Conflicting thoughts

Maybe you should look for a boyfriend, not a gf

>>18149817

I'm not gay

>>18149800

Sounds like fear of the unknown. You don't know what it's like, so you can't imagine yourself doing it and therefore you chicken out before you get that far. Once you've acknowledged that problem, you have to just do it and get out of your comfort zone. Once you do that, the situation should normalize quickly as routine sets in. It's sorta like how some people are terrified of flying, until they actually sit in a plane and realize it's not that bad. It's the process of getting them in a plane that's the problem.

>>18149822

Hmm the logic you used actually makes some sense.

But this seems different to me. Because with dating/relationships you're giving your time and shit to another person. If it doesn't feel "right" to me, then I don't see why I should waste their time

This feel. The amount of pretty females I've refused to go out with because intimacy scares me. Fuck my life

>>18149832

Yeah that's how I feel. I remember one time I was hanging out with some friends at bar and this cute girl came over and talked to me for a bit. I just had a casual conversation with her, but it was obvious that on her end she was being flirty. After about 15 min she smiled and walked away. One of my friends sat there in disbelief and said "dude... that girl totally wants to fuck". Hearing him confirm that gave me a dose of anxiety so I just drank another beer, pulled out my phone and started lurking 4chan. My friend was pissed at me that night..

>>18149827
>I don't see why I should waste their time

If someone is willing to date you, then it means they like you. Even if you're uncertain where it's going, they can still have a good time with you and enjoy whatever it is they can have with you. They are not 'wasting their time' if they like how that time is spent. The time to worry about this comes only later, if they start to seek serious commitment or speak about love or whatever and you're still hesitant. Then it's good to be open and state things as it is. Meanwhile, it's perfectly fine to be more casual about it and uncertain and take your time to find what best suits you.

>>18149843

But what I'm saying is, if I feel like what is going on is "wrong". Then why should I put myself through that? For something that requires emotional feelings.

With the airplane comparison. The doesn't require thought or feelings. Someone could get onto the airplane and fall alseep and wake up at their destination. Where as dating requires emotional thought and feelings.

>>18149847
>dating requires emotional thought and feelings

Only if you're a romantic. People have and still do get into relationships for purely practical reasons. To avoid loneliness, for companionship, for financial reasons, etc. Maybe the reason why you feel it is "wrong" for you to date is that you expect the romantic feelings to surface immadiately and get intimidated when you 'only' like someone? Maybe you're setting the expectations for yourself and for dating too high.

>>18149800
Playing amateur psychologist, but aren't most intimacy issues tied to low self-esteem and basically a deep-seated belief that you don't deserve love? Like, you've never felt like you had it before, gotten used to not having it and done all kinds of mental gymnastics to make yourself ok with not having it (e.g. "I must not be lovable. Of course people aren't going to like me in that way") so when you're confronted with evidence to the contrary like a girl showing interest in you, you're convincing yourself that it's better if she stays away from you because she just doesn't know yet that you're unlovable and your brain is trying to maintain these firm, core conclusions you've reached about yourself.

>>18149860

>To avoid loneliness, for companionship, for financial reasons

That doesn't make sense to me. Why make someone my girlfriend "just because"?

>>18149866

>Like, you've never felt like you had it before, gotten used to not having it and done all kinds of mental gymnastics to make yourself ok with not having it (e.g. "I must not be lovable. Of course people aren't going to like me in that way") so when you're confronted with evidence to the contrary like a girl showing interest in you, you're convincing yourself that it's better if she stays away from you because she just doesn't know yet that you're unlovable and your brain is trying to maintain these firm, core conclusions you've reached about yourself.

Sounds pretty accurate Tbh

bumping because I'm genuinely interested