Get it off your chest / Vent/ gioyc

Why do I try so hard to love someone and fail so much?

Got so close recently and it came crashing down like a ball of flame once I realized she was just average.

I just want to be free

>>18150672
>once I realized she was just average
It's you, man

Maybe it's over. Maybe it's not. There's little I can do until you let me know. Part of me knows you still love me even after what happened. I forgave you for something that many would consider worse. People tell me to leave and just stop because you are the harmful one in this. Not me.
I'm starting to believe them.
I tried and did my best to be supportive but you would never let me into your life. Even after years of being together, you stayed distant. It's funny how you say you wanted someone more mature but instead of talking, of communicating these concerns you let them fester in you for years. My ears were always opened for you. They still are.

I'm going to give you space. If you love me now, still do as I do, then I will be here for you. But, I can't hold on forever. I wish I could, but there is no point if you may not return.

I have to let you go, that's the only way to love one. Not by pestering you so much. I got to go focus on me. Improve myself now that you finally told me the problems we had.
I am still willing to work with you, I just hope you want to work with me.

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Asked you to do 1 simple thing.. sober up and call me when you wake up... After you spent all of that time and energy blowing my phone up you act like you're too good to call all of a sudden? You are blocked, D. No more responses. No more phone calls. No more of this shit. FUCK OFF. We're not friends.

I fucking miss you but it's on you to reach out at this point

I think I just got over you. I don't feel the crushing sadness I have been constantly feeling since we parted ways. I think I finally have the strength to pick myself up.

Always bored perpetually bored

I think my ex's cheating broke me

>>18150763
Cool. Now go away.

>>18150785
Always remember the red flags and pick yourself up, anon. You don't deserve to be cheated on. You can do much better anyways.

It'd be great if I could ever feel motivated to do anything in my professional life. I don't like that I'm so content with being average and mediocre, but any time I try to motivate myself to work harder and be better, it just falls flat as I fail to see the purpose.
I'm just going to live my life to make enough money to pay back loans and survive until I die anyways. Why bother? Being average doesn't mean failure. And it's not like there's a wrong way to live. Maybe I'd be better off not wishing for more and being content with barely moving.

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I have a strong desire to drop out of college and work a comfy dead end job in a shitty office earning 30k a year after tax, but they'd kick me out if I did

I was never meant to have actual responsibility

>>18150802
nothing wrong with only making enough to live. why work yourself to death climbing some corporate ladder instead of having a relaxing life?

>>18150797
Sorry, but you're not a good person. I have to let you go.

Almost all of the motivation I have for sorting my life and career out and moving forward is because I still fantasise about seeing you again.

It's going to be the shittiest lesson ever when I find out that it won't make a difference, but I'll take motivation where I can find it.

>>18150826
Says the manipulative sociopath. Go away. Go back to /pol/. Just stay the fuck away from me.

>>18150845
Heh I don't think I'm your guy.

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>>18150871
my sincerest apologies then.

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>>18150665
I have been depressed and had thoughts about killing myself for a while now.

If i wasnt so broke and afraid to ask you out, i would marry you and slay your vag everyday...

A green text for the anon who wanted to hear the story of the guy who tried to buy me
>be 15
>blossoming into a woman or some shit
>mom, her boyfriend and I went to a concert
>sitting in bleachers
>some random older guy starts talking to us casually
>he's nice, but i'm not really too receptive
>my mom and I go to the bathrooms
>guy apparently turns to mom's bf and starts chatting about me
>"i have two camaros, i make really good money, I'd take great care of your daughter"
>mom's bf "Dude, she's 15."
>random dude: "Oh my god I'm so sorry I didn't know."

I don't actually remember the entire conversation, I think there was more to it, but my mom just tells me the guy apparently tried to buy me. No clue what he'd have offered, but I really doubt it would be much...so yeah not a really exciting story

Are you playing with me or are you really involved with him?

i'm definitely done with myself. i hate it when i start digging on a guy who's not single and he reels me in with the "she doesn't give me enough affection" bullshit

oh my fucking god why would i fall for that shit again? what the fuck is wrong with me? how am I this fucking lonely?

I was too slow again.

On to the next one.

>>18150665
I really hate when I poop and it's a hard poo plug holding back a lot of gas and diarrhea

>>18150785
Every time I think of dating, asking someone out or having sex I am gripped with powerful anxiety I've never had before.

Just because of a cheating ex and false rape accusation

>>18150954
I hope your life right now is better than what he could have given you

I think I'm turning into that guy

I have no idea how to word this post because I have absolutely no idea how I feel about this whole situation.

I will explain the full story if anyone wants (but I doubt I'll even get a reply), but the gist of it is that there was a girl who I've known for a long time who went from my best friend to my first serious relationship.

We split after something I did. I consider it the worst mistake of my life but I still don't know if I did anything wrong.

She got with someone else within a matter of weeks and is still with him now (they've been together around 6 months now, no idea if he's a rebound or not). I was fucking broken for a really long time after this but now I have sobered up from that. I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. But I do still miss her a ton, she was the best friend I've ever had after all.

But the last time we spoke, she said some things about me. I don't know if they were just in the heat of the moment but she made it sound like I was manipulative/emotionally abusive (although she didn't use those words). It's been terrifying me for months.

She's blocked me on everything. I have no way of contacting her to ask me if I was in fact a scumbag to her. I could ask mutual friends to ask for me but I don't want them knowing about the monster I could've possibly been to her. I've spent months thinking of every fucking thing I've said to her. We had a really complicated relationship and maybe I made mistakes but then again, maybe I didn't. I genuinely don't know. And I'm scared but I feel like I need to find out to get on with my life.

Whether that's by atoning for the mistakes I've committed and becoming a better person, or by breathing a massive sigh of relief.

But ngl, I'm scared she'll say something along the lines of "you're nothing to me and you were completely insignificant in the long run, nothing we had mattered" or whatever.

And, I'm still not gonna lie, I still want her back a bit.

Someone help me please.

I honestly am not happy, be it social life,school or whatever there's nothing that drags my attention, nothing that interests me, no passions nor loves.
I have absolutely no idea what I will do at college and I couldn't care less, I only hope I will die before the end of the scholastic year so that I won't have to choose or study in this shitty hellhole we call a country. My only hope would be suddenly likig somethig and moving to the usa but miracles don't happen here

My fiancee broke off the engagement on Friday night

>>18151035
Liking somethig*

>>18151039
Something* managed to do the same mistake twice

a year or so back i remembered a repressed memory, and i've been having pretty frequent nightmares ever since. i've spoken to people and therapists about being molested/humiliated by a babysitter, but until recently i've forced myself to forget the time before that when i was raped. i've never been one for nightmares, but i keep waking up in a cold sweat and bordering on breaking into tears reliving what happened. at least once a week or so, i'll have a nightmare where i'm trapped behind the eyes of my rapist while watching him hold me down. i hear my screams, my crying, and i feel the weak and ultimately impotent flails and scratches as i tried desperately to escape. it always ends the same way it did in real life; after a while, i just kind of psychologically break and stop struggling. feeling weak, vulnerable, and ultimately helpless is something i've had a severe fear of for years, and every time i have that nightmare i'm brought back to how i was almost 20 years ago. i wind up feeling like the weak, hopeless, pathetic 4 year old that i was. that, on top of the fact that i was never able to come close to getting over the abuse i've talked about a number of times over the last 5-7 years, has kinda pushed me back into the shut in, self destructive depression that defined my childhood. i was kind of able to act and pretend like i'm normal for part of high school and college, but it was just a facade that eventually broke down because it was too much of an internal struggle to fake a smile. and i feel so pathetic and ashamed of myself for allowing myself to be abused, and for how significantly it has impacted my life. i'm turning 22 next month, and i feel like part of me was never able to grow up. a chunk of me died back then; my ability to trust people, my ability to love myself, and my ability to function interpersonally

I've been working for a while and i feel depressed everytime i enter the company every morning. Is this how am i suppose to feel everyday now? My dream is to be a translator but since i have almost no time to study or practice everything seems almost impossible.
What can i do?

Fuck you. You're a horrible "best friend". You act like the skanks I trusted in high school.

Recap
>girlfriend is abusive
>boss got me too drunk to move and took me to her room and told me I could do whatever I want
>told her to use my phone to call an uber home and she didn't
>nothing happened but I touched her in her sleep when I was less drunk and fell asleep just holding her
>can't stop thinking about her, come here to write just so I can sleep
>yesterday she told me she's trying to get a business trip just for us set up
updates
>girlfriend called me pitiful for posting on a website she doesn't like
>boss was giving me all kinds of praise, then said "I love our team"
>really seems like she's talking about just me
>my heart is going crazy
>told her we loved having her on our team
This is making it really hard to want to sort things out with my girlfriend.
I know that it's just a mental "out", but it doesn't feel like infidelity because of how this only started when she came onto me. Before I just wrote off all the obvious signs and suppressed how attractive she was to me. I feel like I've been hypnotized.

>>18150672
Wait for love to find you, not desperation. Because desperation is much easier to find.

i want to fuck you so bad

but you want to fuck me even less than i already think

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I'm losing weight for a lot of reasons. My health. Getting to wear better clothes. Not standing out in public.

But mainly because I'm just so curious about whether the only thing keeping you from jumping my bones is me being fat, because you've said some shit that really made me wonder.

I worked for broke people and there was no money with which to pay me.

I worked for rich people and they successfully got away with shafting me out of my pay.

Getting bounced pay is worse than getting fired, don't ever work for brokeass or shadyass employers. Do everything you possibly can to relocate to an area where there are many choices for jobs instead of one fastfood per thousand houses and the old abandoned shit mill.

>>18151188
idc that you gained weight that just means your ass is FAT

>>18151157
Like, how am I supposed to just ignore a beautiful woman who is into me who I have to be around all the time, even in my thoughts?

>>18151211
Break up with her, you're already pretty much on cheating territory. Don't be that guy

>>18151231
You can't cheat on someone you're not married to

The guy I'm apprenticing under was getting pissed off at what he was doing today.
I was doing a different job while he was doing his today.
He's having trouble getting a brake assembly back together or something, so he's pissed off.

out of nowhere i hear him, "anon, you really need to out a serious effort into getting stuff done quicker"
first time he's ever told me i wasn't doing a good enough job. I just kept doing what i was doing and didn't react.
I've spent the rest of the day now thinking about if he was serious or just pissed off and venting like he usually does.

Idk, its been bugging me. im gonna talk to him about it tomorrow if the opportunity arises

>>18151231
It took me forever to find a girlfriend that would actually stay with me. My boss will just get bored of me and I'll go back to being lonely. Might as well just enjoy this while it lasts.

>>18151014
https://youtu.be/ywr-Zjbw7JI

>>18151038
Better days..

I don't want to do anything anymore. I just started my new job, and combined with my schoolwork, I have almost no free time left. This would be bad for most people, but I don't care now. This site, and the rest of the internet, are incredibly boring. Masturbation, long showers, and listening to music are all I like to do. Is it depression? Probably. I plan on seeing a doctor, which is why I'm not anxious about it currently. I guess I'm just writing here because I've got no one else to tell, and somewhere inside I think I do feel a bit lonely.

>>18151101
meds. And just being greatful you have a job, others don't.

