Confession thread

I want to abuse and mistreat others in the same way others have done to me. I fucking hate them

>>18162924
Hurting them won't make your pain go away

I want to be closer to my friend and help him but I don't know how to go about it. I just want to know in my heart he cares and not be a faggot

>>18162930
no, but they get to experience what they've done to me so who the fuck cares

>>18162940
And what does making them experience that do?

I feel like a failure what with all the failed relationships, mental breakdowns, suicide attempt and psych ward experience, and just getting by working easy IT jobs. I know I could be more but I'm so self destructive and hold myself back. I get motivated to study for this certification for a couple days and then I stop and I'm back to where I started. I'm 21, is there still hope for me?
Sorry mom and dad :(

My self esteem is super low right now

>>18162924
Abuse and bullying is horrible. You need love. Dont start spreading the hate. Use all that energy to surround yourself with friendly people and ideas. Just saying.

>>18162945
makes them feel horrible. It ruins their life, a permanent imprint. Exactly what has been done to me

I want to quit my job and start a Videography Drone business to shoot weddings, real estate and just basically be my own boss.

Also,

My girlfriend doesn't like the fact that I occasionally smoke weed, like I'm talking 3-4 times a month I'll smoke. She's never tried it so she has this whole, "It's illegal and a drug!" mentality about it.

Well, long story short I had a party last night and when she asked me if I smoked (which I did) I lied and said I didn't. I feel terrible I hate lying, but at the same time I enjoy doing it. It's something spiritual and enlightening about it. I feel its all about balance and to not abuse it.

Should I lie to her every time or just tell the truth?

I post on /adv/ with intention of helping myself. Every time I'm posting an advice I feel like I'm talking with myself or at least helping a part of me that got a trouble.

>>18162988
So you want to hurt people to try and make them understand how you feel?

>>18162957
no shit I need love lol
>Use all that energy to surround yourself with friendly people and ideas
how

>>18162989
It's a big red flag if you don't feel safe enough in your relationship to be honest.

>>18162992
how they've made me feel*
yeah that's the basic idea of it

>>18163002
How they've made you feel and how they continue to make you feel.

What if I told you that hurting them the way they hurt you wouldn't make them understand what it was like for you to go through that?

>>18163001
Shit, you're right. I honestly don't. I've always been scared to tell my significant other certain things like that. What do you think I should do?

I love you, but I'll never be good enough for you, hope understand why I did what I did

>>18163011
Try and communicate more openly with your girlfriend. Maybe not in such autistic words as these, but tell her that you want to work on communicating and you want a relationship where you can tell your partner things where, even if they don't like it, they support you.

>>18162997
Even if someone is being rude smile to them. Make people laugh and laugh with them. Think about that shit, how crazy is that? Humans are the only animals that can share a laugh together. Dude.

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I recently found out that I behave similarly to Trump. I use the same powerplays, the same body language, the same tendency to use words that make things sound BIG.

>>18163007
giving someone a taste of their own medicine is 100% the best way to get the message across

>>18163043
What makes you say that?

>>18163024
so I need to bend over backwards for people who don't deserve it? Lmao yeah no

>>18163045
because when people know why you act the way you do and you've taken the time to open up to them and still be shit on and mistreated then yeah it is 100% the best method of attack

>>18163060
But it won't make them understand the full extent of what their actions did to you.

Also, what if I told you that one of the best ways to deal with your pain is to forgive those that mistreated you?

>>18163023
Cool thanks man, I appreciate it. I'm going to own up to my lie and tell her the truth. I shouldn't be afraid of communication.

>>18163069
Exactly dude! It also might help to voice your (possible) frustration that she just writes off weed instead of taking the time to understand you and your relationship with it better. She can still support you even if she feels like smoking isn't a good idea

>>18163047
Smiling spreads positivity easily. And it doesnt put you to a weaker standing like you put it. It doesnt make you more vulnerable. I hope you find true peace of mind.

I find little value in what I do. Everytime I get something I want or complete a goal, I only find myself empty. Games are no longer fun to me. I don't watch tv aside from having nothing else to do. My hobbies have lost their interest.
I constantly think of ways to exit but the social ramifications and strife I put on those around me prevent me from acting on it. Thinking daily on legal ways to exit once my family left is gone.

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My girlfriend and I want to invite another girl but my main concern is not looking like a creep just staring at them (>tfw girl/girl fetish). I have resting bitch face and I don't wanna look like I'm just angrily watching them

>>18163098
Could just... Warn her that you have resting bitch face beforehand? Or all get some drinks in you to loosen up

>>18163065
I think you're lying but I'd love to hear your reasoning

>>18163109
I thought of that. I honestly thought that'd be weird. But I guess having an angry grimace is worse

>>18162765
i have been cheating on my wife for 5 years now and am still at it to this day. planning to fuck my fwb early this week

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I just want it all to end. I don't want to live with this illness anymore, it just isn't worth anymore. Life feels pointless. I just want to drop off college and wait to see what happens next

I am realizing I am gay, but I have too thin of a mind to pursue a gay-dominated field like law, professorship, real estate, psychology, or even acting

>>18163118
I'm just socially awkward and used to having to explain myself

>>18163114
Forgiveness isn't saying "What you did to me is okay." Forgiveness is saying "I am letting go of the control you have over my life." Right now, those who mistreated you are dragging you down. You can either let them drown you, or you can cut them loose so you can swim to shore and begin to heal.

>>18162765
WHERE DO I START???

I was molested as a child by an older brother. This is the first time i have told anyone :/. It has really fucked me up, not that anyone would notice cause I am real funny and easy to talk to. I say it fucks me up cause I can't sustain a relationship with girl. She can like me, but the moment i find it out, I freak out and push them away. Needless to say, i'm a virgin. I'm 19 so no biggie, but I can't keep up no more. I can't seem to find motivation anymore. And suicidal thoughts happen on the real dark days. I jus wanna love maaane.

>>18163098

kindly explain to these undeducated twats that prehnology has no merits and you aren't really a bitch

>>18163154
Have you considered getting help?
You likely use humor to disguise your pain, it becomes apparent since you cant get into relationships.

Don't be afraid to talk to someone. They're there for a reason.

I had a energy drink this morning and one around 3:00 pm and now I'm hearing voices. Fucking brain chemistry.

>>18163134
I guess that's a good perspective to virw it from. ty

>>18163123
What's plagueing you, anon?

>>18163184
Nice, what brand?

>>18163186
No problem dude! Seeing forgiveness in that light has helped me do a lot of healing. I hope it helps you too

>>18163194
Red bull and then Monster. getting some really good studying in though when I'm not shitposting on 4chan

>>18163184
Every time I have a single Monster I get this weird sensation almost like cool liquid is swirling through some of my veins instead of warm blood

I'm so bored. Always feeling bored. Damn it. I bet it's the caffeine. I drink two cups every day and now I understand what they mean by "crashing". I always power through it, but I should really stop. Coupled with the sugar, it might be a major source of my depersonalization and foggy mind.

Lately I've been getting this strange sensation on the right side of my head right around my temple. It's driving me crazy because every couple if minutes, I'll feel a tenseness in that area that lingers for a few seconds. It comes and goes EXCEPT whenever I hold my hand (my fingers in particular) against where I feel the sensation is. If I keep my hand there, I don't feel it. Today I held my hand to the area for 20 minutes straight and felt fine. But when I took it away, not more than a minute or so after the sensation began returning.

What the fuck is going on?

>>18163240
God is punishing you for being a tripfag of course. You must repent.

>>18163214
>two cups
Top kek

I drink a pot a day. I have a serious fucking problem. I dont even crash anymore. I just instictively get another cup.

Thats not even counting starbucks.

Sometimes I just get instant coffee, put it in a water bottle, and chug it for a burst of energy.

Stop before its too late.

>>18163247
How much sleep do you get? NEET? How the fuck does someone live like that?

>>18163246
I guess. I'm trying to stay cool but part of me is freaking out that it might be some sort of clot, or tumor, or carpel tunnel or the start of an aneurysm or idk. Can't afford to go to the hospital so I'm here.

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>>18163251
>How much sleep
I typically fall asleep around 3, 1 if I have to wake up early. On average I get 6-7 hours of sleep (I work and school post 11)
>NEET?
No, I have a job and go to school and I'm in a happy relationship.
>How the fuck does someone live like that?
I honestly have no idea. My doc says Im fine but "strongly" recommends I quit.

I'm very impulsive when it comes to cheap stuff. Coffee is ~$6 per can and it lasts me maybe three weeks. Since there's nothing/no one stopping me, I just make coffee and drink the fuck out of it.

>>18163191
Schizophrenia and depression

>>18163284
Sorry to hear that, anon. I hope things improve for you

>>18163274
That'll probably fuck you over in the long run. Might want to cut it down to one or two cups a day, at least. I used to be addicted to soda, but went cold turkey, and I haven't desired it since. I bet coffee's the same way.

>>18163293
Im sure it will and I'm sure it is. Trust me, I WANT to quit, but my body wont let me

I also cut soda. Its quitting thats tough, staying off it is easy.

I should hate you for what you did to me and not trying to fix things that are beyond me. You cheated and lied yet I forgave you and for what...? I fed my own misery but history teaches you and I hope you will become to regret this from the bottom of your heart.

Lying fuckin' bitch. Played me well.

I have this gut feeling my ex posted in /adv/ yesterday. Not this thread particularly, but one of those "get back with your ex" threads. I posted in the thread saying he should move on because seriously... he deserves to be in a happier place than he was with me. It was just a gut feeling, but I feel better for posting yesterday and just now.

Feels good to tell people to move on to better things.

I constantly feel like I majored in the wrong thing. It's the timeless cliche of "Engineering student enjoys writing and reading far more than math and engineering, but he doesn't want to end up teaching high school on a sub $50k salary in his 40's."

Shit sucks, yo.

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>tfw preteen girls in pants that are way too tight around their butts
w-w-why is this allowed?

Every time someone says something nice to me or compliments me I feel like they are lying to me out of pitty. My self esteem goes lower every time. I asked a girl out, she said yes but I feel like she just said it because she feels sorry for me and that she would hate going out with me on a date but will because she's trying to be nice. I feel like I don't even want to go on this date now.
This sucks.

i dont get why life is so unfair like some people are not good at somethings but is usually compensated by other skills like intelligence, charsima, etc. and im not saying my life is shit but i literally dont have any skills and its really sad because with everyday that passes i become more shit

>>18163272
>Can't afford to go to the hospital so I'm here.

Christ.

Must be hard living without free healthcare. I'm sure we're gonna find out soon enough once they've dismantled the NHS. My /pol/ friend is convinced they're gonna send the working class back to the workhouse.

>>18163012
Nope, no idea.
It's not your decision to make whether or not you're good enough for me. That's for me to decide.

