Friends With Friend's Girlfriend

>>18126001
You are treading in dangerous water. I bet you'd cheat with her if she was open.

She's just being friendly. It'd be okay if you weren't interested in dating her. But you are. So yes, it's pretty disrespectful and I suggest you lower your contact with her.

>>18126001
It's not weird as long as you hang out with them together enough to not seem like you're stealing her. I had this with one of my friends and it was only awkward once they broke up. It probably helped that his gf was crazy loyal despite being very flirty.

>>18126043
This

You said exactly what i wanted to say and not a word more/less.

I'm unsure if my male friend really knows what goes on between me and her. I'm pretty sure she keeps it to herself. Either he has no clue about anything (very unlikely), or he honestly has no problem with it (she's super loyal).

>>18126007
It sort of feels like I'm playing with fire so to speak. I love being friends with her, but it would be really shitty if my male friend decided to "confront" me about it or something. To be honest, I think I actually WOULD go for it if she ever made a move or something....

>>18126100
We always hang out together. Only time he's not there is if we're playing a game online or something. She's sort of indicated that she's down to hang out without him around, but I don't know about that. I feel like THAT would make it weird.

I have the same dynamic going on, only I've known my best friend 5 years and we met his girlfriend around the same time last year. His girlfriend also considers me her best friend. I love her to death like a sister. We do hang out alone sometimes and I get the feeling she actually is the one who is secretly in love with me. I care about her as much as I do someone in my own family, and we've both helped each other grow so much.

I recently started seeing a very pretty girl and ever since then she has been really showering me with attention. Whenever I'd express interest in a girl before, she would just shit talk them to me, and it was the same with this one, but now that she knows I'm really into her, it seems like she's doing whatever it takes to try to get my attention.

It's such a slippery slope. One day all of our feelings about eachother are bound to come out. It's so obvious to both of us that there is a deep, deep connection between us... but we can't really talk about it because of the circumstance. I see it like this; she is like a bridge, a burning bridge, and if I can just make it across... we will both be in paradise.. but all of our friends and people we care about are on that bridge, and if we want to get across, both of us, they will all die.

So yeah, tread carefully.

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no way girls are people too??

that girl belongs to that guy obviously

>>18126001
Yeah, you're slowly stealing her from him. You should back off. These things always end up catching feelings. The mature thing to do is respect the boundaries before it gets to that point.

>>18126311
That's actually why I started pushing things further with her.

I figured there's no reason I can't be friends with someone just because they're taken.

>>18126311
Impossible, the soul is stored in the testicles. This is basic anatomy.

You are not a friend of the guy. You are just the asshole stealing his girlfriend.

>>18127030
....by pretending you are his friend.

>>18126001
It's not weird bro, I'm close friends with my friends girlfriend and I feel related to almost everything you say in the OP. You are not breaking any rule imho.
You would only push the limit if you clearly make a move to try to get her to be your gf while she's dating your friend or very soon after they break up I guess. But being friends with her is perfectly fine.

>>18126001
Actually now that I re-read what you posted I feel 100% related to your story, literally the same thing happened to me. Well except in my case I met them 3 years ago and they were sort of secretive about their relationship and slowly made it more obvious (but anyone could tell from the start that they were a couple).
If anything happens to their relationship it's not your fault and you shouldn't value your male friend over your female friend unless he legitimately deserves it. And yes, men and women can be friends.

If they broke up and you had to choose one, would it be a friendship with him or relationship with her?

Not at all anon. I'm friends with my gf's friends (some of them), and she's friends with mine. I trust my friends and my gf so there's nothing to worry about. Just dont do anything you wouldn't normally do with someone's grill, being too touchy, calling late; etc.

>>18127065
Being totally honest, right now I feel like I'd take the relationship...

I'm not (consciously) planning anything, but if she ever did end up leaving him then that's entirely her choice.

>>18126001
Meet enough women that you don't have to fantasize about violating bro code.

