>Me: I want to date a girl who falls in love with me at first

>What don't I get, /adv/?
What you don't get is that what you're looking for is not a good way to build a healthy, long-standing relationship. "Love at first site" isn't love. It's infatuation and lust. It fades, it's fleeting, it's an obsession based on their ideal fantasy boyfriend being projected onto you because they don't know you. It can turn into love, sure, but if you're putting things like personality, attraction, similar values, and so on as a second to it then you're going to have a harder time building a long standing relationship.

>>18149978
Maybe you're ugly OP

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>>18149978
> Why do women try to tell you you're unattractive?
Maybe because you're unattractive.

>>18149997
You think I'm going to settle for no butterflies and just comfort? That's such a cuck mentality. What girl would be happy with that?

Also you don't know what you're talking about because if 5 years and going is fleeting I'd like to hear what your concept of long-standing is.

>>18150000
Yeah probably not.

>>18150007
It's not about a lack of butterflies ever. It's about finding someone who you have that with, but the rest matters more, and the rest is what keeps those 'butterflies' going more than a few months.

>5 years and going
If that's the case why are you telling other people the kind of girl you want to date, having women recommended to you, and posting on /adv/ about this?

>>18150007
Are you autistic? I don't know any adults that think love at first sight is a real thing.

>>18149978
I don't think you can love someone at first sight.
You can find them attractive and desirable, you can feel chemistry, but love is a deeper, more meaningful bond. Lust might be a good first step in a relationship, but if you overlook other things because you want to fuck them then it's never going to turn into something more meaningful - personality and intellectual connection, emotional closeness, intimacy and more than everything time make people love each other.

I did feel butterflies in the stomach for my boyfriend the first time I saw him, but I did for other guys before him, and for a dude after him. That's a crush, not love. It might develop in something more meaningful or not.
And, in general, that kind of lust stop being there over time, no one gives you butterflies in the stomach after 30 years of waking up next to each other.

People have not yet figured out that attractiveness is subjective.

>I want a perfect idealistic relationship with a woman who exists only to love me and does so from the moment she sees me
>what's wrong with me?
lots of things, anon.

>>18150020
Infatuation, limerence, whatever you jaded faggots want to call it.

>>18150018
>If that's the case why are you telling other people the kind of girl you want to date, having women recommended to you, and posting on /adv/ about this?

It just came up in conversation with another chick after I approached some girl at a bar. I'm asking if ugly chicks try to knock you down a peg when you know for sure you're not ever as worthless as a hambeast.

>>18150034
>I don't think you can love someone at first sight.
I mean there's multiple levels where something 'sticks' way longer than just a crush.
>no one gives you butterflies in the stomach after 30 years of waking up next to each other.
I've read otherwise, which is why I seek it out.

>>18150052
>after I approached some girl at a bar
>five years and going
Which is it? She's not trying to knock you down a peg, she's trying to help you and give you something called perspective.

You can't get woman advice from women, they don't tell you ugly truths about women like all women being difficult. Talk to men about women (ones who keep a gf and work a job), admirable men not manchildren like me.

Women have a more stric limit in "getting" men because they have to work with the guy they attract, not always the ones they want. unattractive Men (in the right place) can actually have a more of a chance with attractive women than unattractive women with attractivemen. Like men women are bitter as well.

Don't ask women about women, they have a strong bias, especially unattractive ones.

>>18150064
Are you retarded? I've had girls who started crushing on me 5 years+ still have feelings for me, moron. I approached a different chick, wondering if she'd get that breathless, pupil dilation, fall the fuck over, jaw dropping feeling with me, then told the fat chick who was trying to knock me down a peg what I was hoping for. I've had girls hotter than the girl I approached crazy about me. I'm telling this hambeast, "No, I've had hotter women." She insists on not believing me.

>>18150052
>I mean there's multiple levels where something 'sticks' way longer than just a crush.
You don't know anything about the other person, it's just physical attraction. It's just lust. It's nothing so transcendental.

>I've read otherwise, which is why I seek it out.
But that's not the case, really. You truly do have unrealistic expectations.

"Butterflies in the stomach" is the response to the body to an adrenaline rash, it's the kind of reaction you get when something extremely unsettling happens to you. You don't get it from a stable, long term relationship. The very nature of relationships change over time, and it'd be a shame if it didn't. You get used to each other.