I like him as a person, but I don't find him physically attractive at all and his sex sucks and just hurts.
But he's all I really have going for me. I haven't been approached by anyone wanting anything serious in years. I told myself I'd have to settle on something. Nobody will ever be perfect. But IDK if I've settled too low.
I don't want to fuck him. I don't want to look at his body.
But I also don't want to hurt his feelings. Because I do like the cuddles and the kisses. The dates. The just sitting around playing video games together. I like having his company.

And I feel like a cunt, because I think I'm just stringing him along. Because without him, I've got nothing, and will probably never get anything ever again at the age I'm at and how far and long I had to look just to get this.

>>18163350
>tfw my gf refuses to wear ass-crack-tight pants
feelsbadman

I sometimes feel that women are evil. I suffer for this. Is it normal?

>>18163444
No. You're just a woman-hating robot with mommy issues.

People in general are terrible, but your upbringing makes you think its women who are bad.

>>18163412
This infuriates me.

You can't do better, because instead of doing anything, you're sitting here complaining. Instead of acknowledging your own faults, you're shifting them onto others. Learn, grow, advance. We are owed nothing.

>>18163412
Yo, I feel you. Married to him.

>>18163449
I don't feel hate. I just don't trust them easily. I need time. But I feel FEAR and that doesn't go away.

>>18163412
How old are you?
Have you tried asking him to work on his game? You need to do work too, you know.

>>18163464
both of u r fucking worthless. to get out of it without being a cunt is to kill yourself.. then he will be all sad and shit, but then can move on to some bitch who isnt a fucking cunt like u 2.

>>18163461
Sorry man. I just don't know what to do. I was playing every single angle of the dating game you could throw at me for a decade. The ONLY thing I ever got out of it was offers to be one of dozens of women they're having casual sex with, and never anything serious.
Then I met this dude, he looked nothing like his pictures IRL, but I stuck it out anyway.
And here I am. More than 10 years of solid searching and this was the ONLY one to offer me anything monogamous.
I really do not see anyone else coming along any better. And again, I really do like him as a person. I just really don't like fucking him. But nobody wants to be in a sexless relationship, except me. I'd never cheat though, for the record. I don't really care one way or another if I never have sex again. I can get myself off just fine.

Anhedonia's so fucking bad. Even the "outsider" hobbies I used to enjoy mean nothing to me, and nothing replaces it. Take a walk outside? Feel the same. Check out a popular video game? Feel the same. Do fucking anything? Feel the same. I hate to spend all of my free time writing about my problem, but what else do you do when nothing feels satisfying? I might as well stare at a wall, it's all the same now.

>>18162765

I was stuck in this mutually mentally fucked up relationship where my ex and I had had this mental co-dependence. I somehow un-fucked my mind and decided to get out of it but before I did my ex just instilled this sense of doubt about my mental change. Which led to me to impulsively ask out this guy who is about 20 years my senior to a date as a test to my mental change to see if I'm not full of shit. I'm not because I am not internalizing all these negative thoughts or thinking I should just kill myself because lol anxiety.

But now today the older guy despite saying it was going to be a platonic/friend date has thrown me a complete fucking curve ball asking me why I broke up with my ex etc. Turns out he is going through a vicious divorce where his wife cheated on him and basically claiming the kids only to spite him.

And now I'm all fucking nervous because the thought of him being interested in me is putting my stress levels on overload and its so easy to slip back to internalizing negative thoughts.

I am not used to people genuinely liking me and treating me like an actual person I feel like a damn fraud and a waste of time in all honesty and the anxiety is building up as the date looms closer despite it being a literal walk in the park.

I'm dead inside. the girl of my dreams left me almost a year ago and i still havent got over it. I think about her literally every waking moment. My only respite is sleep where i welcome the abyss of unconsciousness. The morning brings depression anew as i rise to the reality of living without her again every morning.

This is suffering.

>>18163480
You're here. You can convince yourself that it's fine, but that won't convince anybody else.

Well, the way I see it, there's only two outs. You can't exactly seek out better partners while you're already in a relationship, so you can either encourage and help him improve, or you can leave him in the hopes that you find somebody better suited for you.

Either way, if this is the mindset you have in your current relationship, I guarantee you that it will crumble in time, and you'll be no better off for it.

So, either grow, move on, or wait in agony for death.

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I've been dying to tell my boyfriend that I love him for weeks now, but I don't know if it's the right time. We've been official for two months now.

J,
I don't know if I jumped the gun on this relationship or not. You have to understand I loved my ex so much, it was my first love so it meant so much. When we were over I filled the hole with booze and sluts off my fuck-app. Then you came along from the same app and you were different. I felt really strongly for you and you for me, now here we are a year later with our own home and so many memories. We have weeks of fighting and weeks of peace but I'm beginning to question if I even love you. Here I am, drunk, sitting in my truck under the car port waiting on you to get home from your friends house. But fuck I only walked away from the fight for 2 hours, you've been gone since before I got home. I hate this but I think I love you. Our relationship started out as sex, but most nights it's a chore for me, to the point where it's hard to even get horny. I don't know what I want, but I hate being alone. Fuck I wish I had the answer

>>18163550
Amen, bro. It's misery. For me, two+ years so far.

>>18163554
I'm not saying it's fine. I feel guilty and bad sticking around with a dude who wants to fuck me but I don't want to fuck because I have no other options, other than to just die alone. And well, I suppose I'm too selfish for that. I know he'll leave me eventually though, I know he will, so I'm just biding my time I guess.

Worst part is that after he dumps me will probably be when I'm ready to call it quits, admit my life was a fucking failure, and off myself. But then he'll probably feel like it was his fault and it'll affect him negatively.

All I ever wanted was to be in love. It was my only goal in life, the only thing that ever made me happy or feel fulfilled. I only had one shot at it, but he didn't want me and dumped me. I've been desperately clinging onto the memory of what it was like to love someone and trying my hardest to do it again.
But I don't think I ever will. The truth is I've never gotten over my high school boyfriend, and I probably will just never fully love anyone else, because I am a pathetic sack of shit who deserves to die. I want to love someone else, I really do. But I can't. It's been 10 years or so. For fucks sake we were 16. He's probably married with kids by now. And I'm just sitting here still desperately in love with him, trying to force myself to love another man.
Even though he only used me for sex and NEVER loved me back. I can't stop loving him. God I'm fucking pathetic.

New question, I'm just gonna kill myself now. How do I make it easiest on the guy I'm seeing. Do I dump him first or would that just make it worse?

He is aroused by me and you're not. It's that simple. I feel good around him. I don't even feel bad for cheating on you which is weird to me.

>>18163584
>Even though he only used me for sex and NEVER loved me back
...what the hell did you like about him?

>>18163584
wrong

if he dumps you, you will chase him, love him and desire to fuck him like you never hoped for. You are just bored.

>>18163584
Bitch you got Borderline Personality Disorder. Because girl I was in the exact same position and this is like reading my old as fuck diary. You can recover from it but its hard.

>>18163609
All of it just didn't come out until after the fact. He pretended to love me, I believed it, got drunk on even the pretend love, then got dumped and he told me the truth.

Idk why I still love him. I have no reason to. He was the first one I ever loved, and the first time I ever felt love, even though it ended up being fake.
And I never got that feeling ever again. I don't even know if this dude even "loves" me. We've only been together a short while. I don't think he even would know yet.
I just crave that space I was in back then. It was the happiest I had ever been. I loved him and thought he loved me back. It was the ONLY time I can remember ever thinking life was worth living. I want to feel that again, I don't think I can though, and its probably all on me because I won't allow myself to love anyone else.
>>18163618
That might be, but either way it doesn't help me. I still will feel lonely and miserable.
>>18163619
I don't think you can ever really recover from any mental illness. That shit sticks with you for life.
I was already diagnosed with depression. My ex was the closest thing to a cure I had.
I wanted to kill myself since I was 10. Then I met him and for the first time since, I didn't want to die. Then he left, and I just slowly wanted to die again more and more.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I lost all my motivation. I'm not sure if it started when my ex cheated on me, or after that. I'm so close to graduating but I'm not working on my thesis. I'm not doing anything. How can I find myself again? I miss being happy.

>>18163637
>>18163584
God, you're a fucking whore honestly.

Just leave the guy. He deserves better than your sorry ass.

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Why can't I obsess over someone who actually talks to me? I know it's not his fault but not being able to talk to him for days fucking kills me. Mental illness continues to fuck up my shitty life as it always has

>>18163654
Ok, if your gf dumped you and then immediately killed herself would that make you feel weird? Genuinely asking

>>18163637
you are not miserable. You simply don't have the balls to know someone quite well to develope true feelings. That's where you stop being miserable.

summary of what you said: failure on tinder, got a guy who does not make my pussy wet.

you can do it

>>18163584
There was a girl that I used to like back in highschool. A really quirky girl. I was a bit of a shut-in back then. She was always trying to dissect things. Not physically, mind you, but concepts and ideas. Always going on about rights, and breaking convention. Wanted to be a hero, or something. I really admired her, and I did desire to be close to her. The problem is, for all the sweet talk, the substance was never there. I would tell her that I loved her, and she would tell me that I didn't know her, somebody I'd spent nearly every day with for 2 years. The perfect memory, somebody I looked up to and aspired to become like. Bittersweet.

For many years after we had parted ways, I still yearned for her company, even after watching her burn through partners.

The problem was that I was always blaming myself. I wasn't good enough. I didn't talk enough. I wasn't able to communicate how I felt, what I loved.

Of course that wasn't the case. I was blinded by nostalgia. Too love-struck to see the picture for what it was. For all those fond memories and strong emotions, hardly any of it had basis in reality. I was living in my own head.

I, of course, still hold these memories today. Ableit, not quite so fondly. She was still a good friend, but I've broken down my memories enough to realize that the things I have today are on a completely different scale. No longer do I look to the past as reference for what love should be like, now I've matured, and I've learned what true love is. I've learned to learn to love.

What I'm trying to get at with all of this, is that nothing will compare to those nostalgic memories you had of your youth. You were young, packed full of hormones, and had nothing in the world to worry about. You yearned for intimacy, and you got it for the first time in your life. Now, you're an adult. We can't change the hands that are dealt to us, we can only utilize them as we see fit.

I'm tired of sucking with girls. It's driving me to the point of having suicidal thoughts every day and spending most of my time drunk.

How the fuck does one get laid? I'm starting to feel like I'm legit retarded.

I'm feeling like a pile of junk right now. Fiancee is mad at me because she says I got drunk at a party we went to last night, although I've had only two beers and I do remember everything that happened and all I did, and there was nothing I did to embarrass her or myself. Really, she's barely talking to me, I told her how I feel and that I don't want us to stay into this weird argument situation, but all she says is "Stop whining". Well, I wasn't whining, we're a couple and all I was trying to do was finding a way to solve it all.
I do barely know what else to do, I don't wanna break it up, I love her so much and I'm always working to improve myself as a person to her. But this all hurts.

>>18163673
Depends.

Show him how much of a whore you really are. Show him you still love the high school stud who pumped and dumped you. It'll be easier for him to get over it, if he has the right sense of self respect.

