships at all after not being in one for like six years.

>we have decided to just go back to being internet friends
This is probably for the best. IMO you shouldn't be spending this much money and time on a relationship unless it's well within your means to afford it and you have plans to move together. I don't think your life should have to change all that much to accommodate somebody. I believe in the concept of two souls coming together and coexisting without completely losing themselves - emotionally, financially, or what have you - in the other person. This is what happens though when insecure folks want to turn their online friends into lovers, without having the social skills, relationship skills or core confidence to carry it through.

>>18165672
>>18165635
>1. Is it normal to hurt your girlfriends feelings once every 1 to 2 months?
She sounds like she's too easily butthurt and slightly emotionally manipulative to be honest. And no it's not that normal, not over shit like this. She's insecure and using you as a punching bag and that's not cool.

>2. Can you have a relationship without the sex being super passionate
>she's never had an orgasm or masturbated
Sexual incompatibility is a huge red flag. You may not be dominant enough. She sounds like she's submissive, as most women are. She also has her own hangups that are worth addressing and that's not your burden to bear.

>3. She never felt the passion
You're not exciting her enough. You either need to be more dominant and masculine, or she simply isn't that into you and is just going along with it for the sake of having a relationship. Trust me here, you do NOT want a relationship with someone that does not desire you.

>4. Is the relationship salvageable?
>she loves me but we might not be right for each other
All this bullshit she's saying equates to one thing: she doesn't feel attracted to you. You deserve only a woman who wants to escalate on cuddling, and it sounds like she isn't one that's going to do that. Contrary to popular belief, girls love sex, but more important in sex than the physical act is being aroused, which for women is mainly psychological.

Look into how you can be more "masculine", but don't assume that's the only reason. She has her own insecurities and bullshit and none of that is your fault.

Oh and to answer number four: it's over. If you're here typing up this bullshit that means it's over. Find someone who won't put you through this hell, and never put up with a woman's bullshit or compromise who you are as a man for someone else.

She doesn't think it's worth the trouble and is finding or has found someone who fucks her better. Probably the latter because she broke it off.
Sorry. Time to move on. Friendship will only complicate things, I promise. The separation may instill a realization in her but don't count on it
Don't even think about it. Assure her you don't want to cut things off completely because you're mad or you're seeing someone else, it's just for the best.

>>18165672
>>18165682
The 2 votes that say its over, Im still on the boat that I love her, and things could work out if she was able to put the past behind and start fresh.

As for the sexual incompatibility. She wanted to be spanked, she wanted to be choked, pounded hard, so yea she was definitely a sub. I think I can give her that, the issue I have is she was basically my first sex experience too. And I guess the fact she wants that from sex when neither of us know what we're really doing confuses me. Like im focused on not winding myself, getting to the right angle where im actually comfortable, and she is completely like not even trying, If I want her to stick her butt up, I have to grab her hips and pull them up, same for arching her back, keeping her legs up. So she blames me for the passionless sex but I feel like she never gave it the shot it deserved. Theres a difference between being submissive and completely still.

And then we have her insecurities and hangups.
Yes I think she is overly sensitive, but its something I liked about her at times, and yes shes insecure, but again, I guess im attracted to a girl with her types of faults, she was bullied a lot and is overly hurt by criticism, and very defensive, and I have struggled with dealing with that. But it gives me the feeling of, kind of, nurturing her, showing her she's worth it, making her feel loved and attractive. And she is attractive, to me at least, maybe not to her.

I guess, I was okay giving her that, but I'm hurt knowing now that our relationship is not worth it enough to her to keep it going.

We're taking a month apart and after that, we're gonna talk again, and she may grow to miss the way I treated her (my hopes from it) and want me back. But im also mentally preparing for it to actually be over, and being just friends. which we have been for the last 3 weeks, which was when I mentioned my ex, I had thought since we were friends it wouldn't be as taboo

Fool.

