get it off your chest

>>18142434
I took lsd the other week. I was happy for the first time in my 24 years of living. It revealed to me that I've been depressed for nearly as long as i can remember. Something must have shaken me from a very early age. My character is in it's basis tragically neurotic, unable to experience any one moment without fleeing it in one way or another.

It may sound trivial. But that's deeply tragic.

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>>18142434
Ever since I was young my family has been slowly pulling itself apart until it's just me and my older brother sharing a place. My last childhood friend still visits and we do stuff together, but the both of them want me to get a job. I try to explain that I want to go to school but I just want to be alone with vidya and anime

I don't know what I'm doing with my life at all.

I'm 20 years old and I'm nearing the end of my second year at University. My studies are going alright, but that's just about it. I've always been pretty introverted and never socialised as much as I should have. I have 3 or 4 people that I speak to on a daily basis, all of which I feel like I am friend with out of necessity and convenience rather than feeling a true friendship with. They're not bad people, I just don't have much in common with them and conversation never goes past small talk and idle chatter about what we did at the weekend. I've never had a girlfriend either.

Now that university's almost over I'll probably get a job when it finishes, and that job might end up being some grim and depressing 9 to 5. I'm worried that I'll get stuck in a job like that for the next 30 to 40 years and my life will just zip by, I'll just be a bitter fuck for a good part of my life thinking of all the shit I never did when I was younger. I'm worried that I've missed out on having lots of experiences I'll get the chance to have and that I've spent the past 4 or 5 years doing fuck all for myself.

I'm just scared that I've wasted the past 20 years and that I've missed out on things everyone else hasn't. Everyone else I know has had girlfriends, has had really great and memorable experiences. I just don't know what the fuck I'm doing or what I'm going to do, and it's concerning me more and more.

Landed my first job today, but I still feel empty inside. How did life become so dull and passionless within a few short years? It's a rhetorical question - I already know the answer. I've got poor genetics, and the stars aligned so that much of my adolescence would be ruined by persistent depression. I plan on seeing a doctor soon, but it is upsetting that I only realized this recently. All those years wasted, it's strange, you know?

>>18142522
You need a perspective shift, mate
Nothing is real
There is no such thing as objectivity

You need to read some philosophy and see that you aren't alone and there are ways out

2000 years ago, there was a Roman Emperor named Marcus Aurelius
He did not like being Emperor and felt a lot like you
He wrote down his thoughts and lucky we still have that book around today
Read it
It'll make you feel better

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Basically.

I asked a girl I've had my eye on for years out for a date and she said yes. At first I was excited, but then that excitement turned into anxiety. I realized that this girl has lots of guys flirting with her and she's very sexually open, made me super panicked that I might have a super small window to win this girl over before she moves on to someone else. I was talking to my friend about it and she pointed out that I'm not mentally well and these mental issues have caused me to be really shitty in relationships and I should just avoid them until I'm better, and while I'm inclined to agree I'm clinging onto the fact I may very well have a small window with this girl and there's a real chance I'll may never have another opportunity with this girl unless I take this one

>>18142547
It's not an existential problem. All I want back is my hobbies, my interests, my passions and pleasures. I hardly enjoy doing anything anymore. I barely remember what being "comfy" feels like. My mother almost died last Christmas and I couldn't make myself get emotional even when I tried. I'm a walking shell. No, this is certainly medical.

>>18142555
It is an existential problem.
Not existence in general, but existence as it is now for you

Comfy is relative
What you want is easy comfy where you don't matter and have no responsibilities
That's not always good.

I am single and have been having an affair with a married woman for the last 9 months. i think I am falling in love with her because the stress I feel knowing that she is at home, probably having sex with her husband is unbearable. I don't know what to do

>>18142559
I don't understand. If you have something helpful to say, it would be helpful if you wrote about it past vague aphorisms. My problem is certainly not existential - even if I made some existentialist decision like dropping everything and moving to Brazil, I doubt I'd get the same thrill from it as most people. My therapist has diagnosed me with Dysthymia and recommended me for meds. I'm not sure what more there is to it.

>>18142567
What I'm saying is that happiness is not objective
It depends on your point of view
The real world has no real impact on how you feel

If a person in solitary confinement for 10 years got to work at McDonalds, he'd be crying in joy at the opportunity, despite the fact that you might think that working as a McDick's cashier is hell
Happiness and satisfaction is subjective.

Passion and satisfaction aren't real
If you can't change your world, change your mind

And the way you do that is to read shit and realize you're not alone
>You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength
Based Golden Marcus said that

It gets worse at night and my sleeping schedule is fucked up

>>18142575
Of course you can change your situation by thinking in different mindsets. That's how I've gotten by lately - I have a difficult problem, and to get past it, I think positively and stay away from places like /r9k/. It's an efficient strategy for surviving, but happiness isn't generated out of thin air. I have tried many times, and it simply doesn't work. For example, since last Fall I've tried to make friends. I've succeeded in striking up conversations and making people laugh with a smile on my face. But did it feel good? Not at all. Pleasure is the grease that makes us function from day to day. You don't notice how much it improves the quality and form of your life until it's dried up and gone.

>>18142591
>happiness isn't generated out of thin air
But it is

That's not going to change your mind now, but maybe it will one day
It is generated out of thin air.

I was very depressed once upon a time.
I dropped out of college.
I stayed in my room. I didn't even afford an apartment.
I ate a baloney sandwich one a day and that was it.

I know pain.
And I know coming back from pain

You don't get over it by "beating it"
You can't

You first get over it in yourself and then the world follows
Inside first. The world next

>>18142606
I feel neither pleasure nor pain. There is no emotional battle going on in my head. Just a floating emptiness unmoved from stimuli despite my best efforts. I've tried Buddhism, I've tried art, I've tried existentialist literature. Nothing. It made me miserable clinging to something I knew would not work. It's a chemical problem, and this is extremely obvious to me now.

>>18142615
That's depression, bud
Common depiction of it says that you gotta be sad all the time
But it's not true
It's like you described
Feeling nothing.

I went through it
Got out of it by other people pushing me out
God bless them.

But nothing "real" changed.
Drugs can help, but they can be dangerous, especially for uppers.

You need to recognize that what you feel isn't bounded on reality

I can't wait till thursday to meet that guy again. I still don't even know if he has a girlfriend. No idea if it'd work out anyway. I can't help but overthink everything gah

>>18142621
Then what is it? I change the way I think for a month, come out feeling the same. You say that there's some grand revelation that you figured out that helped you out, but you're doing a poor job articulating it to me. We've gone through vastly different experiences, and it's not useful to tell me "It's all in my head" and "I can think my way to happiness" when I've been burdened by both those thoughts over the past year. Two qualified people have recommended I take medication. I know they won't magically "fix me", but if they make things pleasurable again and give me more energy, that's enough. I don't want to be rude, but unless you've got a way to smoothly articulate the thought process that helped you, your posting here is useless.

>>18142639
You're putting some burden on me to make you understand
I'm just some faggot nobody on fucking 4chan
I have no responsibility here.

All I can tell you is that I was very depressed once upon a time
I dropped out of college by just not showing up
I hate the same food every day for 6 months
I lived in a 12X6 room that entire time

I know depression and I know how it affects a person.

You can ignore me or not. I don't care.

But the worst thing you can do is suck your own dick and think "I can't change."

>>18142462
Exactly the same story here, anxiety caused me to isolate myself in drugs and fucked up my life. Thought about ending it a million time but now I'm trying to fix.
It's like I programmed myself to be extremely sad and pessimistic to the point of being stuck in a weird though cicle.
So I'm trying to colonise my brain back with healthy and positive ideas. It's funny how easilly you can neuromarket yourself.
Had an ecstasic feeling the other night thanks to meditation. Enjoyed the simplest things of life and found back my will to eat. I was feeling so good like I was on drugs without being high that I started to believe meditation can fix your dopamine problems.
The next day around 2PM bad thought were so intrusive that I couldn't empty my mind and ended up walking in circles while making small screams and fleeing my obligations.
Our brain is fuckin plastic, couldn't remember from a video list another name that the one I repeated out loud multiple times.
Put good things at the center of your attention with repetitions f.a.m. (méthode Couet).

>>18142652
So far all you've told me is literally "It's all in your head", "Get over it in yourself", "Change your mind", etc.. I've tried things like this over and over, I know they don't work. Now I'm trying a new thing. I got a job, I'm starting meds, I'm going to college soon. I believe I can change, but I'm not foolish enough to believe that my neurological problem will be solved by any random philosophical doctrine. I tried that many times, and it made me miserable. If you have nothing insightful to respond with, I'll be done here.

>>18142639
Look at:
>>18142462
It's a sad mix of bad flight hormones and neurological programming to paranoia from real bad experiences. I'm one the edge too but at least I can adknowledge that.

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You turn into such a fucking slut as soon as you have a single fucking drop of alcohol. I fucking hate you. I was going to marry you, you were my best friend. I don't know what to do with my life now, I feel like I can't trust anyone now

>>18142662
>flight hormones
As in fight or flight?
I've had a few experiences in late childhood that could be considered mildly traumatic, but I don't think they've had that large of an effect.

>I'm on the edge too but at least I can acknowledge that.
What?

>>18142661
You're damn fucking wrong kid, philosophy is the science of justifying your own actions and thus if you don't have some idealised personal story you're going nowhere where satisfaction can be obtained.
YOUR BRAIN IS A FUCKING LOGiC MACHINE DRIVEN BY HORMONES AND HAVING IDEALS IS A WAY TO GET THE MACHINE GOING

I have the sex appeal of a rubber duck.

>>18142661
If you don't believe how you think can change how you think, then you're lost
You are not a robot
You can choose.

If you're just starting college you must be young
Try to think about it

I made lots of fucking terrible mistakes as a kid.

If you ignore everything I've said so far, listen to just this: Find one moment a day to empty your mind and think about something simple you find enjoyable. Like wind in the leaves of a tree, sun shining through clouds, a good meal you made for yourself, exercise you feel a pump on. Just once a day find something pure

>>18142671
Exactly like fight or flight, in fact you can easily switch from fleeing to fighting because it's activated by the same hormone.
Ever seen a desperate person doing desperate violent things after having the flight response ?

>>18142676
I do have a goal, actually. I want to be a musician. I have no money for instruments yet, but after a month or two working I'll be able to start. My ideal is to release an album in the style of my favorite musicians. Perhaps this will bring me happiness. Perhaps not. No way of knowing until it's done.

>>18142684
I know I can change my mind, man. I haven't given up hope or anything, there are parts of life I still like. However, I know it can be much, much better. I'm not relinquishing myself to these dull pleasures when I used to experience near-bliss just by being with friends I liked.

>>18142686
Can't say I have, could you elaborate?

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I sleep all the time, and distract myself from reality because I miss you so much. Whenever I jump back into reality, I scream and swear because it hurts so much.

I broke up with you because you're bipolar, jealous, and desperate to impress me all the time, but you were also crazy horny all the time and the kinkiest girl I've ever known.

All the sex I have now is boring and mundane compared to the fucked up shit me and you did. So, you rebounded to some fucker who's 10 leagues below me, and probably giving him rim jobs, threesomes, and whatever else we did and more.

Your eyes are hardened and dead when you look at me, and you don't even care anymore. The thought of you wrapping your legs around some other dude makes me feel fucking sick to my stomach.

It's my fault for breaking up with you, but what could I have done? You were crazy, and I just kept you around for the exotic sex. I shouldn't feel this way. No girl even wants to fuck me anymore because I'm always depressed, needy, and escalate too fast into sex.

Jesus Christ, this is torture.

If you were happy I'd be happy. If I made you happy I'd be ecstatic. I want perfection for you, but I'm not perfection.

At first, I thought she was pretty hot, what with that phat ass dangling around back and forth in front of me. Then I discovered she dyes her hair frequently...
Then she slowly became a massive bitch.

It's agony watching such a great ass become such a great ass.

I'm very likely somewhere on the spectrum, and as a result I can't read people or judge their intentions as well as most others.

I never learned how to flirt and I can't read any hints that women give. As a result, I ignored the girls that showed interest in me growing up, and creeped out girls that I thought would be interested in me.

Now I avoid women, I assume every woman thinks the same way as the ones that I put off. Any time a woman does show some kind of interest I freak out because it goes against what I've taught myself to believe. I can't engage in relationships with women. I am ugly, weird, sorta autistic, and turn into a sperg when I am in a 1 on 1 situation with a member of the opposite sex.