I don't feel "less" for my boyfriend - I desire him physically, we are very romantic and affectionate, I still feel extremely involved and I'm crazy about him. But, on the other hand, it isn't super exciting as he was at the beginning - I have known him for 10 years and I know everything about him, I can tell how he's feeling by the way he breathes, I know what he's going to say before he even says it. It'd be sad if it wasn't the case.
I think that initial thing that drove me to be with him turned into a strong drive to fight for our relationship to work and a drive to put effort into us as a couple.
I don't love him less, I love him better. It's normal. It will happen.

The initial crush fades and you develop something more meaningful, and more beautiful.

>>18150076
That's someone who doesn't know the first thing about you. Their dream boyfriend might be an athlete who's also a veterinarian, makes 100k, drives a motorcycle, and rescues puppies on the weekends. They're projecting all this onto you from the fact they see you walking your dog and also because you happen to be attractive to them.

Or their dream boyfriend might be a carpenter who builds the house they live in with his own two hands, and then farms the land on it. Who fixes his own car, the plumbing, everything. Someone who puts family above all else, and wants a massive family with six children. They might project that on you because they heard you say you're good at changing your oil or because you have a beard.

I've been in an actual relationship for eight years. And when I was younger I had a crush on someone for thirteen. The two things are NOTHING alike. People with crushes ignore every negative trait about the person who they have a crush on. They invent their own stories about the person they like without bothering to get to know them. It's fun, but it's nothing like real love and if that is the metric you use to look for someone to fall in love with, butterflies thirty years down the line definitely are not going to happen. You get that with someone you work towards loving every day for the rest of your life, who you consciously choose to put in effort with, who you share core values with, who you get along with, who you love for the person they actually are and who loves you for the person you actually are. Who can readily acknowledge your flaws and loves you in spite of them.

>>18150110
Honestly I've never projected anything upon my crushes/limerances. It was just someone I saw and thought oh wow I'm in love. A certain type. Let me just say I don't think knowing something about someone would make me fall in love. Never had it for a close friend, never for a brother, I don't see how it's different other than you're fucking them.

>>18150134
Have you ever had a meaningful, long term relationship? Like, 5+ years?

>>18150142
No, just a little over a year. Never that long. It takes that long to fall in love?

>>18150149
It took me longer than a year for sure. It took me a year to get out of the honeymoon phase with my SO.

It really seems that you have unrealistic expectations, and you imagined how your relationship would be like without even having a reality check.

>>18150134
It's not that you'll learn something that suddenly makes you love them or suddenly makes you hate them. It's that the things you learn over time reveal more and more about how truly compatible you both are and allow you to constantly reevaluate or reaffirm how you feel about spending your life with this person.

Tiny details like wanting children when your partner doesn't, Your girlfriend only ever wanting slow candlelit sex after being wined and dined or you wanting rough, kinky sex. One of you really strongly valuing your family (to the point you might give weight to their opinions on buying a house or where) whereas the other thinks it's very important to learn how to cut the cord and keep family at a bit more of a distance. These things, and a hundred thousand others all shape a relationship. Could you imagine dating a person who absolutely truly hated dogs, thought they were filthy disgusting creatures, and never tolerated them in the house if you were a person who loved dogs and always had them growing up. Or the reverse.

>>18150172
Idk that's foreign to me. All that seems so conditional.

>>18150168
I have no expectations for my relationship. I don't know why you keep bringing that up. The butterflies I read are still there years later and ebb and flow in and out. I thought that'd be awesome to try to keep.

>>18150189
>I have no expectations for my relationship.
Kek. You do.
You literally said you want to meet a girl to love you at first sight so in 30 years you'll still feel butterflies in the stomach and be crazy for each other. You have no experience in serious, long term relationship and just decided that it is how it goes.
You have unrealistic expectations.

>>18150189
It is conditional, you wouldn't just give away your love to some random passerby on the street. You don't look at a stranger and think "I'm going to marry that person" without ever speaking a word to them. Everything informs your decisions. The more you get to know someone the better a decision you can make and after a point, somewhere along the line, the love and bond you've built with a person will be so strong that it is, essentially, unbreakable. You two will fight alongside one another, through any problems you might have, to keep the relationship working. But first you have to find that someone and build that relationship with them.

If it could truly be anyone without any effort to be discerning then there's no reason that 'fat ugly ho' from your OP couldn't be the love of your life and there's no reason not to propose to her right this minute. Does that help you understand?