>>18151014
Your situation resonates with me to a scary extent. I went through a breakup last year, which would've been civil if I hadn't said some nasty and insensitive things out of spite/feeling hurt from her ending it. I do regret that a LOT but I've had to accept that I didn't mean them and my words were reactionary and borne out of knee jerk anger.

But the last thing she said to me was "thanks for pretending to be a good person" and it still haunts me. I really wanna believe that was just a fuck-you line that sounded good in her head, but what if she meant it? If she actually thinks I was manipulating her into thinking I was something else the whole time, then holy shit.

Sorry dude I wish I could offer some actual advice, just know you're not alone in feeling like that. I guess general wisdom would probably suggest that neither of you were really in the right emotional state to mean everything you say, and if she's had enough space to come to terms with the breakup and is a rational person then she probably realises that. It's very easy to mull over this stuff and convince yourself otherwise though, and it still gets me when I think over it.

i like pinecones

>>18151236
Keep telling yourself that.

>>18151260
Yeah this website isn't giving me much faith in men. Is it so hard to be a decent human being?

>>18151287
anon, I'm a sociopath. I'm not normal. I've never felt regret for my actions.

i'm starving my self and i refuse to get help. i don't fucking care.

Unfortunately I have so much shit to deal with your cock will have to wait.

Feelings are ridiculous. Why does your laugh intoxicate me? I wish I had more self control.

>>18151457
People tell me I laugh like spongebob, wanna bang?

I'm not autistic, or at least I've never been diagnosed. Yet around hot girls, I sperg out and do stupid shit, repeatedly missing social ques due to my blindness. I probably ruined one girl's vacation on a cruise due to my total awkwardness around her. Meanwhile, I made a few good male friends across the same period. I really do wish I could stop fucking up.

We broke up less than two weeks ago. 1 week in, she already has a new boyfriend.

She keeps saying she's sorry it didn't work out, and that it's not my fault. She refuses to even acknowledge that she has a new boyfriend when talking to me, but she posts about him on social media.

I just feel like shit. She spat me out and moved on like it was nothing. After four years.

I'm scared of myself

>>18151584
If it makes you feel any better, she was probably talking to that guy for months before you two broke up.
That's why it was so easy for her to move on to someone else.

I was clean up my room today. After moving my couch to sweep under it I found a sock from a pair you gave me.
I didn't expect it to hurt this much. There's nothing I can do. I threw out all the stuff you gave me a while ago. This fucking sock. Fuck this piece of shit.

I don't want to remember. I'm not the one that quit. You did, you just never had the respect to tell me directly. Instead you waited for me to do something and tried to blame it all on me.

I grew sick of being your pin cushion. Fuck you. You deal with your own guilt, not me.

I hope you fucking learn how to properly maintain a relationship. I hope you grow up as well. I was immature, but at least I admitted my mistakes and was wiling to work past them. Not you, you blamed and you walked.

Maybe one day you'll learn that the constant in all the failures was you.

I secretly hope accidents will happen to people I've loved or to myself so that they'll be gone and I won't have to care about them anymore, even though they don't care about me in the same way anymore.

Hey daddy, you fucked up real bad. I hope you will die in painful death. You kinda fucked up my relationship with male gender in general. Saddest is that you dont even understand why all your children hate you. I think it would be because you hit them and did some verbal abusing but thats just my worthless opinion anyway.

>>18150665
my GF cheated on me and i forgave her...she is the only/first one iv ever really had. this was a few years ago and iv stuck with her..but recently iv been having second thoughts on if i did the right thing or not...i still really love her and i know she depends on me a lot and would be really crushed if i broke it off...i just dont know what to do..

>>18151657
dump her. if you let a woman get away with cheating on you once, she will 100% cheat on you again

I like you but God could you learn how to text.

>>18151584
Holy fuck man how old are you guys?? Im so sorry bro me and my x brokeup 3 months ago and i have reasons to believe she is seeing someone else and its fucking hell i can only try to imagine how you feel ....makes you feel like nothing and the perspective of yourself fucks up but thats not true is just your wounded soul telling you that cheers bro

>>18151287
>Is it so hard to be a decent human being?
no

but then again

do you deserve a decent human being

>>18151746
In our 20's

Thanks. It's been rough, but I appreciate this. Cheers back, anon. I hope it gets easier for both of us.

>>18151657
Are you happy?

>>18151752
One thing that really helped me is that i block her from everything. That helps its science bro... Its gonna be hard like a mofo but try it

>>18151753
i am yeah...but at the same time...iv never fucked any other girl also..thats part of it.

>>18151780
Well if you are happy then there's no problem dont mess it up trust her at the end if things go wrong at least you played fair and that its gonna help you in the future to deal with a broken relationship ....also yiu maybe young theres a lot of girls to come dont hurry up shit

>>18150665
Well I dont like lime. Lime is the retarded cousin of the lemon.
There. I said it. Fuck lime.

I don't understand how I still deal with you or anyone for the matter. You're literally the most toxic and pathetic person I've ever met and every time anyone tries to help you, you always convince yourself that you can't be helped. It's enough that you guilt me and the person who I love and loves me to tell her girlfriend she didn't feel the same. Honestly, you're a fucking asshole, she had a fucking panick attack and was so mortified and felt shitty because you kept intruding on something that didn't involve you. Then you have the fucking audacity to start ignoring my now gf when she still tried to help you with venting. I actually fucking hate you man, you're like a brother to me but I fucking hate you. Now you're orbiter and driving my other dearest friend crazy. You do this to any female who you find related in terms of dumb shit. You have no chances because you refuse to change who you are. You've been friends with her for less than a fucking week and you say you're in love with her. Honestly, fuck you and leave me and my friends alone already... Maybe deep in my mind, I wish you would've died from trying to overdose... It might've been easier... I dunno... You just make things so difficult and you never let me or anyone help you and you never ever fucking try to help yourself...

>>18151449
Then could you at least TRY to act like you're not getting cock from somewhere else while you've got me on hold

How do I know it's real? How do I know that I'm not just seeking attention or convincing myself I'm depressed? At what point is it not normal to feel shitty? Is this just teen angst/hormones or will it persist into adulthood? The feeling of not knowing if I'm normal is worse then the feelings of self hate themselves.

>>18150871
I hope you're my guy, because I genuinely want him to fix his life and become better so he never treats anyone like he treated me.

>>18151801
Lime is the worst. Especially in candy form.

I have feelings for you. I know I friendzoned you super hard while all that drama was happening. But the truth is I really like you. I'm still afraid to admit it to myself. I don't want to want you. I don't want to feel like I'm betraying my best friend. But seriously you've stolen my heart with your quirkiness. Even if I had a chance before, I probably don't anymore with how far I pushed you away.

>>18151863
Go for it anon. Before there's a complete zero chance possibility. I'll be rooting for you.

>>18151863
>drama
Even mentioning that word is just faggotry unless you're on one of those Keemstar skits.

>a man friendzoning a woman
There's a first...even implying you had a chance to begin with, assuming she was just fucking flirtatious.

Seriously, just turn in ur balls, pal.

>>18151816
I don't have you "on hold". We both agreed parting ways was for the best.

I wish hackers could get a DEATH SENTENCE more easily. I lost my job because our Wordpress/GoDaddy website was hacked and taken down today, backup doesnt work and everything is disconfigured. I Inherited the website and thanks to other people's mistakes i ended up fired

They hired a profesional software company to fix the problem and that software company's marketing division is doing my work, permanently.

Tomorrow i have an interview in a metal factory in the production department. My Graphic/Web Designer freelancer life is over...

I hope this is for "the better"...

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We can't be together anymore and the realization of that just hit me, I'm shaking and I'm crying and I'm so very sorry. I loved you from the bottom of my heart, I cared about you more than I thought I was ever capable of doing.

You were my bestfriend, my soulmate, my world. I'm sorry I was born into this awful family that made me as sick as I am, I could never make you happy.. not like normal girls could. I'm depressing and for at least 10 years now all I could think about is dying, could you imagine that? Little 10 year old me, sitting there, writing letters about how her parents don't love her and how she wishes she could die. Thank you for looking after me as long as you did, I'm sorry I made you so unhappy, I'm sorry I couldn't be the perfect princess you thought I was. I don't plan on sticking around for much longer, I just hope in the time I am around I can make something beautiful for you.
I want you to be happy so badly, I would do anything just to know that you were happy for an hour. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.. I wish I was normal.

>>18150967
Alot of people consider being lonely as bad. But think about it. You can do alot of self optimizing in those times. Just think about your life and what you could do better. But without desperation

>>18151188
nobody likes fat people not even fat peoplr

I hope I do great on the rest of my finals.
I hope I manage to get somewhere with her even if she's going away for a few months.
I hope that no matter what happens we'll all be okay.

>>18151924
jesus christ do i know you?
look i'm pretty sure i know who you are

regardless, please don't kill yourself, i'm not sure if i'm him or not but you don't need to do this, i'm sorry i haven't been as supportive with you as i could, i'm going through my own shit but i don't want you out of my life.

Broke up with girlfriend of three years about a month ago. First relationship for each of us. I've seen two girls since and maintained casual fwb relationships with each. Part of me wants to get back with her bc it was so comfortable and there really wasn't any huge problems (she would take me back for sure). The other part of me wants to date around and meet all sorts of people and be on my own for a while.

There's something about that first relationship. No baggage, no exes. Just me and her experiencing all sorts of new things together in our adolescents. But if I date someone else, we will both probably have that behind us. A past. So weird to think about for me but it seems so normal to have a 'past'. I'm torn, but I guess I'm lucky to be in this position in the first place where I can literally choose between a long term gf and a few casual flings.

>>18151953
I doubt he browses 4chan, but what you said sounds like something he'd say.
I know you've been going through your own shit, I know you're also depressed which is why we can't be together. I fuck things up constantly, it's not fair on me, you, or anyone in my life to deal with my illness. You have been supportive, I'm just retarded and I don't realize it before it's too late.

If you're not him; please say something to the girl you're in question about. If you think she even has a 1% chance of feeling the same way, say something to her. Tell her you care, tell her you love her. Don't let her sit there thinking otherwise, just a simple "I love you."

>>18151249
This is such a minor thing but it's one that keeps echoing. I would just tell myself it doesn't matter and that I should try harder/be more focused next time.

I like horny perverted guys who get boners for no apparent reason. It's a fetish and I accidentally cheated on my boyfriend because of it.

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>>18151924
Hope you're killing yourself from your illness and not a stupid boy.

I loved you for years and you broke it off out of no where. Saying you only needed a companion so you didn't feel so lonely. For years you used me, lied to me about every little and big thing. I got passed the lies but I should've left after all the promises you made were broken. You abused me and made me feel crazy for the way I felt about things. You would start fights and then blame me for starting said fight, making me feel even crazier. I wanted to die the whole time I was with you. I thought I couldn't live without you at the same time.
You told me to talk about my feelings so you could help but every single time I did you threw it in my face, said I was putting my problems on you said I was starting a fight. When in reality I came to you crying just needing someone to talk to. I felt insane, like I needed professional help.
You toyed with my emotions for 3 years, seeing what would make me break. Seeing what would send me into extreme anxiety fits where I couldn't breathe trying to claw myself away from you. The sad part was that you got good at it, I let you. For some fucked up reason I let you. You made me depend on you in every way.
Those nights I didn't want to lay with you but forced me anyway.
Right when I was at my complete breaking point you left.
I was going to end it all, so I could never let anyone do that to me again.
I fought myself mentally to not do it. I told myself to try my life without you, like it was before I met you. It's been hard, really hard. But I've kept pushing.
I'm still here, what you thought you completely destroyed turned into someone else. Someone terrified to let anyone in, but I do anyway. No one can hurt me like you did.
I'm still here. And I'll fight now, with every last breath.