>>18165693
I can almost guarantee she is not having sex with anyone else, she's playing overwatch with other guys but thats about it.

Friendship might complicate things, when we were starting out our friendship, I was still kind of boyfriendy, texting her more than a friend would, wanting to spend a ton of time with her still. Maybe I was still pretending like we were dating, but without the sex or physical intimacy. I guess I'm pretty messed up in the head about her. I know cutting it off completly would be the quickest healing process, but I'm weak, and still love her, and I'll take as intimate a relationship as I can get with her.

Ultimately I guess I blame the relationship not working on the fact shes completely inexperienced sexually, and emotionally, and if it were her a few years from now, we would work out. But maybe im in denial, and I should just move on to finding another girl that I find attractive on every level, and who enjoys cuddling and finds me attractive the same way.

Im just so emotionally invested at this point that I guess I want to give the relationship every chance it deserves, before giving it up, even if it means more heartbreak and emotional pain to me.

>>18165762
>sex is important to her
>sex with you wasn't enjoyable
>she just wants to be friends
m8

>>18165754
Yup

>>18165762
>I'm just so emotionally invested
And she isn't.

When a girl says she wants to be friends it means she is no longer attracted to you. She IS actively looking for other men if she hasn't already found one. She WILL get sex from a guy that isn't you. Learn. This. Now.

>I guess I want to give the relationship every chance it deserves, before giving it up, even if it means more heartbreak and emotional pain to me.
For fuck's sake, get a grip. Go talk to other women and invest in yourself more, bet it your fitness, education, job, hobbies or social life.

>>18165771
Yea yea I know. But here's my logic. Sex is important to her, because of her ideals and fantasies. She hasn't actually had sex before or knows what it would be like.

And sex with her did feel good in the middle 3 months. She was horny and wet, and It went well. Which leads me to believe it was all of her worries about me hurting her and being stubborn that made her start overthinking sex and not getting into it.

If our relationship continued, and we both got more experienced, Id say we've done it a total of maybe 10 or 15 times, that I could get fancier, and actually choke her without falling over, and spank her and all that jazz she imagined sex would be like.

>>18165778
>When a girl says she wants to be friends it means she is no longer attracted to you. She IS actively looking for other men if she hasn't already found one. She WILL get sex from a guy that isn't you. Learn. This. Now

If it weren't her I'd probably agree with you. I know she's not actively looking, if a guy starts hitting on her and she likes him she probably will give it a shot though.

But I can't honestly believe she isn't still attracted to me. She said, I still love you, but I can't keep letting myself get hurt like this. Distance hurt, things I said hurt, and thats her main thing. The sex was a side comment, the stubbornness was also a thing.

I guess this is just me being stubborn now though..

>>18165792
She sounds like a fucking drama queen

>I had hurt her so deeply
lol. She's such a crybaby. Unless the other things you did are much MUCH worse than your example there's no reason for her to be hurt or upset. Not even a child would bitch and moan about something like that. You told your girlfriend that your ex, who you never loved reactivated her facebook account and you showed her your ex's deviant account. How horrible, you monster, how could you hurt her like that?

No, it's not normal to hurt your partners feelings, but if all the examples are like this then she got hurt because she's crazy, not because you did something wrong. And by apologizing for shit like this you basically justified and enforced her insanity and she kept going down the rabbit hole. I don't know if it's salvageable, it may be, but it would require a lot of effort. If I were you I'd just leave.

>>18165800
This.

>>18165800
If you want a second example I can give one.

So back on the california trip right at the start of the story. Someone else was on the trip and also liked her. This guy admitted his feelings on the trip and she said she liked me. He reacted to that by saying he regretted ever meeting her, and never wanted to talk to her again.

She took that hard, she cried about it, she thought they were friends, but he was only being friendly in hopes she would date him one day.

In that way I'm the opposite, I find her to be a great friend. Even if she wasn't in love with me anymore I can see being her friend.

