I still love my roommate who left me for my roommate, what to do?

Cue in our new roommate, who is a young fresh 20 year old college girl and little sister to the religious valuing roommate who just left us because she got married. The three of us have been great friends. I noticed about 2 months ago that their friendship though was getting a little too close for me to be comfortable, they hung out all the time and would go out and do everything together, but he was still very sweet and caring towards me and we were still having sex no problem, so I felt okay.

About a month ago though he broke it off with me again because he is into the little sister, but he still wants me to be his friend because he says he still really cherishes the friendship and couldn't imagine me not in his life at this point. He feels bad because he thinks I don't deserve this, that I deserve perfection in any relationship I'm in. However I feel really heartbroken, I really love him and the idea that I would have to live with watching him pursue another roommate in front of me is pure torture. So I'm in the process of moving out and he got really sad about it, he even cried. He felt really guilty knowing his choice was the cause. He feels so close to me and is super confused, saying that the whole situation just seems so grey, nothing is black and white for him. He doesn't want me too leave and kept trying to coerce me to stay, saying that I could just live in both places, or only leave temporarily while I take online classes. I told him I certainly don't want to go, I simply have to for myself. He hugged me super tight, held my hands and looked me in the eyes, then teared up, hugged me tighter and once again reiterated I don't deserve this... then got stiff a bit, but nothing came of that. However I felt mixed with my decision to leave and felt like maybe we could be okay.

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Anyway, I'm was back in my parents house this weekend. He came to visit a friend who actually lives pretty close to me, and invited me out to hang with them. I went over and it felt like a mess. He treated me nice enough, but I felt uncomfortable when he kept telling the other people I was moving back down and stuff excitedly. The other girl got invited too (she visited from an hour away from her parents since she was away for spring break). I felt kind of out of place there and he kept giving her all the attention in the world, and wasn't really paying attention to me too much until she left. Then after that he barely spoke to me even though it was just the two of us gaming at that point. He kept being concerned for her since it was late and she had an hour drive. Kept thinking to call her. I felt so uncomfortable! Then it was awkward when I left because it felt weird to be treated more like a visitor than a close friend. But then while driving away he immediately acted the same way he did with her, worrying about me getting home. I felt nice knowing he cared about me well-being. Then today he ignored any of my texts.

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I just feel so thrown about. Should I bother trying to keep this man in my life? I love him so deeply and I do want him to be happy. I really don't want to lose him in my life because despite how shitty everything has been, I want to be by his side and keep loving him. But it hurts immensely to love someone who can't help but look at someone else and becomes so hot and cold all the time. I want to be his friend and everything but I can't just backtrack on the feelings I let cultivated and develop for years. I also can't tell if he is really serious about the girl he's into right now, or if that will go anywhere. I really want to be with him and I don't know if I have any hope of that anymore... What do you all think?

He used you for sex, and found someone more younger and innocent, he's sweet talking you to feel less guilty about using you for sex, I'm guessing 5 years ago was when you were 18 or 19? You got emotionally manipulated, he doesn't want to be the bad guy so he keeps sweet talking you because he can't just tell you to fuck off.

What's not to understand? He doesn't want to look like the bad guy, and he's not, both of you made the mistake of being FWB and living together then expecting it to work out when one person becomes interested in someone else.

>>18143063

Actually, more like 22-24. He turns 27 next month and I just turned 28... Thinking about my age in all this makes me rather embarrassed.

I guess I'm just seriously hoping for a silver lining in all this. I mean, it's not like I've ever acted with animosity towards him about moving out. I like to think I've been rather understanding and calm for someone in my position, at least externally. I ended up being the one comforting him about my choice and letting him know that my choice to leave is based entirely around trying to save a friendship. He's the one pushing for me to stay and always trying to keep me around. Apparently he goes between being angry and frustrated with me, then when I'm not around he realizes how much he "misses me and my smile and the way I light up his life with my presence alone."

>>18143148
you sound like you're in denial because you sound just like me and many others who talked to me about this exact same problem

when you're away, he wants you, when you're there, he's annoyed by you, stop blinding yourself just because you guys were close for 5 years

>>18143341

This

>"he goes between being angry and frustrated with me, then when I'm not around he realizes how much he "misses me and my smile and the way I light up his life with my presence alone."

Is pretty much his exact words about it to me, not my own interpretation.

I probably am in denial about ever being able to rekindle a relationship, so I try to avoid ever thinking about that possibility, though it's hard considering how much I want it. However, he doesn't make things any easier with his wishy-washy actions. Talking about his feelings being gray areas and what-not. I really just want to know what the hell is he thinking?

Lol he cucked you and you're still friends with him and the girl he cucked you with. Jesus you are stupid and easily manipulated