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I had the same problem when I would perform oral on my ex and I couldn't maintain an erection. Getting it back afterward was difficult.

Put on music, clear your mind and only focus on the stimulation of someone's bare skin on yours. Foreplay is a HUGE factor. Alot of people cannot just jump into sex.

Okay there's several aspects here. First of all, you are (assumingly) a young, reasonably healthy guy. So your issues are psychological. You can overcome those, but having a banshee for a girlfriend who expects you to be a fuckstud doesn't exactly help.

So about her. It seems to me that she has quite some insecurities and hang ups about sex herself, and is unaware that men are not human dildos. Having said that, I do NOT blame her for wanting to look in her partner's eyes the first time she has sex and not be plowed from behind (no offense, it's a great position but much much less intimate and romantic).

I think in this situation the combination of your anxiety and expectations and her heightened expectations because of her first time could be a fatal combination. Does she have many other redeeming qualities? Is she more sensitive and accomodating in other aspects?

I had this issue with my girl when we first started having sex. It was embarrassing as FUCK because she's beautiful but here I am going soft and not being able to get off. I found that getting her off with oral or fingering a few times helped because she would feel satisfied and for me, her riding me while I laid back changed my mental hangups and eventually we were able to do it anywhere. Ask if she can just bounce on your dick so things stay intimate with eye contact or whatever.

>>18137747
There is also a problem on my part - I can feel my gf is attractive and am able to at least reach an erection, but I do not feel this wild sexual desire when I fantasized about her or other girls before our relationship. Did my intense visualisations and masturbation impede my sex drive during the real thing? (I don't watch porn, just visualise)

She has many other great qualities, but I desperately need to resolve this problem

I have also this sort of madonna-whore dychotomy where I am not nearly as aroused by a girl with many other qualities, but without big ass/tits than a girl who seems loose and easy. I think it maybe is caused by my visualisations, but the thing that I'm afraid the most is that I am simply not able to have sex with a great girl with whom I do not feel the violent urge to fuck her.

>>18137777
I wouldn't worry about not feeling the same carefree arousal you had during fantasizing. The reality is simply that real life sex (at least now, that'll change when you grow more comfortable and more in tune with your partner) isn't as undividedly fun as picturing it in your head. You're not JUST horny but also nervous, maybe ashamed or resentful, you feel pressured...

It isn't just your issue to resolve. You are in a dynamic where she is making your issues worse. You need to talk about this to her if you're confident you want to be with her. Really make sure that the message sticks that she has a lot of influence on your sexual achievement with her attitude and (lack of) understanding.
Ideally your lover would take the focus away from penetration for now and enjoy stuff where you don't have to "perform". You can have hours of fun with touching, fondling, grinding, (mutual) oral sex. Whether you are soft or hard is of secondary importance for that and it makes sex more from something you need to accomplish being the man, to just the joy of being close to a loved one and using your senses to please and explore their body. Which is ultimately the fundament of everything sex-related, including PiV.

You have to realize that your insecurity and anxiety itself is the biggest problem to begin with. Once you've overcome those, you can re-evaluate whether or not you can get aroused enough from a variety of girls.
Also, it's completely normal for your sexual appetite to broaden throughout life. (relatively) Many young people are hyperfocussed on (girls) a six pack and big dick or (guys) great tits and ass, while as they age the importance of those things fade and they realize that someone's intelligence, competence, ability to love and nurture etc are erotic in a more complicated, elusive and satisfying way than just a pair of pushed up tits.

>>18137795
Thanks for the tips. I believe I will try to handle my insecurities as much as I can. How do I persuade her to perform oral/handjobs on me? I don't blame her for being apprehended about it, but she clearly doesn't see that not touching me at all is not an arousal-positive factor.

>>18137838
Talk to her about it frankly. Tell her that you are supposed to please and take care of -each other-, and that her not reaching out to you during sex is making you feel undesired and turns you off.

How is she otherwise? Does she compliment you? Is she affectionate? Does she look at your dick if it's out? Is she physically relaxed during foreplay?
Look out for red flags that she's not actually into men/sex in general. You shouldn't have to explain to her that she should touch you.

>>18137841
She is affectionate in all other situations except for sex. Doesn't look at my dick, maybe it's all because of her strict Catholic upbringing, she's very tense.

>>18137845
Have you ever had an open conversation about what you picture sex to be like? Are you even sure that she's fully okay with sex for pleasure? I think this should be the first step, to really get a good look at what her expectations are and what hang ups she has (they're obviously there).

Ask her whether she's okay with sex religiously. Ask her if she ever considered saving her virginity and if so, why she changed her mind. Ask her how she pictures sex and whether she looks forward to it. Ask her whether she has fantasies.

Religious guilt surrounding sex is not uncommon at all. The dichotomy between sex for pleasure being a terrible sin yada yada and sex between man and wife suddenly not just being okay but necessary every single time he wants it to be a good Christian, is fundamentally at odds with itself.
Chances are she will not be able to answer all of these questions and that's okay. If you can get her to talk about sex with you without being accusative or keeping her defenses up, that's a huge win already.