>>18163637
You can recover from Borderline Personality Disorder and you have most likely been misdiagnosed since there aren't many experts on it. I was exactly like you and I got myself help and I think like an actual human being not wanting to kill themselves everyday. This mental disease is incredibly common among women. Go look for for help and ask them to see screen for your BPD and find an expert in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

Seriously how can you be worthy of love if you can't even manage to love yourself enough to get help?

was riding home on the bus

as soon as the bus halted to our stop

guy started seizing out, we just ran out

regret it to this day, dont know what happened

>>18163012
Not really. Maybe you could reach out to me and explain. I'd like to hear what you have to say but texting me about it while I'm busy is self defeating. Why not pick up your phone and call me, kamaraden

>>18163676
Failure(S) on tinder, ok cupid, pof, meetme, and a number of other random lesser known dating apps.
FailureS meeting people irl through mutual friends, work, classes, bars, approaching random strangers on the street
Idk what else to try. Where else to look. I'm already too old to be dating. I should be married by now like everyone else my age that I know.
Where do I find my balls. I've tried settling, I've tried looking furiously, I've tried just waiting around for something to fall in my lap.
>>18163679
I know I'm only looking at the events with rose colored glasses. I know deep down our relationship was shit, because after he told me all those signs and clues that I was nothing more than a breathing sack to practice on and lose his vcard to became painfully obvious.

I just want that feeling of love again. Are you suggesting I just stick it out with this dude? Can a sexless relationship work because I don't know how much longer I can take it. I just lay there and pray for him to fucking cum already because he just doesn't ever make me wet enough to fuck properly and lube has always just made me feel disgusting and sticky.
>>18163690
Why not, I've got nothing to lose. I'm just afraid it'll make him feel worse.
Because this dude was not a stud. He was a fucking band geek and a 6 on a good day. But I was just much uglier back in high school. I was obese and goth, an easy target for an ugly 16 year old boy who wanted to get some practice before moving on to better chicks.
I feel like this dude's gonna be like "what the fuck is wrong with me when I can't do better than that kid."
Because that's exactly what I started to feel like later on. I can't find anyone better than this asshole and I'm pathetic for it.

>>18163679
>would tell her that I loved her, and she would tell me that I didn't know her, somebody I'd spent nearly every day with for 2 years.

Sounds like something out of an indie movie.

>You yearned for intimacy, and you got it for the first time in your life.
I never got it, I yearned for intimacy quite a bit later in life since I was trying to avoid getting my head kicked in throughout secondary school. When I got to college, people were being nice/friendly towards me but it seemed so alien to me that I never caught on. That was a decade ago now.

>We can't change the hands that are dealt to us, we can only utilize them as we see fit.

We can fold.

>>18163710
Oil-based lubes are crap, no doubt. Water based lubes are quite a bit better. That still isn't really a solution though. Have you tried talking to him about this, or working through it at all?

You keep jumping to absolute abstinence like it's the only option. I realize you're upset, but if your partner is caring, then they will be willing to make small changes to please you. You just need to communicate.

Broke up with my GF last month, was upset for a few weeks. Week ago started talking to this cute girl from my uni. It was pretty obvious from the start there were some feelings involved. She came over Friday night and I fucked her brains out, and we cuddled and just enjoyed each others company for a few hours after, but then today she started ignoring me. I know shes busy on weekends with work and dental school work so maybe I'm tripping because I'm crushing on her big time, but damn this shit sucks. wat do?

>>18163727
The ones I've tried are all water, because I read that oil based ones are not ok to use with condoms because it'll deteriorate them or something. They just make me feel gross and sticky.

Idk, its too new. We've been together less than a month, official for even shorter. I never really felt a physical attraction for him from the get go. He's fat, got this beard he's in love with, and honestly, his dick is just unappealing to me as well. Its too thick and curved. And well... Small.
I'm no size queen, but my favorite sex act is giving handjobs, and I just don't feel like I can really get into it at his size.
Some of that he can fix, some he cannot. And I know what it's like to have undesirable genitalia, I've been tormented and shot down for my labia myself, and I really don't want to give him any complexes or ding his manhood like that. His dick is perfectly fine, but just not my type personally.

I don't really think asking him to shave his beard and lose weight this early on is tactful. I mean, I would probably be offended myself if I had started dating a dude and a couple weeks in he told me to lose weight. I'd wonder why he got with me in the first place, he already knew I was fat he knew exactly what he was getting into. That kind of thing.
Its like, I feel like it's one thing to get with someone, and then they start to let themselves go and you just point that out so they can go back to what they were. But to say git gud to someone you just started dating, and hasn't changed at all would be another.

>>18163723

>Sounds like something out of an indie movie.

It was nice. We used to walk home from school nearly everyday, eat lunch together, and all that. I think that's part of what made it so difficult to get over. It was everything I had wanted, but that was only half the story.

>I never got it, I yearned for intimacy quite a bit later in life since I was trying to avoid getting my head kicked in throughout secondary school.

Different life paths, I suppose. My father committed suicide when I was about 5 years old, and I happened to see him hanging there which screwed me up for a while. So, I never really got along with kids my age. From the first day of kindergarten, I shit you not, I was bullied. I thought these two older kids were coming to play in the snow with me, instead, they start hitting me, and shove my face into the snow and sit on me so I can't breathe. So, I came to the only solution that worked long-term. Fighting back. Got into some rough crowds, a lot of trouble and all that... By the time I got into highschool, that was just my life. I was large enough by that point to intimidate a lot of upperclassmen, and had a short temper to go with it, so I was never bothered too much. Not for long anyways. Not that it was all good, I spent a lot of time alone because of it. Mother was always working long and late hours, too. So, I really started yearning to be close to somebody around the 8th grade. I didn't want to be alone anymore. I wanted somebody to like who I was, not how well I could fight.

>We can fold.

I suppose that's true. Life has it's own ways of tying you down though. So even if it is technically an option, it really isn't a lot of the time. Not for me, anyways.

I hate my bf and I don't know how to stop. I am really mixed up.

I can't make any posts anymore because it says i didn't do the CAPTCHA ;_;

I miss my ex everyday and I've never loved anyone or had a close connection with anyone else before. We were together for 4 years and it's been almost 2 years now and I'm still not over him. I miss lying on the couch playing vidya, cracking stupid immature jokes, laughing till my stomach hurts, wrapping myself around him like a panda after crying and making love 3 times a day. I've never even touched a man after breaking up with him and I can't imagine being with anyone other than him.

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>>18163775
Well clearly that's not true

>>18163794
Sorry I meant thread

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I've been having this oddly detailed, reoccuring dream


>Be at a protest. Shit is real bad. I'm masked up due to new laws making it dangerous to do otherwise
>I am with my usual crew. Best friend from HS and a few others I met over the years
>Out of know where I see eyes that I can never forget. (She's masked up aswell)
>It turns out it's my "crush" from college
>Seems that I had an affect on shaping her politics.
>Start talking while we march and what not. Everything goes peacefully.
>At one point a few people slip in, known to some more hardcore protesters to be provocateurs.
>They start shit to justify a finally police crack down.
>As the police line approaches, the girl pulls me in close and we kiss (Like pic related) (Wake up now)
>Presumably then fighting breaks out and we get separated in the chaos, bt will reconnect later

the girl I was with for nearly 4 years broke up with me. Initially I was fine because the relationship had caused me to grow apathetic, so I thought it was a good moment to get my shit together. I went back to working out, started sending out resumes and went back to my hobbies. I had some ups and downs but for the most part it was a good experience

We ended up talking again. I told her about how I felt in control of my life and she said she was proud of me and knew I had potential to do great things. As we were heading out, near the parking lot, she began talking about the relationship, and how I felt about being near her again. She said she had been miserable for the past few months and was extremely afraid of losing me. We ended up crying a lot and kissing at some point. It felt natural and really lifted my spirits that I might be able to recover a part of my life that I had lost. She started avoiding me for the next two weeks

I lost my patience at some point and forced her to talk to me. We went out to eat and I told her that the distance between us was the only thing that was hurting me, and I wanted to decrease it as much as possible. She told me she was seeing other people. As conversation progressed, "other people" became a single guy who she was apparently already going out with even before we had kissed in the parking lot, a guy who "trusted her". She said she didn't want to end up liking him more than me and pushing me away. She talked about how she was my biggest fan and then followed by saying that this guy had empathy, which I had never demonstrated. I told her that I had no interest in having her as a friend if she was replacing me and told her to choose. She didn't choose me. On the way out, she said "people don't change"

Well, which is it? Are you proud of my progress or is it impossible for me to change? I've been having anxiety attacks all the past month and I just can't move forward now. Everything seems pointless

>>18163749
> I'd wonder why he got with me in the first place, he already knew I was fat he knew exactly what he was getting into. That kind of thing.

I can point that to you. Didn't you know what you were getting into? Plus, if the relationship is so new I don't see why you're trying to make such serious judgements based on a month's worth of knowing him. You're being rash.

>>18163799
Message her then man. If you think its a sign, act on it. Otherwise, dreams aren't anything worth looking into much

>>18163775
I pass the CAPTCHA for posts but not for threads

>>18163807
Were already decent friends, she knows i'm interested as well. But just doesn't want to do anything with anyone yet

In fact she spent 2 to 3 hours giving me almost "motherly" advice the other day.

You just don't understand. The reason we're doing this is because i had finally gotten to the point where i could stop thinking about her when i needed to, and not as much overall. Now all that pain is not only fresh but more intense. I'm a fucking mess, i'm not fit to be anybody's anything. Not a son or a friend or a partner, i'm a fucking mess and i feel like every part of what i am is disintegrating into shit. I don't deserve her, I don't deserve you, or this house or the unconditional love I receive from my family. I feel like one gigantic mistake

>>18163818
Ask her out on a DATE. Make it obvious its a date too. Say something like "Hey would you like to go out for dinner sometime?" or whatever. If you don't get an optimal response, don't waste your time worrying about her, man

>>18163837
The whole way she's conducted herself since we've known eachother is very work first, social life last. And because of that has no social life, and even told me that. But will still sound interested in going out as friends, or as a date. But always gets cold feet before the plans are actually set.

My friends seem to think that she might be interested (Shown quite a few signs in the past) but is just not ready yet

>>18163853
The past doesn't mean shit. If she isn't showing signs as of recently (say, a few weeks) don't base your decisions on that. To me, it sounds like shes not interested in you like that, but values your friendship

>>18163803
I did, the answer to why I dated someone I wasn't physically attracted to is that I had no other options. It was a shitty reason, but that's the reason.

I can't say yet if I'd actually be able to fall for him or not, with my ex, I fell for him long before we even started dating. I think that's how it usually is isn't it?
But even if I can fall for him emotionally, idk what to do about the sex factor. I don't think I can fall for him sexually. And he'll probably get bored of me faking it and laying there waiting for it to be over eventually.

