Help.

>>18160392
Holy hell.

>>18160392
Are you taking meds or birth control? If so what?

>>18160392
Sounds like my fucking ex who used and abused me. Stole my car all the time. What got her to stop was the fact she finally got arrested for assaulting me. Got fucking drunk and tried to take my keys outta my pocket. Starting wrestling me, and kicked open my bedroom door.

>>18160476
Was on effexor, had my dose increased. Probably coming down hard considering I took 30 or 40 in one hit. Had quite a painful reaction and am guessing it's fucking my moods quite a bit. >>18160480
This is what I don't want to become. I desperately need help.

>>18160392
he probably bullshitted you desu, if you reacted that way, its because this isnt the first time he has tried to cover something. your depression has nothing to do with him.

>>18160488
Welp she got outta jail then came runni back to me, stupid as I was I took her in and she did the same shit all over again. Finally left me for this creep and had 3 kids with him. He left her.

You probably have a addictive personality, so my suggestion is to get off cigarettes, drugs, everything. But that shit is hard for bipolar people.

>>18160501
He has never given me a reason not to trust him, but all my boyfriends before have been lying pieces of shit. >>18160504
Yes, trying to get off cigarettes but everyone keeps encouraging me, and then can't understand when I go off my brain about them not helping?

I have similar psychiatric conditions. I took Effexor over a decade ago and it made me feel angry and I did a lot of spontaneous, dangerous things that are not characteristic of my personality. I felt apathetic or crazed toward people who even slightly bothered me. You should read more about the spontaneous suicide rate for patients who take Effexor. I was taken off of it after I attempted suicide with no note, preparation, etc. I just felt like "Fuck this. I'm bored with life and don't want to go to work," and crushed up every pill of every kind I had and swallowed them. My boss came to my house and found me unresponsive and called 911.

I have been on over 40 psychiatric medications of different classifications (SNRI, SSRI, Antipsychotics, Tricyclic Antidepressants, Benzos) and the anger is still there. The best combination I have been prescribed are Benzodiazepines along with Inderal. Inderal is a Beta Blocker used off-label for anxiety and helps with anger problems as well. While the Benzodiazepines work well short term, I have quickly built a tolerance to them and am on a very high dosage. I don't get a "calming" feel from them anymore. My body has become dependent on them so I take them to keep my hands from shaking, keep me from crying uncontrollably, and to keep me from having seizures. I don't recommend them at all, as they have made my memory awful and I lack the vocabulary and intelligence I had prior to taking them.
My ex was extremely physically abusive, which led to me developing PTSD. He put me in the hospital with broken bones and a concussion. I have been away from him years now but I have developed terrible angry outbursts that I don't realize are happening, and they usually follow an obsessive thought. I also "black out" and say things that are volatile and it makes me feel horrible after I calm down (the next day usually, after I've overdosed on whatever I have or have run into traffic, etc.) and somebody tells me what I did or said.

Post was too long, but you are not alone. Try to get away from whatever drives you to obsessive or borderline paranoid thoughts so you don't fly into a rage. If you have this problem with all of your relationships, then maybe try asking for Inderal or, if things get/stay bad, a short term antipsychotic which has been in use for a VERY long time so the side effects have been well documented. I've taken low doses of Loxapine and that helped but made me dopey so I had to stop taking it. It was enough to keep me from killing myself or having regular fits of rage. I also go to counseling, but it has not been helpful for me. Hopefully you can take something from my experience that will help you.

>>18160674
Thank you, that is actually very helpful. To think maybe these symptoms are from medication and not just my stupid brain. I'm scared to tell my Psychiatrist what happened. We just skype for 20 minutes once a month only to prescribe me new drugs. It is not like counselling, and I'm scared to go back to the hospital and not be trusted by my family.

Not OP. Same person who posted earlier though.
My psychiatrist does telemedicine sessions as well, so I empathize with your situation. It is rather impersonal, which makes it difficult to thoroughly explain what is happening with your environment and medication in order to get proper help.
I honestly feel for you and hope you find peace. I came to 4chan earlier tonight because I am having problems with clinical depression/OCD/anxiety, and those are manifesting as anger and I don't feel like myself.
Routine has been helpful for me in the past (right now I feel beside myself because I moved and someone hit and obliterated my new car, so I have no routine and a ton of additional problems).
I need something to occupy my mind and time or I spiral inward and begin obsessing about who my boyfriend is possibly talking to our how much he can't love me because I have mental illness. The thoughts become consuming and I forget to take my medicine. I hate being left alone when I am unstable because I'm afraid I'll do something stupid. The best thing I have found to occupy my mind is exercise. It sounds cliché, but I started HIIT and cardio kickboxing and it is the only outlet that seems to be effective. I have severe anxiety, so it is difficult being around people in an aerobics studio setting, but I just stand in the back of the class and give it HELL! That's 2 hours of continuous, heavy exercise, and I don't have time to check my phone to see if he has texted me or has been on FB Messenger *possibly* talking with someone else. I work out as hard as I can and tell myself even if he is talking to someone else, I'm going to have a killer body, so no loss.
It is a short fix, but I feel slightly more stable when I work out consistantly and keep up the routine. It's a way to displace my anger and anxious energy.

How can you be diagnosed with BPD or bi polar 2? I mean you either have a diagnosis or you don't?

Are you currently going through assessment?