i just found out that my bf has been flirting with some girl

>>18122435
No, you shouldn't speak about this at all, you should live a happy long life as a cuckquean.

>>18122435
I would consider this cheating.

>>18122435
It depends, how much do you respect yourself? If not at all, I'd say you're fine to ignore it.

>>18122473
>>18122468
>>18122463
Should I just come straight out though and ask wtf hes doing?

>>18122494
Yes


Tell him exactly what happened. You saw picked his phone, blah blah blah, saw the messages

You shouldn't stand for someone cheating on you. Even if you did you somewhat invade his privacy, that doesn't absolve him of guilt for cheating on you.

He sounds like a cunt anyways so you're probably better off

Better it happened earlier on now and you found about rather than having this shit go on while you're heavily commited

How long have you guys been going out?

>>18122500
7 years now. nothing like this has happened before and i dont understand why.

>>18122503
>nothing like this has happened before
That you know of

Has he shown any sides of promiscuity in the past?

>>18122503
WA HA HA!!! Seven years??? My god. Just thank goodness you don't have kids and start separating yourself from him financially.

>>18122500
I disagree. I dont think they should break up right away, I mean, really bikini pics are enough to break off a long ass relationship for you people? Wtf? They really could just be harmlessly going out for icecream and watching a flick. He probably lied about it because he knows op is insecure as fuck and would jump to conclusions like this.
Really, you should have a long discussion about it and if you're not okay with it, just tell him, op sounds controlling af tho desu

>>18122506
no, he's always been affectionate as heck. we do everything together and still even 7 years later we had amazing sex. i dont get why he'd throw it all away for some chubby girl with fucking green hair and glasses. this shit seems like a really fucking bad prank. he always talked shit about those kinds of girls

>>18122435
I have no clue how you're keeping your cool. My bf did this to me and I was beyond angry and hurt. I almost left him, but you know how they get you with that "I'm sorry I love you so much pls don't leave". I haven't regretted my decision yet. But that's just my situation. Majority of the time it's best if you just leave. Unless he can somehow make it up to you.

>>18122525
Yeah it felt like a prank when it happened to me too. Honestly I wouldn't try to convince myself it's harmless like >>18122514 said. They're sexting and there's partial nudes as well as plans for a date, which you said is what they called it in their messages. Talk to him about it, don't just like freak out like me. Maybe it's a cry for help? Idk but 7 years is a lot to throw away just like that.

The dude lied about going to the cinema with a friend when he actually was planning on watching a movie with her at her place. Throw him away fast. If he decided to lie then he thinks he can have the best of both worlds. He is holding on to you as a backup if stuff dont go as planned with the new girl.

Throw him away.

>>18122435

Is the house yours or him? I would just leave without saying anything, as if he never was my boyfriend, that´s the best revenge you could have instead of getting histeric.

>>18122525
He may be having some trouble with life being so stable. Not like that makes this shit a lesser problem though.

I don't say you should break up with him right away under your current information and the fact relationships simply don't work like 18yo on this board claim, when one fuck up equals a fuck off. That said, I would confront him and ask for the truth. Be prepared for a shitstorm obviously, at the minimum, next weeks/months are going to be the absolute worst.

>>18122614
>>18122640
Seconding these anons. OP your bf is a falldown and you're better off ditching him. I'd be cruel as possible by straight up ghosting him but it's your call.

>>18122571
>Idk but 7 years is a lot to throw away just like that.
tell him the exact same thing...
>7 years is a lot and youre throwing it by lying to me, sexting, sending pictures, and going on dates !?

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>>18122435
I'm sorry you are going through that bullshit....he made a choice, not a mistake. That's very inappropriate behavior.

Shame on the girl too. She must know he's in a relationship.

Well, talk to him and tell him how you feel, and what you found. That behavior is awful. I was cheated on early in my relationship (3 months in). It made me so paranoid and bitter...it took a long time to trust him again (years). DESU I actually cheated on him a few weeks after I found out he had sex with his ex. I was 19 at the time, so I was very immature, but I was so depressed that he did that to me.
He made a choice to be emotional vulnerable, and I made a choice to be spiteful. We got through it and learned from it. I equate that behavior to being young and immature. We both work lots now on our relationship and frequently communicate.

Communication is key. Why did he suddenly change his commitments? Doesn't he think cheating is inconsiderate? You really need to talk to him.

Don't curse, don't throw things, don't scream. Try to be calm and talk all this out.