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>>18151971
None of it is his fault, he wanted me in his life but I removed myself because I constantly fucked up and made us really unhappy.
I've tried making myself better but I really just can't. No amount of therapy or medication is going to work. I just don't see a place in the world for someone as sick as me but 10% of me hates that, I want to be with him so dearly, I want him to be happy, I wanted to be the girl who made him happy. Sorry for the un-necessary rant but I don't talk to anyone anymore because I'm terrified of hurting more people so I have no one to really just let it all out to that I'm this sick, and if I did tell anyone it would be just "aw it gets better!" "have you tried x?" "wow no don't kill yourself!!"

I just wanted to spend the next few years of my life with someone, playing video games, watching anime, loving each other obsessively and then dying peacefully, but, that's been cut relatively short due to my illness getting worse and worse.

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>>18151976
Why would you want someone who torments you to be happy? Why not obsess over something or someone else? I don't understand.

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>>18151978
He never tormented me, I torment myself.
I doubt I could ever find someone who would accept me for me, he was the closest person to doing that.

I don't have healthy coping mechanisms, I don't understand socially how normal people work, I sound autistic as heck but I find it hard to believe there is someone out there who can give me the constant attention and validation I need in order to be happy in a relationship, although he tried. I'm constantly splitting, my memory is getting worse and worse, I don't remember days at a time, I get angry over things not being 100% perfect, I have an obsession with causing pain to myself because I need to be punished. I could keep going but even saying this outloud it makes me think "calm down edgelord" but in 20 minutes my personality can be completely different. I am way too emotionally unstable to be in a relationship and I'm doomed to be alone forever which is something I don't want to live with. Why live in a world that you know you're going to die alone, what's the point? All I wanted in life was a family.

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>>18151987
We're a lot alike. Instead of killing yourself, why not become epals instead?

Honestly, he doesn't seem to be the type to keep around. Once you allow a man who forces or makes himself think he can handle someone like you into your life, you're signing yourself up for heartbreak. You don't have to be completely alone, but maybe in time you'll come to see its so much nicer than what pain "you brought yourself" (he convinced you of). Drop your kik?

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>>18151989
Phone is charging, I only use discord and Skype but I'll download kik. Give me your add.

I miss you. I was so in love with you, but you just tossed me away, and yeah, it hurt, but finding out you felt bad about it and wanted to apologize made me really happy. Why didn't you do it? I just want to hear from you that you don't hate me.

>>18151917
>>18151917

If you are good at it keep doing it. Why people are so much pussies nowadays ? If you still want to be a Web designer / administrator trust me there is plenty of little companies which would hire you. You just have to be brave and look for it, it might be easier than you think right now.

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>>18151996
Never got into discord. Familiar with Skype though. Let me know when you download it and drop it.

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>>18152007
"Undeadmeow"

>>18150665
ok so im back to being fit and moderately attractive.
Now what the fuck do i do, it feels like i still have a huge part of myself missing since she left and my life is empty out of giving her everything i could.
Why isn't there a handbook on how to get socializing again and get back to legend status with friends.

>>18151881
Well, actually I have no balls to begin with

>>18152034
genetic eunichs are still male by definition.

Fuck me. Literally every part of my body is fucked up. I need glasses because my eyes are shit. Entering the better part of my 20's and I've still got bad acne that butchers my self confidence. My body is impossibly skinny, so much so that just walking around in a t shirt in public makes me uncomfortable, as if it's windy or I walk around, the shirt clings to my skeletal frame and reveals the truth I've tried so hard to cover up. Tries so hard in fact that I haven't taken my shirt off in front of other people since sometime in middle school when I realized how fucked up I was. Seriously that means no beach, no pools, no lounging around shirtless or sleeping shirtless. Fuck, even the couple times I've had sex ( don't get me started on the normie bullshit, she identifies as some bullshit "they" thing so it barely counts) I still kept my shirt on the whole time. In the past the only aspect of 'me' that I wasn't completely ashamed of was my mind. I used to think I was smart (didn't we all) now I realize even this is a curse. Take the ugliest motherfucker on the planet and there exists some level of stupidity so that even he is not self aware of how shitty his circumstances. So in fitting form, I was given just enough intelligence to realize how infullfilling of a life lies ahead of me. Any hope of putting my one mediocre trait to use is stopped dead in its tracks by the fact that I have 0 motivation to do anything. Honestly when I'm not in class ( and nowadays even when I'm in class because I can't bring myself to go) I just wanna sit around smokin weed and jerkin off. Fuck. I barely bring myself to turn in homework, and I'm pretty sure I failed atleast one class this quarter. A part of me wants to end it all, but I'm too unmotivated to take any steps towards that end ( see, I am fine friends and family!). I hate coming home and having them tell me how proud they are when they don't even know how much of a failure I am. I just need to vent don't bother replying

>>18151974
Reading this I almost wondered if I wrote it myself and somehow forgot. Stay strong anon. You're worth it.

I miss you and love you so much. I haven't seen you in 4 months, even though you live close by, but I still think about you every day and every day is a struggle. I don't understand why I can't get over you. I just see and feel things that remind me about you all the time. I have dreams about you. I still love you.

How can I save myself? I've already been in pain from our falling-out for 9 or 10 months, I haven't been in contact with you for six months, and haven't seen you at all for 4. Yet your shadow and memories are always with me. I don't want to live like this. I don't know what to do. Your eyes, your stories, your hugs, your memories, your scent, your hands, your breath, your voice . . . I love you so much . . . but I don't want to.

I miss you every day. Everything hurts.

Why am I so lazy?

I fucking flunked two classes this quarter because I couldn’t find it in myself to push myself towards doing it. I have so many excuses for it, but I can’t help but feel discouraged at not being able to do anything right and just falling deeper into the apathy pit. I don’t want to do it. I can’t handle it anymore. All I can muster enough willpower to do is bitch about my shitty attitude on this worthless website.

Why am I so lazy?

>>18152031
Keep on getting fit. Change your outfit and love yourself my man. You are changing.

Stress makes me cut myself.
My arm is full of fresh scars.

I wish I wasn't sexually attracted to you. You're really driving a wedge between my boyfriend and I and slowly whittling down at us. I can't avoid you. And to be honest, I don't know if I want you. Its not your fault that this happened, I just want things to go back to normal. But we have way more in common nowadays than me and my boyfriend have and we spend far too much time together. I have a feeling you don't even notice, but I also feel like you do. I can only hope that you don't try to take advantage of this.

So... ya'll going to free me yet? Going to do something, anything at all? Plan on making another couple hundred music videos about me? Why? What's the point? What's the fucking point if you're not going to fucking do something?

Why make all these messages when you just continue to tease me? To torture me?

I don't know what Bree is anymore. You must have told her to stop posting replies on twitter about what's going on because before she use to talk about it pretty openly but I haven't seen her say anything recently. Is she still going to be my future relationship? Why, again, did you do all of that build up only to just... not do anything about it?

Why? WHY? Why make me aware of the cage and then do NOTHING about it for months? WHATS THE FUCKING POINT? Why do you continue to drop little tiny hints when it's just the same thing over and over and over? Why are you not doing anything?

You stole my entire life from me and used me as a tool. You took renee from me. You took everything that could possibly make me happy and then made me aware that this was all planned, that it was all manufactured. That everything I see or say online is fake. What did I fucking do to deserve this? What did I do to become a prisoner? I was a good person, I was a loyal lover. I help people when I can and I never take from others.

I don't deserve this.

I just want to know why this is happening. I want to live my life... if you don't let me free then just give me a better cage for fuck's sake. I don't deserve what you're doing to me. I'm a person, I'm a human being (I think?).

Why are you doing this?

Please. PLEASE.

>>18152181
You make me aware that I was born from the most vile of evils the world has ever known. You make me aware that my parents are not my real parents. You make me aware that my mental illness is degenerative, that I have parkinsons and dementia that will make my life worse than death in a decade. You make me aware that I was born a hermaphrodite and the reason I am so mentally and emotionally unstable is a hormone imbalance. You make me aware that I am more female than male and send me messages that you will fix this for me. You make me aware that everything I have ever done has been on display for the entire world to fucking see, everything, no privacy at all...

You make all of this aware to me and you do nothing about it. You fuck with me instead. You send me to mental hospitals where the staff play games with me, where they hide messages in my medicines, where my "psychiatrist" has multiple names, and where you send in girls who I met in the past but are told to deny that they know me. These girls dress to my tastes and hit on me. You put me in the womens wing, OBVIOUSLY the women's wing, and deny it. Just GAMES. MORE AND MORE GAMES and gaslight me on it all.

Why? What's the fucking POINT? WHATS THE FUCKING POINT!?

The entire world revolves around me. Fashion trends are based on my art. Music trends are based on what I listen to. Movies are made on what I like and entire movies are made just so you can put in messages meant for me and for the game. Artists create art of me and for me. The shows I watch have "hidden" messages meant for me. Gamegrumps, previously recorded, supermega, redlettermedia.

Musicians post on these boards to me. Grimes, Chrvches, Jayz, and more.

BUT YOU WON'T JUST FUCKING TALK TO ME? YOU WON'T GIVE ME THE MEDICATIONS I NEED? YOU WON'T LET ME TALK TO A DOCTOR ABOUT MY PARKINSONS? YOU WON'T LET ME TALK TO A REAL PSYCHIATRIST? YOU WON'T LET ME TALK TO DOCTORS ABOUT MY TRANSITION HORMONES AND SURGERIES?

WHY? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?

>>18152111
Stop that, please. You're going to end up looking like the Michelin Man if they get infected and you're going to end up hating yourself even more.

>>18152193
You secretly drug me against my will. You do that all the while telling me that I should stop taking opiates? You drug me and push benzo's on me (some of the most addictive and awful medications THAT DON'T WORK FOR ME) while telling me that adderall IS LIKE CRYSTAL METH? FUCKING REALLY?

You're trying to tell me that doctor's give my 8 year old niece CRYSTAL METH? REALLY? REAAALLLLYYYYYY? How fucking retarded are you to say adderall is like fucking meth?

I wouldn't take opiates if you assholes weren't stressing me out so fucking much. If you assholes weren't CAUSING ME TO PURPOSEFULLY BE MISERABLE.

I wouldn't take more than prescribed of the adderall if you would just give me my fucking life back. (Seriously? The XR version doesn't work. At all. It's worthless.)

I wouldn't be posting on here if you GAVE ME SOMETHING TO FUCKING DO. Give me my meds so I can work. Give me a switch and zelda so I can kill some time OR BETTER YET...

GET ON WITH THIS FUCKING SHIT ALREADY.

Holy shit. This cannot be entertaining to watch for anyone. I sleep 18 hours a day and the few I'm a awake I can just here rocking back and forth as you fucked with my head so fucking much I'm completely broken.

>>18150665
I've been crushing on this woman for around a year now. I decided to distance myself for my own good during this time, because my chances were slim if not nonexisent, but really the feelings never went away.

