I Was A Bully To One Kid Should I Contact Him And Say Sorry?

I think you definitely should. It will be good for both of you.

I'd say nah, cause then you gotta go grab a beer with him and he smells like piss and shit. It's not like the apology will fix the issues he has internalized. Only him through accepting and changing beliefs in his mind can deal with that.

-Kid who got bullied hardcore but gained extreme self esteem instead through resilience and sense of self.

>>18163203
I don't really think so, but it depends on how long it's been. You said middle school, and I'm assuming you're a rule abiding 4chan user, so you're over 18, so it must have been at least four years ago?

I mean, if you ran into him, maybe apologize for being a dickhead, but I wouldn't track him down to outright apologize.

>>18163219

Maybe I should have put perspective on this too, but I was bullied hard in middle school, and I think just about everyone was to some degree. But it taught me to be a little bit stronger, and not get my feelings hurt so easily, and by the time I was 16 or 17 I was throwing parties and banging bitches. I already had my sense of self worth without anyone coming back to me and apologizing.

And I know this is like, the ultimate bully fulfillment fantasy, but I ended up finding out that the kid who really shit on me the most now stocks shelves at a grocery store and I work in corporate marketing for a Fortune 500 company.

Him apologizing to me would get nothing more than a shrug.

>>18163215
>>18163219
>>18163237
I think that precisely because OP would go out of his way to reach him and apologize would mean a lot to the guy. People who are bullied can become very resentful and distrustful of other people, and this gesture might show him that other people aren't his enemies.
But I don't know how guilty and/or ashamed OP feels about what he did. If it isn't a sincere and heartfelt apology, it might not be worth it.
But what's the worse that could happen? Maybe the guy has gotten over it and would react with a shrug, like the other anon said. Maybe, like I said earlier, he has grown to become vengenceful and it would maybe do him some good. OP has nothing to lose. It's a noble act regardless of outcome.

>>18163257
Two options:
Bullied kid got confident, gives no fucks
Bullied kid's life got ruined is a basketcase, now has a target to throw all his resentment on.

It's either a waste of time, or a massive fucking headache. You can't solve people's problems. It's up to them and their own agency to deal with shit from their past.

>>18163268
>It's either a waste of time, or a massive fucking headache.
How does the possibility of it being a waste of time outweights the possibility of it genuinely helping the other kid?
>You can't solve people's problems. It's up to them and their own agency to deal with shit from their past.
Yes, ultimately it is up for each person to solve their problems. That doesn't mean that others can't or shouldn't help.

You are being so self-centered. People with no love for the fellow man shouldn't be giving advice.

>>18163297

One possible thing is that this kid gloms on to OP and suddenly thinks they're BFFs, and now OP is guilted into having a new best friend.

I mean, I know, in the spirit of compassion, it'd be nice for OP to be a friend to him, but some people are just kind of lost and tough to be around. Plus this could dig up some unpleasant memories for the kid that he's trying to put behind him.

I would feel a little different if OP had perpetually bullied him and really made the kid's life hell, but it sounds like they didn't have a ton of interactions.

>>18163319
>I would feel a little different if OP had perpetually bullied him and really made the kid's life hell, but it sounds like they didn't have a ton of interactions.
That only increases the chances of the kid answering with a shrug. Then you might think "so it will only be a waste of OP's time!". Only if you think an act of compassion and genuine repentance is a waste of time. And if you think that, you are not a very admirable person.

You should probably just forget it. You'll just make the guy remember how you were a dick to him. Kinda like rubbing salt in the wound. Just to make yourself feel better, too. So you can sleep at night or whatever. Completely selfish.

Forget about it and leave him alone. If you ever come across to him by chance, then you should be nice to him and make it clear you regret what you did. As long as it doesn't happen, let the kid go on with his life.

>>18163349

Again, I really just think that digging up memories that are far behind someone doesn't do much good. Even though I'd react to that one dude that stocks shelves with a shrug doesn't mean I want to be reminded of everything else shitty that happened to me, especially if I don't remember it from some random dude. This "act of compassion" would probably dig up some insecurities for me.