If he wants to separate then, I know that might be difficult for you, but it will okay. You can find someone else if you want, and thank God you don't have children.

Keep us updated, OP. We have your back. You were wronged.

>>18122514

>cuck spotted

>>18123363
Just to add it is a little fucked that he went through all that planning and lying. My SO was visiting his family who live out of town, and met up with old friends. One mutual friend really urged him to reconnect with his ex, and shit went down. My spiteful cheating was also relatively spontaneous (a friend's party-make out).

The planning part and lying aspects are not good signs.

>>18122435


Leave. Immediately. Let me explain to you the possibilities here OP.

1. You tell him what happened, he crys and bawls about a friendship where he just got too much attention and things spiraled out of control. He didn't mean to hurt you and he didn't want to hurt the girl either. He's SO sorry and it will never happen again, he didn't mean to hurt you.

It's a lie OR he has such poor impulse control when he gets some sexual attention he will cheat on you the next time it happens anyways


2. You tell him. He gets indignant you went through his phone and plays victim. He admits he wronged you but focuses on the fact that you went through his private messages and turns it around to the best of his ability. He promises it will stop but locks his phone and doesn't want you to see it anymore.


In all of the cases he is already a liar, and a cheater. How upset would he be if you sent nudes to some random guy and went out on dates? If the answer is pissed or upset then he's also a huge hypocritical piece of shit in addition to being a cheater. Don't let yourself get cucked because you love him. He's garbage and you caught him at least.

>>18123374
This is a pretty good response.

However, it doesn't take into account his age. How old is he? If he's in his early 20s all that might just have been a result of immaturity and misguided behavior.
I know that's a pretty dumb excuse, but take that into consideration.

Also look at patterns. How does he treat others? Is he cynical, mean-spirited, scattered, selfish, frequent liar, self-aborsbed, seeks instant gradification, unapologetic, etc.

What's his parents like? Do they appear to have morals? Are they together?

Also FYI I believe in all serious monogamous relationship each person should have access to others phone, social web pages, and emails. What's there to hide?

>>18123384
>Also FYI I believe in all serious monogamous relationship each person should have access to others phone, social web pages, and emails. What's there to hide?

That's a little much. I struggle with mental illness and wouldn't want my boyfriend knowing everything I post on reddit, here, etc where I'll often post stuff about my past or what's going through my head when I'm down. People have a right to their private lives.

Yes, I want him to know about me, but sometimes I'm just having what may be a passing down mood and don't want to be a burden.

>>18122567
Sorry that happened to you femanon.. and OP.

OP, just address it as calmly as you can, talk to him about her, and about what you and him can do to correct this and move on with your relationship.

op here
i decided to calm down and try to work it out, he ended up getting pissed and fucking off to hang out with her anyway. i think i'm gonna just pack and stay with my sister for a while, but i just don't know. he said we'd talk tomorrow. should i hear him out?

>>18123419
It's up to you. 7 years is rough to throw away, but the fact he went and hung out with her is a bad sign. I like to think I wouldn't give him a chance.

Sorry, OP. He is an ass.

>>18123400
Well in my relationship we share everything with each other. We don't constantly read everything we do or monitor our internet histories or anything like that. But if he needs to use my phone (has everything on it) I give it to him without hesitation, and vice versa.
We know and basically have the same passwords too. It doesn't mean we look at each other's stuff all the time. I think you are reading into my post too much.

>>18123419
Sorry OP....that's super fucked up that he decided to hang out with her anyway. Wait do you own the apartment together? If it's a nice place, and you make the most money, kick him out. I think right now though you going to stay with your sister is best. You need that emotional support. As hard as it sounds please try to ignore replying to his messages or calling him. Silence has power. See what he does

>>18123419
Shoot him. Shoot her too.

>>18123460
>As hard as it sounds please try to ignore replying to his messages or calling him. Silence has power. See what he does

Yeah, nothing is so infuriating as silence. If you want to torture him, don't even talk to him. Let his mind go crazy trying to fill in the blanks.

>>18122435
he probably just wanted sex from you. good luck getting over him it might be a year.

Jessica?

>>18122500

This idea that hiding messages you've received from your partner is a normal part of privacy is such bullshit.

And yes, there is a difference between hiding something and not wanting them to read it.

>>18122503
Read "the 5 languages of love". It will explain what fucking happened. Your BF went into new infatuation. Not a deal breaker, but pull him back into reality.