>>18142697
>I do have a goal, actually. I want to be a musician. I have no money for instruments yet, but after a month or two working I'll be able to start. My ideal is to release an album in the style of my favorite musicians. Perhaps this will bring me happiness. Perhaps not. No way of knowing until it's done.
Hey I'm the anon you responded to and some of my musics have had a relative success and have been played on some radio shows, you can't make music out of the blue and get your album to be sold, you need to slowly build musical habits and professional networks. Start by doing a shitty job and volunteering with the music structures you like. You will see that the world is really small (had the surprise of having my first song being played on my favourite radio show before it was even out just because of networks I wasn't even aware of).

>>18142757
Honestly I don't care much for huge popularity. If my album gets passed around on /mu/ as something decent, I'll be content. The stuff I plan on making wouldn't have a wide audience, I'd most likely be making it for myself. That's why I think it's achievable.

Good job on your success, by the way.

>>18142766
I stopped publishing my music as of right now.

>>18142772
What?

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My mom really wants me to have grandkids and I don't know how to tell her that talking to women is a total nightmare for me. I've been called a creep/rapist/stalker so many times I'm completely petrified of even making eye contact with a woman my age for fear of weirding them out. I've been making improvements to myself physically and socially, but even below average girls treat me like shit even if we're in groups for class or whatever. I don't think sex is a super important priority relatively speaking, but I think not finding at least one person who might want to have sex with you by the end of college means you're a complete loser. I get so damn jealous when I see people together. Just the thought of a woman enjoying my company to that extent feels like a science fiction fantasy.

You never should have fucking told me. You never should have fucking brought this into the light. You never should have given me insight into my prison. You fucking liars. All of you.

ALL OF YOU.

>>18142774
Lost taste of life & beautiful things and can't enjoy my music without being high.
Also the "networks" made my autistic self get close to a lot of people discovering my fucked up self and being deceived.
Add to that a cute girl I completly fucked up my chances with and you get the perfect recipe for a good old purge.
I need to start all over again and use a new musical alias.

WHY I use birth control is NONE of your fucking business. WHAT birth control I use is NONE of your fucking business. So kindly SHUT THE FUCK UP. Just because I am not currently having sex does not mean that I need to have my "IUD Removed now" Also, I knew the risks when I had it put in, so NO I will not research it just because you're nagging me on to do it.

The same goes for my desire for wanting children and loving my Nephew.

Just because I love the kid, (he's 2) doesn't mean I want to have children, and don't fucking say that I'll change my mind - you don't know shit you retarded bitch.

Also-- If you don't like how I assert myself, then STOP talking to me- It's that goddamn simple, Rene. I'm not going to let you or anyone else walk all over me anymore and just because you don't like that I have to be aggressive with you to get my point across (because you keep going on and on and on and on - like my fucking Mother) then STOP TALKING TO ME.

MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS, RENE. I'M 32 FUCKING YEARS OLD AND I DON'T NEED MY GODDAMN AUNT TRYING TO TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY FUCKING LIFE.

.... Thanks OP for the thread.

>>18142798
I know what you mean about losing taste for beautiful things. It sucks. I hope both of us get out of this pit.

>opens phone
>checks instagram
>model bff posted a sexy pre-photoshoot self in
>femboner
>scrolls through my own page
>6 days since I posted a new photo
>quickly half-ass edit of a photo of myself
>tags it
>takes account off private
>waits for 30 likes exactly
>achieves this quickly
>deletes tags
>new dms
>left on read--ignores random dms
>puts account back on private

Most normie thing I do.

I still dream of you. I don't know how many times I've dreamed of you since you left me. I don't even know if I still love you.
And I know you're upset that I quit talking to you last January. But you kept on flirting with me at times, other times you refused to talk to me more often because of "your girl". I couldn't stay your friend while you called her like that. When you told me what she was capable of just to hurt you.
But she has kids, that's a big plus, right?
And you keep on having a good life.
I hate you.

>>18142802
We need to find a way to reprogrammate ourselves.

>>18142807

Is this actually a thing girls do?

Holy shit that sounds like a lot of effort for attention from guys you'd probably call creepy.
Holy shit, if a girl woke up as a /r9k/ tier robot for just one day...
My god.
I'd want to see that reaction but after that you'd probably spend weeks in therapy.

Like holy shit, some robots are so bad they pretty much prey that they don't get any attention.

i honestly don't think i can handle the adult lifestyle and responsibilities that come with it
i'm constantly dreaming about the things i don't have and instead of trying to get them for myself i just stay in my room all day overthinking mundane shit
i often catch myself physically cringing while randomly thinking about something i said or did at any point in time, this happens multiple times a day
the last time i can remember feeling truly content with life and who i was was when i had my first kiss

>>18142807
I always think girls are retarded, but when it comes to finding ways to get attention they are fucking savants.

>>18142828
ha. Allow me to further extrapolate. The reason why I have the account is solely because I refuse to use Facebook to like my best friends photos and she doesn't use twitter (she requires a lot of validation)...so we met in the middle for IG.
>>18142832
"Yea dad ok"

>>18142828
girls would do anything for their best friends...robit or nah right? Maybe with more therapy though

In recent self-reflection I have to realize that I lack the ability to empathize with people and it causes me to mess up my relationships.

How can I change this? Must I get therapy? What is wrong with me?

With a bit of time I seem able to always find my flaws, but while I usually give friends and family advice that helps them, I can't seem to help myself. What is wrong with me?

This sucks.

>>18142699
You sound like my ex. Gross.

I really wish someone would talk to me about what is going on in my life. Someone needs to talk to me about this shit already. I need to talk to a fucking doctor about all the shit that's wrong with me. I need to find out what is wrong with my mind, what parkinsons means for my future.

I need to talk to you assholes about the damage you have done to my heart. The amount of stress, anxiety, and sadness you have put on me has caused me to have a literal broken heart that could fucking kill me any day.

I need to talk to a doctor about the vasectomy or whatever bullshit you plan on doing to me.

Need to talk to a doctor about taking hormones and the surgeries I'm going to have for my MtoF transition. I need to talk to a doctor to find out WHAT THE FUCK is inside me, what it means to be a hermaphrodite;

Why the fuck won't you guys give me this? Why won't you AT THE VERY LEAST LET ME TALK TO A REAL FUCKING DOCTOR? WHY WON'T YOU LET ME TALK TO A REAL PSYCH?

Why not? Why would you continue to torture me knowing that all of this shit is FACT. THAT I KNOW FOR A FACT I HAVE THESE ILLNESSES AND WE AREN'T DOING FUCKING ANYTHING TO FIGHT THEM?

Come the fuck on already and let's do this.

You always choose the worst times to stop responding and the worst things to say to me. Do you even care about me?

>>18142901
Talk to me bro.
What's worrying you?

You're a whore.

I need help. I am very, very lonely. I have no one to spend time with. I have a partner over the internet but the time difference makes it so that I have a lot of time alone. I am also neet for the time being. It is crushing to live this way and I often think about taking my life.

>>18142921
You're me except being neet. Everyone I have the chance to meet are people I do not want as my friend unfortunately. North America sucks.

>>18142906
I mean... I already said everything that's bothering me. I'm incredibly sick and no one will let me talk to a real doctor about any of it. I have degenerative mental illnesses, in the family of parkinsons and alzheimers and no one will talk to me about what that means for my future. I know it's not good. I know I only have at most 7 years before the tremors will prevent me from being able to paint.

I also recently found out I was born with both sexual organs and that's the reason I have been so incredibly unstable emotionally and mentally. I just need to know more about that shit and what's inside me.

This is just the tip of the iceberg.

They want me to be "drug free" but have no reservations at-fucking-all about putting all kinds of drugs into my food and drinks or giving me medicine labeled incorrectly. I have been drugged with benzos, THC, LSD, steroids, caffeine, and god knows what else.

I just want this shit to be over with so I can talk to real people. I want to be able to live for real.

>>18142917
I know. I'm going to fuck everything.

Haven't told anybody this, so I hope it'll help me vent.

I'm 23 and about to finish an associate of arts in visual design, and I feel like I'm completely useless. I try to think of the future and all I can see for myself is doing what I already am, sitting in my parents' house and watching YouTube videos. I'm panicking because I don't have a desire to be better, or if I do I don't have the drive to act on it. Art is a completely useless degree, I don't have any friends and I have no idea where I would get a job that I wouldn't hate and want to quit in two months tops. When I'm tired I fantasize about taking my dad's gun and shooting myself in the head, and when I think of the future I think that might be the best idea

My brother got top marks in his asvab and wants to join the military when he gets out of high school, my sister has her own apartment and a son and a boyfriend an I feel like I'm the only thing keeping my parents from leaving the country or moving to a lake and doing something they would really enjoy on their own.

I'm afraid I'm just a fucking pussy and that everybody else just does what they do with or without these kinds of feelings. I think I've somehow become a spoiled brat and am now begging for attention online from random Anon's.

>>18142434
I wish judgement day would happen tomorrow. I don't like living but I'd never kill myself. Everything that's been happening lately feeling like it's slowly killing me inside. I try to pretend like I don't care and make people think I look at everything some a logical perspective but I feel like I have no one. Even though I know it's not true, it still feels that way. I just can't stop feeling alone.

>>18142933
Read Marcus Aurelius' Meditations

It's about disregarding the life you are forced to have and thinking about how you are to deal with it

Based Marcus did not like being Emperor of the Roman people. That sounds "First World Problems' as fuck, but it remains an emotional problem for someone who had every resource.

I dont want time to keep moving foward

>>18142940
Sometimes it feels like... like in my near future the weight of the world will be on my shoulders, and my shoulders alone. Like I'm being setup to be the Hegemon of Earth.

This is not something I will enjoy and by far not something I ever would have asked for.

Except there is nothing worse than inaction. I hate waiting, I hate waiting so fucking much. Whatever is going to happen, whatever role I will be filling... I want it to happen already.

>>18142945
Why is that anon? What are you afraid of?

>>18142434
I found out yesterday that the very same guy that caused my boyfriend and his friend to be in a car crash due to underaged drinking and driving was released from prison today and is now starting parole for 6 months. I don't know how he got that light of a sentence when he killed one of his passengers too. I just hope he feels guilty or some form of regret but so far he seems like he is being careless. YOU GOT YOUR FRIEND KILLED AND INJURED MY BOYFRIEND TO THE POINT WHERE HE HAD TO RELEARN HOW TO WALK. THE NURSES TOLD ME HE WAS LUCKY TO SURVIVE THE CRASH AND HIS FRIEND TO HAVE MINOR INJURIES. PLEASE FUCKING SHOW SOME RESPECT AND MEND YOUR WAYS BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

I still can't believe that some of these ladies use to be boys. It's absolutely insane.

How did they get to be so... lady? Like that picture of boobies I use as an example of the kind of boobies I want I seriously had no idea she use to be a boy too.

I was so so wrong about this subject. For so long I told myself that trans girls could never work, that it just wasn't possible. Before now the only examples I had seen just looked like men in dresses and a shit ton of makeup.

Because of this I never thought... well... that such a transition just wasn't possible. That no matter how badly I wish I was a girl it would be stupid to think I ever could. Since highschool I wanted to be a lady. There is a reason I always selected "female" when creating my art portfolio and social media sites. There is a reason that when people mistook my art and me as a lady It would make me happy. There is a reason that I grew my hair long.

I can't believe that this is really going to happen. That I'm going to be a pretty princesssss. People can call me names all they want I don't care. I have seen the results of others transitions and I have unlimited resources to make it happen. I have the best surgeons, doctors, and trainers in the world. It's actually going to happen.

It needs to happen soon though because I hate waiting. I want this so fucking badlyyyy

>>18142996
>I'm going to be a pretty princesssss

literally no normal woman talks this way. enjoy your 40% suicide rate, fetishist

>>18142927
Idk, that's a big area to write off. Sounds like you don't give anyone a chance.
I would love to hang out with people but the times I did people didn't want to be around me again.

>>18142999
I get mistaken for a girl online all the time darlin. The entire god damn internet thought I was a girl for so so long. My art sites had millions of views.

I get mistaken for a girl on these boards all the god damn time.

It's the best.

>>18142999
Have you seen Bridezillas? Or any reality shows with women in them? That's how some talk in real life but they are scattered everywhere and they are annoying as fuck but some are actually chill. (Also I have 3 sisters can confirm this.)

>>18142996
Fuck I hate MtFs. How is this not a fetish?

>>18142957
I know exactly that feel
I can't tell you how to beat it
I've just suppressed it
The best I can say is "Ignore it and carry on"
I'm trying to beat that feeling by joining up with the military
Then I can feel like I'm real

>>18143053
>How is this not a fetish?

It is but (((they))) don't want us to realise that.
A country without men is a country without much defence. So the more they can push this fetish, the better of a certain country filled with certain (((people))) will be, because no one will stop (((their))) land grabs.

1. I feel like I'm completely insincere and feel as if I'm constantly backstabbing people and shit talking them behind their backs.