Seriously its amazing how many guys think women are so scarce that they HAVE to date at work or in a social circle. You are not limited to the few girls you already know - go out and meet more.

>>18127698
The bro code is bullshit that only shows men are insecure as fuck. Your relationship with each person is unique and should be treates as such, no brocode shit.
Besides OP made it clear it's not his intention to steal his friends GF and if she does break up with the guy it's not OP's fault. I guess most people posting here never had female friends or are insecure as fuck.

>>18127715
>insecure

Its out of respect. And like I said, men with abundance don't pine after their friends' significant others because they know there are available, single women interested in dating them. Ffs just go out or download tinder or something it's not that hard.

>not his intention
Lol. He made this thread because he KNOWS he's sitting on his hands, waiting for the day they break up so he can have a shot. His responses ITT even confirm it.

>>18127723
>Its out of respect
Respecting someone more simply because they were born with a penis?

>>18127766
No it's just simply "I'm not gonna make a mess and get involved with a girl that a good friend of mine used to fuck".

>but she can do what she wants
This argument isn't relevant because she is dating somebody who isn't you, that's what she really wants.

Not only that but you assume that you would have a chance with her even if she was single.

The advice to meet other women is good for OP because it takes his mind off a girl that's unavailable to him and puts him on the path to meeting available ones. I really don't know why you're strawmanning or making it about me when it's obvious that OP made this thread because he really wants to fuck his mate's girlfriend. If he was out meeting other women often enough this wouldn't be an issue and it would out him in a better position to actually be friends with this girl.

>>18127801
>used to fuck
>currently dating
You are making no sense. Yes it's always good advice to meet other people but there's nothing wrong with thinking your friend's girlfriend is hot if you are completely sure that you are not going to try to steal her from him. And whatever the girl does is her choice, you are just referring to her as some sort of goods that belong to the friend.
You are just assuming stuff because you weren't in the same situation. I have been and I know it's safe to be friends with your friends girlfriend even if you find her attractive. If she's flirty with you it's her problem. And just because the guy has a penis doesn't mean he deserves more respect.
Also if the girl indeed breaks up with the friend, like I said it's not like she belongs to him, like she's his territory, she has the right to decide who she wants to be with as well as the guy does.
I think it's an insecurity problem, guys are often afraid of other guys being better than them so they need a bro code to keep their girlfriend on a tight leash.

>>18127829
You realize that when you date a friends ex that you make it blatantly obvious that you were interested in her from the start and that there's a chance you two were toying with the idea of being together long before it happened. Right? You could easily lose trust/lose a good friend. It has fuckall to do with trying to claim ownership.

Look at all the responses OP posted to people asking if he likes her. Tell me that's not a sign that he is going to have trouble being a real friend to her or that he's being motivated to see her because he has a crush.

Also stop acting like you give a shit how the girl feels. You and every other guy just wants his dick sucked by someone you find attractive. Be honest with yourself.

>>18127843
I'm being completely honest with myself.
However now that I read your post I came to realize that in my particular case I slowly started to become less close friends with the guy (not because of the girl but for completely unrelated reasons, attitudes he had towards me in some situations).
I genuinely do care about the girls feelings for your information. Still, in my case I definitely didn't have a crush on the girl, but considering how I wasn't THAT close to the guy near the end, just a regular friend, I would have dated the girl had she broken up with the guy and if she wanted to date me. Only because she was a really great person to be around with and she was really good looking. I wouldn't have ever tried to start anything with her myself though.
But yeah, it really depends too much on how close he is to the guy now that I think about it, you are right about that. I know some other guy who's single but I really value his friendship and I don't know what I would do if I was in the same situation except it was him involved and not my other friend.

>>18127869
Yeah every given situation is different. I still think the best thing to do is meet more women, to remind yourself you can be with someone who wants you and is available to you (I dont fuck with taken women and friend zone myself if I find out she has a bf, but that's just me)

>>18127914
Yeah I agree now and I definitely don't try anything if I find out the girl has a boyfriend either.