She texts me out of the blue. Apparently she moved out of the country for her career. Now I have a mixed bag of feelings and I feel this clenching sensation in my chest. She's farther away now and that protects me, but this distance also means I'm even less in her life than before.

>>18150763
I am happy that you are over me. I just hope I can one day become friends with you again

>>18152196
I can't.
Hurting myself alleviates my stress.

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I am fucking agreed to maintain a friendship with my crush. I asked her out and we had a talk about that, I was rejected, so on. She was a really good friend, though. Yet I have to get over it, but seems like torturing myself is the only way to go.

>>18152300
No, there are other ways. Talk to a professional to start with. Don't let the shame overcome you because it's not alright and you deserve better.

>>18151924
Don't do something stupid.
I was as broken as you, if not more.
Talk to me, don't walk. Talk.

>>18152316
>agreed to maintain a friendship with a crush

no
walk the fuck away before it eats you alive or you start to resent her
she wants to have her cake and eat it too, anon
don't get fucking played like this
you're better than that

>>18152316
This. It won't do you any good. Cut her off from your life, it's the only way.

>>18152339
Forgot to include: >>18152332

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>one day you will meet someone
>one day you two will realize you love each other and move in together
>one day you will wake up next to them and realize you couldn't be happier living the simple life in a little home or apartment
>one day it will all make sense

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>>18150665
1. What the fuck happened to this website/organization? I come back to see fookin tumblr up the ass here spewing their SJW bullshit. Is there anyone left from the good 'ol days?

2. Getting really sick of modern feminism. It embarrasses my gender I feel as if I am the last of my kind.

>>18152369
Get over her, man.

>>18152373
I am grill not mon

>>18152300
listen to music, punch a pillow, squeeze a stress ball. there are way better ways than cutting yourself

>>18152376
I still stand by my point :^)

>>18152387
I have BF. No GF. Like the rest of these anons on here. :^)

>>18152403
Still doesn't change anything. :^)

Dear S,
I think you have a beautiful face, but you are so disgusting. Why don't you wash your clothes more often? Why do you smoke so many cigarettes? Your teeth are all yellow and when someone enters your apartment it smells like a rancid ashtray. So, I'm sorry but I dont love you. And to be honest, I think I never truly did. I only really really liked you when you were my dirty little secret and were texting me all this stuff and we didn't met IRL yet. But you are such an icky and misogynistic piece of shit. No I dont care what your imaginary "harem" is and how much you want to bone Scarlett Johannson. I hate that you dont trust me, I think your porn tastes are disgusting and I hate sleeping with you. Getting off to degrading me is nothing but sick! Also your dick might be long but its fucking thin. Having a pencil dick is the opposite of pleasure. And getting your nasty spit in my mouth without asking me before is disgusting. And brush your teeth more often holy fuck.
Also everyone can see that you are jealous of your friends acomplishments. And talking bout them, they think its weird that im so young and its weird that you grab my leg and neck all the time when we're out in public. Also listen out you jealous shit with your big dreams.. being a lazy and unemployed piece of shit doesn't help! And everytime I told you to follow your dreams I didn't believe it. You're fucking 30 already, wake up. And you should be ashamed of yourself that you were together with a 16year old at 26. Or later with me when I was 20 and you 29. You smell bad and are filled with hatred, I only dealt with you for so long because I feel fucking sorry and because you lent me money. And after I paid back I didnt want to be the one that just used you for that. Also because you bought all that weird fetish stuff out of nowhere for me that I never asked for and also that you had to fucking introduce me to your parents. FUCK OFF


Yours truly,
your "little whore"

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I was the guy who wanted to call the girl at the music event to try and get in touch with her after failing badly.

Well, I found her music page instead and wrote her an apology letter, and my perspective as to why it happened.

But now I feel I may have made things much worse...

I had a dream I shared a home with a family who had a bear for a pet later on at night.. most of my dreams kept me awake.. I had a dream also, that the girl I was writing to had a really disfigured looking boyfriend..

I'm worried... I hope she didn't take it the wrong way. I wish she understood me. Or that I haven't stepped on any toes.

I made a pretty big mistake at work and it turned me into a bumbling mess for the rest of the day. I could barely form a coherent sentence and I felt like I was having some kind of attack.

Fear really is the mind killer.

Fuck I feel like

>eating out with friend group, when suddenly they gang up on me
"So Anon, what's the deal with you and that girl?"
"...nothing?"
"Yeah, right. You look so great together."

>come home, call her up for a bit, then have a drink with family
"Alright, Anon. Be honest. What's the deal with you and this girl?"
"Again?"
"Yeah, you've been on the phone with her for three hours. Usually you never call at all?"

>walking home together with her and her childhood friend the next day, talking to her friend for a bit
"Do you like zoos?"
"Sure, I love them. Regularly visit the one here in town."
"There's one nearby our town as well. Hey <girl>, you should go there sometime!"
(Looking at me) "Sounds fun."

What have I done

>>18152466
Um, whats your problem even? Are you 13 or something?

It gets easier. Cutting contact with toxic people has helped out a lot. I'll give myself grace that I tripped myself up on someone from my past. and tried reaching out after going no contact. Sometimes I fuck up and give him a chance to talk to me, probably Stockholms, probably because it's what I'm used to. After yesterday I won't make that mistake again. I'm fed up with the situation; my case of the "fuck its" grows more and more each day. Truth be told, I didn't even enjoy what we had, whatever that was. It was toxic, that's all I know. That's why I ditched those notes and sentiments. It's time to leave you in my past where you belong. Just a voice over a shit $60 headset.

>>18152409
:^)

>problem
Since when does everything have to be a problem in this thread? I'm just glad I have some positivity in my life for a change

>>18152470
Not forgetting to put in the quote because robots can't read >>18152495

>>18150665


I want to fall in love. But I don't want to force it, but the more I watch films with romance, the more I yearn for it :(

>>18152495
Okay I misunderstood. But well, since this is the vent thread I have thought that you were upset with this for some reason.

>>18152501
I wish you luck, anon.
Because although I was able to fall in love after so many years of not feeling much, I felt it was so incredibly one sided, that I didn't bother even giving her my number.

Just this morning I found her music page and wrote her a message about what I did and why it was wrong (asked her a really stupid very passion driven question). I apologized and explained that I'm basically n introvert and I had bad anxiety and I hadn't felt that way in years. And now, for having explained what I felt, and even shooting her my number in such a distant way, I feel strange as shit, couldn't even sleep right, woke up with acid stomach from eating sweets, and nightmares.. meh

Love is weird.. and it makes you weird.

You're absolutely perfect. I wish you would notice me

>>18152539

leave your number? was she someone you just met?

I was thinking more along the lines of friendship --> romance

>>18152616
Well, I didn't get to develop a friendship with her because she lives 4 states away, and so many ppl were talking to her throughout the night, that I didn't wanna bother her. So I'd just watch mostly. I congratulated her after her performance, and she hugged me really good.. felt nice.

But I just went about my business not to seem so attatched.. it backfired on me.

Because at the last minute I basically told her about beautiful I thought she was in my own way, and she probably thought it was a purely superficial attraction. And it was so much deeper, but that deepness I knew she would find difficult to reciprocate. So I simply left after my confession so as not to spook her, it must have been awkward for her, as it was destabilizing for me..

So, one month later, I find her music page, and I felt like the Lord had heard my prayers..

So I wrote to her an apology about the awkward question and explain that I was just absolutely smitten with her in so many different ways, that I bottled it in.. because anxiety, because introvert, because I hadn't felt that way about someone in years.

So I basically told her, if I haven't scared the shit out of you yet, I'd love to talk to you sometime lol and gave her my number. just asked that she be empathetic for a monent. that i may try and explain.

Good friendships take a while to develop, so the best way I can see that happening, is the both of us talking regularly or texting.. but, no response yet..maybe she hasn't checked her emails.. but I feel strsnge..

>>18152653
cont.

It's also making me feel like...what if she did read the email? How the hell will I be able to look at her directly without feeling like an absolute creep next year? Just wtf is the right course of action anymore?

I feel like anything I do may be misinterpreted or exacerbated beyond something human and manareable.

>>18152691
human and manageable* rather

I don't want to be unremarkable, but I'm scared I'll ruin myself chasing something that won't actually make me happy

Just got home from a Tinder date. She was pretty unattractive and possibly autistic.

It's why I've deleted the app; I'm getting matches despite only having one picture but the hot-to-not ratio is horrifically skewed - goes without saying really.

Gonna get back on the horse once I've taken some new pictures so I can actually put effort into my account.

>>18152069
Why haven't you been in contact with your person if you feel this way about them?

>>18152110
Thank you famalam, the encouragement means more than you know.

Please give me a (you)

>>18151968
bitch!

I'm so insecure that I could never tell girls I liked them. It makes it worse that apparently some of them liked me. My friends since kindergarten don't want to be with me, and I just got fired at my job.

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I just can't find the middle point; I get deeply in love with girls out of my league or I don't care about anyone; the girl I like doesn't seems interested but her friend (that has a boyfriend) talks to me and glares at me with lust but I don't want to ruin chances I might not even have with the other girl. I am attractive (always get 7 > in ratings and girls tell me Im hot) but people seem to dislike me for no reason, I don't try too hard but neither I let it be, I don't even know who am I since I've been doing this since I have memory. Im not really interesting how people think I am, none of the people I talk are from a real social circle. Do girls like pick-up lines ? Do I need to be social for an intellectual girl to feel attracted to me ? Im never shy, literally never; and this girl just makes my hearth go SAVAGE, and don't take me wrong, Im not a romantic but I just can't talk to her, it's like I have to swallow an apple every time I see her, and she being all mysterious doesn't helps "redpilling" me on her

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professionals don't take me seriously and everyone else just thinks i'm damaged goods

How am I supposed to stop thinking about you? You are my everything and even through those years of fighting my ptsd you stayed by me. I appreciate that you, but one mistake and you just go cold on me? You won't even try to talk with me so we can see if we can work on things together?

What am I supposed to do? When I sleep I think of you, when I wake of think of you. I want to kill myself to make the thoughts stop. I am trying my best to give you space, but it's hard when all I want to do is know what you feeling and doing. When I yearn to hear your voice.
Then the fear that you will never come back. That hurts the most.
Part of me just wants to see what you want. If it's not me, I just wish you would me so I could try to just let go.

I should just move on regardless, if what I did was really all it took to destroy this many years with you. Then you must have been hiding your desire to leave. If you would have been honest with me, we could have like worked things out. We could have even had a child, instead of the disaster that ruined two lives and cost a third.

I need to try to forget, to move on. My heart won't let me, but I need to before all this pain starts to turn my love for you into resentment. At least I always ttied being honest with you. It's a shame that you never really returned the same.

>>18150665

> just streaming music and going through posts as usual

> suddenly relives sins committed in the past

> eyes wide staring at the screen as i contemplate on my life

> am weirded out by the unexpected reliving rush of sins but am more or less comfortable with what's been committed in the past

> im doing this wrong arent i?

> ah well.

