Depression adventures

>>18145878

youre too sensitive.

think about why you went out with the girl in the first place.

sounds like you are anxious because youre a virgin and you feel a pressure to act in a certain way on a "date"

>>18145910

She asked. That's literally why.

>>18145931

so you only do things because other people ask you to? do you not have your own desires or interests?

do you have any desire to fuck? to release your seed inside a womans hot wet snatch as god intended?

>>18145952

>so you only do things because other people ask you to?
More or less, though within reason.

>do you not have your own desires or interests?
Honestly? Not really, no. I dont have any passion for anything. I never got any satisfaction from doing things, so I just sort of do what the people I'm hanging out with are doing. I feel like a parasite.

>do you have any desire to fuck? to release your seed inside a womans hot wet snatch as god intended?
Not particularly. I jerk off out of boredom sometimes.

>>18145878
I think you are way up in your head. You said it yourself, you sound crazy.

Figure out a way to stop thinking so much. It sounds like a cliche but find a outdoor activity, doesn't matter which one. Hiking is perfect. Get in touch with your body.

Luckily I get a pussy pass, but I feel you 100%.

I don't have a problem finding someone to go out with, but I haven't really connected with anyone.

I just figure I need to work on myself. I need to put myself out there, but what if everything still sucks?

>>18145982

sounds like you need to talk to a doctor or therapist. that shit aint normal

>>18146049
>way up in your head
I don't even know what that means.

>>18146064
I haven't been to one in over 10 years, and it didn't really help then. I can't afford one now, so it's kind of moot.

>>18146077

ok. save up money and travel.

>>18146091

I never understood this meme. How the shit can people just afford to travel? On top of the cost of travelling itself, losing an entire week of pay it more makes it even worse.

>>18146119

how much money can you save in a month? can you cut your current expenses?

if your life fucking sucks then its time to change it.

travel just helps expose you to other people and cultures. esp if you go to poorer countries, you meet people who literally have nothing, who arent worth shit in life, who would literally kill to be in your position and are somehow happy anyway. it changes you. it changes your perspective. not just to hear about it or read about it. but to experience it with your own, god-given senses. to look at another person in the eyes, watch them as they look at you as if you are a god.

>>18146119
Travel is an excuse monkeys shove on you to spend a lot of shekels for no real purpose so you can "figure out your life" because apparently going a couple of blocks to the homeless shelter is too fucking difficult for millennials these days, no I need to fly to BOTSWANA to find myself mommy!!!!!!

Disregard the retard. Save up money for things that matter, things you will appreciate in ten years, not a couple of Instacunt shots of the Colosseum or peasant farmers you'll forget about as soon as you're back home. Self-exploration can happen anywhere and with anybody, you do not need a plane ticket to explore the world around you.

And you know, these flying monkeys never come back and help their communities out in the end. All that spiel about "people who literally have nothing" and anon is spending more time shitposting on 4chan than helping out at the local shelter.

>>18146132
>if your life fucking sucks then its time to change it

I think you're misreading something. I never said my life sucks. I just don't care.

>>18146151

That's kind of what it sounded like.

>>18146151

you obviously have never traveled. even the poorest american has more self-respect than the average person. its our culture. you learn more about what it is by stepping outside of it.

i give a fuck about the local shelter. thats not what traveling is about.

>>18146219

if you dont care what happens to you in your life, it means your life sucks. plain and simple.

>>18146242

You sound deluded as fuck.

>>18145878
>>18145931
>>18145982
>>18146077
>>18146119
>>18146219
You sound like a person with schizoid personality disorder.

>>18146303

Hrm. It sounds possible, though self diagnosis is stupid.

I don't think I can handle this.

>>18146303

Out of curiosity, I did a few online tests.
>inb4 online tests
Even with a grain of salt, every one of about 10 was overwhelmingly positive for Schizoid, so I guess that was a good call.

>>18147450
I have a schizotypal personality and have schizoid traits too, and I also know someone else with schizoid personality disorder from HS. Thats the main reason I thought you sounded like a schizoid.

>>18147450
Also I do agree self diagnoses is dumb, but it can be approximate sometimes. I am not officially diagnosed with anything, so take that as you will. But I have a lot in common with a schizoid.

>>18147605

How do you deal with this shit? I'm tired of pretending to care. It's exhausting. Everyday I have to go work and I hate it. Every time my coworker opens his mouth I just want him to stop talking. Every time my friend invites me to a bar, I groan. It has nothing to do with them, but I hate it.