2. I don't know how to ask this one girl out who is always with her friends and with whom I've barely talked with out.

3. I like being completely isolated from certain people for long periods of time and enjoy being alone from time to time.

>>18142434
Im tired of always being fucked over, made a joke of, and never taken seriously. it seems like my efforts never pay off, and i always end up getting fucked over in the end. i feel like ill never get ahead in life, or catch a break. i don't even know where to begin.

I loved you i gave you everything, i went outside of my comfort zones to make sure you were happy. i flew thousands of miles just to meet you and dance with you at your cousins wedding, met your family in one fell swoop. you made me feel safe, our relationship was good. but then you ended it last night and you wont tell me why. i want to suck on some helium and just end it all.

I can't believe she's gone. I knew she was going to eventually but it was so sudden to me. She was such a special person and I'm glad I got to know her in the short time I did. I'm glad she's no longer in anymore pain. Cancer is a fucking bitch.

I can't stop playing / cheating on girls. The one girl I loved and didn't cheat on ditched me because i was too independent and wouldn't let her help me with some issues i had.

i made a dating profile, and this girl from the Philippines messaged me after she had typed in the wrong area code or some shit, and we've been talking ever since. we talk every day, and skype once a week usually. i really like this girl, and she wants to visit america and me one day, but it's gunna be tough. I feel like im lying to her, and im gunna break her heart. I don't know what to do.

>>18143147
Stop being a weak minded douche? Grow a pair and tell them who you really are, or forever be stuck in high drama relationships and misery

So I get to watch my mother be addicted to painkillers and have all of her medical staff enable her because as long as she has the need they have jobs. It's painful to watch your mother make excuses not to improve her health because she "needs" painkillers and then make excuses to do nothing so she can enjoy her high in peace. There's no way they don't see the signs. And it sucks that nobody wants to listen to me because I don't have a ridiculous amount of money to pay to make people care. My family are just the worst because it apparently not a problem to them as long as she doesn't drag down their lives like she does with mine.

>>18142434

I feel so empty. I'm a loser in every aspect of my life. I recently started working again hoping that would help me feel better, and it kind of does. But I still feel so empty. I find myself falling into old bad habits trying to find some moment of happiness. But I just feel worse at the end of the day. I also try to exercise, eat healthy, go to therapy and have tried meds yet nothing seems to help. I think I'm just broken.

>>18143164
Im done with the cheating shit, i just don't know how me and this girl are gunna end up somehow making this work.

your wife is ugly as fuck the both of you should go kill yourselves you autistic fobs.

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Not gonna lie or sugar coat it, I feel like an absolute piece of shit and very unfiulfilled with my life. I'm a 2nd year in engineering school stuck in the wrong major (but this department is better and I've already figured out a Master's program, admittedly). Every day I go to class and I think: "This is NOT why I'm a physicist." I'm on two dance teams, but that's just about my only social life, and hanging out with most of them socially is wierd because I feel like I never have anything to contribute to conversations, so I'm always the wierd quiet guy. There's also a freshman who is a minor AND a student in a class I'm a teaching assistant for who won't stop hitting on me and it's driving me nuts. Not to mention that shit's now complicated between me and my best friend since I have opened up more as a person and talked to her about my feelings for her. And even though I have done so much to try and improve myself as a person, I feel like I always get nowhere and risk sliding into being the horrible human I once was some years ago, and am struggling not to fall into the trap of alcoholism. Also, I smoke like a chimney in my dreams and it is very unsettling since I don't actually do so in reality.

>>18143184
Well if you really love eachother it will happen eventually. Just be careful she's not trying to find her ticket into the country by rich white man (assuming you're white for some reason lol)

>>18143147
Foe the sake of the human race, please kill yourself

>>18143203
>Just be careful she's not trying to find her ticket into the country by rich white man (assuming you're white for some reason lol)

>you'd be 75% right on the white part
>0% right on the rich part

>>18143227

I don't wonder, really, I'm usually plastered when I text you. Also you're not the only one, just the easiest number to remember. :D

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I really really wish I could start my new relationship already. I know Kitty Bunny probably wants to start too.

If that is really her art then I am swooning so much for her. I hope she doesn't get offended by me questioning things right now. I'm sure she would understand given my situation.

Even if she's going to be with me for just one night I would be the happiest girl in the world.

I hope I get her for much more than that though. I have so much to learn about this new world and she seems the perfect guide.

Come on guys please. PLEASE let's end this torture and let me begin. Clearly I have put in the time, the sweat, the blood and the tears. I became a massive success through all my hard work. I deserve this.

I will earn this.

I just need to be set free.

Please...

>>18143307
> what

How do I approach this asshole? He's so attractive and I've never felt this way for him before. He didn't look at me once today. Didn't pay me any attention, but I guess neither did I. Probably could have said something, even compliment him, on anything. If he wears those cool socks tomorrow, I will. I'll say 'I like those socks, Ben. Where did you get them from?' I just don't want to lose my cool. I just want to stare at him and see if he stares back, and see if we connect.

I keep waiting for him to make a move on me. Like an idiot. I'm interested in him. I want to take him somewhere in town, like the little hidden lake that you squeeze through a hole in the trees from a walking path next to the golf course to get to, and walk along moss-grown stones and bricks, and the light is blocked out a little... I wonder how willing he'd be to do that with me. He's always fucking sarcastic. Why can't he just be honest and put his thoughts forward to me? Maybe I'll offer him to come see a shit movie with me so we can both agree it was shit, complain about it together, and then I can draw him or something.
I wonder what it's like to kiss him. I wonder if he'd fall for me enough to invest passion into me. I don't want to rely on him, I want to give off independence, cause I know that's what he likes in a girl-- typical Aries.
And I love the chase... But I just can't wait. I can't help myself. I hope these exams pass quickly so I can make a move. So this can go somewhere. Maybe if I force my mind off this something will happen.

I wonder what it's like to touch him... To be the centre of his attention... And to show him how passionate and adventurous I can be...

I've tried to help her, I don't even know here irl, she's been depressed, really depressed, she acts jist like I did back when I was depressed too, I try to help, she leaves the chat and makes me worry, I know I can't do much, that it could be all fake and that I shouldn't care, but I can't overlook it, I might have moved on and enjoy my life this far but I also get sad when I see her self destructing and she doesn't letting me help, I want to help, but she just cuts the chance

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i took 25-i (Nbome) (A total of like 6/7 tabs over the course of a week) about a year ago, and it really fucked me up. I cant remember any of my trips, except for bits and pieces. That must have triggered something in me, idk, But it seams to have dragged the introvert out of me. so i got kicked out of my parents house (im 21 btw, 19/20 at the time) and got an apartment with a "friend" of mine. i worked at taco bell for maybe six months then quit, the manager was a piece of shit. i spend another six months half assidley looking for a job.my apartment was what you call a "trap house" i guess. we started to sell weed to pay the bills, and gradually went on to some harder drugs (I.E: ecstasy, and some weird ass drug that you can buy from garden stores. cant really remember the name of it) Almost got hooked on meth, and ecstasy. i was quite depressed at the time, didn't have much motivation to do anything. moved back in with my grandparents, waiting to join the air force .haven't touched any of that shit in months.I became a bit of a hermit when i was out of the job, didn't want to hang out with anyone. Mostly because anyone that would come to my apartment where trash. my problem is that i cant seam to make eye contact with anyone for more than five seconds. I'm lost at the moment and cant really find what i want to do with life in general. im also worried that i have an unhealthy obsession with a girl i used to date/hang out with. I cant seam to get my head straight anymore, never wanna hang out with people/ too scared to (in fear that they'd think im weird). i just need some help. i want to sort things out but i don't know how to. i didn't really have much of a father figure, so im not sure how to "man up". ( and im not really looking for a father figure either, my real father is a piece of shit and my step father wants nothing to do with me)

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>>18143330
Maybe I'm kidding myself. Maybe I don't really like you that much, it's just a subconscious need to be touched by somebody. I'm in love with love. I'm in love with passion, in love with being on the receiving end of it, and to give it to somebody who deserves it. I feel like he's passionate. Just look at the way he argues. Even if it is just to get a reaction, to create controversy. The more I think about him the more I go crazy for him, and it's stupid, but it's not. But maybe he couldn't give a rats ass for me, and maybe he doesn't find me attractive at all, and maybe he doesn't want to make the effort for me, and maybe I'm disposable to him; weak, and vulnerable, and easy to pick at.

i never genuinely liked anyone until recently (with my best friend). the relationship was chill for the first month / 2 then went downhill a bit after valentine's. i noticed he's ignoring me more, less affectionate, etc. friends kept telling me to confront him, so i did. 3 times. he never changed, i kept the delusion that he was just busy, not losing interest. a week ago, i started to become extremely insecure and developed anxiety. each time i got home from school, i'd be so anxious and uneasy, i couldnt do homework at home since i'd have the want to check my messages. time flies, i finally cave into my friends and let them confront him since i've been crying for a whole week. "ill confront her right now."
confronting me lead to a break up. i've been trying so hard to get his attention ever since he started ignoring me. i heard he told his friend i was annoying him. i always said "sorry for being annoying" at some point but he says "you're not annoying". i also heard that "i lost feelings because i didnt love anon the same as some other girl"

i was hopelessly stuck in the crossfire of his own feelings.

it sucks always being the one begging for attention in a relationship.

>>18143359
does his name start with a j by any chance? and persistence is "kinda" key. its probably not that hes loosing interest. he might just be scared?

https://youtu.be/SHOmeKtpFYk

>>du hast mich verletzt.....

>>18143172
It could get much worse, friend. Much much worse. You need to find a way to save your mother from this hellish existens.

She's married, her husband caught us together last summer, but we've been hooking up every month or two since then. Friday night she came over and spent the night again.

Saturday morning she told me that she needs to focus on fixing her marriage. Half a dozen of her friends have told her to leave him, he's been abusing her and cheating for years. But she says she can't leave.

Half an hour ago, she sent me a picture on Facebook. She had a black eye and a split lip. I've spent the last half hour telling her to call the police, but she keeps insisting that I should come pick her up.

I'm close to calling the police myself.

>>18143385
Do it goddamn

>He wants to "hang out"
>"Hanging out" usually translates to we go to the bar to listen to him bitch about his life and then stiff me on sharing the tip once I ignore his hints to have sex
>Tell him I'm broke but we can talk on the phone
>That won't do because he "REALLY misses me and wants to see me" so he kindly offers to come to my house
>Have a principle of not allowing unrelated men in my house unless we're actually close
>Tell him we can meet in a bookstore or cafe and catch up there
>He cancels an hour or two later saying something came up

I dunno why I still talk to the guy.

>>18143392
Don't. Dumb asking-for-it whiny wench.

>>18143391
I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to go over there and get his ass kicked by her husband.

>>18143333
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mtn1YWyJas
the unhealthy obsession thing im still unclear on. i don't know if looking at her FB page every other day is considered stalking. its just, i cant seam to get her out of my head and i hate it. my main problem though is, i feel like a social outcast. The not being able to look into peoples eyes thing has really hinderd my quality of life. it makes me worried i wont be able to face my family or loved ones.

Hey Rach. If you're not into me, or you don't like me, or if I make you uncomfortable - or if you simply just aren't interested in any sort of relationship, why don't you fucking tell me? I'm tired of being strung along by girls who think I'm sort of funny and then ditch me to start talking to my best friends. I thought you were different, the fact that we can talk without the forced atmosphere I've felt so many times before. Is it because I don't pursue cheap sex that I'm still the inexperienced chump I see myself to be? I'm tired, god damn it - and it's not fair that I get turned away the amount I do. I'm just like my friends - I might not be as charismatic, or charming, or just straight up easy, but goddamn it do I try. And it always backfires. Maybe I'm aiming for the wrong girls - I know for a fucking fact I'm not shooting out of my league - or maybe it's the fact that I don't move aggressively onto them. Just tell me goddamnit rachael. No I'm not OK - it's because of people like you, I have the bags under my eyes, and the almost slurred responses at times. I can't deal with the 100%-at-my-best attitude I used to have. This hardline energy I used to throw myself at every situation, not knowing if i would win or lose, succeed or fail, just knowing I tried my best, is gone. The old Charlie is gone. I can't do this if you don't co-operate. You haven't known me for the longest time, but oh my lord above would you think differently of me if you knew. It isn't angst that spurs me to write this. It is anger, and a lot of sadness. I am unhappy, Rachael. And despite all the problems you may or may not see, despite the very best I've shown of myself when I've been at my worst, I think I can make it work - I know it's your first time doing something like this.

Don't worry, it's mine too.

>>18143413
Strike up a conversation with her sometime, man. Ask her how her life is, what's new, etc. Then just tell her that you've been thinking of her lately. Maybe you guys could meet up again, who knows.