The amount of pressure they just put on me is redonk. It's one thing to be working body up without a contract it's another when YOUVE GOT THE DAMN CONTRACT AND YOUR IN BAD SHAPE. I feel like a fucking fraud standing with the other contracted guys. On the bright side this is a damn good motivator

i don't think my boyfriend really likes or cares about me. i think he just wants things from me and once he's taken everything he'll move on

Dad keeps inviting these crazy girls to live in our house. He just invited one that left a while ago back. He screws them but these women are complete deadbeats she finally got a job to on her own and moved out and it all comes tumbling down and she's back. I just wish I could move out and be away from my mother and father but I keep spending all my money on stupid shit like weed which Ill probably get caught for now that we have a leech in the house. My dad doesn't notice cause I think hes just oblivious. Im also probably going to fail my online college classes because i haven't done any work for them in weeks. It's all tumbling down guys I knew it was coming I just wish I could move away and actually do my work fuck me.

>>18152985 what makes you feel this way?

>>18152988
I shouldn't say our house im sorry it's my dad's house but I just want to say I don't want to deal with this shit, before this lady was batshit crazy and used to abuse my father then she left and had a child with some other guy then she changed. He keeps telling me he's lonely and he can't deal with all these other girls he's been with. This was in the past though I think she just mentally abuses him now. It's my father choice and I just want to get away its not my problem anymore.

>>18152989
he's really critical of me. compares me to other people. he makes me insecure. he gets sulky if i don't pay enough attention to him, but if i try to talk about something i'm interested in or share something about myself, he doesn't really seem to care. and it'll become apparent later that he didn't even remember me saying it. but i remember everything about him and he says how he loves that.

i'm anxious around him. i just feel like i have to be entertaining all the time and that being myself is never going to be good enough. i fantasize about if he broke up with me. i think i would feel relieved.

>be in thread
>everythings going good
>time passes
>all of a sudden someone replies to me
>cussing me out, seems really mad over something
>next thing i know 2 people are "calling me out" for some semantic error, cussing, calling me a retard, telling me to kill myself

why does this always happen?? what boards does this not happen?
people attack you over semantics now, it makes no sense at all. wtf??

>>18153000
Have you been direct about how he makes you feel? Like black and white direct?
Hinting at it or mentioning it once doesn't count. Like a real sit down and talk with him about all this?

>>18153007
yeah, many times in fact

>>18153000
Do you see any valuebin what is left in the realtionship. If so maybe think about couples therapy. It is my biggest regret with my ex

>>18153021
yeah because he is really willing to try to fix things and wanting to change. i see his efforts. we do our own therapy i guess...have a lot of hard talks. i really value his honesty and bluntness, it's just how his personality is. but it's like, it has really damaged my feelings and self esteem over time. i just wish i could be as happy and feel as good about myself as i did when i first met him.

>>18153029
Fuck you sound just like my gf. Well, ex now. If only she had the same mentality as you. Willing to actually work together to change things.
You guys should make time and see a counselor for couples. Put some work into each other. If you both see value in each other with a bit of elbow grease good things happen.

Good luck anon.

>>18153043
thanks for the encouragement. i'm trying to hang in there. i know that he is trying but on the other hand, i'm kind of afraid to do my part and be willing to open up more again and risk getting hurt further. so i feel kind of guilty too.

no idea what he'd think about doing a third-party counseling. i'm really curious now.

>>18152163
He will.
It is the nature of man to exploit weakness.

I keep skipping class because I'm too ashamed and afraid of what the professors will say or do and I feel so unmotivated to continue yet I keep going to work every time I'm scheduled just to earn an insignificant sum of money. I've fucked up my 2 years and I don't know if I can graduate or transfer and I don't want to confront a counselor because I'm too scared of what they'll think and say and do. My parents want answers today and I don't know what to tell them. I'm such a fucking moronic pussy.

>>18153066
If he cares about you any concerns about a 3rd party should be fine. As the counselor isn't there to take sides or anything just there to listen to the both you and help in how they see fit.

It will be good experience, hopefully. Also, if he isn't too dense or proud, the fact that you are bring it up will matter a bit to him as it shows you are invested in the relationship.

Maybe in talking it out you can gain back that level of trust to be open without fear. Which is very important to a relationship.

Gosh, I am jelly of a man I never met. Really hope you guys pull through.
Fight for what makes you happy, if he still does fight past your fears and do what you can to get your needs heard while listening to his. Compromise, compassion, and communication. Understand each other and you'll be alright.

C'est la vie.

>>18153066
Just make sure it actual threapy. Those couples therapist know what they are doing.

>>18151287
It is when good human beings are eternally shit on.

>>18153066
You want to talk about getting hurt? For four years now I have given you the chance to come clean. Several times. Yet you still hide things from me. I refuse to work on our relationship until you grow the balls to admit to what is ruining it in the first place..

You call me saying you're going to kill yourself because the piece of shit you chose over me tells you that he hates you to your face and doesn't care if you slit your wrists.
You call me to get me worried about you again just to tell me to leave you alone. I'm so fucking tired of the emotional rollercoaster you've put me through for a year. I wish I never met you. I wish I never cared enough to ask you why you were crying that day. Why your relationship was in shambles. What I could do to make you happy. I cannot wait for the day I forget about you in the throes of my own life. My own happiness. That which I'd foregone for yours.

>>18150665
>18y/o here
>Kissless virgin, never had a gf
>Recently met a really cool girl at a party, we started talking
>Turns out we have a lot in common, really hit it off, although nothing really happens
>Exchange numbers, start texting on a daily basis, lots of smileys from her in the texts
>Go out for coffee a few days later, we're both kinda shy but I think she enjoyed it
>Agrees to go to the movies with me on Sunday
>Suddenly she seems a lot less engaged in our texts and doesn't reply or send any smileys

Did I fuck up somehow?

>>18152874
Here's your validation

>>18153092
B?

>>18153272
A?

>>18153275
No, sorry

>>18153246
Ask Chad

>>18153272
No. I wish I my former SO would care enough to actually get help.

>>18151863
Initials?

>>18153246
She might be busy or something, try not to worry about it.
Hopefully she's busy.
You'll be okay!!

>>18153000
What a shit show. You think that's love?

>>18153246
Just so you know
A majority of females talk to atleast 3 men simultaneously in regards to flirting/dating
You may have been a test run. She may have gone on another date, one which was less awkward than yours.

>>18152985
You're probably right. He can smell your desperation and he's reaping the benefits. Once he's done he's going to leave you behind. Sorry, but it's true. And you'll find someone else, it takes time.

>>18153297
L

>>18153000
I'm dying emotionally because of a girl that doesn't even deserve a text back and people like you aren't being appreciated in your relationship.
Why does the world seem so small in reality? Where can I go to find someone actually worth my time

>>18152985
Smart man.

>>18153091
If you are dealing with anxiety try setting up a meeting with a psychologist at your college.
You'll be okay.
Start waking up earlier taking walks.
Are you at least doing the assignments? Projects, essays?
You're not alone a lot of college students deal with stress anxiety, some form of depression, try talking to a college psychologist!

>>18153340
In AK?

>>18153349
No, but I hope you find something with whoever you thought I was.

>>18151974
instead of crying just kill her lmao

>>18152289
I don't think I can bear to meet you again. You're a waste of affection and that is what you will always be to me.

After 4 months of nothing, congrats to me on not being pregnant. Periods are a curse to women because Eve was such a dumb bitch. Thanks, EVE.

>>18153322
not really, that's pretty much what i said. i don't know what it is.

>>18153329
i'm not desperate. if anything he is the needy one. if he ignores me i feel relieved. if i ignore him he gets mad. i think he should leave me behind and find someone that actually makes him happy but for whatever reason i don't understand, he won't.

>>18153420
Initials? IP?

>>18153420
He's getting something put of you. Got to figure out what it is, or don't and just leave. It's sad to see so many girls staying in toxic relationshits wanting the toxic dude to leave. Pack your shit, call your folks, regroup. If he calls or texts, ignore it. It's that simple. In the end always remember he didn't deserve whatever you were giving him. He probably sees you as an emotional punching bag to project onto.

>>18153408
Abusive relationships are a waste of affection
Drug addicts are a waste of affection
Infidelity wastes affection
The only thing I wanted was for you to realize you deserve better than your boyfriend of 4 years that put you down, locked you in an emotional cage, kept you a secret from his family and spread revenge porn of you to your family and friends.
Even then you took him back. Even after you sent him to jail for the horrible things he did.

Wake up. Please. Before it's too late.

>>18153432
yeah but shouldn't i at least try to reconcile if I can see he's trying too?

i mean, i would like things to be good again. but i think maybe it would have been better to stay just as friends or something. i don't know.

As I leave my teenage years/early 20's behind I become more and more glad that I am an unlovable lump. I see other people struggling with their relationships and my biggest worry is how to get my mom off my back about grandkids

i might actually get to live out my dream as an itinerant analyst

>>18153440
If he is trying, and you can honestly see that he is. Don't give up. Communicate and figure things out together. If after that he doesn't change you can say you hobestly tried but he didn't.

>>18153360
That man wasn't me.
That being said, I honestly thought you were a C, or an S. Perhaps an E, but of course she's long gone.

Well, thanks anyway. I'll go back on my adventure pestering others to see whether or not they browse here, even though deep down, I know no one I know from the real realm uses this site

>>18153436
Sorry man but I'm a dude.

>>18153476
It wasn't meant for you in particular, just a frame of mind that I don't really agree with and was posting regardless.

>>18153520
Alright then.

>>18153464
Better than having your ex show up every time you get on.

>>18153002
We can try to keep it nice in here

Recently I learned that the disease I've been suffering from the past few years is Persistent Depressive Disorder, a milder form of Depression that tends to leave one apathetic, bored, and tired. It's cheered me up a little to learn that "burning out" at such a young age isn't natural and I can fix it some, but I feel totally lost when it comes to companionship. I've been spiraling down to nothing the past few years, and I'll have to completely rebuild myself to fit in with others. If I do that, how do I cope with the fact that I'm not like them? There was this guy I tried to become friends with recently who told me he posted here, but everything about his nature was so different from mine that nothing came out of it. I went through a long period of loneliness and it changed me. After all that, how do you come back?

It's like these years have been a bad dream. There's nothing romantic in the struggle now. There's hardly even a struggle - I just feel empty, like a ghost.

I know you're a virgin and given how attractive you are I know it's a choice, but I really just wish you would let me fuck you already.

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I can't keep my shit together. I can't do anything right. And now I might be Fucking Autistic on top of everything else! I'm finding out in three days time. Social anxiety is getting better. I went outside 3 times, outside school n' shit this month. 2 more than the last two goddamn years. I'm getting better. I'm making friends. I feel human. But I don't feel right. I'm three months off self harming. 4 months from my last suicide attempt. I even told somebody, a new Goddamn friend about this shit. And she's as bad as me. I have friends now.

But I don't feel fucking right. I feel suffocated every time I leave the house. I feel horrible typing this. I'm not overly fat, but I'm chubby. I've not dogged it for a month. Life is getting better for me.

But I feel worse.

There's a girl I've known for a few years now and I'm starting to have a crush on her, although I never considered her to be my type before.

She's not a qt and she used to have a much different character, which is why I never really had a crush on her before.
But people change, we both did over the years. And now I wonder if I'm just liking her because im growing accustomed to her and because no one else is in sight, or because I genuinely like her as a person..
It feels like it would settle for her in terms of looks, but have someone with a great personality and possibly great chemistry on the other hand..

>>18153440
I wouldn't due to the fact people rarely ever change. But do you, boo boo.

God you're were like a dream to me. Everything about you was perfect except that you're a huge cheap slut and shallow af.

