I hate everything

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17KB, 466x349px

I feel no real desire to keep on living anymore, all the joys of life have been stripped clean from me. I'm just going to come out clean and say the reason behind it all is because I've never felt loved, not even by my parents or girls I found cute. My parents also thought it would be a good idea to break up when I was younger. During my childhood I used to be a shut-in fatass so I have little to no idea how society works. Since then I lost weight and tried to improve so I could I express my feelings to a girl in my school, but the retard that I am never realized that I got, what normies would call, "friendzoned". I figured out this only a year later, after being led on, and now I'm confused. I despise the simple sight of myself, I dread her and anyone related to her, I don't even enjoy being around people anymore. I stopped caring about future plans, I don't even feel like finishing this last year of high school. I waste a good half of my days just sitting and being depressed because everything goes wrong. Considering drugs and booze, but what good will that do, other than wasting my cash? Even my lifestyle is affected by my bad vibes. I am being constantly asked "Why do you look so dead, anon?" and I can't stand happy songs or rock anymore, I just listen to underground rap related to suicide and shitty lives. The only thing that helps me keep my mind off is video games, but that gets tiring without breaks.

TL;DR I am literally planning on blowing my brains out in about two years and a simple "It will get better" is not stopping me.