How to speak with empathy?

>>18151309
A very good question. I am also very emphatic and feel others pain and have problem expressing this. Interested to hear others input on this.

>>18151312
Yeah, I've been wondering this for a while now! Googling hasn't been very helpful, pretty much every site says to do the mirroring thing, and like while that would be fine to use for like exercises in communication, it feels too awkward to use on an everyday basis

Come to think of it, asking 4chan about empathy might not have been such a great idea, but I'm curious if anyone can help

another shameless self bump

gimme a minute I'll start typing

1. general conversation skills always help. having a lot of things to talk about, even if you aren't a pro at them, will make it easier to make stuff up on the spot
2. people will forget what they said & what you said, but never how you made them feel. in general, women will appreciate your making sure they know you understand them & validate their views on the matter, men will appreciate good, solid advice & emphasizing your willingness to practically help

im just gonna start shitting these out, you can wait to the end or (you) a specific one for clarification

2. you might be overthinking the difference between sympathy and empathy, but there is a difference, sympathy is agreement or harmony, empathy is vicarious feeling

sympathy: that sounds harsh
empathy: that must have taken a lot from you

3. let them talk. & talk. ask them which part of the experience was harder. ask them what kept them from quitting so far. were there any warning signs? who was involved? can they maintain the relationship with that person or are they going to say 'screw it"? avoid talking about yourself, or saying anything that comes across as justifying, diminishing the problem, or mirroring. that will seem forced, good on you for guessing as much.

>>18151415
>>18151393
/thread

>>18151393
>>18151415

Thanks for the help dude! I mostly made this board so that I can work on talking empathetically to my boyfriend. I definitely do more of the sympathetic statements, like I'll say "that sucks" a lot but then I feel bad because I don't know how to better communicate everything I'm feeling.

Another problem is that I'm not sure how to make sure they know I understand how they feel, but without talking about myself or accidentally making the topic more about me than them

wait a minute
this next one is five I fucked up

5. if you're ever really stumped, either for ideas or by the fact that you can't directly help, say so. say "I'm not good enough to help you or say the perfect thing to get you through this- but if I could, i would, & in a second." letting them know you want to help is almost as good as actually doing something

>>18151426
6. you can mirror without copying, & that lets them know you understand
>"shitty thing has happened to me"
if they say how it made them feel, say "everybody would feel that way / it's your job to feel that way / it's a human thing to feel that way, etc."
if they just end at the description of the shitty event, say "& you're just so goddamn tired of it, huh. / it's left you empty? confused? / you're sick of his shit, right?"

IF somebody wants to talk about something, it'll only take a little nudge of understanding to get them to keep talking about it. if not, let them know you're available for when they do want to talk. if it's a pattern, they might have deeper issues they need to work out, or they're just a person who can work through stuff on their own & digest it without help. (it's fine to be suspicious that those types are hiding their emotions. if they arent, however, & you press them too hard, you'll only damage your ability to draw them out)

tl;dr, use five words max at the end of a rant to encourage them to keep going. don't say "I think ____", either ask what that's doing to their head or spit out a probably emotion & let them go for it

>>18151456
All of this has been awesome. Just getting some ideas of how to speak with empathy is really helpful. Thanks for the advice dude!