Just Ranting..

I'm doing as much as I can to try to make myself happy this last year, but hobbies can only do so much. I want to feel like I matter to some degree again, like I did with my ex and their family.
I also have to wonder what's wrong with me to keep being tossed away like I am. This in mind, I'm trying to spend a lot of time figuring out how to improve myself. Though I've done leaps of improvement over this last year alone, I feel I've hit a wall this last month.
I wasn't that great of a person for most of my life, which is why my ex left and their family now wants nothing to do with me. That said, I feel I'm trying my best to become a friend worth keeping around.
It sucks, knowing that if I died, there would really be no one to weep for me. If I had any major events come up, there's be no one there to support me or care.
I'm on my own, and it scares me.

I can gain friends. In fact, I put myself out there in many ways and pick and choose between who I would rather put my time and effort into (Not just our friendship, but I also like to give people advice and help when I can, which can get draining if I'm not picky).
It's just that I don't feel I've gained any 'serious' friends. I don't have anyone to enjoy spending time with, or anyone to hang out with. When I do, I feel they get tired of me rather quick, and I certainly don't feel like I come across as that needy. I try to balance out talking to someone first, and waiting for them to talk to me first, even if it takes weeks.
I'm fine with being patient. I just feel like I won't get anything out of my patience anymore.
I understand that at this age range, people have lives they're trying to follow. So a lot of the time, people get busy and life gets in the way. So to that end, I understand if most people don't care to invest any effort into friendships anymore.
It just sucks for me.

>>18126351
I'm tired of being alone and not mattering to anyone but myself. I have to wonder how much more of this I can put up with before I just give up. If I gave up, I'd be like I am now, but without hope of getting what I really want out of life- belonging.
I spend so much effort into trying to help those around me, and I don't see anyone doing the same back. It's depressing and discouraging, knowing that no matter how much I try, I can't see to get a firm grasp on any good long lasting bonds.
I'm beginning to get too tired to try anymore.

Last bump.

I can relate.

I'm 24, but feel extremely similar to you. I actually just posted a similar thread to this. Just know you aren't alone.

I was talking about it with my friend yesterday, and I think it's just really hard for anyone who doesn't fit most norms i.e. being straight, etc.

I think you're right to keep doing what you enjoy, and I understand where you're coming from when you say you're constantly putting yourself out there with no return.

I don't think you should give up. I've been dealing with a lot of rejection lately. Although it totally blows, I'm trying to figure out ways to become a better person through it. I really think it's also the current dating culture, too. I honestly really hate it.

I'm not sure what else to say except that I'm going through the same thing, and feel the same way as you do. I hope that things start looking up soon.

>>18127388
I'm sorry you have to go through this. It isn't easy to deal with. But thank you for letting yourself be known.
I hope you find your own belonging, however it may be. I don't think anyone should have to deal with this feeling or this kind of situation.

>I really think it's also the current dating culture, too. I honestly really hate it.
I agree. It certainly doesn't help.
Even outside of dating though, it seems incredibly difficult to find people you share the same wavelength with to find friends.

I honestly don't think I'll ever find a partner. I'm pretty picky because my ex set some high standards, and I learned what I relationship 'could' be, and to top it off I'm transgender.
Most people don't see us as long-term dating material. I've come to accept this for what it is, I'm okay with not having a partner. I just wish I could find a friend or two to be extremely close with to make up for it. Sadly that seems almost impossible.

Regardless, I hope all this works out for you. I don't feel anyone should be burdened with these feelings, and it really sucks with how things are in our society currently.
Goodluck on your own search, and thank you for the reply.

I feel the same way. It's ridiculous. The more I try and be happy, the more isolated I feel. Going out and doing things with new people is just sort of painful and not entertaining.

I used to have tons of hobbies, but literally none of them bring me anything resembling any joy or satisfaction.

>>18128273
I'm sorry. I hope someday you're able to find something to break that emotional barrier. Same with myself and the other poster.
It does suck though..