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I'm thinking that when I leave my bedroom, my mom will try to kill me, or she'll entice me to kill her. My dad doesn't control the behavior here at all, because he has no balls

I need to go to the bathroom, but I'm paranoid about warfare. But this is how things go, it's how they've been going for years... I just woke up half an hour ago if that clarifies anything


I never would have wanted to think this, but, I think the main reason I can't get out of bed most morning is because I can't interact with my parents. Why would I go in the trail preservation event with my dad? Because at least we're surrounded by other people. I've been really putting up with nasty treatment for too long, I was just fantasizing my killing my mother

She's told me to hit her before, when she threw the only working phone in the shower I was in. I can't take any of this any more than I already have, the fantasizing is sickening. I just want to leave my room but I won't because she's definitely going to be rude, what do I do?