>>18163875
I guess, last time I saw her in person she would still act interested, Smiling, locking eyes and stuff like that. But that was in December. But stuff like that has gone on since I met her earlier that year in January. Even before we started talking

>>18163885
My advice to you would be to try to find new people to start seeing. You haven't seen her in 3.5 months anyways. For all you know, she could be lying to you and nailing some other dude on the side

Hurt my back back in December drunk driver plowed into me and drove off. I'm in pain everyday I know it isn't herniated but I've never felt this angry and depressed over my life. I got it on my dash cam but all it got was his car driving away with customs stickers on it. Police won't do anything

>>18163775
I pass the CAPTCHA for posts but not for threads

PLEASE HELP ME ANONS

I want my ex to feel as small and unloved as they made me feel. I want them to know that they're abuse has no hold over me anymore and that the love they still have towards me means nothing and that they will never get to feel me again. I want to show them that they will never be with me again. I want their heart to hurt as much as mine did for 3 years. I want them to feel as broken and alone as they made me feel.

>>18163891
Maybe, I'll keep her as an option, but will look for others.

Though I doubt she's banging some other fucker. AFAIK, she's never had a BF, and I doubt she'll look into one know with how much shit shes doing.

I do recall that she has cut contact with a more attractive, and sociable guy who showed interest. He's very "Chad" like. THough I'm still around

>>18163905
Ask right now about a date. Don't stall for time or pussy out. If it doesn't yield a good answer, she isn't worth the hassle man

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>>18163284
I've heard it told that if you're a reasonably high functioning person with Schizophrenia that finding a (((positive))) lifestyle (friends, relationships, fulfillment, art, etc.) that you can keep much of it at bay

I'm sure you've heard it before.

Good luck my friend, I had brief period of psychotic breaks that mirrored something similar to schizophrenia but I was lucky enough to walk away (for now).

>>18163913
Eh. Not worth the risk

I'll keep her as a friend, and if she comes around, great. If not, there are others

>>18163893

Fuck, man. I don't quite know that pain but I'm sorry to hear that.

I lost my first and favorite car to a drunk hit and run in an intersection. Their car was apparently good enough to drive off, I was wrestling an air bag but thankfully some passerby got their tags down and they eventually got caught.

I can only hope whoever did this to you has similar shitty things, no, shittier things, happen to them.

>>18163921
see that's why you're making no progress. You will never succeed without taking any risks. Yeah okay you might lose a friend by asking her. So what? You might also wind up in a happy, loving relationship. I've lost friends asking them out like that, but I've also had a handful of long relationships that all started with me saying "fuck it" and atleast trying

So I finally asked my crush out, and she said no, I felt sad and all that shit, the thing is I didn't even planned on asking her out in the first place, I just did it because so many people are starting to belive I'm gay, I know for a fact that some teachers at my uni think that, heck even some family members are starting to think that, just because I've never been in a relationship, and I don't know what to do, I'm so confused desu.

>>18163931
I tried that in January. Not explicitly a date, but it was to go out to celebrate something, and I was gonna treat her.

I just ended up saying fuck it and came clean with how I felt, and then she said the whole thing "I'm not looking to pursue anything with anybody right now" But it was a bit more detailed than that. Also, when we spoke a week later or so, their seemed to be no awkwardness. Maybe even closer than we were before

>>18163938
So what if she fucking said no. That's her loss, not yours. Get off your ass and quit feeling sorry for yourself. "Oh but people think I'm gay" who gives a shit. Unless you're actually afraid of coming out of the closet, their opinions mean jack shit, and it shouldn't influence you. The less of a fuck you give in life, the better off you will be

>>18163942
In my experience, a woman who says that is basically saying "You just aren't my type". Nothing wrong with it. Just move on, and honestly, attempt to distance yourself from her. Don't reply to messages right away, or only reply to every 2nd or 3rd text. Sounds like you're getting hung up on her, which isn't going to be healthy for you, long term

>>18163949
Eh, possibly. It's just that my friend essentially got a slightly different text that basically said the same thing while also saying that she may change her mind (And some other stuff that essentially means she has feelings for him). He and quite a few other seem to think that maybe "my" girl is doing the same thing, as they seem to have similar personalities. Some are convinced that she is 100% into me for somereason

Though, yea, it's probably what you said.

Fuckhead friend of mine turned out to be a sociopath who manipulated me psychologically and emotionally.

Drew this girl and I close enough together to have a romantic connection, then manipulated her into downgrading to his insecure, weak-minded friend, just so that if his own relationship fell apart, he could cuck his friend and impregnate this girl.

What in the flying fuck?

I found out what was going on only through insane coincidences I can really only attribute to some sort of divine intervention, and tried damn hard to get through to this girl that these two people were fucked up.

I finally did manage to get through to her, but she sort of forgot to tell me she was away from the both of them. So for a whole month, while we're on break and she's overseas, I'm concerned they're still fucking with her.

We get back from break, I hit her up to see where things are at, she tells me she doesn't have feelings for me anymore.

What the fuck? So we have an argument and there's way too much deeply-seeded pain, after all that wicked drama and betrayal and shittiness for us to make up.

Haven't spoken in two months.

On the one hand, I helped her get away from abusive people.

On the other hand, I've been broken as a person in the process.

And she doesn't smile much anymore.

What a hollow victory.

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I hate my breasts.

>natural low hangers

I cannot afford the surgery to have them fixed and every time I see them in the mirror, I hate them and I hate myself for having them.

I wish I had normal breasts.. Perky.. Sexy.. Not this self-esteem killers.

>>18163877
>with my ex, I fell for him long before we even started dating. I think that's how it usually is isn't it?

Sometimes. Keep in mind, if I'm keeping up with the story straight you were 16 when you met your ex. Maturity should have changed your standards. Feelings can change over time.

I say keep an open mind. You sound like you like who he is enough to put yourself in this much distress over it anyway. And there really shouldn't be harm in telling him he needs to work on his sex game. Favor being honest over feigning politeness.

>>18163961
Anon we have lived extremely similar lives.

After this storm happened to me I moved away from my home town, FAR away, about 2500 miles, and the person who did this has gone into full spiral.

Won't leave his house, won't talk to people, is medicated HEAVILY to keep from constantly losing his mind and freaking out and if he didn't have incredible rich parents he would be starving.

Life is weird.

Okay, guess not.

I'm anorexic. I'm not underweight yet. Hell, I'm probably still overweight or pushing it. But I have the eating habits and obsessions, probably enough to get a diagnosis if my doctor caught on. I've been fainting lately.

I hate talking with my friends, because they're all much fatter with me and take personal offense whenever I complain about myself being fat.
"Shut up."
"I'm gonna smack you"
"If you're fat then what does that make me?"
(Fat.)

They're getting annoyed with me and I'm getting annoyed with them. Sometimes I just want to vent my frustrations with my body image. It doesn't have to be all about you fuckers. It's not an attack on you.
You all have boyfriends despite being lardasses. You all get that happiness, so shut up. You won the game. I want to win too. I want to be loved too. That's why I need to lose this weight at all costs. So I can join you assholes up on your glory thrones. I don't know how you managed to do it while being fat, but clearly I can't. My personality just doesn't make up for it I guess, or my standards are just higher than yours. Either way, I want to change something.

I suppose I need new friends.
But I don't want to get any anorexic friends that are skinnier than me. Because then I'll be the fat friend.

This is a jumbled mess of a post. Sorry just leaking out my frustrations.

>>18163988
You will never be loved for long if you cannot love yourself. Sure you might get a relationship like I have before, and there will be love. But your disgust for your own self will make you do, and say mean, hurtful things, and eventually they will leave you, and your heartache will make you hate yourself even more. I speak from experience

>>18163975
How similar are we talking?

For what it's worth, the sociopath who instigated all of this has shut down. No friends to speak of, no one to control. Nothing to do but wither.

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I'm legit grossed out by pussy. Any pussy, regardless of how clean or well taken care of it is. I'm 100% straight (inb4 this gets greentexted telling me I'm not), I jack off to pics/vids of girls' about 3 times a day on average but none of them have anything to do with sex or vag whatsoever.

My number one turn on, if not exclusive turn on, is light femdom. Trampling, smothering (with their feet), forced foot kissing/licking, choking/strangling with their legs/thighs, smothering with their ass, etc. When I jerk off, I'm not imagining fucking the girl (like I'm sure most guys do), it just feels like a necessary motion to go through and I'm not associating it with pussy.

When I see a cute girl IRL I'm thinking about smelling her shoes or licking her feet, or her sitting on me or something. It's an immense turn on. I've even bought girls' shoes (not at a store, but like, from cute girls who have worn them). I consider myself attractive and have no problem talking to girls (probably because I literally can't put pussy on a pedestal) and they're surprisingly okay with it.

>>18163974
I know I should have matured, thats why I feel so pathetic about it. Who the fuck is 26 and still hung up on their high school boyfriend, who they haven't even talked to or seen since?
He could walk right by me and I probably wouldn't even know because I'd never recognize him.

I just don't like needlessly hurting anyone. Because I know how it feels. It gives you decade(s?) long complexes. It can be so easy to ruin someone forever. I don't want to be that person.

>>18164001
idk thats what everyone says but it's not the reality I see.
I see guys wanting a hot skinny little stick girl to show off. I suppose I just want to be a prize for once. I want someone to be so proud to have me that they want everyone else to be jealous of them. Look at my sexy girlfriend, bet you wish you had one, but this one is my sexy girlfriend.

Idk if I'll self destruct or anything if/when I do get a bf. Given my usual personality, I'd assume not. But won't know if I don't try

>>18164002
We're talking very similar

The same thing happened to him, basically went off like a dog to die on his own after repeatedly blowing up his (and his friend's) lives.

I say his friend's because this encompassed probably 10 or 11 people altogether after all was said and done

The girl is a deeply damaged person to begin with, our relationship was positive but was essentially poisoned by this. I am to some extent damaged from life stuff but I get by pretty well, she on the other hand is now this bar skank who just cannot rein it in.

I feel a saddness over it every now and then, but I realize that you can't hold regret over something you can't control OR something you didn't decide.

I was fortunate to move on to a very long and healthy relationship far away after watching my social circle shatter.

Disaster shapes a man anon, do not feel bad.

>>18162765
despite being a 'catch' on paper, in reality i'm just an unattractive loser

feels pretty bad but it's also liberating, and oddly enough helped dispel my insecurities

still sucks being alone though

>>18163943
Yes anon I know, and I been trying not to feel sorry for myself for a while now, and I actually feel very good lately trying to better myself. As for the "people think I'm gay" issue, it's been an ongoing thing for a few years now, and I've been ignoring it, but when even your family, the people you live with start thinking that too it fucking hurts. Anyway thank you anon, I needed someone to bluntly tell me not to give a fuck.

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Am I subjecting myself to the frustration of not getting through to this guy because I really like him or do I just want someone in my life to fill this empty, isolated void??
It's like i can't handle just being alone for a while... I just really want to meet somebody who thinks I'm wonderful and interesting and who I think is wonderful and interesting, and someone who wouldn't be weirded out by my strong affection and love towards them..