But anyway in February our relationship was basically on its last leg for her, I wasn't wise to it at all though. But this guy joins our main discord. Because our friend had recently become friends with him. Now my gf is not happy, she doesnt want that guy anywhere near her. SO she asks our friend to kick him, and if he didnt kick the guy she would leave. So he kicks the guy. But he is added back later because of some more drama between my girlfriend and another guy which made her leave the discord anyway. And I was telling her the whole time, your feelings are valid, you didnt want him reading what you type or seeing what you were playing, etc.

But then I start thinking about my friends position and I said to her, "It was kind of unfair for you to give my friend that ultimatum between him and you." We were walking back to the bus station at the time, and when she heard me say that she ripped her hand away from me and pushed me back. She was so hurt I wasn't fully on her side, that she didnt want to look at me. after a few days of apologizing she puts it behind her as she would say. But the following weekend would be the one where I hurt her having sex, because she wasn't wet or turned on. Then she brings up that she's been hurt emotionally one too many times a few days after that weekend, and that she wanted to just be friends.

>>18165931

BRAH this is way too much bullshit

I didn't even get halfway through it and im already exhausted

I can't even imagine how tired the gf is of all this shit

y'all need to grow the fuck up and graduate highschool ffs

move the fuck on with your life

>>18165903
I appreciate your response.

On that topic I agree with you, apologizing to her is justifying her responses, and I hate doing it, but it's either that or don't apologize and stand my ground and have her spiral into anger that way. Maybe I do it out of fear, or love I don't know. DESU I just want to escape that drama side of her.

On a side note, she is on antidepressants and goes to a therapist for anxiety and depression, caused by her childhood. So I feel for her. I understand she's overly defensive, and a bunch of other stuff, but I still love her. and I can see how her mental instability could have caused all the problems she is finding in our relationship.

I wonder if confronting her about being overly dramatic could ever end well...

>>18165938
Thats just it though, she seems to never get tired of being hurt by small things I do, but now she's tired of being opening herself up to me. I don't know if she's just super polite and has stayed in the relationship but been super dramatic trying to get me to be the one to break up, but im pretty sure its real emotion. and she is just mentally unstable, and I love her enough to work with her through it, but I need to actually be helping her and not enabling it

>>18165931
She's looking for a white knight. It wouldn't really be you that she wants.

>>18165931
man drop her and never talk to her again. sounds like a 12 yr old. then again 12 yr olds are cooler than her

>>18165945
>I just want to escape that drama
By your behavior I'd have guessed it's the other way around. If you want to get rid of the drama then stop encouraging it. Call her out on every occasion and make it clear that you didn't do anything wrong and it's her own instability to blame for her anger/sadness/whatever. Eventually she'll either stop doing it or look for someone else to enable it. For you both options are better than putting up with it.

>>18165970
Yea, I love her, and I want her to stop getting dramatic with me, because I love the rest of the time I'm with her.

But I'm almost positive it wont work out calling her on her drama. She lives with sjw's and they're super supportive of her. and that if she feels wronged she was wronged case closed.

I've honestly felt blamed for no reason. And apologized because I thought it would make the relationship work out. But in the end I guess she feels like I actually wronged her as badly as she imagines it. And now she wants to "escape the suffering"

File: womyn.jpg (33KB, 540x350px) Image search: [Google]

33KB, 540x350px

>>18165604
I tl;dr'd the thread and I gotta say OP that you need to learn to NOT BE APOLOGETIC.

Like seriously nigger all this shit you said sorry for in this thread like linking the "wrong" thing is completely stupid and all you're doing is saying you're sorry for being you. That's some weak ass betamax shit right there and also a show of how poorly you understand women. If they're upset,they're upset and apologizing is not going to fix it. But even if it did do you really want to be with a bitch who is so insecure that seeing other peoples work in her field of passion makes her feel insecure and bitchy?

If your answer to that is anything short of a quick No then you need to realize that there's plenty of other women out there and it's not worth your time to be with people who think the only way to have fun is having other things conform to them.