>>18163215
This

I was also "bullied" at school, even though I hate that term, and I'm doing fucking well despite it. And every time I look at pictures of that time or remeber shit I did I think to myself "fuck me I did deserve it"

So yes, you were fucking shit to that kid, but some kids who were bullied were a mess way before it. Not that they don't deserve to be helped, it's just that you doing it won't help much at all and might even trigger some bad memories.

>>18163370
Better to dig up your insecurities and resolve them than to live with them buried for the rest of your life. It is a painful process, but in the end you will grow into a stronger person.

>>18163379

Not really. My life has been perfectly wonderful and operable for 17 years since middle school. But it's not helpful at all for me to sit there and remember how sad and weak and unhappy I felt because I was a tiny shy kid coming from a private school that relentlessly got picked on and sat at the nerd table.

I don't have to think about it unless someone brings it up to me, but there's really no one around to bring it up besides the friends I had through that time, and they don't feel a need to talk about it.

>>18163395
Yes really. If you have memories that pain you and cause you insecurity whenever you are reminded of them, that means you haven't resolved these issues yet. They won't stop causing you disconfort unless you confront them. Trying to get away from them whenever they come up just makes it so you will be running from them your entire life.

>>18163414

Okay, therapist. I'm sure you know the exact number one answer for everyone to operate their life exactly in the right way.

They don't cause me discomfort. I don't think about them. My life is just fine with them existing. Memories cause pain - losing a family member, being bullied, embarrassing moments, whatever.

Things don't just get replaced with a smile and laughter because you "confronted" them, whatever that means in your definition.

>>18163429
>They don't cause me discomfort.
Then what I'm talking about doesn't apply to you.

>>18163374
Same boat here, was bullied throughout middle and high school but I'm completely over it now and hold no resentment, I even ran into one of the guys that bullied me at a party and we had a couple drinks and everything was cool. If anyone still has a bully mentality or blames their problems on being bullied years and years after school, then they're obviously not well adjusted and their problems run deeper than what happened in school.

Anyways, don't contact him. If he's not a sperg he's probably moved past it and holds no resentment toward you.

>>18163434
They cause me discomfort to go back and think about them, but I don't dwell on them. They don't enter my daily mindset. But I DON'T want someone to call me up and run through shit I don't think about in a half-assed attempt to make them feel better that they're saving me from my big, black secrets. How is that so hard to understand?

>>18163492
I never said that is what should happen.

>>18163203
>>18163212
>>18163379


Bullshit.

Don't do it OP.

Yeah, I was a smelly autist in school too, got alienated and bullied. Class punching back and everyday I had a target on my back.

While I'm a better guy for it - made some much needed improvements in my life (and became manipulative and uncaring as fuck because when you have to "act" to get people on your side you quickly stop caring about them at all), every time a bullied kid shoots up his school I can't help but empathise with him more than the people that got shot.

I'm a better man for it but at the time school was like prison, I didn't choose to be there, I had to be there. Walking every day with a target on my back trying to learn to be invisible just not to get any attention and getting suspicious when someone is actually nice because WTF are they up to?
That shit made me suicidal as fuck.

Just because I'm a different guy, it does not mean I've forgotten.
The way I see it, those pricks are forgiven only as long as they stay the hell out of my life.

If one tried to contact me now, I'd be furious. I did my time in the "education" system with them, I'm out, I don't need to put up with their bullshit.

>>18163499

You're saying he should call the guy and apologize, so it's exactly what you're saying.

>>18163516
>a half-assed attempt to make them feel better that they're saving me from my big, black secrets
That's not what it's about. There you go again with your self-centeredness. You are looking only at personal gain.

>But I DON'T want someone to call me up
Of course you don't want to. As I said, it is a painful process. No one accepts it happily.
And if someone does try to call you, you don't have to pay him any attention. You have that right.