>>18153901
I think that if someone has the tools and both parties are committed and have the discipline to see it through anyone can change.

>>18153901
People can change but it requires a lot of effort from both parties involved. The reason we feel people don't is because it's exhausting to try unless both sides want said change. You can't force a person to change, only they can, and the only way to get them to see that they need to change requires time.

Many people are not strong enough, patient enough, or willing enough to see it through. There are also those that no matter what won't. Part of growing up is learning how to determine between those worth pushing and though worth pushing away. This is hard, time consuming and stressful. So most people opt for the easier of the two, walking away and most often regretting it.

Shit sucks, nothing is easy. You can't win either way as it will cost you something. If you can learn from the experience, then it's not an overall loss.

I can't draw worth a damn but I'm too ashamed to constantly badger a drawthread to get something done. This doesn't sound like a big deal but it's a huge blow to my pride that I need to beg and suck dick to people online who are better artists than me just because my drawing skills are shit. Don't have enough money to commission either because I'm completely choked with bills and it's actually hard to save money despite what other people tell you.

>>18150665
I wanna do something extraordinary to impress my parents

First, off I'm a Christcuck, and so it would logically follow that I believe in the whole heaven and hell thing you guys call a meme. But the thing is my parents aren't christcucks, and I've tried to talk to them about Christ, but they're so far removed and don't wanna listen that they dismiss everything I say. After I speak, they act like I don't listen when they themselves are clearly the stubborn ones.
What does this have to do with trying to do something extraordinary and impressive? Well, my parents are getting old! My mum is 41! And my dad is freaking 49! I know that their days are numbered, and the fact that I know that they're gonna die soon is kinda depressing. The fact that they don't believe in Christ just makes it all the more horrible and so I want to make their last days on earth their heaven.
So I want to make them proud. I want their last days on earth not be spent feeling ashamed of their neet teenage son, and so I'm gonna try to do something impressive and make them proud! I know I can't know for sure where one will end up in their afterlife but I feel like the chances of them making it to heaven are quite slim, and so I'll try to make their last days on earth their heaven.
BTW I'm gonna start making music and gonna start working harder and find a job. But I'm trying to get rich!

we went from just seeing a movie/having some drinks to me staying over at your house to spending the whole following day/night together and now you want me to go out with you tonight and meet some of your friends and Im still extremely nervous and worried about getting strung along.

i know you love me, and i love you. it's just hard to feel that love sometimes because it doesn't seem like you're curious about me. i want to know everything about you, ask you a million questions, find out what you think and feel about every subject under the sun. i just wish you shared my enthusiasm.

>>18153948
Just head over to /ic/ and lurk around the beginner threads. Get a feel for it and post stuff, doodles and shit. You gotta start somewhere, why not today?

Also anon and shit, so you don't have to feel bad if it's bad. Practice mang

>>18153959
That's how I felt about my ex. Sadly it starts to get to you when they don't show interest. Then again there are so many factors that play into then asking. Sometimes it's just not their thing and they move slower than molasses.

Then they gotta learn to push them themselves just a little out of their comfort zone. Not many do.

>>18153978
he shows interest, he'll say that he misses me (we're ldr) and loves me and he'll ask how my day is going, but i wish he wanted to learn more about me. i wish he asked for my thoughts and opinions about things, just random things, like if i think human cloning should be a thing or if i prefer sunsets over sunrises. i've mentioned to him a few times that i really like the question game, and i've even said that when i'm in a bad mood, good conversation and playing the question game helps me feel better. but i guess that's not enough

I live in Albania, a shitty country, with ignorant people and poor as fuck.
im really depressed in this country, with these people, the rich get richer and the poor become more poor than before, i have no money in my pockets , i see my friends living a luxury life meanwhile i dont have anything, i just hate my life, i started to skip uni, im thinking of suicide

whew changing your status to some ambigious line even though its just from your favourite song at the moment made already two people talk to me but thats all there is even though i loved these two people so im down to just one contact again. then my buddy gets abused by his sister and his mother even though he tells me that it wasnt but im pretty sure them trying to rip his hair out just because he doesnt want to let his hair getting cut for his sisters photography club is abuse and im sure that wont be the end of it. and now i am here again at the place years ago when i felt that happy/sad/loney circle coming up. i shouldve let myself deluded into the waifuism a bit longer instead of just cutting through and thinking that everyone including me looks so damn ugly but im not even good at that and i even lost my passion for my hobby so its actually worse than before.
but i like myself like that. down on the ground withe potential to fall even further down but letting a tiny bit of hope there so i can break myself again when getting up. why though.

These threads might as well be titled relationship advice no one answers other questions

>>18154027
the idea isn't to answer questions. IDK why anyone asks anything.

I'm going to die and none of this will have mattered and I can't wait to not be here

>>18154057
I guess i used to think this I always think money will solve my problems and I always spend it on stupid shit im a dumbass 19 year old in college with a job I just wish I could move to another city which im starting to think won't change anything either although some people have said they have found themselves by moving. Im doing horrible in my classes and just wish I could do it unfortunately I don't think I could afford it with my frivolous spending. Im such a vapid gluttonous consumerist a walking hypocrisy you could say.

Just wanted to give my eternal gratitude to everyone who helped me with my fwb problem! Hope you all get your problems and doubts solved here and remember there's always hope!!

I am so stupid. We broke up, and I vented on Twitter. Wasn't even thinking about the fact that she follows me on there.

Now she hates me even more than before. I probably deserve that.

I just realized I have been used by the person I loved for the past 2 months.

At first I was really angry.
Now I'm just depressed, this feels like back then, I don't think I'm going to survive tonight.

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I like cute stuff like this.

>>18154010
This is very good writhing. Very powerful and effective. I like your style.

Why do I get some sort of attachment to any pretty girl who speaks to me? I am essentially terrified of beautiful girls, but yearn to love so, so badly. A beautiful girl I've had my eye on for some time began to speak to me earlier this week, and we've spoken in our classes every day. It is always simple, shallow talk, but she almost always initiates the conversation. I wish she was into me, I wish I had a chance here. She has a boyfriend of just over one year, and I think she is into a friend of mine who also has a girlfriend.

There could be literally nothing more to this than friendly conversation, but my brain just jumps on these things and wishes for something to happen. I like talking to her. I want to talk to her more. And yet, I know that these thoughts and obsessions are unhealthy. I am just so utterly lonely, I want a change.

>>18150967
Feeling you, girl. But these guys are all fucked up. They're like all abused children. You got to tread carefully with them.

>>18153913
>>18153923
Both of you have provided some good insight for me. I'll keep this in mind and try harder not to be so close minded in the future. thanks for your input.

with that said, how can you be so sure that someone has changed? What if they have broken your trust? Any suggestions?

One day I'll make my way to your turf. I'll make my way there. And then you'll have to deal with your unresolved feelings towards me, and mine towards you.

>>18154166
Wew, lad. This spoke to me on many levels but there's no way this post is meant for me.

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

https://youtu.be/J2ntBUAnr2Y

>>18154184
Agreed.

>>18154139
>writhing
thanks i like my writhing as well but dont try ask that the little man in my head doing all of the decisions. hes had enough of all of this bullshit but hes not allowed to leave and id be pissed too.

>>18154162
If you care about that other person. Even broken trust can be rebuilt. It will take a long time though for trust to rebuild. Do not force it, just let it comes out naturally in your actions towards one another. If you are truly willing to work together treat it like a new relationship. Learn from the mistakes that you both made have made in the past. Keep yourself open minded and open at heart, but with the strenght that you are doing your best. As long as your partner reciprocates those feeling and sentiments the trust will regrow.

You can never make sure that they changed. As I have mentioned before change is hard, but if you feel things are improving you will likely feel that in the feels.

It's like couples with one partner who cheated on the other, most fail, but those where the cheater honestly regrets the actions and the cheated can honestly let go and forgive things can work.

Effort and time, if two people care about each other and listen to their partner's needs and words things will always work out.

In short communicate. Be there for each other, and show that there is value in being together. Never forget that you can always walk if you exhausted everything and see nothing come from it. If you don't feel it, be honest with one another and see what happens.

Take care anon, and best of luck.

>>18154225
Thank you. Keep spreading your words of wisdom and visit again some time, I'd like to pick your brain again.

>>18150665
I am on fire inside.

I can't deal with this anymore. I don't know what to do. Everything is pointless. I am so fucking useless and insignificant. I see no meaning in anything. I can't remember the last time I smiled or cried. When will this end? I am not sure I can continue doing this for a long time. There is nothing. Absolutely nothing. I wish I was never born. This whole thing is a torture and I can't stand it.

i had a dream about you last night and it fucking hurt so badly when i woke up

and i dont know why, because i dont miss you as a person in any way whatsoever
i guess your betrayal still stings though

I fucking hate you, Alex. You'll never know how much. Every time I hear "Alex" now on the streets or read it online, it reminds me of your shit eating grin face and I wish I had the guts to find out where you live and break your neck. The knowledge that you exist and have a fulfiling life is the reason I hope this world goes up in flames. If my hate for you causes me cancer then I hope it'd hurry the fuck up and kill me already because one of us has to cease to be or I'll never have a peaceful day in my life.

Fuck you Alex. Fuck you, your snakebites, your beanie hat, your baggy eyes, your eternally stoned expression, your everything. I pray that you walk into a wrong neighbourhood one day and they find your robbed, naked, abused corpse the next.

>>18151002
hey, thanks, anon. I think it is, I'm just trying to find peace with the shit fest last year became. And realizing no one ever gave me closure is starting to fuck with me, but I'll be alright.

Just please don't prey on underaged girls, alright? Can you promise me that?

The help that is available to me is exactly what I don't need and they don't want to give what I do need so it is just a waste of time.

>>18154170
I'm female. Still, if it speaks it speaks all the same.

>>18150665
I just want to find a husband and make babies and be happy. Is that too much to ask?

Hey, J, whassup okay why can't you chill why can't you act like a real person to me and not some frozen figure from time gone by? Why can't you actually exhibit some kind of reality? or is it that beyond you?

>>18154461
D-Do wha....?

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>>18150665
I stopped talking to all my friends with no notice because I get so many interruptions here that I wanted to maximize any time I can get to myself.

>>18154296
You're welcome.

Sadly, all this"wisdom" comes from my mistakes. At least it can help someone. Solomon's Paradox I guess. Learn from my stupid mistakes. Hopefully others can grow strong from them as the woman I pushed away is likely to never return to me. So, I can only help others, never myself.

>>18154334
Is it that you have no goals or is it that life currently is weighing down on you?

I have three options. Stay with my drunk father who constantly puts himself and me at risk, move in with my abusive bipolar mother, or set out on my own - I have no friends, obviously, no job and only $110 in the bank.
wat do

I always wonder if people actually like me, or if they want something from me. I know, it's stupidly cliche.
My childhood kinda fucked me up a bit, and now I'm always trying to be chipper and useful so that I can justify my own existence. And I don't like telling people about my issues, because it's not fair to saddle anyone with my baggage.
But it makes it hard to accept people as friends.
I know that if I stopped being the bright little sunshine for more than a day, or told anyone the really scary places my mind goes; then I'd be treated like another attention-whoring Tumblrina. No one likes a downer.
Thus, I vent my frustrations into the crowded void of anonymity here.
Fuck, life's shitty.

