Surprise Drug Test - Absolute Panic

You're not in a position to distrust synthetic substitutes. They're your only option. You cannot detox in time.

That amount of consumption means there's little to no chance of you "cleansing your system" in 12 days. Maybe if you were only an occasional smoker, but not daily. Your only hope is to find someone with clean piss.

Synthetic works fine.

Buy some at your head shop, prepare it with a warmer and make sure it's secured tight and will be the righr temp, wear baggy pants, and take the test

>>18132910

this anon. stop making imaginary problems for yourself.

imagine if you will that you had strep throat, and you just said 'nah i dont trust anti biotics, too risky'.

its fucking dumb. you know that without fake piss you will DEFINITELY fail. so you might as well do fake urine and know that you at least stand a chance of passing.

then stop doing fucking drugs dumbass.

>>18132920
>>18132928

Any suggestions? I have enough time to order online I think. Even then, knowing a safe brand to pick up at the smoke shop would be nice

>>18132910
Not even by doing the whole dilution bullshit? Drinking fuckloads of water, pissing 3-4 times prior to the test, and taking vitamin b complexes to color the urine?

I'm not necessarily looking for ways to pass the drug test naturally, just upping my chances of passing as much as I can

What's that saying? "You made your bed, now lie in it."

>>18132936

considering your history this isn't a matter of 'upping' chances. its not a percentages game. the switch is either on or off. in your case its on.

they are likely not going to watch you piss, its for a job, not for prison. my roommate was in the same situation he just kept the piss in his pocket, went into the bathroom, warmed it up, and was good to go.

>>18132932
>>18132940
>implying that drug testing for employment is a logical/ethical practice

The fact that I can rail lines of coke from a hooker's ass crack, get wasted and crash my car 1 week before a drug test and pass with flying colors, but not smoke a joint and watch a movie just demonstrates the absurdity of the whole thing.

If your hiring process is shitty enough that you can't weed out the addicts without piss testing them, that should be your problem.

Let me preface this by saying I don't smoke, I just have a lot of friends who have parole officers but still smoke.

> Every day up until your test, drink atleast two fulls glasses of diuretic liquids (cranberry juice, coffee, tea, etc.) PEE AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE
> take Niacin at double the recommended dosage, this will force more of the weed metabolites out of your system every time you urinate (Note: This will not clean you out, it just helps reduce the speed that the metabolites will get into your piss on the day of the test)
> Don't eat fatty shit, I don't care how bad you crave shitty food, just eat healthy.

On the day of the test:
> drink a ton of water, I'm talking nearly a gallon before the test
> Piss atleast 3-4 times before you go to the test
> Take Vitamin B complex AND a Men's multivitamin, this will force your piss to turn yellow even if it is filled with water
> Start your stream into the toilet, wait a couple seconds, and then start filling up the piss cup, once you get anywhere near an acceptable amount, aim your dick back into the toilet
The biggest concentration of drug metabolites will be in the start of your stream, and the end of your stream, so catching the middle will ensure you get the least amount in there as possible
if you can pull off a substitute though... do it

>>18132970


im >>18132932 here

and I don't disagree wtih you, and nothing in my post disagreed with what you said.

My point was and still is that by not using synthetic piss, OP is creating his own imaginary problems. imagine if he came here and said
>hey give me advice on how to meet girls
>oh except i refuse to go outside or use online dating

he has options but he is refusing to acknowledge them to dramatize his own situation.

and while it is stupid that we have drug tests for higher levels of employment, that doesn't make someone any less dumb for doing them.

you know the rules for society, however arbitrary they might be, and you refuse to play by them. the rules suck but to blatantly disregard them then bitch and moan is just dumb.

your dad SHOULDN'T rape you, but if you know he only rapes you because you wear those tight jeans you bought at the mall, then you should probably NOT wear those tight jeans.

just sayian.

>>18132970
If your drug habits are such that you are worried about passing a job screening, that should be your problem.

>>18132979
I was just replying to the last sentence of your post

>then stop doing fucking drugs dumbass.
also
>your dad SHOULDN'T rape you, but if you know he only rapes you because you wear those tight jeans you bought at the mall, then you should probably NOT wear those tight jeans.