I really want to make him a mixtape for his birthday this Friday... But we just don't talk enough or anything. See sometimes he just ignores me.. he's closed off... It's so frustrating.
I just want to give somebody all of my love to. I have so much to give.

I feel like I've just embarrassed myself enough. I try to talk to him and he replies so bluntly and closed off.. I just don't know what to do. It makes me so sad... I know nobody gives a shit about your loneliness and whatever, but honestly at this point it's starting to feel like suffering.

Why does everything have to turn out so shitty? I haven't even lived life yet and it just keeps getting worse.

>>18164018
Different strokes for different folks. A guy isn't going to show off a girl if she's miserable in her own skin, and cant learn to live with herself. Not all guys want a stick, but almost all guys want a girl who is atleast sure of herself.

I love her
I know I hate myself for admitting it
But it's true

>>18164037
I want to say this without sounding overtly rude.

If you're saying that you want someone who thinks you're incredible and interesting I think you're looking for a dog.

Good luck anon

>>18164040
It is what you make of it. Stop trying to imagine how you want every situation to play out, and start learning to accept the situation for what it is, and work with what ya got.

>>18164051
This is how I view life.

I know it's a tired meme but in most situations in life you have to play the cards your dealt, making what you can with what you have.

Imagine you're playing poker, a good hand is only as good as the person holding the cards.

Good luck anon

I think some part of me wants my ex back even though they were extremely abusive and manipulative. But another part of me wants them to hurt and be alone.

>>18164021

I hear you. A lot of me wants to just accept what happened and move past it. She wants to put it behind her as well. So our relationship is just collateral damage.

A small, but vocal, part of me wants to find some way to reconnect with her. Fix as much of the damage done as possible.

She and I had an insane amount in common.
I wouldn't have seen past the pathological lies if not for ridiculously specific parallels between her and me, and between her and the first and only girl I loved.

I dunno, maybe I've gone insane. Maybe there's something special here.

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I don't know if this really counts but I just had a nasty existential crisis over the past few days. Found a cool quote that got me out of it though, pic is part of it.

>>18164041
And thats where the never ending loop happens. Maybe I'd have more confidence if someone treated me like a prize.
>Can't get a date because I have no confidence
>Have no confidence because I can't get a date
>Can't get a date because I have no confidence
>Have no confidence because I can't get a date
etc etc.

So in the mean time, I'll get myself involved with some sort of dude who just wants a trophy gf or something. Tell me I'm hot shit, I'll believe him, feel better, and strut my stuff. He'll get bored of me and set me free, and then maybe I'll have enough confidence to get something better.
Its worth a shot, the logic seems sound to me.
Idk how to break this loop otherwise. I've tried cam whoring for a pick me up but it's so painfully fake when I see the same posts being thrown at every single girl who comes in.
"Oh you have the best tits in the place!"
"So do you other girl, best tits in the thread!"
"And to you newcomer, best tits!"

I've learned I need something more convincing. Something more personal and one on one.

>>18164068
There's nothing insane about wanting to try and mend things with someone you genuinely care about, it's human

It's however, not always reality that you have the opportunity. Some people will not ever respond to your resolve and it is out of your control.

If I can make an assertion, if there is no willingness to reconnect do not trouble yourself with the thought, it will consume you. You will be much better off looking forward and only glancing back occasionally.

>>18164081
your problem lies in the pursuit of a meaningful relationship. You will never find one if you are chasing it. Let it come to you. Don't whore yourself out, but don't go trotting around looking for Mr Perfect. Just find a hobby you like and stick with it. I was in a similar situation as you, and I took up new hobbies and did them for a long time, and eventually something good came my way as a result

>>18164076
This is an interesting concept.

I have no interest in fedoraing out and saying there is no God/Higher power because I don't think I really understand the entire concept to even try and make an assertion.

In my lifetime I have seen some seriously strange, unexplained phenomenon, coincidences that I cannot even with all my skepticism (I hate that word) try and rationalize and I often have seen the work of something clearly beyond us.

Don't worry about the afterlife my friend, scientists will tell you there is nothing but science has not reached its end and therefore we are not necessarily destined to nothingness, only to the unknown.

Which scares you more anon?

Slow your breathing friend, things will be fine.

>>18163969
...send a picture to me. I love saggers.

>>18164089
You're right. It has consumed me, honestly. My academics and social life essentially fell apart this last quarter. Most of my thoughts went to her, to what happened, what could have been if we'd just met by choice instead of like this.


What I'm really, really hung up on is that I only ever told her I liked her. I didn't convey, verbally at least, how much I cared for her, that I might love her.

But goddamn I outmaneuvered a sociopath, his friend, and her own denial and distrust, to get her away from abusive people, all because she wasn't going to find the love she wanted there, with them.

As far as romantic gestures go, that's pretty high up, right?

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>>18164108
You pretty much nailed it, I think most people eventually figure out that you shouldn't worry about what you can't control, the quote just took a different route than other stuff I've read and made me think that death doesn't have to be shit, even if you don't believe in a certain religion.
>also watching Logan and listening to Hurt on youtube pretty much triggered it

I guess growing up will require me to learn to let you go. You have already started walking and I see you walking off into the distance. I want to go with you. Together, but I know that's no longer an option. If you wanted to work things out, you would have reached out to me at any point in the past. It's been a few months since we broke up. I hurt you, I know I did. Sadly it took us break up, us aborting, for me understand you have been trying to pierce through the veil of my depression.
In a flash the blanket has been removed, but it cost you. I don't know if this is a fair trade.
Part of me knows this is all for the better. You will eventually regain your lovely smile, and be happy again. Me? I guess feeling pain and sadness is better than the apathy I was in.

Fuck, I hope this was all worth it. I have to make it worth it somehow. I want to go back. A part of me wants to try ignoring all this and becoming cold again, but that's what cost me your trust, love and companionship in the first place. I lost my treasure. I lost you.

I am lost in the dark without a light.

>>18164093
I tried doing that though, for years. I focused on my schooling, because honestly I needed to. But I'm almost done. Things are slowing down. I'm getting more and more wedding invites. Seeing more and more happy couples. I feel so left behind. I'm the only single one of my friend group. The suicidal thoughts I haven't had for years recently started creeping back. I'm getting impatient after waiting for years and years.

I'm actually thinking I might be autistic or something. I take interest in hardly anything, but the small niche things I do like I'm either stupidly passionate about, or only have the slightest interest.
Which makes it hard to relate to people. Because they're always on completely different levels than me.
Like, my largest passion is Japan. The language, the culture, everything. It's probably the only thing I can talk about that really lights a fire under me and you can just see how happy I am to talk about it.
But I'm not a fucking goddamn weeb and that's all you can ever fucking find in anyone who wants to talk about Japan. Fuck the language, fuck the culture, fuck the fashion, the geography, the history, lets just fucking talking about dumb big titty monster girls getting fucked up the ass by octopuses.
Yes, I even watch anime and read manga, but usually for entirely different goals than most other anime/manga readers. I'm looking for the cultural references in these media. I'm not reading the mecha, fantasy, and whatever else bullshit everyone else likes for the most part.
I swear I'm fucking autistic about this shit. I can't stand the weebs because they make me look bad.

Other things I enjoy are solitary activities. I played the sims for 6 hours straight yesterday. I knit. Not shit I can use to meet other people, or at least in the case of knitting, other people within 50 years of my age.

Idk what to even try that I might like that might meet people since I hate sports and outdoors activities.

>>18164126
Considering what could have been is going to kill you anon, stress is the silent killer they say.

You have obviously made sacrifices for someone who you loved or cared deeply for.

You have done all you can.

>>18164001
This is me now. My relationship is falling apart. Can you offer any advice?

>>18164128
Besides, as much as I hate the analogy there are alot of scientists who basically make the concept of cold hard S C I E N C E their world view and parade it around as if though it were the only form of truth.

Also was Logan good? I see superhero movies with my friends (I personally have no strong feeling about them but the movies are pretty okay) but I never watch them on my own

>>18164150
>Also was Logan good? I see superhero movies with my friends (I personally have no strong feeling about them but the movies are pretty okay) but I never watch them on my own

I thought it was fantastic.
I grew up reading/watching xmen so to watch logan as someone finally feeling like an independent adult, it sort of closed the book on my childhood.

It was painful, but I'm much less nostalgic for the better, because of this movie.

>>18164150
Shit anon, it's the best movie I've seen in a very long time. Incredibly moving, the acting is fantastic...The complete opposite of the average Marvel schlock

>>18164137
The Edo period is some of the most fascinating concepts of how to interact (or not to interact) with other countries.

Also the Japanese hate the Chinese so much it's so funny.

Maaaaaybe you're looking for someone to have already loved the thing you love and not for someone OPEN to loving the thing you love.

>>18164140
Not obvious to her.

She literally said "you must not be interested".

Should have corrected her immediately. Ah well.

Going to write her a letter, give it to her if we cross paths and I feel the impulse, and let it go.

>>18164170
That's healthy. Maybe I'll see it, my really close friend is a huge fan and my other close friend is visiting my state this week, maybe we'll all get drunk and watch it.

How bad is the new movie of GITS?

>>18164171
Is Marvel stuff schlock?

I am not that much of a movie guy, I do a lot more with books and music so most movies I see I have a reasonably good opinion of.

>>18164193

logan was definitely an outsider.

It was much better written and so much more artistic than anything that's come out recently. Most marvel stuff, even though I'll happily eat it up, is predictably mediocre

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/fa/ is absolute fucking shit, and it's gotten to the point I browse warosu.org, visiting the pages from a few years ago instead. I'm fucking sick of that board, and I know I'll visit it tomorrow.

I don't know what I'm gonna do about this girl.

This other girl lives in the UK, and she doesn't know I exist, and she's much older than me but she's so fucking hnnnnnnnng.

Really wish there was a general discussion blue board for nights like these, /r9k/ is full of people who've given up on life. I have to leave that board behind and never look back desu.

>>18162765
>always get shit from college bro friends for not hooking up with chicks
>secretly attracted to little girls

What do

>>18164193
They just play it very safe and predictable, with a few exceptions. They would never let a movie so brutal and sad get made, which is why Logan is so special.

>>18164229
Do what ur hart tels u. be urself.

>>18164234
Being myself will make me a social outcast and likely 15-20 in prison.

What else do

>>18162949
I'm right there with ya

>>18164172
Yeah, but finding these people is not easy. You're pigeonholed into online shit for the most part, where you'll never actually see or meet any of these people because they're scattered across the country/world.
So whats the point?

Plus, I always feel like I can get one or the other. There are dudes I'm emotionally/mentally attracted to, or physically. I can never seem to have both. And I gotta have both to be in a happy relationship.
The biggest problem I've had is I have a lot of "fat guy" hobbies I guess.
Games, Japan(anime), all filled with a bunch of fatties. I can't fuck a fat dude I just can't. Thats why I started becoming anorexic. Realized if I don't want fat guys I can't be fat myself.