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>>18143462
i never know what to talk to her about, and asking about her day every time i talk to her makes me think shell lose interest.

>>18143474
Ask her how she's feeling? Ask her if she's recently discovered something that brings her a lot of joy? Ask her if she's been meaning to go to that restaurant or to see that movie or to visit that recordstore. Whatever it may be, just be straight up that you're thinking of her, you can't get her out of your mind, and that you want to spend time with her. Tell her that you're not expecting to get back with her (I don't know what the situation was, and if she's angry at you or what). Just say you miss hanging out. Ask her if she had fun when she was with her. I don't know. Most girls like to open up about how they feel. You'd be surprised, dude. If they trust you, they will open up to you. Don't be pushy, just be inviting and friendly.

I felt a calling to become a priest during my teenage years. My father asked me not to because of how betrayed he felt by religious institutions. That was years ago, and I'm in my mid twenties now. Sometimes I still hear that call, but it's like an echo of what might have been.

No idea why but I've always been disgusted at the idea of alcohol since I was born. No bad experience or anything but I feel disgust in seeing ads for it or partying teens. I'm only 19 (18 is legal to drink here) and I've already avoided going to a sleepover because of alcohol being present. It would be different if it was an open environment like a bar though, I'd probably still go.

My girlfriend of a month and a half dumped me over her mentally abusive ex. A month and a half really isn't something to get all depressed about but she was really something. I felt like it could have gone somewhere but this guy fucked her up so badly. He dumped her twice, is hated by all of her friends, and makes her feel so shitty to the point where she worries about seeing him in public. She and I were going so well with our relationship but I had no idea she wasn't over him. And the worst part is that she doesn't want to be over him. He started texting her and I flat out asked if I needed to be worried about that, and she became very defensive. I flat out told her that she'd never get over him because she's giving him power over her by messing with her so much, and she then decided that we shouldn't be together. I'm worried about her so much. I miss her. I don't want her to continue to be abused by that sociopath. I want to reach out to her but I know she doesn't want to change. I want to see how she is but it would look pathetic if I tried talking to her. Some time has gone by and we haven't talked in a few weeks, I've prepared myself to never be with her again which helps me move on, but I just want to know if she is alright. I'm too nice for my own good.

I'm 18 years old. I dropped out of high school a little over a year ago because of my lack of self esteem, and not wanting to be looked at. I'd just put my head down and not even do my work because I didn't want people looking at me. When I dropped out I attempted to finish school online, and at first it was
going great. I was blowing through all these credits, but gave up quickly due to sheer laziness. I had no motivation. I still don't.

I've been a NEET since I dropped out aside from one month. I got a job in November at a Walgreens. I have no social skills and I was required to talk to people the entire day. I had a breakdown (not in public) after about one month on the job. Why? The assistant manager confronted me about my awkwardness and said things along the lines of "Do you...not talk to people?". This confirmed my fears that everyone saw me as an antisocial weirdo. I went into the bathroom and cried, then got my shit and left. Called in sick the next day, quit the day after.

I'm taking the easy route and getting a GED when I turn 19. I don't know what I'll do after that, but until then I'll probably remain a NEET.

I don't have a single friend in this world. Not even a family member I have a remotely close relationship with. I don't talk to anyone irl, and it's driving me insane. I don't even know what I want anymore. I don't know what would make me happy. I would never kill myself because I'm skeptical of any sort of afterlife, but I honestly want to die. I have no drive. I don't want to do anything.

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STOP SMILING AT ME LIKE THAT LUKE

YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED SO WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING ROPED ALONG, GET OUT OF MY HEART OR LEMME EMBRACE YOU AGAIN

I HATE MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND SHE STRESSES ME OUT EVERY DAY AND I WISH I WOULD FIND ANOTHER QT BUT I'LL JUST STAY WITH THIS BITCH NOT TO BE ALONE

I'm so fucking bored. I have absolutely nothing to do anymore. You guys cut me off from the world. I have no friends to talk to, no reason to upload my art, and just no reason to try to contact anyone at all.

I loved my GF but found out the entire thing was fake. I had plans to be with her but again... it was all fake. You guys wouldn't allow it causing her to disappear completely.

If I had a real life I could be up there with a girl I love...

But I'm bored out of my mind now waiting for the next step. Waiting for you guys to give me my future.

Waiting waiting waiting with nothing to do, no one to talk to, and the only company I have are my suicidal thoughts.

Thanks for that. Thanks for torturing me far more than you ever had to.

>>18142885

Is it the soul-crushing despair or the kinky sex?

>be 23
>8 months since completing college
>no driver's license
>on 2nd learner's permit after the first one expired last year
>no job
>before yesterday, the last time I had left my house was 2-3 weeks ago

not exactly living the dream, seems like I'm passing more time sleeping each day. "you didn't seem interested in learning to drive." what a bullshit excuse. I've been studying for this trade since high school, of course I'd need to know how to fucking drive. guess I'm set to this routine until it's convenient for them to let me take some initiative in my adult life.

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I HAVE NO FUCKING CHANCE WITH MY CRUSH
I KNOW HER FOR 3 FUCKING YEARS
2 WEEKS AGO SHE CAME TO MY PLACE AND WE MAKED OUT
THEN SAID SHE DOSEN'T WANT ANYTHING
WHAT
FUCK
MY
LIFEEEE
NOW I'M TRYING TO PATCH STUFF UP WITH HER TO BE LIKE WE USED TO BE
THIS IS SO BULLSHIT

>squalor in room for 5 days straight
>go out for a nice walk
>see huge ass billboard
> a picture of 5 fancy peeps having a laugh
> leering down at me saying
> "all the fun is happening somewhere else and you are not invited loser"
> turn around get back to my four walls.

Isaac was right when he said it "we are losing touch, losing all touch. building a desert.

>>18143640
She probably smelt the beta when she spent time with you and ran in the opposite direction. Smart move on her choice

>>18142547
fuck this post modernist nu-male cuck. his the malignant cancer that /lit/ has blessed us with.

but yes readAurelius sempai's book just dont overdoes with the whole subjective hype. its short term fix and will worsen your reality at the end

>lovely social life
>start liking girl
>become good friends with said girl
>one day she's at my place
>admit I like her (autistically), she doesn't like me
>goes off laughing at me with her friends
>stop talking to this girl
Few months pass, social life slowly being torn to shreds
>people however are very empathic to me, don't know what is going on
>crazy ex tries to have sex with me - decline
>tells me there are going bad rumors around about me
>shake it off, but social life is still shit
>lying in bed, end up figuring it out why a few weeks later
This:
>she found a video I had, it contained some creep shit
>tells her friends, who tell their friends
>conversation ends up at people who caught me a year ago, but didn't tell anyone
>rumours now confirmed - labeled as creepiest dude on campus
I have to move back home or some shit. Fuck.

Thats probably the 4th gladiator reference today.

Ok... what about it? Are you not entertained?

All these bullshit quotes, all these things you guys try to say that "reality is what you make of it" or "it's up to you to be happy" fail to understand the weight of my situation.

There are extremely powerful forces at play. They target me specifically, they do everything they can to make my life fucking miserable. They build me up in order to tear me down again. It's all part of their scheme, their plan, their enjoyment. To take something beautiful and break it... time and time again.

It's impossible to escape unless they allow it... WHICH THEY FUCKING AREN'T. Once I'm free, once I find the truth about my life will I be able to take any of these motivational quotes and turn them into practice.

Right now I can't do fucking shit but wait. That's all there is to it.

my head is a fucking mess rn
Buddy texted me last night that he's seing a guy and doesn't know which way it's going, he just wanted to let me know.
Told him, that he's more than a friend to me - he wasn't aware of that. the reason is, he hinted that he wasn't interested in a relationship or at least that's what i thought he was saying.
I kept it to myself to avoid any drama
The thing is, we haven't been seeing each other for some months now and I felt I needed to tell this to him in person.
This whole mess could've been avoided so easily if I just hadn't pansied out every time I wanted to tell him

Most of all I feel bad for him, because he's the one having to dump one of us.

I don't even know how I'm somewhat able to do my job after sleeping around 2 hours this night.

Why am I so afraid to make a move, I have literally nothing to loose?

>>18143710
I will never find equanimity. Never. My mind is the definition of chaos.

That's why you chose me afterall, isn't it? Because I'm not normal, I'm not balanced. My thoughts and mental stability sway side to side, up and down with the tides.

I am no sailor.

do you still even fucking care? you don't make any sense

>>18142434
Ugly chink pig oink oink you dumb fat whore piss off your hideous pig face is disturbing and annoying. Stupid cunt.

>>18143518
im really sorry. abusive exes have such a fucking sick hold on your entire body and mind. she probably isnt ok, you just need to hope that one day she can find the courage to cut him off 100% and escape his abuse. :(

Yesterday I went someplace and there was this man/boy there. Nothing special to look at really but still not bad. Then I got to talking with him and I really liked him, more than I have anyone in a long time. We talked for a couple hours then I had to go to the bathroom and he cornered me in the hallway. I took him home with me and we had sex. It was very rough and a little awkward but also very nice. He was very enthusiastic and enthusiasm goes a long way. Afterward he wanted to hang out for the rest of the day and night and I told him I needed to do something. I told him to call me later that night. I then went to sleep, I hadn't had such a particular strenuous activity in a long while and I was bruised and sore. But he didn't call me back. This morning I'm not hurt or anything because I have no business letting a decent person into my shit life. Really, the details of my life at the moment are nothing but bad and this man is genuinely sweet. I'm not even sure if I want to have sex with him again and it's not sour grapes. That's why I let him go. He's better off.

>>18143786
I concur. I just posted this >>18143834 My ex is so abusive it's practically killing me and there's no end in near site.

K

I should've done more, I should've been there more. I'm sorry, please forgive me in the next life.

-A

I feel so depressed. I spend all day distractinv myself. There is nothing I have going for me anymore. I am no good to anybody. I am ugly. I am jealous. I care too deeply for people.

I should just kill myself, I've been thinking about doing it a lot lately.

Whenever someone who's married, has kids, a house, job, car, etc complains, I can't take them seriously. I feel like they've already won, so they have nothing to complain about.
I feel sort of bad that I feel this way.

D
Let's get busy. I'm so attached to you I can't imagine the future without you in it.
P

>>18143518

Mate, leave this girl. Eventually, she will be back with her abusive ex - they all craved to be abused, it's a some sort of traumatic bonding. It happened to me. All I can say is that, you need be on your guard.

Every now and then I day dream about meeting someone nice, who isn't promiscuous and wants an actual spark, and is willing to just try things together. Then I come back to reality.

What's wrong with waiting?
You're going ahead and I stopped going

>>18143371
yes.
i dont think he is scared

Stop asking to go places with us; the answer is always no because you don't know how to behave around other people. Stop exaggering about my dog; he isn't badly behaved and oir landlords love him. Stop lying; we all know when you do and we're just too polite to call you out on it. Stop telling me how hard it ia to be a housewife; you play games and watch TV all day, which is fine, but you act like you work when you don't and it's fucking annoying. Stop crying over nothing; we're not going to drop everything to comfort you. Stop asking us personal questions; how we have sex isn't your fucking business, period. Stop hitting and screaming at your dog; you're going to break her or give her aggression issues.

I can see now why everyone that ever met you warned us about you.

>>18144004
Ok.. the next time I see you I'm going to do it.

I hate the world so much. I hate that you can't access anything without an app... like audible. I have purchased things on audible I want to listen to that I can't because the app won't install, not enough storage fuck this fuck Steve Jobs. Fuck apps. Fuck the entire fucking world I wish I was dead.

>>18144455

You're in an urgent need of some sort of reality check if a fucking app is enough to ruin your day.

I remember you raping me, mother.

I remember grandmother raping me, too.

I remember my cousin raping me, as well.

I was three, five, six years old. We are a family; boys don't get raped; that's what the cops said.

I just want you to die.

I'm tired of having to file restraining orders and being met with ridicule because, hey, since when do boys file restraining orders against grown women? What a fucking pussy I am.

I'm looking forward to you dying. So I can live without your threats. That's all. Just die.

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>>18142502
Man, you sound just like me. I'm 22 and am in the dame situation as you, only difference is I have the job (at a grocery store, but I'm still on track to being a depressed old man) and am about to graduate college.

I've never dated and know fuck all what I want out of my life as far as a career. I've worked since I was 16, and know I don't want some menial job that won't do shit for me. I have actively tried to change and had some success, but lemme tell you it is hard as fuck to change introversion and shyness.

