consent issues

>>18124964

Maybe you pushed too hard. It happens. It's not like you ripped his clothes off.

Next time, don't drink so much and try to be more aware of physical cues to the guy's emotional state.

>>18124964

dont worry about it, if i had a dollar for every time someone made a move that i didn't enjoy, id be pretty rich. worse when they blame it on me
>WELL YOU KEPT DANCING CLOSER SO THAT MEANS YOU WANTED TO MAKE OUT WITH ME

when in reality they were the ones that kept dancing closer and closer to me, escalated in like ten fucking seconds.

regardless, being uncomfortable =/= rape. you made some one uncomfortable, you're human, other people are going to make you uncomfortable and were all gonna make each other uncomfortable.

According to prevalent liberal definitions that is sexual assault. But since you're a woman nobody would bat an eye.

So, would you abuse this nice double standard feminism has crafted for you?

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>>18124964
You're okay anon. I'm like that with my SO when I'm drunk (which is very rare).

It's not like he pushed you away and screamed "NO!". Maybe he has a girlfriend, or maybe he didn't reply back because he saw how drunk you are and didn't want to take advantage of you. Maybe, and I'm not trying to insult you, he doesn't like you. Which is okay! You can't be liked, loved, and attracted to everyone.

I wouldn't feel too guilty about it. You learned, now move on. Don't drink so much.

>>18125006

Thanks for the contribution. Instead of talking seriously about a double standard, you you shit on others. You are as bad as the assholes that hide behind feminism to hate on men, you know that?

>>18124964

"Explicit consent" is a meme. I'm sorry that people want to live in this fairytale wonderland where everyone announces their intentions 100% before anything physical goes down, but that's not the reality of life, especially when drinking.

Part of the allure of hooking up with someone is not asking outright permission all of the time, just letting into animal instincts and making a move. Women love it a lot of times, men love it a lot of times, and there isn't an exact social convention out there to clearly lay this out.

Now, it sounds like the guy isn't interested, in which case, it's a tough break, and I'm sorry to hear it, but you didn't really "molest" him in the kind of way that's going to be scarring and awful for him for eternity.

>>18125009
I am talking seriously about double standards. It appears that you subscribe to the notion of explicit consent, but does not apply that standard to yourself (is that because you are self-interested or because you're a woman?).

>>18125012
>Part of the allure of hooking up with someone is not asking outright permission all of the time

If everyone is on board and "knows the rules", great. The thing with the campaign for consent is to be more upfront. You don't need to ask people about every little thing, just be aware that there should be some feedback, even if it's not verbal people can give consent.

> there isn't an exact social convention out there to clearly lay this out.

And that grey area is the dangerous part. If we lived in a less rapey world, it wouldn't be that bad. But as the world is right now, it's not bad to talk about consent a bit more.


Nevertheless, you are right that OP isn't a monster and the dude probably will forget about this. Just don't dismiss something that is meant to help in a situation where you might never be the victim.

>>18125023

You started this ready for a fight. That's not a serious discussion, that's a fight.

I'll give you a chance, though. Why do you say I don't "apply that standard to (my)self"? What part of my post made you say that?

>>18124964
If I was the guy, I would feel great!

You didn't do anything wrong. Just like the other anons, just watch your drinking and look at the signals.

You'll find someone else, cheers.

>>18125030
Wow this is a retarded post.

>>18125036

Desperation skews your views, friend. To some, ANY contact sounds like good contact.

>>18125024
>If we lived in a less rapey world, it wouldn't be that bad. But as the world is right now
>But as the world is right now
>right now
nigger today's world is less "rapey" and violent than ever before, stop being such a priss.

>>18125046

Right, and stuff like talking about "consent" are part of making it less rapey as it was before.

>>18125029
Of course I was picking for a fight. You are a molester according to your own standards. And by refusing to accept that you are also a hypocrite.

>Why do you say I don't "apply that standard to (my)self"? What part of my post made you say that?
>he never explicitly consented to me kissing him either.
From the above, it's pretty obvious that you believe in explicit consent, or at least a very strict view of consent. He never consented, and from the looks of it he was not comfortable with you kissing him at all. You violated consent, therefore you sexually assaulted him.

>>18125067

Oh, I see. I'm not OP man. Sorry but she seems to have left, now that you mention it. Maybe this was a troll post after all but she sounded sincere.

Reply to the OP again and maybe she'll see it this time.

>>18125024

I get what you're saying, but what would have worked as consent in your situation with this guy outside of explicitly asking? That's a buzzkill in the moment of dancing and being close with each other.

My problem is that I know a ton of girls personally that say being asked permission is a huge turn-off, mainly because guys say it in a beta as fuck way (and let's be honest, it's mainly only beta guys who are going out of their way to ask permission).

There's nonverbal communication that's supposed to take place, but people who keep talking about consent keep pretending that no one is ever going to hook up while drinking and that we should all attend parties sober and formally request relations before anything goes on.

It's not realistic.

>>18125106
>but people who keep talking about consent keep pretending that no one is ever going to hook up while drinking and that we should all attend parties sober and formally request relations before anything goes on.

Well, then I'm sorry. You got someone that didn't really understands consent to explain it to you. Either an overeager young person or a sensationalist Youtuber/Redpiller.

Non-verbal consent is a thing. I won't ask a girl to kiss her every single time, while dancing and shit. But if I kiss a girl and she stands there frozen, then I will stop and try to get consent in some way (either asking or seeing if she kisses back or something).

Lack of refusal is not consent. Kissing me back, grabbing my hand/back, stroking my hair, etc. are non-verbal ways to show she is into the kiss.

No need to go to extremes in either direction. Consent is not a fight, it's just being more aware of your partner. When you are on the receiving end of shit, it's also important that you express how you feel. a lot of girls don't do it, but the solution is not to throw consent out the window, it is to tell them to express bit more, too, same way we tell guys to ask (verbally and non-verbally) a bit more.

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Hello, OP here. I am actually a gay man, but I didnt think it was at all relevant.

I felt so bad I messaged him again, and this time he replied. I guess he's forgiven me, although obviously I've blown any chances of dating him or anything.

Interesting thread actually, I've enjoyed reading your replies.

>>18125006

I dont want to abuse anything. I didnt start my night planning 'tonight im going to molest a cute boy', but the music was so loud i couldnt ask consent on the dancefloor, and i was too drunk and overconfident to pull him off the dancefloor to ask for consent.

>>18125137
>and i was too drunk and overconfident to pull him off the dancefloor to ask for consent.

Don't worry so much about verbal consent. You did back off when he didn't kiss you back, so that's fine.

Maybe if you weren't so drunk you could have escalated slowly, instead of jumping straight into a kiss. You could have gotten a non-verbal refusal earlier.

Live and learn. You are not a serial rapist. Don't beat yourself up about it too much.