I saw the Power Rangers movie a few days ago and loved it. Eventually I realized I loved it so much because it's my ultimate power fantasy come to life. Getting over daddy issues and being a general fuck-up, making lifelong friends, and becoming a superhero. That's pretty much everything I've ever wanted. I'm also pretty sure I'm in love with the actress who plays the Pink Ranger because I had a dream about her the night after. I'm in my 20s and I have the mindset of a moody, emotionally unstable teenager.

I'm absolutely horrified about being a NEET. It keeps me up at night.

I've thought about offing myself since I genuinely believe my nonexistence would've made my family's life so much better and I'm doing horrible damage even now, but it would destroy my mom's life.

My mom really wants me to have grandkids, but I'm ugly as sin and terrified of so much as making eye contact with women at college for fear of them calling me a creep/rapist/stalker since that's been their insult of choice since middle school. I truly don't understand what it would be like to have someone like that who tolerated me to that extent. It seems like science fiction.

I'm also fairly certain that my dad is gay and sexually abused me as a kid, but I have no way of knowing for sure.

>>18164289
Most 20 somethings are still just teenagers on the inside. Source, I'm 33...

what makes you think your dad abused you?

>>18164298
He used to shave me, cut my finger and toe nails, trim my pubes, pop pimples on my face and back until I would scream bloody murder, would smell my armpits and penis after I got out of the shower to make sure I smelled nice, and walked around the house naked. If I ever tried to deny him, he would get angry almost to the point of violence. I distinctly recall once taking a shower with him when I was around five when my mom and brother were out of the house. I just think that because my therapist was vaguely implying that he might've been gay.

I just want everything to go back the way it was. I miss her. I fucking love her. We used to hang out a lot. But now she hangs out with this other dude and knowing that fucking tortures me. God i love her. What i would do to hear her laugh. Her voice is fucking beautiful. While shes with this other guy, im just here all alone. No purpose in life. Man i love her and it seems that i'll never get over her. A day doesnt go by where i dont think of her. And im pretty sure she lost interest as we rarely text and if we do, im usually the one starting the conversation. Then she would always reply like 30 minutes later

>>18164310
yeah that's fucked. condolences.

Pink ranger was hot as fuck though, can't blame you. I wish you all the best in your struggles and encourage you to take pride in yourself where you can find reason to :)

>>18164289
I used to be an aimless soon to be NEET piece of shit. Then one day I just kind of realized that I had the freedom to do whatever the fuck I wanted and drove away. Moved somewhere else away from my parents, got a job, saved some money, and soon enough started having dreams and desires I never thought I could have.

So basically, if something horrifies you get far away from it like I did.

I hate being stuck in the loop I get stuck in because of you. You left because I didn't get us an apartment as soon as you wanted it. You tossed me aside like so many used condoms he used on you while you told me you loved me. But you never had a family. Your mother left you with someone else's family for years and your step grandfather molested you. We both have pasts noone deserves but your action identify you. I'm not even mad anymore, just sad that you chose someone who went to jail trying to ruin your life. Who tried to show everyone the you that he saw. The you that was unhappy in him when we first met. It makes me feel less than nothing, losing this tug of war for your affection. I don't have the means to afford an afford another place to live and honestly I didn't have the means emotionally to give a damn at the time. I told you I wish I could go back so I never met you but I really just want a second chance. How can I see as much in someone else as I've seen in you?

>>18164045
You, too

life with a mentally disabled sibling is the absolute fucking worst
imagine growing up as a teenager so embarassed about your home life you would just throw together a simple lie whenever you were asked about it to avoid having to explain
never being able to bring people over because your little sibling is liable to start wailing at the height of their voice and start eating their own fucking shit
living under the cracks of a marriage barely glued together by the thing that would have killed all of their future goals and aspirations
it's soul crushing to think what my life could have been without them
especially knowing that one day the burden is going to lie on me entirely

i never fucking asked for this

>>18164365
In the quietest moments when your sibling has aged to an understanding of their reality they'll look at you like noone ever has or ever will.

Pretty sure I am emotionally dead now. Watching myself ruin my life, becoming an alcoholic again. Just passing time. Not really caring. Pretending to be fine. I am not fine. Thanks.

https://youtu.be/W2TE0DjdNqI

>>18164407
Let's drink together man

https://youtu.be/yQ6CioXnM_w

https://youtu.be/LM0AMYRc9c0

>>18164388
>when your sibling has aged to an understanding of their reality
do not believe they even have the capacity for that

You're still with the piece of shit that spread revenge porn about you to everyone you know. I almost have everything taken down at this point but he still has the flash drive you told me about with everything on it. He holds blackmail in front of your fucking face and I'm the one alone and full of regret. I can't wait to have everything gone so I can be rid of this feeling I get thinking of my friends and god knows who jerking off to you. You probably won't even notice. I just want you to be able to have a job where you aren't fucking harassed by your coworkers that cum to pictures he put up and doesn't care about. He secretly fucking hates you and you don't even realize it.

>>18164365
my best friend in highschool had a brother like this and it made us ultimately closer but drove him from his family.

He has altogether rejected and refused to take care of his brother.

Sorry anon, Good Luck

>>18164365
what hurts the most is this whole culture of having to unconditionally adore disabled relatives
it's understandable if they have basic language skills but there is literally nothing between us
the guilt and resentment this constantly brings into my life has wrought such turmoil on my mental health since starting to understand the limits that are permanently imposed on my life

Dear Grandpa Tommy,

It feels like so long ago we went walking through the streets of Belfast, with you showing the way, and pointing out things that might interest a 14 year old me. I remember you showing me where my dad grew up, and where he had some of his fondest memories as a child. With your stories, those rainy cobbled streets felt as familiar to me as the neighborhood park I spent so many hours playing in while I was growing up; thousands of miles away from you.

I'm just sorry I couldn't make it back to see you. I know you were in immense pain for a long time. We had so much to talk about. I know you had so much to tell me. I had so much to tell you. I will miss our birthday phone calls. On my next birthday, I will be sure to drink a Guinness in your honor.

I hope we meet again, when ever that might be.

>>18164487
A friend of mine's family gave his sibling to a full time caretaker, I'm not sure if it was an adoption thing or what.
Don't know if that's in the cards for you.

>>18164495
i think it's something i will have to heavily consider in the future
i just don't ever want to hurt my mom, she's been very understanding of me but knowing how much of her life she dedicates to them i don't really know how to break that it's something i want minimal involvement with until either of us dies

Emma,

I can't begin to explain to you how natural last night felt. It was the most pure and concentrated form of happiness and contentness I've ever felt. I feel like I've known you in a previous life, and that we have finally found each other again. I never want to lose you. I know you want to take things slow, and I will do what ever it takes to make you the happiest person on Earth.

Omg why

God I am so ready.

SO READY.

>>18164365
Damn anon, I'll give I never really thought about the abled siblings of retarded kids.
I always think about the parents with "why the fuck did you sign yourself and that poor thing up for this hell, should have just fucking aborted it and did the right thing for both of you. but whatever, I suppose you ruined your own life, just wish you didn't have to allow the tard to suffer for its whole life too. You at least get to die at some point and pass it off onto someone else."

But man, it's gotta be really shit for the siblings. Yall had no say in this shit. The responsibility was just forced upon you.
Worst of all, when your parents do croak you'll probably be expected to care for your sibling, probably on top of your own kids as well.
Shit man. I'm sorry your parents made shit decisions.

I love you and I think you love me but I know neither of us will ever admit it

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>>18164549

I went for "marriage material", and I'm not sure if I fucked up or not. We barely have sex and I'm always looking at other chicks. It could just be in my head though, grass is greener kind of thing?

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>>18162765
I feel so fucking restless. I hate living in this house. It's ugly, it's messy, it makes my brain fuzzy and all I ever want to do is just get out of it and escape.
I just wish I had someone to spend my time with. Someone to be affectionate with but also have a strange relationship with.. I dunno. I feel so restless. I can't do this stupid essay. I have to write a stupid essay and it's worth 15% of my mark but here I am trying everything i can to avoid it. I can't sit still. My body is heating up. I just need attention and distraction and relaxation or something. I want to go to a party and meet new people. I want to go camping or be night driving for all eternity. Why does everything have to end. Why does everything never end? FUCK. I Can't have a cohesive thought. I can't stand this. I CAN'T STAND THIS. What happened to me? What went wrong?

The other night I had a bath. I made myself guacamole and ate it with seaweed crackers and wine, and I listened to The Smiths, and I was so lonely. I just want to share those moments with somebody. I don't know why I can't stand being alone... I used to love nothing more.
I want to start fresh. I want to live in a small hut and own few ceramic bowls, plates and cups. I want to bake my own bread. I want to own only my most favoured possessions, and have a garden that flourishes through every season. Mushrooms to pick in autumn, most especially. I want to have careful time to make art.
I just love the simplistic aspects of life and want to enjoy them, and then sometimes have somebody knock on my door and sweep me away to a fun party, or on an adventure of sorts.

I don't know what I want anymore.

>>18164492
Damn Anon, you made me sad. I hope I can be as cool as your grandpa someday.

>>18164549
What gender and initial are you attracted to?

>>18164572
I remember this quote from when I was in high school, one of those inspirational posters teachers hung up. "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten". You don't like where you are, or what you're doing, and yet you change nothing. Why? Stop this mad cycle.

>>18164569
I'm terrified to ever get married for this exact reason. I feel like everyone gets bored of their spouse after like 5-10 years and cheats, thinks about cheating, or just moves on.

I'd rather be dead than divorced. I'd kill myself if the man I married wanted to divorce me.
Which is why I don't think I'll ever get married, but without marriage, I don't see the point in dating. They're gonna move on regardless, and now it's just easy as pie to do so. The slightest problem will send them off, whereas at least with marriage theyd have more incentive to try and resolve a minor problem.

>>18164578
Who knows. When you request initials you don't really get many responses. I do know a female J/W doesn't gaf tho.

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Why do I suck?

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>>18164572
JUST FUCKING MESSAGE ME YOU ASSHOLE. stop replying in hour long intervals. What are you trying to do? Push me away or drag me in? It's an endless push and pull and I don't have the energy to figure this out myself. Just TELL me to LEAVE YOU ALONE already, if that's what you want. JUST TELL me you COULDN'T GIVE A SHIT already, and stop LOOKING at me all the time, and STOP SENDING ME THIS CRYPTIC BULLSHit and messing with every girl that comes in a 20 mile radius of you at any point in time. Are you gay, or what? You dumb boy. I wrote my stupid creative writing piece on you because you're all I can think about, and how do I tell you that?? You're so fucking emotionally detached!! I can write all of this without any issue but as soon as I sit down to write something that will determine my quality of life I get stuck, and it's DEBILITATING. I CAN'T DO SHIT. And you're just a stupid DISTRACTION. Fuck you. I feel like I hate you more than ever and yet I want nothing more than for you to touch me and slowly
take
my
clothes
off
my
back.