My advice: put forth the effort now! Look at things you can do for a career, talk to every person you can (you'll probably have to bullshit conversations a lot, I know), ask those people you know to invite you to things and introduce you to people, and for the love of God do your best to keep high spirits (I fail at this if I'm not around smiling faces; I think I'm naturally depressive desu).

Good luck, man! If you have a question I'll do my best to answer you. I'm studying Psych because it's kewl, and have learned a good bit about personalities and what we can do to alter them, and a few years' experience can maybe be helpful for you.

God fucking help me not abandon yet another good thing.

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>tfw she says she loves you after you find out she's been lying about an affair

>>18144569
What's going on?

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Lass mich bitte alleine.

I used to be in a long distance relationship, but ever since he stopped talking to me, I've been stalking him online. I've found out where he lives, car plate, dad's phone number, parents' names and ages etc.
I devoted myself to him and no other man. Lately I've taken up learning his language so that travelling to his hometown will be easier.

Volim tebe i onog starca vise od sebe. Moj zivot svima izgleda kao lak i lep, a samo vas dvoje znate suprotno. Od svih stvari koje radim retko koje radim zbog sebe, glavna motivacija mi je da ti poljubim ruke kada se sve ovo zavrsi, valjda cu tad moci da vam vratim delic onog sto se dali meni i da se brinem barem upola dobro kao vi o meni. Voleo bih da mogu cesce da ti kazem u lice, volim te, postujem te vise od svake svetinje i srce mi se cepa kada vidim tebe i oca kako na sebe tako nisko gledate. Mozda niste napravili karijere, brdo para i stekli ugled u ovoj mrtvaji od grada, ali ste jednog sina uputili na pravi put, a dacu sve od sebe da i drugi krene tako.

>>18144687
Why did you do it?

>>18144739
Because I love his entire being, down to molecular level. Regardless of whatever flaw he may have. It's been two weeks and I'm not even feeling the sadness you'd expect after a breakup, because to me, he's still here. I take him with me everywhere I go

This isn't so much a getting it off my chest as a thank you to /adv/. I have been depressed for the last 5 years, sometimes unbearably so. Things are very bad with my family at the moment, we have all suffered a lot. I struggle to talk openly with anyone in real life, and tend to pretend I don't have feelings when in actual fact I probably feel things much more strongly than most of the people I know. So thank you /adv/ for providing me with that outlet to talk openly, and thank you for listening to me and giving me advice and thank you even when you insult me. 4chan obviously gets a pretty bad rap from lots of people, but if I hadn't found /adv/ then I honestly wouldn't be surprised if I'd killed myself by now.

>>18144761

Fuck off and leave the poor man alone, you mentally ill sack of shit.

>>18142434

Contemplating suicide, Too much of a faggot to do it.

>>18143518
J O?

>>18144761
What's his language? I'm in a similar situation. I learned russian to be able to approach the right man.

>>18142434

You told me that seeing my marriage was like looking through a window with every you want.

I wanted you so I gave it all up.

Now you vanish when all I want is to give everything to you.

You should have never let me think you felt the same way if wasn't true...there was too much for me at risk and you knew EXACTLY how this feels being the wife that was cheated on just a year ago.

I love you and I will wait for you if I have to...but you're wreckless with people's emotions and this whole thing isn't fair.

Another shitty day. Sometimes I get the feeling like I was ripped right out of childhood before I was done. My family was close once. We used to go to church on Sundays and eat dinner at the table each night. Now we're practically just roommates. I like being left alone, sure, but there's some deep part of me that feels really lonely in the face of the world. I try to make friends but they don't see things like me, it's not even close. I wonder if all my problems for the past few years are because I never had a stable hold on life in the first place, and I've just always barely getting by on my own.

>>18144462
>>18144455
sometimes it can make me angry as fuck as well, but most of the times it's because some fucking simple thing needs all the connections to my facebook, twitter, youtube, google and everything. fuck that. little privacy without the whole internet shit knowing who you are, how old you are, where you live, what you do. litteraly who you are. everything needs to know about that. makes me sad sometimes you know

>>18144765
i feel you anon, discovered this place a few days ago. but yet it made me a different person. after many years i finally found a place where i can complain about everything i've been through and everyone who fucked me up, when people irl wouldn't even listen to the first words. its a relief people here are going though similar problems. they can live, and so can i.
keep your head up anon!

>>18144830
Portuguese

Wish you'd go to the gym. You're repulsive and smell bad.

I don't really like any of my friends.

With one group i get judged for any mistakes i make with them making fun of me for it for weeks after and when i confront them about it i basically get shrugged off with the excuse they do it to each other as well yet however its never as much or as frequently.

yet with the other group of friends i get judged for certain things i like that they dont and essentially not conforming to their ideals and get made fun of for who i associate with.

the worst part is that they both groups hate each other and will occasionally talk shit about how the other group treats me when they're both almost the same.

sometimes i feel like im just overreacting to it but other times i feel as though they really are just terrible.

>>18142434
>>18145018
Police seized my PC over 6 mouths ago due to someone accusing me of hacking them, recently the police cleared me, no evidence of hacking anyone, but the police want me to come in for a second interview related to my computer having images, there believed are cp related, I've never downloaded anything like that I know of, very nervous of this, any advice would help thank you.

Also at the time of all this I'm waiting for a autism test due to showing signs of been either a borderline or high functioning autistic, also been referred for having a form of dyslexia

>>18145029
i had those friends as well, always made fun of me. had to do al the weird stuff so they could laugh about it. and in return they told me they would protect if i had a fight. (yeah, i was a little weak back then.) until i got a girlfriend and started hanging out with her friends. my own friends called me a betrayer for a few months. but damn i love my new friends now. never had a group i cared so much about and who cared so much about me. sometimes you just have to chance friends and leave the bad friends behind anon. might help.

>>18145045
at best its your Chinese cartoons pictures they're concerned about

at worst someone else is gonna need to help you cuase I don't know

I'm torn... I'm 28, and I feel like I haven't lived the last years of my life, like everything was a dream, completly in fog... I just recently snapped out of it, and even if I find comfort in the fact that I seem to be more "optimistic" about my future, I can't help myself to feel bad because I have the impression that I wasted many years of my life where I could have gained experience in many fields...

It also doesn't help that I discovered myself a liking for music... I bought myself a keyboard and started to learn, but sometimes, I think I'm too old and I should have started during my teens, because I will need many years before I'm able to play in public. The same can be said for singing... I don't plan on becoming a rockstar (I won't say no if it happens), but I just wish to find some people with the same interest and have a band to fool around...

I know it's dumb to think about age, but I just can't let those chains somehow go, I need a little push or spark, I'm so close to it, I know it, but I can't find it.

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Daddy,
I'm sorry I'm so sick, I'm sorry I couldn't be your perfect little girl, I love you so much and I wanted to give you the world. I wanted to be the girl who made you happy and who you grew old with. All I ever wanted to do was lay on your lap and get head strokes from you. Cook you dinner and make you a lunchbox while you're working. I always told you my body was yours to abuse and I meant every word of it, I crave you so badly. My illness got the better of me and now we can't be together.. I want you to find someone who wants to make you as happy as me. I love you so much J, I'm sorry I'm such a sick puppy.. My heart breaks so much trying to accept that we can't be together anymore. Thank you for everything you've done for me, you showed me the only kindness that I'll ever receive, I wish we could just cuddle.
Forever,
Your kitten

I don't see my gf that often due to our conflicting work schedules but the other day I was off early so I took her out to dinner after her shift. All went well and when parting for the evening she pulled her shirt down a bit before jumping on me to give one of her rare giant-boobs-in-the-face/forced motorboat hugs before sliding down into a good night kiss. After that she got into and started her car, so I walked back to mine and was picking the music when someone knocked on my window. This startled the half chub I had completely away. It was my gf again, so I got out of the car to see what was going on.

She just wanted another hug, a normal one this time. She usually goes for the underhooks as she's shorter than me but instead she put her arms around my neck. It was nothing fancy, just a typical hug with a spank/booty grab and a kiss under the ear thrown in. What stood out about this one was when I went down to nibble on her shoulder (our sign for time to stop) I got hit with a faint body odor smell and never did the bite. After glancing around for a foreigner, I realized her deodorant had worn off and I was smelling her. Body odor is rather off putting to me, even my own, but hers had a slightly sweet slightly spicy smell that gave me the fastest nothing to rock hard boner I've ever experienced. She even noticed it and laughed saying I must have missed her, but I didn't have the courage to tell her what it really was. Ever since then I've been encouraging her to swim/go running/work out so her deodorant wears off and I can smell her delicious armpit again.

My girlfriend of 10 months is leaving in June. She's travelling for a few months before living in another country for a year.

We broke up two months ago because of her travels, because it would basically be the end. I decided to because she didn't want me to go with her and it's always been a dream of hers to travel by herself, as sort of a challenge thing.

We were only broken up for a week, and we got back together because she felt like she made the wrong decision. Once we got back together she started saying that we could travel together.

However, last night she said that she would prefer that I don't come with her until November, 5 months into her trip. This makes me feel like absolute shit.

I feel like im getting lead on in some way. I can understand a month or two, but 5 months is a ridiculous amount of time. I just don't understand how you can love someone so much, but don't want to share your dream with them.

But at the same time I feel selfish to. Part of me just wants to end it right now because long distance is something I wouldn't be able to do, even for 5 months. I have no idea what to do.

>>18145060
the problem is im also shit at making lasting friendships, any time i talk to anyone in my classes its friendly enough conversation but once the class/semester ends i never see any of the people again, almost all of my friendships have been people I've met in highschool through other people and thats only because of mutiple meetings with them, as much as my friend's do things that hurt me they've also done good things, and i feel as if i did just cut them off completely id be alone for a very long time due to my own social failings

>>18145167

....What a horrifically boring yet disturbing story, anon.

>>18145240
on one hand i can understand were your gf os comming from it's a lot different to do something by yourself then with people with you, this is probably her trying to prove something to herself.

on the other it is ok to feel lead on by the break up and then getting back together and her not wanting you there for five months

but on the third hand consider the fact that she did regret her descision and IS trying to compromise with you by traveling together after the 5 months
compromise is a very important part of any relationship

in the end anon it all comes down to how much you care for her

>>18145167
Fuck that other anon, that was hot.

>>18144885
Thanks bruh I was the original poster about apps ruining my fucking already ruined life >>18144462

You are a talented boring-as-fuck basic bitch of a storyteller. Really.

>>18142434
I dont have depression anymore, ive become so numb. My health is shit. Im a girl and i had a lot of hair on my body. I was told that it was normal although it wasnt. After a very depressive year and 3 months of being desolated in a house in the middle of nowhere because my father is a psycho that has ruined my childhood my personality and my life, an hormone increased so bad and my entire body got covered in hair. I feel like everything is just meant to be bad in my life. I spent 1 month on bed and my leg feels bad because of the ACL surgery i had and now it was found that I have CAH, which cause the extreme hirsutism, acne, a deformation i have in the labia, and the fact that I dont act girly. Im a virgin, people think im cool and experienced, they are kinda afraid sometimes because Im an internet freak and I show signs of depression even though I dont want to. I dont have a real friend to talk to and I deny going out daily as my father is used to keeping me in my room pretending that I study, from when I was 6. My younger siblings have perfect lives and I am so jealous, to a point that I havent spoke to my sister for 4 months even though we live in the same room. Also I often get crazy and I cut her hair or punch her while she's sleeping. I was told that Im clever, but I believe this was once not now, but my mind is soo confusing and blurred that I act not exactly logically and people are just surprised all the time and so am I when they tell me what I have done. I wish I was a normal girl

i'm a bi girl (pls no bully) happily in a monogamous hetero relationship. i think im developing some sort of crush on my lesbian coworker. i didnt like her much at first, shes kind of a dick and not physically my type whatsoever, but we all hung out one night and ever since ive felt weirdly attracted to her.
not gonna cheat on my bf or anything, this crush(?) just feels totally unwanted and kind of annoying desu

I met a girl a few months ago. We get along pretty well and I enjoy hanging out with her. But I'm falling for her and I know she doesn't feel that way for me. I need to end it before I get too attached but it's going to suck. I'm too fucked up for people, and she will figure it out eventually. Time to ghost her. Life sucks.

Girl and I were caught up in a fucked up, abusive situation where we were psychologically and emotionally manipulated by a sociopath. She and I were briefly romantically involved, then manipulated into distrusting each other and she ended up dating sociopath's friend.

Through sheer fucking luck and insane coincidences, I found out what was going on and did my damned best to get through to her. It was fucking strange, I realized I was falling in love with her without actually feeling anything positive, when I really thought about the impulses I had around her. It's strange, like laughing silently at a joke you didn't hear.

It drove me insane, and made me depressed, and I felt hopeless often enough, but I finally did it. I got through to her, and we broke away from the two of them.