>>18127766
Or because OP is supposedly friends with the person attached to the penis.

I feel like it becomes weird once you hang out without him, even though he's available.

>>18126001
DESU you sound like a scummy friend. You haven't done anything with her, but I bet if she wanted to, you'd do it. The fact that you said you would choose a relationship with her over a friendship with your friend is really shady and scummy as well. To me, this sounds like you're just waiting for something to go wrong so you could snatch her up. This type of thing is exactly why so many guys take issue with their girlfriends having male friends, and vice versa.

>>18128411
fuck these autistic admins, I meant to say tbqh

This thread is underage fagacisms at its best.

Im outty. Tell them something they dont know about me.

>>18128411
Listen to resus.... the relationship jesus

Yeah, not cool man. If she was just like a bro to you, then whatever. But you want to fuck her so its not cool.

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>>18126001
Whenever I've had a friend with a gf I always back the fuck off, even if she wants to be friends. I see it as a basic act of respect to your friend. It's just really dangerous territory, and if If I had a gf I'd want my friends to be the same.

Also the fact that you want to date her makes you look like a shitty friend in this situation.

>>18128442
Kek

How the fuck could be "weird"? Of COURSE you are friends. If she's been around long enough, and is hanging out with the group, or just with you wither her boyfriend if there is no group, then obviously there's an 80% chance at least that you are going to become friends!

Don't mean to hijack your thread but I'm in a similar situation except I'm the girl.

My BF and I have been together for a long time and I see us raising a family together and all that. We have a Skype group set up with some friends (all mainly his, I just interject every now and then and they'll reply) and I've been talking to one from out of state (who's probably my BF's closest friend). He asked for my Snapchat and I asked for my BF's permission first before adding him. We've been chatting (no pictures) for a while about very basic stuff but he's SO chatty that we end up talking a lot. I asked my BF if I was taking to his friend too much and that I didn't want to get in trouble but he said as long as I don't act scandalous then it's fine.

Idk. If it was some guy from class that was talking to me this much I'd be uncomfortable but because he's a good friend of my BF I feel like he's just trying to get to know me. He feels like a kid brother and really looks up to my BF so I don't sense anything wrong but at times I'm stupidly naive.

Anyway, I can make my own thread if this details yours but my point was maybe your friend's GF really considers you just a friend and is unintentionally flirty. Don't interfere with their relationship out of respect for both parties but still treat them both equally as friends.

>>18126001
>hey guys I chat all day with my best m8's gf and would totally fuck her and get in a relationship with her
>is it wrong?

>>18129079
You're being stupidly naive right now. A guy wants to chat all the time there's usually more to it. Like in OP's case he'd fuck you in an instant and is getting closer and closer to you.

>>18126001
I was in the same position as you
give it some time
I helped my friend dump her dick bf (used to be good friends with him until he went full nutjob)
she cheated on him with me twice
and I incourged her to dump him and helped her to move on to a new better and more sane bf
I'm still good friends with her
and she's happy with her nice bf
and it feelsgoodman

so look for signs of exploits in her bf when he becomes a dick
show her the signs, if she cant she them shes a lost cause

>>18126001
You have a desire to date her so it is too far. If it is undeniably, 100% platonic with no implications otherwise then its fine but if there is any feelings at all on either side it is too far.

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>>18129537
Cool story bro

>>18127869
>I genuinely do care about the girls feelings for your information.

Then stop interfering with her relationship.

Even if I'm friends with a girl I usually cut down on our contact a bit if they date my friend. I used to be good friends with a girl who ended up marrying one of my close friends. We're still friends now but I talk to her MUCH less and only see her when I see him.

It's difficult to be JUST friends with a girl (especially if one or both parties are attractive people). You can easily stay just friends if you only talk to them once every now and then but you can't really be CLOSE friends with a girl without a high risk of developing feelings for one another.