Why do you look at me? What the fuck is going on in your head, Ben? Do you think I look good? Does anyone at all even notice the effort I've put into losing 11kgs? Cause I worked so hard, and I know it's all for myself, but sometimes... I just wish I had somebody to touch my small body. To see me vulnerable and loving and affectionate in the hazy hours of dawn and dusk, in a dark bedroom on your bed.

"I like my own company."

So why did you tell me how badly you wanted to have somebody to have close to you...? You deceived me. You made me feel like I could give that to you but you ignore me when I try to get close. Did you realise you opened up too much to me? God I hate you. The way your stupid face looks. Your dumb, intense eyes, and your cute fucking Tasmanian devil socks. Your schoolboy shorts and black turtleneck zip sweater...
God I hate you for making me feel like there was more to you I could uncover...

>>18164604
Because you can't confront your fears and a face them or handle criticism well at all

>>18164610
I'll touch that small body for you, baby.

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ck up your phone. Dial my number. Press "call". You got a shot. Why are you wasting my fuckin time. Pussy ass bitch. I fucked a little girl in a dude's body apparently.

He opened my eyes somewhat. I don't like being ignored. I need to stop messaging him. He knows I don't like it, but he ignores me anyway. I'm boring. You're boring. And honestly I am tired of constantly carrying our conversations. I need to be happy with myself. Stop depending on others to make me feel happy. I feel so alone and sad.

>>18164621
Pick*

I want to be a ladddyyyyyyyy

God fucking damnit can we PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get this show on the road already? What the fuck you niggas waiting for?

Seriously, what are you waiting for?

>>18164578
male and I

>>18164623
dude... resonating with you right now.

I should have raped you more times.

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>>18164640
man this should not have turned me on

>>18164645
I'm a girl
Sorry to disappoint

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>>18164649
EVEN BETTER!

>>18164654
Man, I wish -you- were my ex boyfriend
He's currently being rude to me, and when I complained he was like "well, you were sexually abusive many times, I have the right to"

And I just keep thinking I should have done it a lot more, he deserved it

>>18164610
I can't handle you and your stupid Aquarius moon... What do I say? I'm a Taurus and I need affirmation and attention and constant feeding of conversation but you're closed off, distant, never want to say much, or open up. I never know what's going on in that head of yours and it BUGS me, but also... I want you so bad and I never give up on something until I get it... Man you're tough... Why can't i be more patient??

>>18164664
>I wish -you- were my ex boyfriend
But the purpose of exes is that they kinda hate each other.

...I'm very turned on right now.

>>18164638
I'm sorry anon. No one should be ignored.

Don't understand why someone would say they like you then proceed to ignore you when the conversation isn't good enough. Just tell me to leave you alone and I will. I'll be depressed, but at least I'll be able to move on.

You have affected me far more than you ever dreamed. I will never be the same because of you. I hope I get over this writer's block and actually get some buzz so you can't stop seeing me. You ruined my mind from our first time, so I want to ruin yours when you try to come back.

The last part of me that loves you turned into a passionate hatred of myself and you know how well I do what i love. I'm compelled by nothing but sheer Agony for something that can never be now, and I'm fine with it.

Nothing will compare to the look I see in your eyes when I throw you away like the garbage you viewed me as. The only difference is I incinerate my trash before I let it become compost. You let me fester and you let me build up until the plague took me like a naive hostage. Nothing will compare turning you into what I am now.

I really need to know what happens when I'm asleep. What do I do, exactly? How many times do I have seizures? What do I say while I'm sleeping? What are my actions?

It's so fucked up that no one will talk to me about this. Even more fucked up that you have my parents denying that it's an issue... when I FUCKING WAKE UP SHAKING AND TREMORS.

Is lewy bodies dementia really a thing? That's what I have? Everything from the extreme fatigue, no motivation, complete lack of joy in life, problems regulating body temperature, excessive saliva/drooling, and more including the sleep disturbances. Its just a check list of all the shit that happens to me.

When my ex was so distraught over Robin William's death... that makes more sense now. She was in on this the entire time. Her "inheritance" was just a cover up for the money she would get once her contract was up.

Still, why is no one fucking talking to me about this? Why why why are we not starting?

>>18164679
Well, then you're no good. The good part is always when they resist for whatever reason and I still get to ride them because even though they don't want it they can't help it when I make my advances

Anyway, I don't usually hate my exes, and they don't usually hate me. The sexual abuse seems like it really hit him though so I wish I did it more

Wish I could find the will to kill myself

>>18164710
STOP IT, YOU'RE MAKING MY DICK BURN.

>>18164589
I am not so sure it's impossible.

I have met some lifers who have made great strides together as people and are happily married.

I think there's a portion of having grown together and not just living together.

Not sure at all. I'm very close with my father (he is not one to hold back) and he has been with his spouse for 15 years now, says they've made it work one way or another.

I guess that's the trick, one way or another

>>18164717
You're disgusting, anon. I'm just talking about how you're no good because you like the idea... and your dick is still burning? You should at least pretend to be disgusted by it, then maybe I'd feel like changing your mind

Rape is no good when the victim seems to like it. There's no point.

Desperately need someone to talk to...any friendly guys who can help me through an existential crisis?...my Kik is
Citrussplash

Am 18, found out a week ago that my mom's boyfriend has a cuckold fetish among many other things, very abusive towards her also. Try to help her leave him but she goes back. Throwing up my arms and cutting commincation

She wears a long fur coat of mink
Even in the summer time
Everybody knows from the coy little wink
The girl's got a lot on her mind

She's got big thoughts, big dreams
And a big brown Mercedes sedan
What I think this girl,
She really wants is to be in love with a man

She wants to lead the glamorous life
She don't need a man's touch
She wants to lead the glamorous life
But without love it ain't much

She saw him standing in the section marked
If you have to ask you can't afford it lingerie
She threw him bread and said make me scream
In the dark what could he say

Boys with small talk and small minds
Really don't impress me in bed
She said I need a man's man baby
Diamonds and furs
Love would only conquer my head

They made haste in the brown sedan
They drove to fifty five Secret street
They made love and by the seventh wave
She knew she had a problem
She thought real love is real scary
Money only pays the rent
Love is forever that's all your life
Love is heaven sent it's glamorous

She wants to lead the glamorous life
She don't need a man's touch
She wants to lead the glamorous life
But without love it ain't much

I've known you since I was in highschool. We've been cute with each other, sexting, sending picks, and voice chatting some. I've expressed my interest in you so often and you replied with what I assumed was an interest in me. But when I ask you to be my boyfriend you say the distance is too much and it'll be too complicated. And then you have the gull to tell me, as if I'm not even there, that you're going to spend a week with a guy who lives in another country to see if there's anything to pursue? Do you have any idea how badly you just hurt me right there? How fucked up that is to say to me? I love you god dammit. I didn't choose to fall in love with someone half way around the world, it just happened over time.

Lass mich in Ruhe!

What the fuck am I

/adv/ I'm feelin uncomfy. Reg here.

Called someone from my past.
He basically wants to let me know that he can still hurt me, that he can make me feel low.
> we can discuss politics
> you're a retard who thinks you're smart when you're not
I believe it gives him a sexual rise. I'm aware of this because he offered to hand deliver my things to sink his hooks into me.
He wants me but I want to move on.
I thought we could be friends at certain points but we just can not.
He is toxic and I stooped to his level tonight """doxing""" his info but not his physical address which I have, and his mom's.
Talk me out of it.
And tell me why he deserves that much.
He has hit me. He has shown signs of manipulating me even after I moved 500 miles away. Tell me why I should be the better person.
Close to posting everything with his nudes.
Blocked his # so when he calls it hits VM.

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

You guys are killing me. I need to know what the fuck is going on. I NEED TO KNOW.

I have a bullshit degree for a bullshit career. Everything seemed so promising while still in school but now that I'm out all the doors are closed and the windows barred and I hate everything.

And the worst part is I compromised for this. I knew from the start where I wanted to go, but everyone kept talking down on me that it isn't going to pay well, that my chances are slim etc. So I caved in and tried to find a balance. Guess what I earn jackshit, my options are limited and fucking nobody wants me.

please free me. Please let me see what is going on. PLEASE. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Why do you continue this?

Let me see what is going on. Let me free.

fucking stop fucking with me and just tell me what the fuck is going on.

What the fuck is wrong with you people?

I'm dying of brain disease and you fucking faggots are worried about the TRIVIAL amount of opiates I take? Not to mention the fact that OPIATES ARE THE FUCKING TREATMENT FOR THE DISEASE I HAVE? WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT?

>>18164828
A human

>>18165029
Am I though?

Fucking am I? I seriously, honestly... do not know anymore.

They call me alien, they call me God. More than a man.

What the fuck am I?

I find myself wanting to die all the time but I can't do it myself. I daydream about traffic accidents more than I should.

I'm in love with a wonderful girl who unfortunately has the entire world trying to fuck her. She spends almost all of her time around me, and she almost never turns down anything affectionate that I do, but I'm terrified of making the plunge and trying to make her commit because I think that's where she'll say no and all the fun stuff we do will stop. We basically ARE a couple in every way except that we don't kiss or fuck.

All I know about how she feels about me is that when a mutual friend asked her what was up privately, she said she'd "see how it pans out". Later that night, she started holding my hand a lot and we went on a spontaneous road trip the next day and cuddled. Even so, I know she still uses dating apps and so on and is actively trying to find a boyfriend. I've also noticed that she turns up the flirtation towards me around her friends, specifically those who are flirty with me or make a big point of telling her how awesome I am.

I want her so bad. I don't think I've ever been this compatible with anyone in my life. She makes every heartbreak I've had look like amateur hour. She's also been really helpful to me and to my life. She motivated me to get my life back on track and I've been accomplishing things in the past few months that I've been meaning to do for years, but was too depressed to. She's finally given me some light in my life, and it's terrifying to think that I could fuck this up and make that light go out.

I don't know what to do. I'm in love and it seems I've ended up in one of the most complicated situations I could possibly end up in. She knows 100% how I feel (at this point we joke about it like we joke about everything else), and the ball is pretty much entirely in her court unless I try to force things forward, but I don't want to lose her as a friend over this and I feel like I definitely will if I do that. So do I just keep playing this game and hoping that I win? Or do I give up before I can get to that point?

I was in a shit marriage for about 5 years and finally started dating again. Went on a few dates with a girl before she made me fully aware that her and I weren't looking for the same thing. I'm glad she was (kinda) upfront about it before things got twisted but it still fucks with me because she was a rad chick.

>>18165040
Good things for the one that tries.

>>18164310
You can know for sure, that IS sexual abuse. I'm sorry.

We both wanted the same things in life. But you decided that being a neet, whoring yourself online, drinking a lot and smoking everything that was put in front of you was a better course of action. Way to go champ.