I've been pretending to give a shit for 27 years, and its exhausting. The truth is that I just do not care, and its getting harder and harder.

>>18147616

Yea. Maybe.

>>18147637
Honestly, I'm just starting out. I'm 20 and in uni.
I'm just trying to figure out what the hell to pursue career wise. I have no goals or aspirations so that kind of makes the decision difficult. Generally I don't care all to much about making friends, but I'm trying to figure out how to seem convincingly friendly because I don't want to be fucked over in whatever job I get.

>>18147689

You're going to regret going to college. I did. I didn't even finish because I couldn't handle having to do and pay for a bunch of bullshit courses that were totally irrelevant. Now, I'm getting harassed by student loan collectors that I can't afford to pay back because I'm working a shit job with shit people for shit pay.

>>18147886
What degree were you going for?
I'm actually concerned I don't have the capacity to care enough about the subject to pass. I picked physics because I thought it sounded cool, but I might have screwed myself. I might just change it though. But I don't even know if there is a subject I care anything about.

>>18147983

I originally went for physics, too funny enough. However, I was probably going to switch to a major in chemistry because it was easy for me. However, because only 3 of us were left for the final, the next level of chemistry didn't fire off the following semester, so I had to take bullshit instead. In this case, it was an English course that horrendously boring. I put almost no effort into the course and would have gotten an A if I had managed to finish it. I would do my write ups literally 5 minutes before I was out the door without reading anything and get prefects. The worst part is that I was paying for it.

It never wouldn't have worked out anyway because I would have eventually needed to take the bullshit classes regardless. Franky, I only started school again because I was more or less coerced into it by family.

Obviously, I don't think I have any advice that can really help, but I will say that you should either find something you're willing to finish, or drop out now and save yourself a lot of money.

>>18148045
I'm taking irrelevant core credits right now, and I do feel like they are a waste of time and money. They are laughingly easy and don't relate to my major in the slightest. English is the only thing I can see bleeding into any other major, and Its annoying the way its structured. I'm supposed to read the text and do writing assignments every week but I usually just wing them. I just hope it gets better next semester when I hopefully take real courses.
That said, chemistry was actually a major I was considering doing at one point because I took AP chem in highschool and thought it was pretty cool. However, I've never considered how my degree would apply to a career. Apparently the job market for chem and physics is really small. I just hope I don't do a whole physics degree and end up in IT or something.

>>18148193

That sounds about right. The worst part was how sickeningly liberal the class was as a whole. I don't give a single fuck about politics, but that whole class, teacher included, was so painfully left wing that I understood where the memes come from.

Based on what I've been told, a job in chemistry comes from knowing people post grad and getting paid to go to school. If you don't do post grad, you've gone into 5 figures of debt to work in a drug store.

>>18148193
My english teacher is a liberal, and has an actual "safe space" label on his office door frame. I asked him for topic suggestions once for an essay and he gave me a bunch of shit like "immigration is a human right" "gentrification and its effects are not ideal" and other shit.
I suppose I will have to figure something out to work towards, idk what my end game is.

>>18148293

I don't know, man. I've been trying to figure out an endgame since HS, and I can't see myself doing anything job related. The way I see it, if I don't off myself at some point, I'll be working some miserable job until the day I die.

In other news, I'm pretty sure I've settled on ghosting my friend and his company. He sent me a text earlier in the day about the date I had Sunday. I haven't responded yet, and I doubt I will. We were supposed to hang out on Sunday, but at this point I don't think I'll be going. I've already avoided that store since new years anyway.

>>18148447
I pretty much figure that If I do not enter any specific career field I will just fall back on IT, since I have at least some background with computers. I figure I will just learn what I want to know and do what I want to do as I come across it, because I definitely seem incapable of planning it out.

You're better off to not pursue activities which only serve to stress you out. Its generally not worth your health to pander to others if you do not care for them in some capacity.

I would recommend this site though
http://www.schizoids.info/
I believe it has a lot of valuable advice and insights.

>>18148847
>I pretty much figure that If I do not enter any specific career field I will just fall back on IT, since I have at least some background with computers. I figure I will just learn what I want to know and do what I want to do as I come across it, because I definitely seem incapable of planning it out.
That's kind of exactly how I feel. I can't really plan ahead because I can't guarantee that I'll actually follow through with it, which is part of why I regret college.