But love and abuse are cycles, and the last time we talked, two months ago, we pushed each other away intensely.

I've met new people, done new and exciting things, but when I see her around, I wonder.

She's healing and protecting herself, I imagine, and processing now what I processed back then.

My presence in her life has been painful, and vice versa.

Can I comfort her? Tell her that our story was actually a love story? That my heart realized something wrong before my mind did? My first conversation with her started with the same exact phrase as the first conversation I had with the first girl I loved. My last conversation with her was the same as my last conversation with the first girl I loved.

Can I tell her there's more to this than just pain and grief, if she doesn't want to talk to me about it? Would it make a difference for her to know she was right, that sometimes we need a little help from the universe for something?

>>18145156
Lmao, fucking cringe

>>18145156
>Basic bitch: the post.

Uber drivers who give riders 4 stars instead of 5 just because they don't tip need to find a new fucking job.

Uber is a cashless service. If I wanted to carry cash with me, then I would take a cab. If you want tips, then you need to get uber to include a tipping option in their app. I'm not carrying cash just to tip you with.

If every driver gave every rider who doesn't tip 4 stars by default, then every non-tipper would be 4 stars, and it would be impossible to find a ride unless you want to carry cash to tip with. That's fucking bullshit.

>>18145609
In addition, I check my rating after every ride so if I find my rating drop after I ride with you then YOU'RE GETTING 1 STAR MOTHERFUCKER

I know how this works. You get deactivated from the app if your rating drops below 4.5 or whatever. So this is your livelihood on the line, bitch. You better watch who you play with because I am a cold motherfucker and I give zero fucks if you lose your job. I will 1 star your ass so fast your head will spin.

I only post in /adv/ threads that go political, because I like to waste time talking about politics on an anonymous message board but /pol/ is too cancerous for me

Need advice.

I like this girl, told her, been going out, celebrated personally her birthday, valentines, went to coffees,etc. She said its hard to express her feeling and thinks its not the time to be in a relationship. Still chat and all, but she started to get cold in text, taking a lot of time to answer even though she is connected.

Give her the cold shoulders, she starts calling me, messaging me all the sudden, even wanting to meet me.

Go to a coffee tell her if she has feelings for me, or she just wants to be friends, tells me she has feelings and there is no one else that she sees a future but not right now due to her job, she thinks in a more appropriate time.

We go out and all but she still is cold in messenger when I try to talk to her, but talks freely with this other friend of hers on messenger because I have seen her phone.

A friend she used to like.

Could she just be using me or lied about her feelings?

If I had a paynus I'd molly whop anyone who crossed me because chances are high and likely I'd be hung like a horse. Neigh, neigh neger

I'm slowly realizing I'm mildly retarded. I used to think I was smart, but I always had to study extra hard in school and homework took me ages.

I tried to kill myself last summer but failed. The world would be a better place without my inquisitive yet retarded ass

>>18145648

you sound cute. if you are a girl, as you say.

>>18142819
Happiness, pleasure and fun are important. Sometimes it feels better to work hard to be rewarded with these feelings.
If you're purpose rests on this, then the ability to feel will leave you depressed.

But are positive emotions all there is? Should those who are incapable of feeling end themselves? Is anyone completely incapable of feeling?

Existence is its own reward. Preserving it must be dogma. Without consciousness experiencing sadness, not even sadness is left - and how sad is that?

At the very least I am and I can think and observe. MY observations construct and give meaning to my world.
Of course this world is shared with others and infinitely sad in its cruel limitations but we have to cling onto this little beacon of goodness.

Think yourself into a state of aggressive existence. "I MUST be!"

It follows the question of how to be and the answer is fuelled by the will to live.

Do not die. Do not live a dead life. Motivate yourself to do SOMETHING out of pure spite and necessity.

I miss my ex and every tall ginger bearded guy i come across reminds me of the good times with him. I wish it weren't over...

>>18145678

Thank you. :)

Did you, in between that pain of how much I hurt you, ever realise you never actually cared about me? You were only ever interested in whether I shared your feelings and wanted you back, that's about as far as your concern for how I felt went.

We had a confortable friendship until you developed those feelings and all that time I didn't prioritize you the way you probably wanted me to, you just became upset. Which I understand, I've been there, but the moment you started to become angry when I showed you nothing, like I fucking owed you for that infatuation is the moment our friendnship died. All there was was your resentment towards me not sharing your feelings, I understand that shit sucks but that was a huge dead weight to carry.

Please understand I'm sorry for that but I also hope you understand I couldn't help how I felt at all. I hope you've moved on since and realise how fucked up this whole thing was.

I hope I never see you again. If you ever see me in public please avoid me, the last thing I want is to see you and the sadness in your eyes for what I supposedly did to you. I really hope you've moved on and feel better but there's also no place for another friendship between us.

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>>18145658
Thanks laddo call me

>>18145690

I wish :0. thanks for this interaction. Felt good

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I'm sorry for breaking your crayons.

Not sure if I ever told you what it felt like when I realized I had become this way. It was like one day everything was colorful, then suddenly I felt broken inside. The colors seemed to have faded away and my world became slightly more gray. I went on for years like this until I met you. You took had a gray pallet to your life. I saw it, I think you also saw mine.

We became closer, you opened up and I saw that you still had your colors. You were still able to paint and draw in magnificent shades and hues of happiness and love. I flourished in the sight of your colors. I smiled in the views of your art.

Then, something happened, they became too much for me. I couldn't have someone as colorful as you in my life and I became someone else. I changed. I crumpled your drawings. I torn them to shreds. I just didn't know how to react to them. As time when on you saw I wasn't alright. You tried to help me, you tried and I pushed and shoved you away. You came up to me and handed me your crayons. Your wonderful colors, you shared the little you had. But I, no longer the same took them and instead of painting something for you, I snapped them. I forced and scribbled madly, breaking in be one you.

I returned the box with nothing but waxy splinters and dust inside.

I see your eyes tear up every time I close mine. When I have them open mine are quivering and flow. I finially pushed you too far, but what pains me the most is that I see how I hurt you, the damage I have done. The way you look at me, it's no longer the young girl ready to share her colors with me. No, you have the eyes of a cold stranger. Oh a child cradling that old battered box of colors.

My world is just a bit more gray. The only thing I can really say is that I hope you replace that box and paint beautifully again. It won't be for me this time, that much I know, but if you can regain what I destroyed. Maybe then I can at least smile one last time.

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I honestly think I'd be happier single and that relationships don't significantly improve my state of mind. I also think marriage as a concept is just dumb.

My gf and I have shifted to long-distance recently and we've both been feeling a little detached. I want to be honest and tell her that I feel like the best decision is to break up and not keep us both chained to each other when the relationship ceases to be fulfilling, but I also don't want to lose her because she's just my favourite person in the world right now and if I let her get away she might not come back.

She says that the problem is my generally atypical, indifferent attitude towards society and human interaction, and I agree with her. I neither rely on it nor derive great joy from it. However, I don't see how I'm able to change that. I apparently don't understand how a relationship works, which is fair enough since this is my first, and my indifference has led to a lack of effort and contribution to the connection between us. Essentially, the detachment is almost entirely because of my established attitude towards relationships.

what do

>>18145688

so you are lurking around here, yes I do care about you. i know i screwed up in the past and i did verablly tell you that I wanted to make things right, but i needed guidance to do it. that's all i needed from you.. guidance.

>>18142462

Was it real lsd or something else?

>>18145684
You're welcome.

You'll probably never escape depression forever, but maybe you can find some solace and peace with what I said. Accepting the baseline of your existence as something that can and should be valued.
I find that my sadness sometimes gives me great insights and begrudgingly I will have to admit that it shaped a big and important part of me.

>>18145688
How was the friendship before it got fucked up?

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Why would someone send me links to music videos if they're fucking and talking to other grills? It's a manipulation tactic and/or control thing right?

Pic unrelated but that could be us if he wasn't a womanizer.

I feel like I just need to be alone. the older I get it just seems more and more every damn day that I'm just so sick of people's bull shit. why can't we all just get the fuck along with each other and out ourselves aside to see a bigger picture? not cause drama, not talk shit behind people's backs and just be fucking happy with what we have and who is in our lives? and at the same time I just feel so damn lonely... and I want to connect with others but it's hard in between work and other people's bullshit. and although I have had a fruitful relationship or two these days I just can't seem to keep a girl. I'm either overlooked, they leave or I just can't stand them. it's been years since I've had GF and I've fucked around a little I just want someone who cares... someone to cuddle and talk with and go grab a bite to eat... see the national parks for weeks on end camping with friends or get SUPER fucked up at burning man and the electric Forest. but these days it seems my days are numbered and I should bite the bullet and start mentally preparing my self to spend the rest of my days alone reading and traveling on vacations by myself till I breath my last breathe. I've thought about it before... and some days I wish I had started sooner. but it can be hard, I don't get a chance to fuck up and even if I do I can't give up, I don't get a choice to be down I just have to stand my ground and keep moving forward. I just wonder what happened to the good old days where I could laugh and have a good time with other people getting fucked up or just having get together just shooting the shit fixing and flipping trucks with my best buds. and now I just machine shit dealing suits fucking up our manufacturing processes because they think that there way is better even though they spend all day at fucking desk and having touched a God damned tool. I'm just sick of this shit, I just to find one person I can be happy with and talk too but I'm gonna bite the bullet before I hit fuck it

>>18145722

you're being played, nigga. he want's some of your fine ass poon tang on the side as well

>>18145743
That's what I thought. Thanks. I'll continue to ignore him.

>>18145722
Maybe he just sees you as a friend

>>18145745
I have no interest in being friends with a whore. It reflects poorly on me.

If I had absolute control of the universe, I'd split the timeline in two and have one timeline where you and I lived together till we died and the other as being a timeline where I would be able to get a just and righteous vengeance on you. I honestly wish you'd get out of my head..

Came here last night after the other night when my boss got me hammered and took me to her hotel room. She was telling me I could "do anything I wanted" but I was too drunk. I touched her when she fell asleep. I can't remember if she woke up. I can't sleep, can't stop thinking about her since then. Wasn't sure if it was innocent or not.
She just told me that she wants to go on a business trip with me. I'm pretty sure if it was innocent or she changed her mind she wouldn't have said that.
Now the question comes of my LDR girlfriend who's moving in soon and treats me badly. I know I shouldn't take the bait of the first woman giving me attention and drop my girlfriend, but I've never had a woman come after me sexually like this before without shrinking away and regretting it.
I'm just here to vent so I can fall asleep without thinking about her. I know everything people will say. That I'll hurt my girlfriend and my career. That I'll regret it. I can't control myself, I feel like an animal, and I probably am.
I'm just so happy she wants me to come on a business trip with her. I don't think I'll get this one out of my mind by just writing about it.

>>18145706

Obviously I was part of the problem so I could never provide you with any level of guidance.

If you were confused and wanted to make things right I'm the last person who could help you. Especially if you still hold on to the idea I held some responsibility to make you feel better.

I or anyone in this situation don't owe you anything for not returning your feelings. There's no excuse for the way you acted. It's done so just move on and don't fucking victimize yourself.

btw dude this deffinitely isn't a match and I just wanted to get this off my chest. This works and feel free to reply but don't take this to heart.

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I dumped my gf for cheating 3 month ago and I still miss her. I just put the shit she left behind in the garbage and it hurts

>>18145792
You deserve better. I hope you begin to feel well soon, anon.

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>>18145798
Thanks, will probably feel better soon now that I don't have her reminders around anymore.

>>18145781

well, that does make feel a bit better.

How about me? Do i not have a chance? When will it be my turn? Im so sick of this bullshit fucking hell. so sick of playing the good guy. God dam sluts! I am so done with all their complaining that their bf did not treat them well abuse them etc. I used to sympathies with them and feel that they deserve someone better. .......Well there is where i was wrong. Saving myself/Treating girls well has been wrong. Girls dont like Guys like us, they like bad boys. The thought that i am going to end up with one of these "used goods" kinda pissed me off and so i decided to give up. Now whenever i read one of these "stories". I feel HAPPY inside seeing these bitches suffer. HA THATS WHAT GET FOR NOT CHOOSING ME!

I've been in a long distance relationship with this guy for about 8 months now, and things are going wonderfully. We have so much in common and have tons of fun together regardless of the distance.
We talk pretty much daily rather over the phone or through Curse/Dischord. The only problem is that it's like pulling teeth just to get him to Skype me. I don't know why; it's not like I'm unattractive or so unpleasant that he just can't stand to look at me.
I workout and take good care of myself so that's unlikely the issue. It wouldn't be so bothersome if we lived close by and I could see him over a weekend or something, but we don't. I just don't particularly enjoy feeling like I have to be the one to ask every single time and
it'd be nice to feel like he wants to look at me other than just to jack off. All he says is that it's a "hassle" to setup his webcam. This just doesn't seem like a conversation we should be having and it's getting frustrating.

