Long-term depression

My experience is I don't do anything. Wasted 10 years doing nothing, will waste the rest as well.

>>18132893
>Can anyone relate?
Yes, especially to the
>I have tremendous difficulties getting myself to do anything unless it's something required of me by other people. Like turning up for work or school.

I've had heavy depression since I was about 15, or maybe even a bit earlier (26 now). I managed to get through university and even got a master's degree, but that was ONLY because I treated it as an obligation. I signed up for it and treated it as a commitment. If I was doing it for myself I wouldn't have made past the first day.
There was a time, way way back, when I enjoyed being around other people and doing things out of fun. It's so long ago it's like looking at a different person, I can't relate to the old me at all. My social life shrivelled away years ago despite knowing many people that are good to me. I can't feel any connection to them and I can't muster the effort to socialise more than once or twice a year. When I stop hanging around them I feel nothing, I barely care if I never see them again. I no longer even enjoy the most basic non-productive hobbies - I can't play video games and it's an effort just to put a dvd in to watch a movie.
The thing I look forward to most in life is going back to work. It's a good distraction to the rest of my life.

Sorry anon, I have no real advice to give about fixing people like us. I've tried therapy and antidepressants, but for me personally I think being so emotionally crippled throughout my formative teenage years permanently ruined me.

>>18133381
>The thing I look forward to most in life is going back to work. It's a good distraction to the rest of my life.
That's basically what I'm afraid of.

Studying and unproductive shit like video games are, for me, completely interchangeable distractions from the emptiness I start to feel if I don't occupy my mind with something. I tend to favor studying because it's at least productive, and fairly excellent grades as a result, but it isn't really what you'd call healthy. I mean, it gets shit done, but if I continue using the same method in my professional life after I graduate, it'll probably kill me.

>>18133443
yep it's awful, but what else is there? Nothing really.

>>18132893

>How do I get out of this hole?

Go see a psychiatrist.

>>18133381
I can relate to this a lot.

Just a few hours of social interaction drains me out of all my energy and it takes weeks, sometimes even months for me to recharge.
I can't picture myself having an active social life, even though I wish I had one because I feel miserable and lonely at times.