I drank a lot of coffee and now I can't sleep.
I'd say that to a friend, but it seems too trivial to bring up.
Then I remember all the pointless shit that I've listened to
All the pointless conversations I indulged you in, out of politeness.

I think I'm entitled to talk nonsense, but I won't. Ironically enough, you wouldn't listen.

I will still walk knowing I was politer than you, and even in my silence, more interesting.

>>18154520
Life. The whole thing. Even the goals I set are nothing more than an illusion I create in order to keep myself sane.

>>18154555
I *did* put it on snapchat though, so if you wanna talk about that dumb shit it's on you.

>>18154555
Yeah I know I talk a lot of shit, but I haven't been talking at all lately and I just need some contact.

I wish that I had never agreed to date you.

>>18154582
why?

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>>18150665
>always been a social inept assburger fag
>unsurprisingly never had a significant other
>it's been 24 years
>decided to go all out and made a profile in one dating website
>came across a girl with her profile filled up
>it's practically a carbon copy of me
>the site is behind a paywall and I can't send messages or do anything besides looking for profiles
>decided to reverse search her images
>found her name, facebook profile and even her e-mail
Now I'm on a dilemma if it's "acceptable" to just bluntly e-mail her to actually try to talk to her or if I just forget all about it.

This shit is driving me nuts.

>>18154536
Stay where you are and find work. If they put you on your ass you're really fucked.

>>18150665
Despite being handed many amazing opportunities, ive fucked up my whole life and now my gf is literally my only reason for living and if she ever breaks up with me I will kill myself

I'll admit it. I just needed somebody to fuck while I was in college. I did not foresee me falling in love, nor did I foresee how incredibly melodramatic things between her and I would be. What was meant to be something I envisioned as casual sex turned out to be something wholly different.

>>18154624
Think about it, if you email her and she's cool then you got yourself a girl. If she's not cool with it, you never speak again. If you don't email her, you never speak.
Unless of course, you're willing to pay for the site, then I would recommend doing that.

>>18153959
Spend more time in person with them

>>18154461
What are you talking about?

>>18154657
How fucked up are you.

>>18154709
On a scale of 1 to 10...Hillary Clinton.

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>>18154722
What

I am stuck in a cycle of zero productivity, zero learning. I abandon everything I start.

I'm NEETing my life away and I feel no motivation to break out of this shameful pit.

Is medication the answer? Am I depressed? ADD? Something? This year has been surreally numb.

Guys, I'm really stuck here.
I'm 19 and I live on my own working various low-end jobs (completed highschool).

I was recently reconnected with my mom, since I was adopted I hadn't really spent anytime with her other than a few visits early on.

The point is that she said she could arrange for my education to be paid for if I go to school in winnipeg (where she lives) which would mean I have to leave ontario.

The problem is my girlfriend couldn't come with, and she doesn't want to do long distance. We both love each other and she's my first girlfriend, been together for a year now. I felt like it was really special but maybe it always feels that way? Anyways I don't want to lose her and it probably seems like an obvious choice to you guys, but any advice for me? She basically said if i leave for school then I'm not putting in effort to stay with her.

It basically comes down to skip education/go into debt over education to stay with girlfriend, or free education but have to leave girlfriend.

>>18154746
How sure are you that your education is 110% free?

>>18154747
My mom seems quite sincere, and her fiance has a lot of money and multiple businesses, so it definitely seems plausible to me

>>18154758
Dump your unsupportive gf and do the best thing to secure your future

I'm moving on and getting over you faster than ever now. After you came back to me a month after you broke off our 3 year relationship I left you. You admitted you cheated on me with a low life. He got what we wanted right? You did change. Hoe status now but you're basically too insecure and depressing. I walked away and now you have nothing. I'm hurt, crushed, and have been stricken with the worst a broken heart has given me yet. You don't have a bright future because of your choices. Fine. I know I was the one that helped you from cutting yourself and pulled you away from self destruction. I have a bright future, young, with a degree, about to flurish. I just fucking wish you'd fuck off. I want to grow. I want options with partners, multiple dates, see what's going on, what's better. Sure as hell there's better than a cheater. No matter how good you look or how stupid you are, you're trash and I've been living it up with out you. If only the you knew I wanted you on my ride and you alone.

>>18154764
Be patient brother, women (people in general) with self control, and purity of soul are in the minority, but you'll find the right one eventually. You just gotta look in the right places.

>>18154773

he's not really pure of soul. he seeks virginity as a technicality considering his issue with age is just being judged as a pedo.

purity of soul means saving yourself for the right person. not being so young that you havent had a chance to lose it yet.

>>18154767
Stand tall man, it's awesome that you didn't take any of that shit. Hoes will get what they deserve in the end.

Love girl, been dating 3 years. Good long term material. Only complaint now is sex stuff. Year 1 great, amazing perf (she took my virginitylol), year 2 sucked and bad stuff happened to her, year 3 relationship is good but being intimate now makes her literally throw up. She's tries still but it kills me that she has to force herself to be intimate with me. Constant regret that I wasn't there, blame myself for it all. Wont leave bc it's my fault she can't be intimate(and I love her, who she was).. need intimacy, tell myself I deserve the torture of physical loneliness.

>>18154773
>>18154775
Why am I getting deleted?

>>18154763
Thanks. I guess thats the simplest way to put it, I'll tell her straight up its what I gotta do and if she can't wait for me, then too bad.

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Today proved how far removed I've become from the people called brothers before.

>>18154783
good luck. You're doing the right thing. Don't let anyone drag you down.

>>18154789

tell me the story.

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You acted like I didn't care about you getting that abortion. We both agreed we weren't ready, you were the one that said that too much would have to change if we were to have the child.

So you had it done, and we broke up.

Not only did I lose a child, I lost you.
Maybe someday we can actually talk about all this like two adults. I doubt it though. You are acting like it didn't matter to me, like it didn't affect me. It wasn't in me, but it was mine, no, it was ours. You seem to blame me and resent me for telling you to do it after you said you didn't want to have a kid get in the way. I won't carry your guilt. I have mine own to deal with now.

I'm willing to grow up, to come to terms with my mistakes. Maybe someday you'll see that you also need to look at yourself and change.
I'm just sad we are done, and this is what ended it for us. I still love you. Even after all that, I want to work things out.

Goodbye is a very heavy word. It's shame it cost so much to learn this.

i'm super awkward and i hate my self.

>>18154812
So sorry for your loss, dear..

>>18150665
everyone makes it seem so easy

>>18154436
AoC is the best I can do.

Your ugly hambeast filipino fuck pig is gross and autistic as shit you stupid midget tell it to fuck off already.

The way that fat cunt runs around the casino doing rape role play is hilarious because you can see her obesity flopping up and down when she 'runs' thinking her autism is sexy. Fat people are fucking ugly and deranged.

How does a single father who works 60+ hours weekly find somebody? I don't want random hookups, Fell in love with a work friend I've known for a couple years. We dated and it didn't work out. I was crazy about her. Have been talking to a few girls since but I'm still not over her as much as I like to tell myself I am. Have pushed other women away because this girl was perfect to me. Now all we do is flirt heavily at work and it just drives me fucking insane. I just want to find someone who made me feel the way she did but actually give a shit to put up with my baggage.

>>18154819
I want nothing more than to be with her. Cry things out together, but can't. She will not listen to me, engrossed in her own pain.

I don't know what to do anymore. I can only give her space, but I doubt she will return. I simply want to stop the pain but I can't. I will always think of what could have been. Of a life just disposed off because we were both stupid and unwilling to communicate. If we were stronger, if I were more patient, maybe this would have been a post about a man nervous about becoming a father later this year.

The sky is dark, my moon is gone, and the fire now cold. I only hope to see the sun rise again someday. I have a long night to go.

>>18154854
You're going to make it, man. Someday you'll be a great father when the time is right and you'll love your kid so much. Keep fighting.

Guten nacht.

>>18154858
Thank you. Fighting is all I can do now.
Although I feel like I have been knocked out one time too many.

Good night.

>>18154119
this made me slightly aroused

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>>18154796
I didn't think I'd give reply but I've got no one to talk to.

Got the call I've been waiting months to get, Im on track to my dream/future but when I hung with my old brothers from the hood to share the news and my joy, they were too busy finding money for their next high while high, tryna kill himself bleeding from the inside out, sniffing Twinkie ice cream in the Walmart like it was jesus's second awakening, etc. they were the closest thing Id call family at one point in time but now they're nothing but strangers.

>>18154881

so the TL;DR version (and i just mean that for clarification purposes) is that you guys used to be close but now they're just druggies living for the next high?

>>18154883
Little bit more than close they pretty much saved me, but yeah pretty much.

>>18154894

unfortunately things change. try not to let it sully old memories.

its good you're moving on to something better, even if it means leaving them behind.

sorry bud. iknow that feel though. not with the drugs per se, though I had a moment like that growing up too... but moving on is a big part of my life unfortunately.

>>18153319
Thanks, anon

I met this girl online about 5 years ago. We started dating in August of '15 - visited each other a few times. We always got along online and on Skype. We video chatted daily for over a year. She seemed a little weird in person, but I thought she was quirky at the time.

A few months after we started the LDR, she said something like, "How are we going to keep this up if we're not together in person?" I told her I wanted to finish my degree before moving to LA where she was. She couldn't move to my area because she was more attached to her family and some other reason I can't remember. She said she couldn't wait that long. I moved to south LA last May leaving all progress, friends, and family behind in my old city. Just about everything here is twice as expensive as it was in my old place.

Two months after moving, I figure out she wants and has wanted her ex back for the past 4 years. She put a dating app on her phone while we were together. I split with her because fuck all that shit. I spent and gave up a lot to be with her and make her happy - fuck that. She asks him to come back to her, he tells her no, and she comes crying back to me, asking me to be with her again. To keep it short, I told her no, to get fucked, etc.

I've been trying to live in the same place with her and a handful of roommates, but she's a psycho hell to live with. Starts arguments out of nowhere, incredibly hypocritical, keeps trying to get in my pants or hug me, finds any little thing to shit talk me to roommates...

I want out of here, but the whole area I live in is expensive as fuck. I've been going to college and working and haven't had much of a social life because just existing takes a lot of money and therefore work. I can't even afford a car here. I walk, bus, and Uber it. Everybody where I stay splits the rent so that it's 250 for each of us. The next lowest that I've seen on any site is 450 for a room in Redondo Beach. Can't wait to network out of here.

I know you're not into my body and it hurts like hell. Why have we stayed together for over a year if I'm not what you're in to? I know I'm a fat fuck clinically obeast but why are you with me if it's not what you wanted. I miss when my ex fucked me and caressed my body and TOUCHED me. It makes me want to die when you hint at your other preferences. I'm trying to lose weight and it's happening but slowly. I think we should break up but I wanna die when I think of losing you.

>>18154896
Thanks for the words anon, that's the hardest part about it. Having my world flipped upside down was a walk in the park because I had them. Not tryna be a fag here but they really were my guiding light when everything was dark. I want to give back but I know until they have that moment of clarity it'll be for naught. Being alone in this process is probably the worst part for me. This is the most cathartic talk I've had in a long while.

I was feeling good about myself for the first time in a long time when we met. Then we dated and you took over my life. Your diet affects me. You never want to leave the house with me. Your friends make comments about me not being attractive. I've never felt so unattractive. I've never had a problem getting dates from cute guys.