When the status quo is fucking retarded, people have every right to "bitch & moan" because they are completely within their rights for doing what they do, yet are being fucked over for it. Victim blaming solves nothing and only justifies the position of the oppressor.

Sorry for going off topic. I'm just saying.

>>18132936
>dilution
dilution is a really bad idea. If you dilute enough that there's not enough THC metabolites to be detected there also won't be enough urea as opposed to pure water. These places caught on to dilution tactics a long fuckin' time ago, it'll come back as "Sample too diluted"

Your best and only chance to pass if you can't get someone clean to pee is synthetic.

>>18132999

sorry anon, if you know the rules and know the consequences, you're still a dumbass for breaking the rules, even if the rules are unfair.

it doesn't make you any less dumb, if anything it makes you more dumb

>>18133000
Well, how the fuck do I find a good synthetic that has urea in it? Labs only recently started testing for it for the sole purpose of avoiding synthetics

>>18132936
>Drinking fuckloads of water, pissing 3-4 times prior to the test, and taking vitamin b complexes to color the urine?
I'm a lab tech and this is the most retarded idea I've ever seen.

>>18133029
That's like the go-to for most habitual stoners.

>>18133011

So OP is a dumbass because he didnt have the precognizance to see that a good job opportunity was coming his way? Because the practice of drug testing exists, anyone who hopes to ever have a job should stop smoking completely on the off-chance that their dream job falls in their lap?

I can see your logic if OP was job hunting and still smoking, but the nature of drug testing, where certain drugs are far more detectable than others, and depending on the type of test can be detected in your system for up to 3 months just makes it too unpredictable to chalk the whole thing up to "if you fail a drug test you're a dumbass".

Also, legalize it.

>>18133042

no, hes a dumbass because he knows jobs drug test, and he chose to drugs when legal alternatives do exist.

>anyone who hopes to ever have a job should stop smoking completely on the off-chance that their dream jobs falls into their lap?

yes. because if smoking means THAT FUCKING MUCH TO THEM, they would actually be out there advocating for change, working in pro-pot organizations that are trying to legalize it.

but hes not, and you're not, you're just smoking pot despite knowing the consequences and choosing to ignore them so you can feel self righteous.

>>18133042
>Because the practice of drug testing exists, anyone who hopes to ever have a job should stop smoking completely on the off-chance that their dream job falls in their lap?

Yes.

>>18133053
>>18133055

So by your logic, all those muslims living under Sharia law, who get their fingers cut off for looking at another man's wife or executed for being gay, those people deserve that shit because "it's the law bro, don't break it and you won't have problems" ?

Just because some dumbass passed some retarded legislation for arbitrary reasons doesn't mean I should have to sacrifice my right to do something that poses absolutelt no threat to anyone.

>>18133084

>doesn't meany you should have to sacricfice my right to do something that poses no absolute thread to anyone

and i agree. 100% and wholeheartedly absolutely in every way agree.

you SHOULDN'T have to give up pot.

but you DO have to. you can't argue with reality. reality doens't say 'oh you make a fine point, lets just magically undo this'.

>you know the rules
>you know the consequences

arguing about it doesn't change that.

and again, if it means THAT FUCKING MUCH then stop stapling 'legalize it' to the end of posts and actually go out and legalize it.

but despite being a passionate keyboard warrior you aren't actually invested enough to show up to a protest, a meeting, push for legislation, etc. etc. to get this sort of change.

you are tumblr. welcome.

>>18133084
You have a serious victim complex, you know that?

>>18133084

no, they should, as the other anon said, advocate for change, push back, fight back.

simply being a closet homosexual doesn't solve the problem.

if you're not willing to fight for it, it must not be worth much, especially considering in your case you won't have consequences simply by advocating for change.

>>18133094
>you know the rules
>you know the consequences
>arguing about it doesn't change that.
>and again, if it means THAT FUCKING MUCH then stop stapling 'legalize it' to the end of posts and actually go out and legalize it.

So is that your reponse to the first part of my post as well?