Men and women can be friends without catching feels! At least, sometimes. I am married and have several groups of mostly guy friends that I'll hang out with together or independent from my husband. Some of them are married and some are single, but honestly it doesn't matter one way or the other - we have solid friendships built on similar interests and senses of humor, and I never worry about "the feels" with most of them. If a guy friend starts to get too flirty, I put some obvious distance between us (and then laugh it off to keep things light). If it happens often, I'll stop hanging out with him except with my husband or a friend that can keep him occupied and away from me, until the issue passes. Occasionally I'll get a slight crush on one of my friends, but I'm adult enough to put the brakes on that attraction. And with my oldest guy friends that's all but impossible at this point, I've known them so long that a crush would be weird! All I'm saying is, it's totally possible to have platonic male-female friendships independent of your SO, and don't write off the possibility.

>>18129736
So what you're saying is that the "friend zone" is an actual, real thing that isn't just made up by beta males to comfort themselves?

>>18129745
I guess so? I don't really get why wanting people as friends, but not more than friends, needs a label though. Like, am I "friendzoning" my female friends? I just want to hang out with people and talk, laugh, have a good time, and not worry that they're going to make a move on me...

>>18129736
Holy shit, a rational person on /adv/
Am I asleep?

>>18129554
I can't believe this thread is still here.
My position stands, if you are afraid of your girlfriend being friends with other guys you have insecurity issues.
Boyfriends don't own their girlfriends. You people are seriously ridiculous.

>>18129755
It doesn't NEED a label, but it helps to easily explain why a relationship is impossible.

"Sorry you have no chance - she's put you in the friendzone".

Shorter than "Sorry you have no chance - she has been friends with you for too long and now views your relationship as strictly platonic with no way of changing it. Trying anything sexual would just make her feel uncomfortable."

>>18127829
>I have been and I know it's safe to be friends with your friends girlfriend even if you find her attractive. If she's flirty with you it's her problem. And just because the guy has a penis doesn't mean he deserves more respect.

You've been the other guy, not the boyfriend. I don't respect him more because he's got a penis, but because he's a good mate and I'm loyal to him. That's what a good friend is, loyal. And a good friend flirting with your girls and having intentions isn't loyal, nor respectful. I don't need people playing these games with my gf, do you?

>>18129768
Gotcha, that makes sense. Although I think I prefer the longer explanation, if only because I feel like all of womanhood gets blamed for the whole "friendzone" concept in the first place. Even though being 'just friends' really isn't a radical idea :)

>>18129777
I don't think I've ever seen someone get "blamed" for putting someone in the friendzone, although I don't frequent places like /r9k/ where I'm sure its pretty common.

As a man, I have to say that being "just friends" with women is a lot more difficult than you might think. Maybe it has something to do with the differences between the way men and women feel attraction.

Of course, I've had a lot of female friends that I don't feel attracted to, but you always feel like you need to be more careful around them than your male friends. You don't want to "give them the wrong idea".

I think men also often feel easily attracted to any woman that they can talk endlessly with or who they have a strong emotional bond with. It's hard to be around someone you get along perfectly with and not feel attracted to them.

>>18129776
Are you serious? It's been said that no one is flirting with his girlfriend. Having intentions is not unloyal or disrespectful, and any average human being is actually able to control his urges.
OP said that the girl is flirty, not that he's flirty with her. If the girl is nice and attractive, OBVIOUSLY he would consider dating her hypothetically.
Now if the girl is flirty with him, why does no one stop to think that maybe the boyfriend should try to be better for her? Or that maybe it's just her personality?
Again, any decent human can control his urges and remain friends. If that's not the case then yeah maybe he should keep his distance.