Srly read that shit.

>>18123363
THAT.

>>18123597
That. Bitch probably only slept with him once half a year.

>>18123419
dump him, dick is cheap

>>18122435
Honestly give gut some slack he probably loves you much, but he might need occasional run out, confront him about it, and ask if he is searching for something new in sex life....

>>18123363
HAHAHA, what a fucking betacuck. I can't believe you fell for this chick's bullshit. She probably is a bitch, and that's why he doesn't want her. You need to go back to Falador you betacuck

>>18122435
It's basically over.

I can say without a doubt you're ugly as fuck.
To make katters worse, you've gotten comfortable the past 7 years. Likely FAT. Not to mention women age like shit. This is known.

It was a good 7 years but the ride ends here.

Comic book shop? That tells me hes a beta limp wristed dweeb and you were his only options 7 years ago. Ugly girls like you. Its hard. I will not sugar coat it. Ugly men will find a way. They will have many friends. Family. A ln ugly wife to fuck. But ugly fat women? Yuck. You people are the lowest of the low. Invisible. Everyone is dusgusted by you. Its hard to get any respect. You are the butt of the worlds cruel joke. This is true i shit you not.

But back on point. Your 7 year boyfriend SETTLED. He likely never even loved you. He just had no other choice. Now some little tramp at the comic book store is giving your dweeb boyfriend the googly eyes and he cant hardly wait to stick it inside her.

You see, ugly girls such as yourself used to own the beta market. You used to lock these fags up. But in 2017, dweeb culture is mainstream. Hot women now pretend to watch batman. Average women pretendto play video games and read comics. So now your beta boyfriend has AVERAGE women to pick from. The shitty pond he was stuck in with ugly fat whales like you was just filled with BETTER fish. Now he doesn't need you.

Its over. The fact that you didn't confront already tells me that you're uglier than him and much more the loser. you literally asked if you are "overreacting"... Like seriously? How stupid are you? This is END OF THE WORLD DOOMSDAY EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS ABOUT TO END level shit. Of course you arent overreacting. You're mentally ill and clearly delusional. You're looking to the web to maybe tell you its no big deal.

Well guess what. Its a huge fucking deal. Hes sexting some bitch behind your back and hes setting up to fuck her.

Once he has a taste of her its over.

Leave before he leaves you.

>>18124137

My word, you are a really hateful person. Maybe take a break from 4chan lad.

>>18124145
Kiddo. I dropped the best advice the dumb bitch is going to get. I didn't even charge.

I assessed the situation perfectly. Then told her what was wrong. Why it was wrong, and what to do next.

Fuck off kid.

>>18124156
you've got some mental issues m8

seek therapy

>>18124171
Find a flaw with my analysis.

You probably cant. My analysis is pretty solid as well as my advice.

You may not like my honesty but OP came here looking for legit advice and I gave it.

>>18124189
maaatteeee

maybe slather it in a bit of honey ya know? don't go overkill.

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18124189
Straw men. Straw men everywhere.

That being said, I bet you're at least 75% correct.
I never was into childish pursuits after I finished being a child, but I was a metalhead in the 90's, and eventually grew out of that too.
I find that the more counterculture and far off the norm a person is, the less likely they are to be happy and fulfilled, and that very much includes in relationships and in social interactions. This holds true for both men and women, IMO.
This is not separate from more socially stable groups like nerds, who identify by productive potential rather than social success. Nerds are rarely happy people, too, until they convert their productive potential into reality. Successful nerds often become relatively well-adjusted after they grow up. Unsuccessful or immature nerds do not, and happiness suffers.
I say this not to denigrate OP's bf and his card games, or OP herself, but rather that OP needs situational awareness, and, if anything, I could be critical of OP's seeming laxity in safeguarding her relationship. Like a garden, relationships need cultivation, and borders too.

>>18124145
You can tell it's Spring Break and the 14 year old edgelords have the day off.

>>18124137
Wow you must have a really shitty life. I feel sorry for you that you are so easily able to vomit up so much hate.

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>>18124467
Are you offended, snowflake?

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>>18125385

>Spends 4 paragraph typing out an autistic, red-pilled meltdown

>"Wow, anon, you're pretty sad"

>REEEEEE OMG UR SUCH A SNOWFLAKE HAHAHAHAHA ARE YOU OFFENDED SNOWFLAKE????? HAHA SNOWFLAKE