>>18163531
I'm not looking at any personal gain, I'm saying I would not want to be called, and I would not want to talk about these memories, or talk to someone who bullied me. Why are you being so dense?

OP is asking for advice, and frankly, there is a solid chance that he does nothing for this kid but stir up old memories. It's not as cut and dry as "absolutely do it because you'll fix everything the kid felt," which is how you're making it seem.

>>18163552
>It's not as cut and dry as "absolutely do it because you'll fix everything the kid felt," which is how you're making it seem.
That's not what I'm saying. Read my earlier posts and see for yourself. I never said OP will guaranteedly be doing the guy a favor. I said that OP has nothing to lose doing it, and there's no possibility he would make the guy's situation any worse. The absolute worse that could happen is that maybe the guy has indeed grown to be extremely resentful and seeing OP would piss him off that day.

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>>18163237
>But it taught me to be a little bit stronger, and not get my feelings hurt so easily, and by the time I was 16 or 17 I was throwing parties and banging bitches.

>Tfw bullied in middle school and got my shit together and became alpha at 14-15, but then it gradually disappeared in high school and now I'm still a virgin (although still much less sissy than pre-bullying)
What went wrong

>>18163203

he probably won't believe you, bully apologies tend to be bully plots in disguise, this whole thing just makes you sound like a creepy annoying normie who thinks they're virtuous

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IMO, yes you should. I have read through this thread and see everyone's points, but there is no harm in just apologizing.

I was also bullied in school, but I do think it made me a better person. High School is 4 years out of your life, I look bad and think about how little time that was and how little it honestly mattered. I also think how fucking happy I am that I didn't go to school with social media was big. Fuck, what a train wreck that much be.

Bad idea. Best case scenario he does not remember you and it is just awkward. Worst case scenario is you get a crazy stalker who ruins your life. You have to live with your past just like everyone else, or choose to not live, if you so desire.

>>18163203
>should I make an effort to try to reach out and say sorry?
No, you're only thinking about doing this to boost your own self-esteem. It will do nothing for him, and possibly make him feel worse. He will either be reminded of that shitty time and get angry or he will try to be nice about it and it will only benefit you. It's too late.

>>18163203

It sounds like you're not particularly regretful of or sorry for your actions, so I'm going to say no in your case. But maybe I am misinterpreting your tone and this is genuinely bothering you, in which case a genuine apology may, as someone said, reduce the resentment and mistrust of others he may have developed.

On the other hand, there's one incident where you really bullied him, and other than that you just ignored him like I imagine everyone else did, so he probably thinks very little of you. From the sounds of things he would've gotten far worse from quite a few other people.

>>18163203
I was an asshole to a lot of people. If it was a long time ago chances are they've moved on or wouldnt want your pity. Just let it go.

>>18163237
t. Serial rape victim

>>18163203
Maybe you'll make him realize that you were just an outer projection for issues and his real problem is with himself, if he has gotten over it.

If not then you'll probably infuriate him, don't think your 'apology' is ever going to be enough unless you are ready to endure as much(not less) and more that you put him through.

But you choose to hurt someone who was down once, You are not man enough to do what this situation requires? Your get no sympathy from me.

Just don't be a shithead to someone next time.

>>18163203
Contact him indirectly, by email or mail. Just say you've come to realize what you did and want to apologize. Make it clear that you don't need a reply or forgiveness, you just want to let him know you're sorry. If he does reply, go from there, but don't expect it.

And then pay it forward - make up for your past assholery by doing what you can to help anyone you see being bullied.

>>18163203
I too was bullied in middle school. I was really awkward as a kid, small, weak, silent and also kinda effeminate so you can imagine how did it go.

If one of those bullies contacted me on facebook to say he's sorry for what he did to me, I would be happy for him. Realizing mistakes takes courage and deserves respect.
Nothing would really change for me, maybe it could brighten a day a little. It really doesn't cost you -any of you once bullies- anything to send a facebook message, so if you ever felt like doing it I encourage you to take the plunge and do it.