And fyi if I had a girlfriend who's flirting with my male friends it would be her fault, not the guys'. Or my fault for not trying to be good enough. If the guys flirt back that's their fault too but this doesn't seem the case with OP since all he said so far is that he "would date her". That doesn't imply he's being actually trying to date her.
Having a girlfriend doesn't mean putting a girl on a leash. And just because you like someone doesn't mean you will try to date her. It's impossible to not consider dating someone who's nice and pretty but that doesn't mean you WILL try to date her unless you have some brain problem and can't control your urges.

TL;DR: If OP feels obsessed with her or can't control his urges, he should keep distance. Otherwise it's perfectly fine to go on this way and if the girl flirts with him it's not his fault.

>>18129736
>Men and women can be friends without catching feels!
>I for example have lots of guy friends
>some of them hit on me sometimes more or less
>sometimes I get a crush on one of them

Yeah missus, your experience sure tells us that no feelings are involved

>>18129790
Thanks for the discussion here! I agree, it's not hard to feel attraction for someone you get along with really well.

>>18129762
>Boyfriends don't own their girlfriends
Come on now, fuck off with that straw man. No one argues that. It's about not being a cunt towards your friends.

>>18129816
I don't get how being attracted to the girl but not doing anything to get her is being a cunt.

>>18129791
Yeah I'm serious. Fuck your mental gymnastics. Go flirt with your friends gf's and let your gf flirt with them. It's all the girls fault if they do it.

>>18129823
I'm referring to OP. He's a snake in the grass.

>>18129830
You are either trolling or actually retarded. No one's flirting with the girl in this thread. Can't you fucking read? Troll.
Again, because you are a retard: The guy is NOT flirting with the girl. Any decent human being unlike your idiot self is actually able to control his urges when he likes someone. In other words, you CAN like someone and not flirt with her unless you are an idiot. OP has stated that he would go out with her hypothetically, that does not mean he cant control his urges to flirt with her.
I can't believe you can be this dense.
If he DID flirt with her, THEN it would be his fault.

>>18129833
I see, I'll re-read the whole thread because it seems I must have missed something OP said.

>>18129834
Using like 10 insults in a text doesn't make your argument better. I'm done here. He'd choose her over him and now texts and snapchats with her all day. That's not trustworthy. Talking about controlling urges here.

>>18129855
He said "if his friend were out of the picture" he'd date her. Not currently. Your argument is non existent if we are talking about different things. And snapchat is not sexting.

>>18129865
Suppose we need OP back to clarify, but this one didn't sound like "only if his friend was out of the picture."
>It sort of feels like I'm playing with fire so to speak. I love being friends with her, but it would be really shitty if my male friend decided to "confront" me about it or something. To be honest, I think I actually WOULD go for it if she ever made a move or something....

>>18129871
Damnit... you are right.

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>>18129865
Here's a screenshot of OP's post saying he'd go for it if she made a move. Now they text every day. If you still think it's right what is happening then I suppose you're just naive.

>>18129808
Feels are involved *sometimes* and sometimes not! It's just not true that you can't have platonic male-female friendships, even if in some cases there is attraction. Not a binary outcome here.

>>18129521
Well damn. I mean, it's possible but the way he's been acting with me is the same I see with the rest of the guys in the group, maybe less vulgar but nothing flirtatious. We only stayed up late chatting one night and when I told my BF he said something like, "that's so typical of him. Just stop replying so he can go to sleep."

We've talked about a girl he likes (definitely not me, don't fit the description at all) and I gave him some advice on how to woo her. And like I said before, he talks about my BF almost as much as I do and considers him a really good friend.

I have male friends but none that didn't know my BF first (whether they were actually friends or just knew each other in school). I've even hung out with them without my BF and didn't sense anything sensual at all. Maybe they were into me but I've put them in the "she has been friends with you for too long and now views your relationship as strictly platonic with no way of changing it. Trying anything sexual would just make her feel uncomfortable" category >>18129768 mentioned and I think (hope) they get it.

I just want friends, dammit. Ones I can talk to on a regular basis and not anonymously on some Norwegian basket weaving forum.