Am I transphobic?

>>18146697
He is going to retreat into an echo chamber were people only agree with him because he "experienced so much" anyways and act like anyone who doesn't behave like that is hitler

How is using the wrong pronoun transphobic?????

You only think that because HE said it specifically, or because you tag along with some SJW nutjobs who make you think a honest mistake mean you want to mass murder trans people

Seriously, you have to be understanding of his mental ilness, but he won't be understanding with your mistakes? Beat the shit out of this asshole while he's not a woman yet

>>18146710
He is transitioning, so he is a woman-ish. You see, I'm a young woman (biologically).
He sounds like he's trying really hard to be "feminine" e.g. The way he talks and the hair flicking off his face. It's all weird to me. I haven't been horrible to him/her about trans stuff. He/she was moaning about "radical feminists " who don't consider trans women women.

>>18146716
You probably knew him for a while before that, so it's a honest mistake to do that. It's like, idk, changing names, people won't get used to it overnight, and it's very selfish of him to expect so. Like you said, you haven't done anything horrible.

Also, I just remembered that guys who go through hormone therapy to convert get extremely sensitive (the shit you learn on /b/...), so he might seem extra hurt by that, but that's on him to keep it in check, not you.

>>18146701
Oh, fuck off and stop acting like all trans people everywhere are represented by Tumblr.

OP, it's perfectly understandable if you forget and slip up sometimes. Or even often. And let's be clear about something, referring to him by the "right" pronouns doesn't mean that you necessarily have to buy into any particular philosophy about the trans condition. Whether you really try to start seeing him as a woman or whether in your head he will forever remain a dude with a mental illness, that's your business and nobody else's (so long as you don't make it their business by running your mouth about it). Using somebody's preferred pronouns is a courtesy, not an endorsement.

Don't worry about how you feel. Feel however you want to feel. Just make a reasonable effort to be decent to her/him. You don't have to move mountains. Just telling him "I'm gonna do my best to use your preferred pronouns, but I can tell it's gonna be hard to adjust. I hope you can forgive me when I inevitably slip up," that's enough.

I guarantee he'll be hurt more if you let yourself drift apart from him because he came out as trans than if you fuck up and say "he -- I mean SHE, fuck, sorry ..." every now and then.

(used mostly male pronouns in this post purely b/c you did)

>>18146710
Is is though. It's hurtful for trans people because it makes them feel like no matter what they do, people still see them as that "wrong" gender.

I'm a TERF, and even I can appreciate that using the wrong pronoun is hurtful for someone transitioning

>>18146750
Making an honest mistake is not "transphobic."

Granted, the rest of that guy's post certainly was, but slipping up, while awkward and regrettable, is not bigoted or hateful in any way.

>>18146756
Ok I worded that wrong and misunderstood a bit, making an honest mistake and apologising but moving on is totally fine. I hope that OPs friend can understand this and be thankful that OP tries.

However, deliberately using old pronouns because it's easier or because they feel more right etc, is transphobic. It's fine if OP does always think to themselves that their friend is a "he" because we can't help how we feel, but telling the friend that would be really hurtful, transphohic and not okay.

>>18146763
I agree. I haven't gotten the sense that that's what OP's doing -- by and large, she mostly seems to see this as her issue to get past, not her friend's fault, and seems to want what's best for him. One can hope, anyway!

>>18146716
Because you're a woman and he's a man pretending to be a woman. Of course it feels wrong, he's a parody of womanhood. And you as a woman know that.

>>18146774
Yeah you're right, I was gung ho. Hope it works out for them!

>>18146716
Be wary of your friend's participation in tumblr politics. I'm not actually a TERF, but because I believe that trans women don't actually have the same experiences as biologically born women, I'm told I'm a TERF. I'm told I'm transphobic for being a lesbian who isn't interested in mtf bodies. I'm told I'm transphobic because I support the use of references to biological vaginas in political situations (e.g. pink pussy hats vs trump).
I'm actually fine with trans people, and hope it goes well for your friend and you. But still, this is the way I am seen by tumblr transpeople, be wary of it.

>>18146745
Tumblr is the only place were trans people represent a significant percentage of the userbase

Anyways he isn't going to want much contact with you because you knew him forever Wich means you knew him as a man very well and that's something he probably wants to forget since that's the case more often than not
Just let him be, maybe he comes around, maybe he doesnt

>>18146745
+1 to this, though I need to point out that being trans is not an illness. It used to be considered an illness, but so did being gay.

But yeah, the first time someone in your life transitions, it's hard to remember to use pronouns correctly, because using pronouns is something we usually do with so little thought. Kind of like if you know someone as "Kat," but one day she decides she wants to be "Katharine." If you slip up and call her "Kat," it doesn't mean you're biased against Katharines, it just means you need to work on consciously using the right word. When it happens, don't make a big deal of it or dwell on it. Just apologise quickly and move on.

One more thing: be aware that you do have biases and preconceptions around trans people. Pretty much everyone does. It's normal and inevitable. What matters, though, is your willingness to listen to your friend, and to learn, and to work on being respectful.

>>18146826
>+1 to this, though I need to point out that being trans is not an illness. It used to be considered an illness, but so did being gay.
I completely agree, but I've given up on arguing that on here. At least on this website, people seem really resistant to abandoning their "IT'S A MENTAL ILLNESS" stance, but considerably more willing to listen to "fine, believe that if you want, can you just call them what they want to be called anyway?"

Technically gender dysphoria is still in the DSM-5 (which you may already know, I'm writing this for everybody), but of course "gender dysphoria" isn't precisely the same as "the condition of being trans", and it's also not listed as a mental illness but as under its own completely separate category ... basically, at this point, I look at the question of whether being trans is a mental illness or not as a near-meaningless question as that's largely a political call and not a philosophical one, best discussed by other people who enjoy that sort of thing. So long as people acknowledge that trans people are no more able to help being trans than gay people are able to help being gay, and are willing to treat them more or less how they want to be treated, I'm reasonably happy.

(I'm just gonna reiterate that, on a personal level, *I* do not consider being trans to be a mental illness, it's just that engaging with the question at all usually is a bad move in my experience.)

>>18146697
If hes your friend it doesnt matter if hes now a she. She wont mind when its an honest mistake that you accidentally caled her a he. A real friend doesnt hang out with them because of their orientation or creed or whatever, they hang out to chat with them about what interests them. I cant think of a single friend i agree with on every subject, and even if you disagree about the nature of these things you can still be friends.

Aside from transphobia, another place people discriminate on often is political opinion. People are more likely to discriminate based on political background than anything else, even race and gender. If youre viewing this as identity politics, then you need to step back and ask yourself if its right to lose a friend over your strong beliefs.

>>18146840
Fair enough!

>>18146875
>Aside from transphobia, another place people discriminate on often is political opinion.
That comparison doesn't work; people develop their own political opinions. It's influenced by their family and community, but it is ultimately their choice. That isn't true for trans people.

>>18146889
I mean that people from x party are at odds with y party.

An employer who is x party never employs people from y part on the basis he doesnt like their politics. Obviously the politics has no effect on whether someone is fit for the job, so it makes no sense to discriminate but this sort of thing happens often.

Im talking about this not in the sense of guiding a political viewpoint but that politics is often a divisive thing, and often moreso than gender and race is divisive. Im saying that OP should look beyond the controversy and hang with his friend.

bait thread