>>18133108
I really don't. I just see absurdity for what it is. Rules are only valuable when they serve a purpose that serves the greater good. In this particular context, this particular rule does not fit that criteria, so I refuse to obey it if I don't want to.

>>18133120
In that context, advocacy would simply get you killed, but I agree with the notion that change only happens through action, not just words.

Still, that doesn't change the fact that even the people who ARE out there fighting this legislation are still subject to the same useless laws. Just because you're fighting for change doesn't mean you're magically exempt from the rule.

My point is that OP is trying to avoid consequences for doing something that SHOULD, from a moral and ethical standpoint, be completely within his rights. So instead of saying "it's your fault for breaking the rules" the reply should be "here's how to avoid the consequences:"

>>18133145
>so I refuse to obey it if I don't want to.
That's fair.

No one is forced to hire you either, if they don't want to.

>>18133169
I agree 100%. However, my reason is based in logic, and their reason is based in bullshit. That distinction is important.

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>>18133171

>its logical to sabotage my career for weed when i dont actually do anything to fix the problem itself

>>18132970
bitch to congress about it. 4chan can't make drug testing go away.

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>>18133207
>>>18133207
>it's more logical to stop doing something I enjoy altogether than to simply avoid the consequences of the baseless rule that prevents me from doing it

>>18133145
>>18133212
the easiest way to avoid the consequences is to not smoke weed.

now instead OP has to get somebody to piss in a vial and hope that nobody catches wise

>>18133222
>The easiest way to avoid a speeding ticket is to never drive your car.
>The easiest way to avoid getting murdered is to never leave your house.

Good point.

Hhahaaha i was in the same position as you 2 months ago. i passed mine but i still ended up getting a reject letter.
Anyways, no, you're fucked. I understand your anxiety completely, but you should be looking for other jobs. I told my employers i was going on vacation and gave myself 50 days, but i was already a week clean from the second i got the call for an interview so 57 days.
I'm a 5'3 100 pound 19 year old girl and it took 57 days to get a SLIGHT negative line. At that point, you can dilute, which I learned how to do online and passed.
For you, substitution is your only option if you really want this job, and it's risky. You need to practise tons.
You could always try to be honest with them and say you used to smoke and quit for the job, but i doubt that will change anything.
Like others have said, it really does suck that we could binge on shit like coke, meth and 5 days later test totally clean, but it's the end of the world with weed.

>>18133233
The people who tested you shared the results with you? What state do you live in? That has never happened to me

OP are you sure you have no one who can substitute piss? My gf did that for my drug test and I passed.

>>18133227
jesus christ weed people are so fucking annoying

smuggle goat piss to your employer for all I care

>>18133245
>posting in a weed person thread
>waaahhh ur annoying

Drink goat piss for all i care t b h

>>18133053
"Legal alternatives" to weed don't exist. Alcohol isn't remotely similar and synthetic weed will fuck you up.

OP I am experienced in this. you can still pass

gonna need your height, weight, age and gender

if you are a skinny male then you should be fine if you follow a certain strategy

if not you may be fucked but you can still pass with a different strat

>>18132904

Question; would they even care?

Stop smoking weed now, and say you were in the company of a bunch of weed smokers, via roommates who you have now left etc. Do all the detox crap, but don't expect it to come back completely clean.

I mean don't get me wrong, smoking weed is something I find really fucking annoying seeing as there is very little reason for not just eating it (inb4 brownie mix too difficult) either cooked or raw, so people don't have to put up with your second hand smoke bullshit. Even cigarette smokers have the decency to go outside. But it's not exactly like you're taking heroin or cocaine, where you might be far more liable to steal shit or stab someone.

What kind of a job is it OP? One where sobriety of all kinds is required consistently, even out of hours, or is it just the kind where they don't want you crashing through glass doors at meetings and trying to strangle someone because they looked at you funny?

>>18132904

Go to Karma Records and buy some Monkey Whizz.

It works. That's how I got my job.

You have no other options.

>>18133627
>eating weed raw
Lmao

>>18133627
Definitely don't use a second hand smoke excuse. Even if you could ingest enough thc through second hand smoke to fail a drug test (you can't), it wouldn't work any way.