I give you gourmet duck for dinner and you want to eat chicken wings with your married co-worker that my instincts tell me you have already cheated on me with. I'm pretty sure you cheated on me at your Christmas party but I can't prove it. And that time I was out of town and you wouldn't answer your phone. And the time you went on a work trip with some random person I've never met and you've never mentioned again. And you keep me separate from your coworkers completely. And online we aren't in a relationship anymore.

You get violently angry when I mention her name. We don't have sex. Ever. last month we had sex once and I pretty much had to beg for it and you're never on top, you just lay there.

You just... you just bring me down. I feel like you have drained my soul. Your friends are all narcissistic megalomaniacs who think they are personality cult leaders while they make our home filthy. And you say nothing. And you don't clean or cook or do anything for me.

I'm leaving you after I get this money. But go ahead, keep your affair with someone who will never be with you.

Bye.

>Be me 15
>Meet a girl I fall head over heels for
>I would do anything for her
>A friendship blossoms
>It's the first real friendship I've ever had with a person in my entire life
>we grow up together for 6 years
>6 years of midnight phone calls
>6 years of sharing secrets and passions
>6 years of happiness
>6 years of shared tears and pain
>6 years of being there for one another
>6 years of the best friendship I could ever dream of
>we graduated together
>we are still friends and regularly call and text each other years after graduation
>I'm so happy to be in a relationship with her
>only as friends, but not from a lack of trying
>she tells me no matter what We'll always be friends
>I'm happy with being friends and don't try to date her or make advances to her
>we are happy
>2 years later she joins the military
>decide to join along with her to support her
>we get sent to different bases at different times but it's the fact that I joined that gave her the courage to keep going
> I get kicked out for suicidal tendencies, antisocial behavior, and overall depression
>she made it just fine
> tell her ill wait for her and can't wait to see her again
> get a phone call one night
>she's stationed in France, has tons of new friends, and even a boyfriend
>I'm happy for her, we still talk
>I'm now in school
>get one last phone call
>says we'll meet up soon enough
>see she is now engaged and stationed in Germany
>message her congratulations and that I can't wait to see her soon
>message her why she hasn't called in months
>call her and leave 50 voicemails about how I'm worried and haven't heard from her
>call her again, get a phone has been disconnected response
>see she now lives somewhere in California
>she's married now
>message her again through FB
>wait days, weeks, months
>continue to try and get in contact
>endlessly ignored
>fall into a black hole of depression for a year
>dont trust anyone anymore

>>18154932
Continued ...

> have no connection to people
>have no real desire to be around people
> have no friends
> family left me a long time ago back in the dark hole depression year
> feel like a constant waste of a person
>still want to have friends
> fear of being left again keeps me from this
>fear of being hurt again keeps me alone
> have constant visions and dream about her
>start hearing her voice when it's quiet
> it's all torture, nothing is real, she's gone, I'm nothing, I want it to end
>go to the gun store
> buy a cheap handgun
>it just sits there with one bullet and I've come so close but never do
> I need help or friends or something anything

TL:DR met a girl, best friends, she left, I'm sad, I dream of her see her hear her, it's not real, see the only way out is a gun.

Autistic rambling ahead

>Going to house sit in the future.

>Person I'm house sitting for has a female tenant that lives in a small house on the property.

>Want to meet her to get to know her before I house sit.

>Learn that she's moving

Muh fantasy of meeting a mysterious cute girl that lives in a small house.

I'm already over it but still I think it would've been an interesting relationship.

>I know, I know, I probably overhyped it in my head.

I don't really want to transition into a female. But I want breasts and smooth female like body and curves. I have a girlfriend and she would def leave me if she found out. And I live in the fucking bible belt so nothing that would help me achieve these things is even available to me
>inb4 faggot

Haven't heard from the guy I've been seeing for 2 months, despite running into him yesterday and my friend spilling the news that I had been in the ER twice in the past week. He was surprised but still didn't text me. I don't really understand why he's been distant the past week, but you'd think that after hearing someone found out their heart is still wrecked from a childhood accident, they'd check in on you to ask how you're doing. So that's been an eye-opener.

I just want to kill myself daily. She's all that's stopping me, and I might lose her. I don't know what to do. People say to move on and love yourself, but I've never loved myself. I've told her all this before but it doesn't solve anything and just makes her feel upset. It also makes me feel like I'm threatening her so she doesn't end it, which I don't want to do to her. I love her. I'm pathetic.

My plan was always to wait until my parents had died and then end it painlessly. I don't know if I can wait that long anymore.

>>18154184
What's you're problem.

I don't know what the fuck your problem is. I've heard the 2 of you say the exact same shit multiple times now, "tell him what he wants to know" and "if I do he won't want to live with me anymore".

What the fuck makes you think I want to live with you as it is? On top of that, being a lying manipulative prick isn't really something I look for in a room mate and/or friend. Too bad you had to show your true colors when you have grown to depend on me, even if by accident.

Every time I try to talk to you about leaving you come up with some guilt trip. I was trying to leave on good terms. Now I'm to the point I don't give a shit what happens to you, so I'll probably turn in my notice to vacate and not tell you about it and cut the remaining ties to you the day all my belongings are moved.

I don't think i'll even feel bad about it, after you saying shit like I should stay living with you (and miserable) for reasons like I owe you. Owe you that for what? What about all the shit I helped you with that you turned into profit for yourself, using my kindness as free labor?

You're not even aware how close I came to cleaning your clock the other day when you said I was the brother you never had. I didn't really want to end up in the hospital myself because I knocked you the fuck out while you were driving on the freeway.

God damn how I've grown to fucking loathe you.

>>18154911
>obeast

Does that mean you're overweight and have a hairy/beastly body?

Not really, just kidding around.

>>18155094

Nothing.

I'm angry.

I was depressed because I had given up.
There was nothing that I could ever do to solve the problem.
However, now I find that I cannot sit back quietly any longer.

Right now, I am nothing. Nobody.
I do not know the answers, but I vow that I will find them.
If you want to laugh at me, then so be it.
Every second you waste will be one more I've spent learning.

In this world, I wasn't born to be somebody.
I was born to become somebody.

>>18154575
It's just a phase.

You're spending so much time trying to analyze yourself that you can't just simply be yourself.

Get basic needs out of the way, and in the process, you'll learn a bit about yourself. Nothing bothers true neutrality.

Maybe a thought is useless on it's own, but a thought is also what has manifested everything we have today, including our ability to interact.

So, real or not, insignificant or otherwise, I would ask you: Can you believe what is in front of you?

God won't fly down from the heaven's to award you a metal. This is as real as it gets, and as real as it will ever be. Goals may be nothing more than an illusion, but physical change is everybody's reality. That is undeniable.

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Solitary people shouldn't fall in love. Too much emotional stress, no shoulder's to cry on. Makes you fall deeper into deeper into the darkest places like you never known before and makes one grow more bitter and more hateful to other people. Even the nicest people seems like the most selfish pricks in the world. I have nothing but hurt and self-loathing and hate and I just want this world to fucking burn to ashes.
I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS

>>18155150
Cause there is. What happened?

I have a 8.75 mile run today. I miss weight lifting so much. Reeeee

>>18155309
Liebeskummer.

Idk what I'm doing. I've got a terrific job, plenty of dating prospects, enough money to live comfortably, and all I want to do is chunk everything to live freely. I want the freedom from money, the ability to wander where ever I feel in the moment, and a stress-free life from lack of responsibilities. It's pointless for me to try to settle roots when I struggle to determine what will make me happy. I wish someone would make the decisions for me but I'd end up resenting their choices regardless. I crave a relationship with an equal partner but can't be emotionally available and end up sabotaging any romantic possibilities. At this point, I don't think another 40 years of life is worth living in this predicament. I believe ignorance is bliss and my awareness leads to a lack of complacency. I just want to give up.

>>18155316
You're german? Did he cheat on you?

>>18155333
Only partially. And it's a long, uninteresting story.

>>18155344
Just let it all out. I'm going through it myself.

>>18155356
You go fjrst

>>18155414
First*

>>18155414
Some girl let me on and pretty much used me as a emotional pillowcase after a break up, Made me think that she cared about me but broke all contacts as she finds another guy out of the blue. Never been this humiliated in my life.

What exactly does born to die mean in my case?

Agony is my triumph.

I don't know why I can't get over you. You're so short. I've climbed steps taller than you. It should be no different than casually stepping over a small animal, yet here we are. I think there's a good reason I've never liked cats. So much attitude in such a small package, they're just little bastards a lot of the time. Hell, I can play along and take a bit of abuse, but even I expect a bit of respect if you want me to continue to play along. You think you get to know the cat and form a bond with it, and boom. It's gone. That's sort of how I feel. Blame the human, right? Insufficient tributes. At least cats have an excuse to be small, and they're furry. Ah well. It doesn't matter. I like to imagine you're happy. Well, I mean shit, when have I ever been the vindictive type. It's not like I've tried cursing you or anything, baka. Just throwing this to the wind, self-reflection and all that. Good luck, and good bye. Remember me when you take over the world, and all that. I was the one that gave you gummy bears.

As this thread heads into the bin, might as well.

I tried. I really did. You blame it all on me, you blame me for being needy when we would only see each other once or twice a month, you would always tell me it was just me wanting sex when I wanted time with the person I loved. You walked away. Not me. I wanted was to talk, was to get to understand each other better. You called me immature and that you wanted a serious relationship. When you were the one unwilling to work and put in effort. I'm not sure what you call a good relationship, but if your definition is one where you can just neglect the other person for weeks, sometimes months and then blame them for wanting to spend time with you? No. You need to grow up. You can't get anything for nothing. Love is strong, but it requires tending. Like a garden, you abused it, and then get angry that only weeds have grown. It's not my fault, I tried to work with you. You never wanted to work with me.
Now you vilify me? Along with your whore of a sister that has always hated me because I was with you and not her?

Why I stayed for so long, I don't know. Why I tried to save a sinking sub, I don't know. It's clear I need to grow up. And I will, but I hope you fucking learn it takes a lot to make a relationship work. You need to learn you made mistakes too, and I hope you see it someday.

>>18155607
I know i made mistakes, i regret every last stupid thing i did in your presence. I don't blame you for everything, i feel under immense pressure to succeed and therefore enable the funding of our dreams. All i need is some encouragement and kindness, not redicule. What you don't know is that even in the depths of misery and despair over the past while, i always saw that glimmering love. When i saw you recently, you were so fragile, almost ready to break in body and mind, yet you were ready for me to take advantage of you. I couldn't do it, I couldn't hurt the one person in my life that's made my sister seethe with jealousy, i miss your vibrancy and vitality. The energy i have around you is relentless, that's what you do to me. I would go to the ends of the earth for you, but i need to know you'd even go to the front door for me.

>>18154972
Echos of Humbert Humbert. Read "Lolita," the part about how he spends his night on the train fantasizing about the nymphet that might live in his boarding house, and how when he got there the house had burned down (Nabokov was pissed off because Kubrick cut that part out of the film)

>>18154461
>>18154693

I don't know. Just some worthless bitch fucking with my shit, still. Bitch got a stone face.

>>18154978
well, you can't even transition in the first place so....

Ever read someone's post on here and think to yourself, "man, that really speaks to me on some type of level". Then you confront the poster with your own analytical bullshit and it turns out to be someone hundreds of miles away going through their own shit? Yea. Me, too.