>You're better off to not pursue activities which only serve to stress you out. Its generally not worth your health to pander to others if you do not care for them in some capacity.
It's habit at this point. I'm so used to just trying to blend in that its an automatic process. If someone says they had a good time, what am I supposed to say? "Actually, I was miserable the whole time. Don't worry, it wasn't you!"?

>I would recommend this site though
>http://www.schizoids.info/
>I believe it has a lot of valuable advice and insights.

Thanks. I'll take a look.

>>18145878
she sounds like she just likes ur car, yo. did she like you before mentioning it?

>>18148964
Well, not in that way. You can wear your 'mask' around others and be polite. But you don't have to do everything they want to do either if you don't really want to do it.

>>18145982
>Not particularly. I jerk off out of boredom sometimes.
Stop jerking off out of boredom, see, if you can last without it

>>18145878
If you are lonely then it can't hurt to hang out. Maybe it turns to something more.

If you aren't then just make it clear that you aren't interested. Not everyone has to be a people person.

>>18149166
the keyword OP put into that sentence is >sometimes
Meaning not very often, meaning he doesn't really care that much about it.

>>18149186
doesn't matter, if he really is depressed and doesn't care about it, stopping it altogether might be beneficial. Maybe, if he stops pulling for a year, some evolutionary trigger will snap in his brain forcing him to find a hole very fast, then maybe, he won't be that disinterested in women as much.

>>18149013

Even so, I have no idea how to break it off without creating a shitty situation.

>>18149183
She's a friend of a friend. If I decline now, then I'll have to deal with awkwardness every time we'd hang out, and I'd rather just avoid it all together.

>>18147637
man, this really describes me

>>18149202

You have no idea what you're talking about. It's amazing.

>>18149904

That's a shame.

I'm kinda like you OP. Also I am really weird when it comes to friends. I usually can make friends and am happy to see them a lot for a short time but after about 3-9 months I just leave and never talk to any of them again. I don't know why I do this

>>18151116

That kinda happens with me, too. I'm good enough at pretending that I get along rather well with just about everyone. I'm not going to say that I'm happy to see them, but rather I get obsessive. For example, I play a variety of TG related games, notably 40k and MTG.

For awhile, I was playing EDH with a group of people, and I would be constantly looking up shit, crafting decks in my head, and building and tweaking decks in my spare time. Then, we stopped playing. I felt like an addict for a little bit in that I needed to play, but oh honestly didn't get any joy from it. In fact, I was usually miserable while I was playing, so much so that I would occasionally sperg out. It was bad.

Lately, I've essentially abandoned mtg. I went from going to this one store religiously every weekend to being there a total of 2 hours this YEAR. I've replaced it with 40k because I've found people who play, one of whom is the friend from my OP. I'm supposed to play with them on Sunday, but this whole date thing with his friend has basically put me into ghost mode. I haven't responded to his texts in 2 days, and I am likely not going to play on Sunday, either.

>>18149186

I don't. Not really, anyway. Sometimes, I'll just have a go because at not

>>18146119
You live in a place you get payed to be on semester, like 80% of your pay here.

>>18152272
Wow. Burgerland just sucks ass

>>18146053

I don't really have a desire to work on myself. I go to the gym because of my coworker, but I don't get any joy out of it.

>>18152944
US government sells university access in a manner similar to how credit cards work, but you don't feel (and therefore understand) the cost until you're finished. The cost doubles every decade because you'd do that too if damn near anyone could walk right in without a penny to their name.

Parents grab their kids by the throat and fling them into universities, because that's the only way to get a government job and those are the only jobs which exist in a lot of regions these days.

In other words, you have to pay the government entire years of your salary in order to work for the government. Meanwhile the government shits on the private sector every chance it gets.

>>18153865

Yea. It's really fucked up. I have an uncle who's a CFA and very successful. He was telling me about how the government was screwing the private sector. It's all a big joke that no one can change.

As for school, yea. That's exactly right. I have about 3600 in debt that I'm just not going to pay back ever because it's retarded.

Sorry I keep bumping this thread. I'm kind of just using it to think while its here.

Up until last week, I used to drive my coworker to work because he was waiting to get his license back, and since the beginning of the year, we've been going to the gym twice a week on Tues and Thurs. Tuesday was the first gym day where we drove separately, and I just didn't go. I didn't even think twice about it. When I realized it, I didn't feel guilty, but I felt like I should have felt guilty, if that makes sense.