>>18165060
Nice. Very fucking supportive of you. Top marks for being there for me.

I don't know what to do...

No one cares about me yet the world revolves around me. I'm all alone and yet I'm adored by so many. I am hated by just as many. Yet no one at all cares about me or what I do.

I don't understand what reality is.

I don't understand what you're trying to tell me.

I don't understand.

When does the dream end?

How do I wake up?

Why do people prey upon the weak?

>>18165105
Do you show yout interest to others? Do you take any actions in interacting with them or do you just wait for something to happen?

Tiny baby faggot is probably in this thread right now.

>>18165128
I believe he moved to /r9k/

>>18165127
I'm not allowed to interact with others. It's all fake, I am not able to act on my free will. My entire life has been a mirage, and never truly existed.

How can I show interest in something that doesn't exist?

I need to be set free in order to exist. It's not of my volition.

I don't care about anyone anymore.

>>18165130
I'm afraid that you need to speak with a shrink. You seem to have derealization disorder.

When I was 11 my Dad's girlfriend forced me to take a shower while she watched. My memory is a bit fuzzy of the event so I can't remember if she touched me, just that I cryed a lot. Is that sexual abuse? I'm afraid to bring it up to people, cause I don't want to be brushed off. She also choked me and slammed my head into a wall when I tried to lock my bedroom door.

>>18165147
I'm afraid that bitch did sexually abused you. It certainly have been a traumatic experience since your mind have blocked it out of your memory.

You made sure I felt like nothing the entire time we were together. You went on about how I was beautiful, smart, amazing, but you followed that up with emotional abuse - cutting me off from my entire world and randomly choosing when to "punish" me by cutting off my contact with you too. You don't know how many days I lay on the floor of my bedroom in a ball, crying because of you, and because I had nobody else. You don't even fathom the heartbreak I'd feel every time you'd play your sick games. When I found out you'd been doing it the entire time so you could talk to other girls instead of me, it snapped me in half, because I was even more worthless. I didn't want to leave you because nobody else would ever love me. I kept giving you chances because I wanted you to suddenly snap out of being a cunt and suddenly prove to me that you DID love me and I WASN'T worthless.

At night, when I feel sad, I feel stupid for wasting so much time with you when I should've learned my lesson 2 years ago. I found out you'd cheated, and I still spent another 2 and a half years trying to convince myself that you cared about me. I know you won't ever grasp it, but after all we've been through together, the fact you don't and never did give a fuck about me as a human being is devastating. It's so hard to look back and try to come to terms with the fact I loved a sociopath, and that to you, nothing ever meant anything.

I don't miss you though. I guess us breaking up has made me realize how much I hated having to be around you, how boring and stupid your conversation was, how unkind you were, how much I hated constantly feeling like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff waiting for you to decide to push me off again, how what I'm feeling right now was how I felt all day, every day when I was with you.

I'm glad because you have nothing, and karma is a bitch. No money, no job, no friends, no prospects. I'm also sad because you never will, and I still care about you.

>>18165150
Yeah I thought so. I hate that I didn't fight back. She wasn't much bigger than me, I probably could've stopped her, but all I did was cry. Thanks for your input.

>>18165170
Are they still together? That shit needs to be confronted.

>>18165174
No they're not together. But they're on good terms I think. After I told him about the things she was doing, he moved us out of there a few months later, but I think that's cause he was already cheating on her with a coworker, who we then moved in with. And I moved back in with my mother a year later, so I haven't seen any of them since 2005. But my dad mentions her from time to time.

>>18165186
You need to let your dad know or else it might haunt you forever.

>>18165205
Sorry disregard this post.

Who else is stuck wishing they'd took a different turn in their lives?

I know it's exactly seven years ago. I was in the best position. I had a chance to start over, and I fluked. I should've stayed on Ritalin. I should've learned how to learn. I should've changed majors. I should've worked out better and more. I could have gotten with the qts in my class.

>>18165209
Lol no worries

>>18165222
I got over that thinking now when I learned that it didn't lead me to nowhere but the past. You need to start working on goals. It's not too late as long as you're breathing.

>>18162765
I couldn't take the family dental practice over because I have a vore fetish

I have no idea what to study. I have to decide in three days.

>>18165222
There's nothing you can do about the past. How's the present? Are you doing those things you wish you'd done?

I'm sick of feeling hurt over my ex of like 7ish years.
We've only been broken up for like 4ish months, and hearing that one of my best friends and her might be getting together is driving me through the roof. I don't know who I feel more betrayed by. She kind of let on it a few weeks ago and it wasn't until I pried my friend that I learned that anything was going on.

I'm pretty sure I'm just jealous A F that someone I know is going to get with my ex of so long.

I've got a new gf who is all around a better person. Iif there was ever a time in my life I felt like I upgraded this is it. None of that diminishes how I feel about them potentially hooking up. I know all the awful kind of things she can do to the person shes with, and I'm on the fence about warning him, but he's like 30 and a khv. He deserves better, and she doesn't deserve him.

I've had this friend for like 18 years. I can't figure out which direction to go in or to just walk away and not speak to either of them. Even though that feels like it'll put me through worse pain that keeping on contact with them both, or either one of them at the least. In a way I'm happy for him, but I'm also insanely bitter over this.

I have no idea how I'm supposed to feel about this epic bullshit and I feel like even if I didn't get back in contact with my ex a month or two ago, I would still feel this shitty after finding out two days ago.
This wasn't very welly thought out and I just kind of rambled.

>>18165229
I'm trying to keep that in mind. At what moment though does it become self-delusion to think you can still change and should accept that the rope is the only choice you have left?

>>18165237
I'm in a corner, my life is bottom line shit. Disconnected from people, have job I've come to loathe because shit hours and shit money, am indebted to parents to finance my education, degree is so niche it's mostly useless for applications, have no more patience for second education to "maybe" increase the chances of getting an application through.

I know what lies ahead of me is a grind of sending out applications for other bullshit jobs that are only marginally better to finance myself until I can make my big move. The truth is I would have had to get through bullshit jobs right now as well if I had changed majors. But at least I would be supporting the thing I loved and already be good at it instead of having to face rejection over qualifications in both my worklife and my passion.

I'd rather be dead than commute to NY one more time, and I don't like my friends anymore. Whether at home, at my city apartment, or seeing friends, I feel empty and lonely almost always. I am also an occultist, and bugging out because my dad is a seminarian. I believe in God insofar as God is nature/existence, but I don't believe in miracles or anything. I've encountered paranormal entities three times sober and during the day, but never Jesus. I would never use a subjective experience to influence other people. 20 years ago I lied about a classmate to my mom and feel bad about it to this day. I still think Trump was a better choice than Hillary, but
my vote feels a bit cheated.

>>18165293
What makes you think yours is not a delusion? The circumstances in your life may have let you to this point in your life but you did this to yourself and not the world. You believe to think like that because you chose to think like that so you quit pursuing anything.

I hate seeing people being better than me at something

Why do we have to have friends?
I hate drama and in my teens, when I still tried my hardest to fit in and be social, it was often exhausting and frustrating having to deal with all the drama.
Im now older and Im perfectly content with being mostly alone aside for a few relatives I speak to on a weekly basis.
I game alot and I have gaming friends. But after awhile they become demanding, certainly we have to talk about all sorts of problems, that I cant help with anyway and honestly I dont want to deal with peoples feelings, group related drama and whatnot. I just want to play the game, I have enough problems in my life.
I honestly dont see why I would want to invest all this effort for no/minimal return.
Does that make me an asshole? I dont expect anything from them either.

>>18164719
yeah but even your dad divorced, unless you're saying you're 15 or your parents got married after having kids.

Seems like everyone in this generation will have about 2-3 marriages in their lifetime. And I just won't do it. I will not ever be married twice. After the first time I'd kill myself.

I've taken up drinking the last couple of days. It's my hope that it stops me from thinking about my life when I am off work. I am a light weight these days so I can get happy off a glass or two of spirits.
I'm so bored and lost that the booze has even helped me branch out to hook up shit like tinder.
I think it's distancing me from what is basically my only decent friend left in the world but I cannot live the way I have been. I need to change. Whether that's drinking or spring boarding into the activities liquid courage seems to be promoting, I don't know.

All of a sudden, as if over night I realise my life has been empty for years. I don't care about my job. I'm disinterested in my old hobbies and can't seem to fit into the new ones I try. I am alone. Socially and romantically. Yeah I talk to some folks and hell, I kissed a girl a few weeks ago, I crave meaning, not just distraction. Real friends. Actual intimacy. I hate this hollow trash life.

>>18165072
How can I support and care when its like talking to a brick wall? Your lack of communication and secrecy makes me uneasy. I've little basis on which I can trust you at this point, you carefully kept me separate, like a dirty little secret.

I understand what is going on. And maybe it is stupid of me to say this now, but I do miss you, and I still do love and care about you. Still, I stand by words of wishing that you find what will make you happy. Like I said, it stopped being about me some time ago. Maybe it's too late for us to work things out and that's okay as long as you are happy and well. I hope this message finds you in better health and that you feel better soon. Hang in there, and hope you get past all this with not too much stress. Since I know it's a lot work. One last thing I want you to know, I will always be here for you. Just reach out if you wish. Take care of yourself.

Why do I have to suffer?
Why? Why?
I solve one problem and there comes another
I can't fucking handle this, it's fucking following me
Why can't I just be carefree and relax
It's utterly unbearable, I want to kill myself
Please, please just let it disappear


I can't get off please please please please help me

>>18165596
stop jerking off

Every day, I train myself to be ready to let you go

This dude seriously deserved a lot worse than what I could do to him from here. That's for sure.

>>18163274
Can't stop, won't stop amirite?

>>18164535
it's something i've only recently started to acknowledge as a problem, but it is very well documented that siblings of disabled suffer to a high degree from insecurity, loneliness and general dissatisfaction with life due to the way it forces you to live and structure your life

i think i'm going to need therapy

>>18165605
What did he do?

>>18165698
Besides be a manipulative fuckboy who put his hands on me, he made rude comments and pushed me over the edge.

my thoughts are getting more unintelligible and disrupted by the day

>>18165724
Where you guys fucking or have a history?

I keep getting my expectations up, and they always disappoint. Not that anyone's to blame, it's just depressing. I don't have good days anymore, they're just neutral at best. People tell me exercise and a healthy diet helps, so I'm working on that, but life is so grating meanwhile. What the hell do you do in your free time when you're emotionless? You can't sleep, everyone's told me that. So you just keep browsing whatever shitty website you go to and wait for the time to pass. Productive things don't make you happier, you just have to wait for it to end. Hell, it barely even feels good venting.

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510KB, 849x565px

I think shes a dirty untrustworthy fucking whore and as soon as i find a suitable replacement im dumping her, cunt isnt worth all the shit shes put me through and all the nights ive stayed awake listening to her shit and i wish shed fucking kill herself already stupid fucking piece of shit cunt

>>18165724
You mean they hit you?