I don't want to slip into a depressive phase like I did three years ago. I've been making a lot of improvements this year and I don't want to lose all that.

theres this girl

she has a boyfriend, shes maybe 27, hes in his 50s

we have so much chemistry and an insane amount of things in common, and i know she feels the same way i do. but i dont think she knows that i feel this way because im such a dick

i want her but i think i hate myself too much to make any kind of relationship work in the long run, but if i put it out there she'd go for it, because she knows as well as i do there's no future with this old fuck and i know she wants kids and all that, fuck

Almost 7 years since I met you.
You broke my heart, dude. You purposefully humiliated and abused me. You broke me in a way that can never be fixed.
I'm trying but I'm not entirely sure I'm capable of love anymore.
I was so young, why would you take my virginity just to cheat on me a week later? Why are you still with the girl you were cheating on me with all those years ago? I want you to suffer and I can't be happy until your life or relationship ends.
A

I just remembered that I recommended Sengoku Rance to a guy in college who suggested I play YS: Felghana. 7 years later and I just realized how autistic that was.

A friend confessed to me her sexual aggression when she was 12

From her grand father

>>18145825
No one likes to feel like they owe a confidant anything for being there for them. Especially not after they just went through a bad experience with a break up. You're the one putting yourself in these situations. Guys like you are so delirious it's pretty funny. No one wants what you're obviously projecting. You just wanting to help so you can get something out of it is so painfully obvious and is a huge turn off. That's why you don't get what you want. How about just being normal and going out and meeting someone in a bar or at a party or wherever and make it obvious what you want besides being a vulture?

>>18145867
Told her to see a lawyer
But she don't want to destroy her family

>>18145722
Are you 15 years old?

>>18143420
'niceguy'/10

So cringe-inducing, dates.

I'm in love with my cousin, she's a grade A slut and I feel very conflicted.

On one hand I have the people who tell me nothing's wrong with me and I'm just being dramatic but treat me like I'm two seconds away from killing someone when we're all gathered. They never ask if I'm ok, they just kind of allude that I'm a weirdo and that's their excuse for never fully including me but never verbally acknowledge it. It's one kind of torture.

On the other hand if I try to improve my self or at least make an attempt to ignore how fucked up I am, other people constantly mock me for trying to change and repeatedly remind me of my fuckups until I finally regress into those behaviors. Then they go back to dancing around my issues and talking about how "weird" I am. That's the other torture.

This is the family I was blessed with. If only leaving was as simple but I make a little progress and then the shaming begins. It's not "right" for me to avoid family, it's "wrong" that I don't include them in my life. It's evil to not allow their children to see me. What the hell am I supposed to do when they show up on my doorstep with two young kids in the middle of winter and won't leave for weeks? It's mean when I don't include family in my happiness. It's a neverending cycle of misery and it feels like my purpose in life was just to be the punching bag that makes them feel better.

>>18145722
Is he a drunk?

>>18145890
No.
>>18145924
Not sure honestly. Pretty sure he only texts me when he's intoxicated or hungover though.

>>18145847
get him slav princess.

>>18145942
He was trying to fug. He never had any intention of dating you. Get over him.

>>18145946
more over him than anything especially when he bragged about his belt notches. Was curious what people had to say about the situation. Sound advice though, anon.

>>18145870
Sounds like she wants to leave the past where it lays. If she doesn't want to seek help or legal advice for it there's not much you can dp. Don't indulge her if she won't help heraelf. It'll be a miserable, vicious, emotional cycle for you imo. Know she was her own person before you and stay strong.

I still like listening to music, but I can hardly browse /mu/ now. It's not just because it's gotten worse (which it has), I just feel too empty to think about it. Yeah, my mind's kind of fuzzy. I spend my free time browsing boards like /v/ and /wsg/, looking at things I have no interest in for some mild amusement.

hey elias

i miss you.

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>>18142434
I'm hoping my wife cheats so i have an excuse to get out of this marriage........just sometimes.

I think I'm in love. Again.

Fuck this desu.

The only reason I haven't killed myself is because I love my friends and family too much. I would never want them to go through that grief... but I wouldn't mind just not waking up tomorrow.

>>18146367
Same here, anon. Same here...

>>18142434
I'm a ghost, I move through life unnoticed and forgotten. I am just an observer with no real connection to this world.

"Invisible kid
Never see what he did
Got stuck where he hid
Fallen through the grid

Invisible kid
Got a place of his own
Where he’ll never be known
Inward he’s grown

Invisible kid
Locked away in his brain
From the shame and the pain
World down the drain

Invisible kid
Suspicious of your touch
Don’t want no crutch
But it’s all too much"

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I hate everything, I hate myself, I hate you, I hate your replies, I hate the only people left in my life who haven't killed themselves or otherwise fucked the hell off yet.

All my jobs since college ended in bounced paychecks; I can't even prove I've worked in any of those places because they all crashed and they all did it in the worst ways. My biggest dream is getting out of this armpit but all of my ideas for doing so sound like longshot pipe dreams. The true best answer for me is probably to apply for welfare but I hate it with a passion, even if I'm just exploiting it to move someplace where the paychecks don't bounce. Fuck all ya'll but especially fuck me.

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Still laughing to the fact my friend's gf has called me daddy.

I need a different location.

>>18145707
No idea, wouldn't be surprised if it wouldn't have been pure... I wasn't the one fixing it.

Why you ask?

I´m a student of psychology who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia, if they found out in my university i won´t be able to graduate and i would have to leave college. All those years studying just to get mentally ill.

>>18146556
this broke my heart

HEIL HITLER HEIL HITLER HEIL HITLER

>>18146572
wew lad

Here i am meant to understand your interests, likes, and fully accept you without charge but not able to have my love returned.

other people have it worse. other people have it worse.

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"You act very strange to me. Before we always used to speak and chat, and now you are not that talkative as you were. Why?"

Fuck. My crush sent me that. Now what I have is anvil on my chest, every day. She didn't agree to hang out, we don't speak, I fucking hate it, I feel utterly shitty and I want to drink. I don't know what to do.

>>18145609
>>18145624
Same. Only difference is that I have to take it every day from back and forth to work. If I didn't give 5 stars all the time, I fear my rating would drop.

I know I should be a responsible consumer and report when my product shits the bed, but I don't usually.

I JUST got into the habit of using the 1 star rating since some asshole charged me without even going my direction. This was a week ago, mind you.

You know what else sucks about this service? They don't lowball often enough. Lately, they've been jacking up the prices here to 9.50 a trip. In my destinations, it should only cost 8 or lower. Fuck. Just last month, I never had a problem with this.

About that rating issue, I can assure you even fucking 3.9's keep on driving. FUCKING 3.9s. However, the 4.5's I've dealt with thus far have been okay. They just don't know how to fucking use a GPS or look at a fucking map to see where I am, but they're okay. I know for a fact a 4.7 was one of my worst Drivers ever, yet I know he's still driving.

I had to trudge out of my building to fucking wave like a tube man to get them here...EVEN AFTER TELLING THEM ABOUT MY DESTINATION. Nothing pisses me off more than to use what little energy I have left to bring an Uber here, except when the Uber driver is fucking slow or takes the highway, knowing full well the shortcut is on the other side but he's just exploiting my wallet.

I wish someone would notice that something's wrong with me and genuinely listen to me without judging me as I tell them that I feel like shit because I fell in love with and got rejected by a girl I've only known for 6 months.

I wish the girl who rejected me knew that I feel really strongly about her but because Im a 25 year old khv I don't know how to show affection without appearing clingy, which is why I seemed completely uninterested

I wish I can get over her already.

I wish I could be more sociable. I always blacked out and can't say anything in any conversations. I'm just that fucking boring

Just lose weight, please. You are like 260lbs and are just getting heavier. I'm scared that you are going to have a heart attack or something. I'm not attracted to you anymore and you smell. The reason we never have sex anymore is because your big belly disgusts me. You remind me of my obese uncle now. I just want you to be healthy again. You are a 10/10 underneath all of that fat why can't you just LOSE WEIGHT

i spend way too much on energy drinks. if i could somehow see how much money i have spent on energy drinks in my life time, i assure you it would be in the hundreds range. i fucking regret buying them all the time. but they taste so good. fuck.

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>>18146797
Start drinking water every time you wanna buy an energy drink and put the drink's money's worth to a box or something. Then when you have enough money, spend it all on a giant box of energy drinks. Problem solved.

I think I'm going to kill myself.

>>18146801
Chill, anon kun, chill... Chill yourself.

My my, what do we have here?

https://familyshare.com/19794/10-ways-you-are-being-unfaithful-to-your-spouse-and-you-dont-even-know-it

>>18146797
will fuck up your heart, it's not even about the money

i wanna stretch ur asshole DAMN

I need something to strongly believe in, otherwise I won't be able to truly live. Meds have only calmed things a bit so far, but I'm as good as empty inside.

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>get ambiguous group text message from dad
>says another family member has died
>says the person who passed away was X
>X is my mom's first name
>don't know of any other relatives with same first name

So, this could just be a coincidence, or it could be my mom he's referring to. If it's a coincidence, it's not problem. If it isn't, then it'll be a big hassle.

My parents divorced years ago and I'm her oldest child, so if she's dead, I'll probably have a bunch of work to do (funeral and will stuff). I'd also have to deal with my crying sister and other sad relatives.

For now, I've decided it's best to just ignore the whole situation and assume it's a coincidence.

I feel like I'd get some kind of official call or something if she was actually dead; and by ignoring it until I get such a call, I have an excuse for not doing anything.

I've been a decent son, but everyone knows I have zero sentimental ability; which will also play into the excuse if necessary.

I can't really see the downsides to my strategy at this point.

I don't think I was born with the capacity to be happy.

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"They crushed your head and heart
They stole everything from you, poor broken ghost
I feel like crying, yet I don't love you."

i wish i had the passion and motivation to actually do what i want with my life

i am definitely going to fucking die alone and unfulfilled in my current direction

all i've ever wanted to do is something artistic but i'm so fucking insecure that i've never pursued it, out of fear that i would just be mediocre forever

>>18146863
Is that you?

>>18146868
i wish

I'm tired af

>>18146556
I'm very sorry to hear that.

Will be back in that shithole island. Conditions will be better the next time around. Clean your fucking streets

>>18145480
How do you know she doesn't feel that way about you?

I'm afraid I might be in love with someone I've never met. Generic problems R us

Like two idiots in love, we broke each other's hearts.
This hurts, I can see you are hurting as well. Instead of talking, you ignore me and use work as your shield.

We lacked communication. You held things in and let them fester. I was engrossed in my depression. I would have listened. You know I would have if only you spoke to me with importance, not simply just mentioned it in passing. I cared about you, it may not seem like that but you meant a lot to me. I lost control of myself and pushed you too far.

I was loyal to you and yet you treat me like a cheater. It's a fucking mess. I simply wish to talk. See if we can try to work past all this together.

Maybe after some space, you will be willing. Then against maybe then we'll be too distant and different to even try. I wish you the best that life can give you, I have to learn from these mistakes of mine and hopefully become a better man.

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I'm supposed to study for university entrance exams, but I don't even known if I want to get into university.
Whenever I ask myself what I want, the first answer that crops into my head is "to die".

I'm tired of all of this.
So fucking tired. I can't seem to shake of the depression that has been part of my life for over 5 years now, and the only reason that honestly keeps me from killing myself is the fact that doing so would hurt my parents tremendously.

Once they die, there will be nothing that keeps me in this world anymore.

>>18146839
Don't be an idiot. Call some family, figure out what's going on.

I was so. Fucking. Close.
I literally just needed five. More. Seconds.

>>18147123
Worst feeling ever

>>18146995

Truthfully I don't know. I'm just assuming from past experiences and truthfully I'm such a loser that I don't really have anything to offer her. I get mixed signals, she's distant with texting but when we are out with a group of people she's always really close to me talking to me and really touchy. But then I try to set something up for just the two of us to hang out she changes the subject.

>>18142434
I'm a NEET autist about to turn 30 in a couple months and still have no idea wtf I want to do with my life and no major talents or accomplishments. No career, no friends, I'm the literal definition of a nobody. The only thing keeping me going is escapism. The existential dread and questioning is killing me.

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Ravioli ravioli, give me the death I deserveoli.

17.5, I feel stuck in a country which I don't feel any patriotism to or feel like I belong, and want to move to Germany (my family originated from there, currently in Israel). Problem being is that at 18-18.5 I have to go to the Army for nearly 3 years by law, and the only legal way to get dismissed is based on medical/mental health issues, and I don't know what my chances of it with medical problems, as I'm already on the bottom of what they still draft.