Now, it's Thursday night after work, and I'm not at the gym. Exciting, I know. I feel like I should go, but am having a hard time convincing myself. I don't have to drive my coworker there, and I don't really feel better about myself when I'm done there. However, I am paying for the membership, though the monthly fee is nothing.

>>18145878
What should you do? Is that what you are asking OP?

If you aren't interested in the girl then dont date her or try to make yourself feel something. This doesnt even seem like a serious question why do something that you dont want to do..?

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can someone with schizoid personality describe how they were diagnosed? what symptoms did they catch to diagnose you?

curious because I've had people joke around with me being schizoid but now idfk

>>18154895
>What should you do? Is that what you are asking OP?
Maybe, though I've more or less resigned to ghosting them at this point.

>If you aren't interested in the girl then dont date her or try to make yourself feel something.
I'm rather terrible at saying no, and I am also fairly certain that turning her down at this point would make things awkward with the group. Since its a lose/lose situation, I'm taking the option of avoiding it entirely.

>This doesnt even seem like a serious question why do something that you dont want to do..?
Because if I didn't do things I didn't want to do, I wouldn't actually do anything at all.

>>18154898
I'm the guy who brought it up, I haven't been diagnosed but I have been considering going to see someone just to confirm my suspicion. I first noticed something was amiss when I graduated highschool. I felt absolutely the same. Not to mention no matter where I move, or live, or who i live with I feel the same. Not to mention I am indifferent to praise.

Generally you would seem apathetic and not really care about hanging around people. Like you wouldn't find enjoyment in it, or just a low degree. Also small talk is really boring and you don't enjoy conversation unless its stimulating.
You don't find as much meaning in things as others would. Usually a schizoid has to be told that they are one because they don't have much frame of reference. But only pure schizoids find zero meaning in things, they are like living vegetables.

At least, this is what I think schizoid personality is. I cannot truly say with certainty that I am schizoid. But I think it fits pretty well despite my uncertainty.

If you want more information I recommend the site: http://www.schizoids.info/ if you haven't looked at it already.

p.s. sorry if this posts multiple times I'm getting a connection error and idk if they will all go through.

>>18154871
I'm surprised your thread is still up. I was wondering what you thought of that website but I figured you probably had faded away already.

>>18154963
>I'm rather terrible at saying no, and I am also fairly certain that turning her down at this point would make things awkward with the group. Since its a lose/lose situation, I'm taking the option of avoiding it entirely.
Sounds like you have an avoidant personality, and your schizoidism is a way to suppress the anxieties resulting from it.
http://www.schizoids.info/avoidant.html
But I'm no psychiatrist, so I can only say that it SEEMS to be your case.

>>18155567
A person can avoid social situations just because they are uncomfortable. It does not imply that hes avoidant.
Avoidants typically have extremely low self worth and think everyone is going to think very bad of them so they avoid everything because they have extreme anxiety.
But since I don't know OP I can't say you're wrong either.

>>18155087

I've been periodically bumping it because of how slow adv moves. The website is ok. It reminds me of the old Internet, actually. I haven't scoured the whole thing, but the information is laid out in a basic way that gets the point across.

>>18156483
>Avoidants typically have extremely low self worth
Yes. That much is true with me.

>think everyone is going to think very bad of them
Not exactly. I generally just don't want to bother people because I'd rather not be bothered myself. I'm not saying there is no anxiety, but I don't know about extreme.

>>18156803
Do you feel something toward your friends? Are you afraid of "hurting" them?

>>18156824

It's hard to say. In this current situation, I honestly only hung out so that I could play warhammer. Then, things just sort of spiraled into the situation I'm in now.

>>18156840
Hm. Anyway, I think you are making a storm in a teacup. I don't think things will become awkward between you and your friends if you reject the girl, if you do that politely everything will be okay, it will be understandable, nobody is obliged to love another person.

>>18156883

Maybe, though what would I say?
>Sorry, I don't actually care about you. This won't work out

Actually, I've kind of been in this situation before. The girl really liked me, and I just sort of dropped her after a shirt time and she was crushed. We worked together, and the whole thing was miserable.

>>18157146
First of all I have to warn you I don't have any experience with relationships. But I will make some suggestions, and corrections about them by experienced anons here would be appreciated.