>>18150207
>It is conditional, you wouldn't just give away your love to some random passerby on the street.
I didn't want to be in love for years after one of my crushes rejected me the first month into it. It's completely uncontrollable and unconditional. Maybe we're arguing about different things.
>>18150199
>Kek. You do.
I'm hoping for 30. I'm not expecting it. But having a girl crazy about you at first sight is not unrealistic at all.

I used to be the firmest disbeliever in love at first time, but over time I realized most people misunderstand - it's more really really liking someone at first sight and being right about that strong gut feeling than it is literally instantly loving someone.
Besides, you can tell a lot about someone's personality by seeing them walk around. Maybe not consciously, but you pick up on more than you can put into words. The clothes they picked, the way they move, their voice, the way they look at you, their smile - these are not things that have nothing to do with personality. Someone who is always grumpy and not interested in people will look closed off in body language. Someone who is curious and lively will have the corners of their mouth twist just looking at you if they like the sight of you.

But OP, spouting off that you want a woman to fall hard for you right at first sight makes you sound incredibly entitled. If you were a woman I'd say that's a prime example of princess behavior. It is indeed not realistic and it having happened to you does not change anything about that. That shows it's possible, not that it's so likely/common that you can just sit on your ass and wait for it to happen again (and who says you will feel the same about her?).

Besides, attraction can also grow and just because you're not smitten at first sight doesn't mean the attraction won't grow as strong, it's not like some linear development. First time I saw my ex I thought little of him. After falling in love he only had to put a hand on me and I was soaked. Still masturbate to him over a year later, not because I'm not over him but because remembering his touch riles me up more than looking at the most perfect man in the world.

OP, you say you've had lots of girls fall in love with you at first sight. Why didn't it work out with any of them?

>>18150232
>not that it's so likely/common that you can just sit on your ass and wait for it to happen again (and who says you will feel the same about her?).
But it is so common for me. People keep insisting otherwise. Hence the question.
I probably won't feel the same about her. I'm not betting on it, at least. My crushes have been 7 years apart at times, and they all look the same. Yet, I cannot put my finger on what makes me fall in love.

>After falling in love he only had to put a hand on me and I was soaked. Still masturbate to him over a year later, not because I'm not over him but because remembering his touch riles me up more than looking at the most perfect man in the world.
This is reassuring. Thanks.


>>18150248
>Why didn't it work out with any of them?
Because I was picky and waiting for another girl I fall in love with. They all eventually became snatched up and had kids. Or they already had kids and I didn't want that. The longest running one had kids and yet she still gets emotional when she sees me. I don't know why you'd cry over a guy unless you had feelings for him. Not every one of them has said I love you though. Women are shy about rejection.

>>18150257
>People keep insisting otherwise.
You probably have different definitions. If someone mentions the love at first sight concept to me, that's what I think of, a very strong intuitive pull that turns out to be right. (And probably sometimes is not right.)

It is quite possible that she is literally picturing some girl just walking up to you and asking you to kiss her already and make her yours.

>>18149978
sounds like your friend is trying to find the gentlest way to tell you you are not attractive at all. I mean the common response would've been "sure, wait for the right person" etc.

>>18150261
>It is quite possible that she is literally picturing some girl just walking up to you and asking you to kiss her already and make her yours.
I think she understood. She kept saying it's infatuation (sure w/e). I think it's just a crab mentality and wonder if anyone else on /adv/ gets this shit too.

Not to toot horns but people get that kiss me already stuff too.

>>18150271
>sounds like your friend is trying to find the gentlest way to tell you you are not attractive at all.
I mean that could be for her. But it's definitely not for other, hotter chicks. I get at least a lip bite every time I go out. I know; wow, what a stud. Shut up.

>>18150257
Are you saying you haven't actually dated any of the girls who were into you at first, you just kept waiting for another one?

I don't think them fantasizing about "the one that got away" is quite as meaningful as you're seeing it. It's another cliche. It's easy imagine a perfect relationship with someone you haven't ever need to actually live with/work through relationship problems with.

Still thinking about that and getting emotional is different than loving someone after dating them for 5 years.

>>18150313
>Still thinking about that and getting emotional is different than loving someone after dating them for 5 years.
Yeah apparently we've already established that. And I haven't dated any of them long term.

>>18150257
So you've never been in a long term relationship, you're getting progressively older, and you clearly have some problems understanding the thought patterns of normies. Godspeed anon.