I don't want to go to the army and I feel like I have no chance, and those 3 years for me will be like hell if I'll have to go through it.

out all of those assholes, i hate you the most. and that's weird. because i love you the most as well...

I think my mothers a bitch.
She wants everyone to listen to her and then only feigns interest in what you have to say.
She only wants me to succeed when she can boast about it to her friends or other family.
Is there any point in putting any effort into this kind of "relationship"?!

>>18146839
My parent's also suck I don't believe they care about anyone except themselves even each other based on their actions.

>>18147044
J?

>>18147736
No, I'm j. Well I'm a person with J as my first initial

>>18143786
It's seriously killing me that I shouldn't reach out to her. Everyone I know keeps saying "leave her be, she doesn't want to be helped" but I want to do SOMETHING. I want to know if anything I say can snap her out of it. I don't even know if I want her back, but all I do know is that I don't want her to be with that guy any longer or else her mental health is going to snap. I really want to talk to her, but I don't know how much help it would be.

Life's shit. At this point I'm only living for my religion. I wish I had more hope and fun in life.. I'm looking forward to what's going to happen to eventually make life worth living again.

>>18146556
how are you feeling? Wish i could help

>start new job
>pay day is thursday every other week
>set up direct deposit
>in my account tuesday evening
pretty base tbqh

>>18147736
No. I'm a L.
No J's.

Sorry if I gave you hope.

>>18146838
I recommend watching Jordan B Peterson's videos. I kind of like him. Helped a lot

>be pretty good looking
>smart, funny, tall
>weird though
>girls approach me all the time
>awkward so i avoid them or they end up avoiding me
>get accepted to my masters program
>meet the most beautiful person i've ever seen
>stay at a slight distance, but admire her from afar
>one day we talk to eachother
>instantly become very close friends
>she's hilarious, smart, all of that stuff
>she is just like me but in female form
>take her on date
>fall in love with her
>ive never fallen for someone so quickly in my whole life
>turns out she just wants to be friends
>she knows how i feel about her
>she still wants to be friends
>i cannot run from her
>i cannot hate her
>i cannot get her out of my life
>and i would do anything for her

It really sucks that you meet someone you think is THE one, an almost love at first sight thing, and it ends up falling flat on its face. It's the most painful thing in the world. Worse than a breakup.

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I've fallen madly in love with a bipolar girl and she with me, but I am terrified she will cheat on me. As almost every source I have looked at online has said they will end up cheating

>look like a girl
> think I have a 'feminine' brain: terrible at mental math and other masculine things, am more concerned about who my partner connects with emotionally then I do if they were to sleep with someone, etc.
>majority of my role models are women (whom I also want to fuck)
>love the color pink, and if I looked fairly good as a woman post surgery and or hormones I'd definitely do it

does this sound like I'm a bi trans woman?

>>18146863

Same here. I started with an instrument, also drawing an writing, but I feel too old and I'm probably fucked because I should have started sooner. Nothing to do about it.

>>18147044
This describes exactly how I feel.

>>18147928

why would they cheat? I know bipolar invovles manic phases, but that doesn't mean she'll run off and fuck five guys

Stop cheating on your diet we literally just talked about this you undisciplined ignoramus

Fucking put things away in the cupboard properly!

The only 2 things that are preventing me from killing myself right fucking now are my mom and my dog.

I want equal rights for women, but I don't think anyone with a penis is evil or stupid.

am I still a feminist?

>>18142502
I'm in the same boat. Same age same year on uni. I thought I had my life figured out but then all my job apps got rejected. Now all I do is drive to the woods at night and stare listlessly into space.

>>18147992

what breed of dog

>>18147997

you cant be a real feminist if you think having a penis makes you evil or stupid. take the label back. feminists believe in strong men.

>>18148018
Pomeranian

I got cucked into getting dachshunds. One is smart and mean (my favorite of the two) and the other dumb and sweet.

dachshunds suck tho

Been thinking about my first ex lately and I decided to just accept the fact that I miss her and want to see her again. I'm genuinely curious as to whether or not it's possible to miss an ex even after moving on. So I decided to ask Reddit that very question and the only response was some tard who didnt even answer the question. I'm battling myself here and the only reasonable community that could help me is to busy eating fucking paste.

how to get a girl in the club to sleep with you, when its an 18+ club and you're 18, and the average age is like 20. *Europe

i've been kinda depressed and in a low mood recently. my SO is reacting in a bad way, like getting pretty pissed off about it. i appreciate its a lot to put up with but i feel like he's being unsupportive.

>>18147934
No, you're a man who likes pink. Just like I'm a woman who's good at math. Or personalities don't define our sex.

>>18147941
She not a bipolar girl. She's a girl who has bipolar. Learn the difference. Everyone is different. People who have bipolar deal with it in different way and have different symptoms. Your maturity level sounds like you're not ready to date anyone tbqh.

>>18147941
Believe me, nothing is ever enough for people with bipolar. My mother was bipolar and she cheated on everyone she committed to. Know two bipolar girls that fucks around even when they were in a relationship. This applies to men too. Be careful around crazy

>>18147854
I´ve been feeling a little weird, thanks to the meds, but besides that, i will have to accept my illness and try to continue studying and try not to get caught on a psychotic episode. But thanks for asking, I really appreciate it.

Your "artwork" is mediocre and your probably the most basic girl I've ever met in my life. People just suck up to you cuz their thirsty. You behave like a 5 year old and you can't maintain a relationship for shit. SPOILER ALERT: no guy wants to deal with ur bipolar disoreder or u threatening to kys every week. It's not cute that you give your anxiety and depression a fun little nicknames and refuse to get help. It's scary. You are not right in the head. Mental illness isn't a thing that makes you "lol soo unique!" You will just become a fucktoy cuz no one will settle down with someone that batshit crazy. Honestly one of the dumbest human beings i have ever met.

Everyone I know thinks I'm a fucking retard.
I don't know if it's my fault or not, because they do a lot of shit that's worse than mine, and they act super normal. I do one shit, and I'm suddenly the fucking malfunctioning autist that needs help to walk.
Even my parents think I'm retarded, my mom said straight to my face that she doesn't trust me and my dad wants to be the owner of my bank account.
That's why I prefer to be alone, at least I feel optimistic when alone.
/blog

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Is he gone?

>>18147997
No, it means you're a stupid cunt on 4chan regurgitating a bullshit stereotype ("feminists hate men") from the fucking 70's and hoping that these guys will think you're cute and "smart." Grow the fuck up and stop being such a basic bitch.

24, live in fuck nowhere and dont have driving license yet cuz im scared shiftless of zoning out and crashing headfirst into another car. Tried moving out of town a couple of times, both times with "friends". Basically wasted a year of my "youth". Not that I ever did or do anything during the time. I hate how older people say you should cherish your youth, I go to my dead beat job, come back home, rinse and repeat. I don't talk to girls cuz I don't have a car, or even the drivers license, I still live at home, and I flunked one subject in high school so I have cant go to college even if I wanted to. Yes I know highschool is shit easy, and I shouldn't have flunked, but I was tired. Tired of people tell me what I ought to do. Tired of being asked what I wanted to become. And tired of the subject not mattering at all. The subject is obligatory in this country and is basically a choice between two dead languages. I don't want to learn the language of the dead. Nor can I see how it in anyway helps anyone.

I used to like playing games. I cried when I understood I didn't enjoy it anymore. It was the one thing that made me feel like I had purpose. I think I had depression for my whole teenage stage. I never got it diagnosed.Games helped my going from one day to the next. What got me into my depression was that I felt that nothing matters. Now I am thinking that nothing matters and therefore I can do what I want. I don't know what I want and I have never really wanted something material.I just want to feel progression I guess. Thats why games helped. I could feel that I was doing something. I hate my parents for contributing to the feeling of guilt when playing games.

not falling for your shit. Call your harem of stacies.

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I should stop going through old journals so much. It's really depressing to see how much magic has been lost these past few years. Those artistic moments of passion are becoming infrequent and replaced with a general sense of dullness. Will this be the outcome of youth for me? It's crazy to think I might have approached existentialist literature or arthouse cinema with genuine zeal once. Now they just seem like failed hopes and empty promises of insight. I guess anything's worth it when it feels good, but why did it disappear before I could get my full taste?

The weird part about apathy is how livable it is. I could live several years like this, idling on 4chan and devoting my free time to things I don't care about because they're entertaining. Genuine zest for the world is such a foreign idea to me now that it appears only natural I should lose all of it by adulthood. I have to remind myself this is not true living, there is no future in this state. But can you regain that sense of passion? Is it possible to feel those other-worldly comforts and pleasures in the face of the unknown that I felt as a child?

Maybe that's asking too much. If I could enjoy talking to people again, that would be enough.

>>18148291

if wanting a vagina is not a telltale sign of a trans person I don't know what is?

>>18148669

if it's such a 'bullshit' stereotype, why is there such a negative connotation with being feminist?

>>18145702
This is beautiful, anon

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>>18148986
That one is in denial about the misandrist lesbians from the 00's who used the movement to have some kind of revenge on their male molesters or abusive daddies.

Can't wait to move and leave these lying, gaslighting back stabbing fucks in the dust. No more being lied to by "friends", no more gaslighting which is important to me because it usually drives me to a psychotic episode and anxiety attacks, which get old real quick.

Also, no more sharing energy bill with asshole who has to have the house at 74 degrees and a space heater on 24/7 in his room. And he was the one bitching about a hippie commune...

Then I can concentrate on getting a job that isn't complete slave driving (no lunch break or leaving for lunch, have to eat on factory floor next to hazardous chemicals, plenty of safety violations, 20 min personal time for a 10 hour shift, etc.)

Really curious who's name is gonna go on the energy bill, since as far as I've been lead to believe they both owe money to the energy company.

I was trying to leave without burning bridges, not that I'm too concerned with keeping a couple of back stabbing, gaslighting liars as "friends", but one of them seems to think that because he has been there for me in the past before all the bullshit that I owe him and should stay in this living situation that I fucking HATE more and more every day because of that.

I'd rather move home with my pops, pay half of the bills with him so he has more money to put away for retirement than stay here since I know they are lying and keep denying it even though it's pretty much obvious. I gave them plenty of time to come clean, and they still want to keep up the charade.

The girl I love just got caught cheating with me, and even though she wanted to cheat and i didn't, i'm the one who kept it going after she wanted it to stop.

The worst part is i understand completely the damage i have done to their family and lives, because it has happened to me.

I am an asshole. I hope she doesn't try to kill herself. I should have been more mature than this and not completely dominated by my emotions.

She's deleted my number and told me to lose hers. Should i ever try to reach out to her to see if she's okay, or have i done enough damage and just leave like she wishes?

>>18149233
Leave it. Maybe she will reach out to you some day.

if you fucking care you need to show it. Not on me to make any kind of mve at this point

>>18149253
Alright I will

Dubs confirms I'll call back
>*rolling

I don't want to be your friend...

Well it's more complicated than that. I do want to be your friend and at the same time don't. I cared for you a lot when we were together, but the shit you pulled made it impossible for me.

My feelings, as far as you're concerned, will always be conflicted and unstable. That's the real reason I'm an asshole to you when you contact me, I'm trying to scare you away so you stay away. Hopefully we have hit that point now. I figured this out a while ago, and is why I had stopped trying to contact you or be friends with you. Part of me hates you, and if it hasn't faded by now I doubt it ever will. I guess I never really forgave you and your bullshit after all, even though I wanted to.

As for all the people I used to call friends, you're a bunch shitty friends/cunts. I know I don't have straight up schizophrenia but a lot of it is similar but seems to mostly happen when I'm under a lot of stress. I've also come to the conclusion that the only voices I hear are ones that are not familiar to me, so your talk shit and then deny it routine is not gonna work anymore. The only reason that became a thing is because people that I cared a lot about and trusted decided to do that kinda shit and lead me to believe that the voices that I started hearing around 17 now encompassed voices of people I knew in real life and that was fucking terrifying to me.

I had dealt with it just fine up to that point and it was something that I kept completely to myself up till that point. Even then I wasn't going to explain my entire history cause either way, since I never told anyone about it, you'd be likely to think I was lying. I was too worked up at the time to start keeping track of shit to make better sense of it and figure it out sooner.

I hate my fucking life. I always let the wrong people in in almost every aspect. So I'm done letting people in.

How is it unfair that I am interested and dating in some one else when he's never shown any interest in me until now? He tells me that I'm not his type but now I'm supposed to have realized that he liked me? What twisted world do we live in where a woman is supposed to keep having interest in a man who keeps saying he has no interest?

>>18149332
The kind of world that refuses to let you be with him.