Was I raped? Am I gay?

>>18157864
Do you fap to your homo experience?

>>18157864
>Did Iose my virginity then?
Virginity isn't actually a thing. It's literally a social construct. That's not postmodern Tumblrista feminist SJW bullshit, it's the truth. It has lots of different definitions and there's no way to prove one right or wrong. To some people, only hetero penis-in-vagina sex counts as losing your virginity, others are less restrictive.

Really, you get to decide whether you want it to have "counted" or not.

>Was I raped by that boy?
Yes. Rape has a more agreed-upon definition than virginity. You were coerced into having sex because you were afraid to refuse. Legally you were raped. The fact that the rapist was also a minor, & the fact that you later participated more willingly, doesn't change the fact that it was rape all the way through. If a rapist forces himself on a victim who develops something like Stockholm Syndrome and consents later, that doesn't make him any less of a rapist.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I do recommend seeing a professional to work through what happened. Good luck with the marriage and kids, and I suggest you don't set out to settle - somebody you find reasonably attractive will probably like you.

>>18157983
Does that make me gay or bi for feeling pleasurable during our sex?

I was raped as a kid. Similar situation OP.

It is sort of rape but you have to realize this, that kid was probably raped. Someone taught him that shit most definitely. So neither of you are to blame.

I've had sex with 10 different people. Don't tell yourself being raped is why you aren't getting laid now. Also if you feel guilty about normal sex that's not normal... not sure if you do or not but just saying.

My advice is try to find someone normal to be with, if you can't find anyone, try to make yourself more desirable. I'm not even that attractive, just moderately, the biggest part is confidence. I've fucked plenty of girls on the first date because I'm confident(at least that's what I tell myself).

>>18157983
Should I really get a professional? This happened more than 18 years ago. I think I'm living a fairly normal life and being single has to do more with my womanless hobbies than any past trauma I might have gotten.

>>18158037
I dont want to fuck on the first date. I'm an old fashioned romaticist who would date and court a woman with the intention of finding a wife. The only time I think I'll have sex with a girlfriend is if I see it leading to something long term.

>>18158029
No.

Being attracted to men makes you gay (or bi). You can experience physical pleasure from sex acts with somebody you aren't attracted to. It's relatively uncommon in general (because most people don't consent to sex with people they're not attracted to) but considerably more common in cases of rape/molestation, where consent wasn't really on the table to begin with.

Lots of female rape victims involuntarily orgasm during rape, that doesn't make the sex consensual or mean they're attracted to their rapists. The fact that what you did with the other kid felt pleasurable doesn't mean you were attracted to him (or that "deep down" you consented).

You might be gay or bi, I have no idea, but if you are it has absolutely nothing to do with what happened to you back then. Do you think you're attracted to men? Are you attracted to women? Think about that and ONLY THAT and you have your answer.

>>18158038
Entirely up to you. From your OP I got the impression that this stuff was still affecting you. That impression may have been mistaken.

I will say that therapy isn't just for people with "serious issues" and emotional disorders. Plenty of people who (correctly!) consider themselves completely normal and in most respects are doing just fine have found it to be immensely helpful, but you certainly don't NEED to see a professional if you don't want to.

>>18158054
I'm attracted to women. But the idea of being sexually intimate with a iffeminate man doesnt disgust me. But I'd rather be with a woman and have children. But I do sometimes fantasize of being in a homosexual scenario when I masturbate.

>>18158037

>the perp is not to blame

if my house gets burgled, Im not gonna turn around and burgle some other chum's house.

the rapist is to blame for the most part

>>18158095
You've heard of the Kinsey scale, I'm sure. It's a little simplistic, because there are more dimensions to sexuality than just 2, but it's still useful. 0 on the Kinsey scale means you're exclusively straight, 6 on the Kinsey scale means you're exclusively gay. 3 is right smack dab in the middle, attracted to both sexes equally.

From what I'm hearing, you're *probably* not a 0. Maybe you're 1 or 2 or somewhere in between. Mostly straight, but you can feel some attraction to dudes. You'll probably live the rest of your life without having another gay experience, and the only reason you ever had one is because it was forced on you.

So are you straight or bi? Well, now we're hitting up against yet another social construct, cause those are just words that roughly describe behaviors, they're not actual things. There's no platonic ideal of bisexuality floating out there somewhere for you to be compared to. They mean different things to different people. To some people, any dude who's not a perfect 0 on the Kinsey scale is bisexual. By that metric, most guys are bi. To some people, you're only bi if you're sitting perfectly in the middle of the scale AND you actively have sex with other men.

The sensible position is not to stress about your orientation and just identify as whichever one makes you feel most comfortable. They're just words. There's no authority out there that can tell you if you're wrong or right.

But going by my personal definition of bisexuality -- if you held a gun to my head and forced me to tell you what you were -- based on what you've told me so far, I would call you straight.

>>18158140
In your personal opinion, am I a virgin? I mean I guess Im not because when I hope for a virgin girl, the only criteria Im hoping is she didnt get more sexual being groped in the boobs and she hasnt been sucked/licked on her genitals/boobs. You're right its arbitrary butI wouldnt want a girl whos had a dick rubbed and cummed on her even if her hymen is intact. Is there a Kinsey scale for virginity too? Penetration is usually the clearest line to be made but it gets blurry before that. I mean some of the sex workers in the massage parlor called themselves virgins.

>>18158160
Also for some reason a virgin girl giving a guy a handjob dosent defile her in my mind

>>18157864
You were abused, not raped.

You are confused because the purely physical contact inevitably had some pleasure in it. But that doesn't mean you're gay.

You do have a kind of PTSD in that the experience left mental and emotional confusion, and some short-term therapy, just to help you sort out the confusion, might help.

>>18158160
There's no Kinsey scale for virginity. The Kinsey scale is an actual tool used by researchers -- psychologists, anthropologists and so on. Homosexuality and bisexuality and so on may be social constructs, but 0 and 6 and 3 on the Kinsey scale all have concrete meanings with precise definitions, agreed-upon by all researchers who use the scale. That's not the case for virginity. How could somebody be 60% a virgin? Would oral sex be a 2 or 3 on the virginity loss scale? Any such scale would be completely arbitrary.

By my PERSONAL DEFINITION, you'd be a virgin.

To me, only penetrative sex (penis-in-vagina, or anal sex if you're bi or gay) really counts, and frankly I'm not inclined to count any kind of coerced sex either. To me a girl who was raped still has her virginity (assuming she WANTS to still feel like a virgin).

Again, that's just how I define virginity, which is really no more or less valid than anybody else's definition. But I don't think it's a terribly uncommon way to look at it either.

>>18158239
I see so by your defenition 2 lesbian virgins who just finger each other are virgins?

>>18158262
Only piv counts as losing virginity
>bbb-b-but muh lesbians!
No one cares. Still virgins.

>>18158262
I was mostly talking about male virginity, but sure, why not? It's all good if you disagree -- I mean, any definition I give, you're gonna be able to poke holes in. That's literally the point I'm making here.

Even the concept of "male virginity" or loss of virginity meaning anything other than penis in vagina -> broken hymen is quite new, historically.