self improvement and resources general?

>>18143826
The way you describe yourself sounds exactly like me, i onky ever get out of that state when i am working on something i love or when i am really pressured to the point where it's like a challenge to succeed and that is usually what actually keeps me going, the challenge to do the impossible in the last minute i guess.

My subconcious is a dick

>>18143843
The question is, if it is a learned behaviour, most likely it is, and how I can unlearn it.
Maybe even start with as much of a blank state as it is possible without harming me too much.

>>18143846
Pretty sure you can do a 180° turn wherever you stand, it just takes a lot of discipline to abandon the old way of doing things. I think i lack exactly that and maybe you do too.

I think the main issue for me is that i always tend to do comfortable things like play vidya or draw while i usually would have to learn math as a college student.

>>18143826
Henry James wrote a short story about a man who was convinced he was fated to be special in some unique way, and so he did nothing that might get in the way of his fate. And when he died he was special and unique as the man who had never done anything.

>>18144059
Sounds interesting, i tried to search which one it was in particular but could not find it yet.
Do you remember the name?

I'm not totally clear on what you mean, but I will share my attempts to make sense of things:

Basically, I view the world through two lenses: one to illuminate my personal subjective experience of things and the other to illuminate the world "out there". For the first, I look to meditation practices, psychology, religion, etc. Meditation has been a huge help. For the second, I look to economic analyses, sociology, anthropology, etc. This has been helpful in that I see how my environment has developed, how it will change, and how it is likely to be influencing me.

accesstoinsight.org for the first, critical theory/theory of lit/just philosophy in general for the second.

Basically, read more, and don't be scared to make a mistake.