>Sorry, I don't actually care about you. This won't work out
That's rude.
By what I've read, you didn't go too far with the lie, it was only one night and just "kind of a date", so it's a good moment to end the whole thing. It's better to do it early before the lie gets big or before your avoidant behaviour makes things awkward between you and your friends.
As for what you should say, avoid making it seem like it is her fault, that she's not on your level, that you despise her etc. Instead take responsibility, say you're sorry for any delusions you may have instigated, that you're not really the guy she may have thought you were, that actually you have a hard time dealing with people, that your personality is somehow problematic, or that you can't visualise yourself in a relationship... You could evne make some self-deprecating jokes to reinforce that it's not really her fault, "I'm really autistic with those things", maybe that will light the mood a little. Also try to insert compliments to her looks and personality here and there. Making questions to her so she can express her feelings and thoughts is also important, like "What do you feel about me?", "How did you like our date?", give her some voice, you have to show her that you care for what she has to say.
As for your ghosting, "justify" your delay in answering your friend about the date on Sunday with anxiety, that it was a hard time trying to think about how to break up before it's too late without breaking the girl's heart, — I've put "justify" in quotes because you have to show you're sorry about it, for having made your friend deal with uncertainty about a promise. But don't get too anxious about your attitude, everybody makes mistakes.

>>18157146
Don't forget that facial expressions and gestures play a crucial part in communication, so you can't say all those things in a monotone tone with the same apathic face. This must be something obvious to you, but as you probably have a disorder maybe you're adequately aware of it, idk, it's always good to warn.
I don't know your personality well, so I can't think up what words exactly you could say; and as I said I'm not well experienced, so I may have said some bullshit here and there, or oversimplified the situation. So it's important that some experienced anon also gave his or her opinion about your situation.

>>18157400
also give*

>>18157398

Of course it's rude. I was being sarcastic, sorry.

I agree that early is better, though I really wish it never happened to begin with because I don't tell people about my problems. People talk. Hell, that's one of the reasons I haven't responded to any texts from my friend. He was asking about the date, which means she told either him or his girlfriend about it, and that's just too personal for me. If I have to sit there and explain that I can't be in a relationship, then that changes the entire dynamic of the friendship I was aiming to have with my friend because it would be pretty obvious there's something wrong.

Also, do you really think anyone wants to hear the "It's not you it's me" spiel, even if it's true?

>>18157553
I'm not that guy you were asking, but "It's not you it's me" is pretty cliché, so much so that I personally view it as a worthless statement because its so vague as to the persons true intention of breaking things off.

Its like the go to statement for most people if they want to break shit off with somebody but don't want to tell them truthfully why.

You're probably better off telling them that you struggle with relationships. Although, I don't know your situation like you do. You may consider how such a statement would affect your other interpersonal relationships.

>>18157700

If I say that I struggle with relationships, then there's a good chance they'll try and say "lol it's cool we can help you through it" which is really not what what I want at all

>>18157700
>"It's not you it's me" is pretty cliché
You're right, and I've put other clichés there as well, but if OP don't want to fuck things up he has to be careful and say such a thing but in a veiled way. Talking about one's own personality problems is basically one way of saying "It's not you it's me", I think.

>>18158157
Thank them, then say things are not so simple as they think and that you don't care so much about your own problems, that you can still go on living and do things. If they insist then you can say that helping you getting through it is a job for a psychiatrist, that if they laymen try to force you into relationships or habits they will just fuck things up.

>>18158660

Yea, maybe. I don't know. I still haven't responded because I don't want to talk about it, and I really don't have to, either. If I'm being perfectly honest, the balance in weighing at the moment is if not dealing with all that is worth losing a gaming group. That's it.

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>>18159698
If I have any advice for you its to let the girl down easy in a way like >>18157398 says. As for your friend, I would just be brief with him and let him know that the date really brought out a lot of things that made you realize you're actually not really ready to be in a relationship with anybody right now. You can layer this any number of ways "she's a nice girl, really pretty" etc and if they're good friends they'll be understanding about it and not pursue it further.

Eventually this is going to come full circle and thinking you're keeping the peace by not talking about it is going to make it worse in my opinion, but maybe you have more information that we don't know that allows you to make that call with conviction.

I know it's a hassle OP because I've been in this situation before and I'm a lot like you. It's easier to just think of this as one of those things you have to do to get by ,same as anything else.