Your oneitis

She broke up with me yesterday, after 4 years. She is doing an internship at Disney, about 8 hours from me. She said that there's too much "distance" between us, and all she sees in the future is distance.

Even though we have been in a LDR for most of our relationship.

It frustrates me even more because when we lived further apart (Her in Boston, me in New Orleans) I was the one to fly or drive to her. She never once came to see me. I visited her four times.

Anyway, she broke up with me yesterday. I'm listening to lots of Modern Baseball and Front Bottoms because I just woke up and don't have a lot else to do today

I love him but he drives me crazy. He makes me laugh and smile and cares about me like no one else has really. But He is too caught up in his ex, he's gone back to her so many times that I'm realizing I'll never measure up to her. I know he has feelings for me, but it'll never measure up to how much he wants her. I've swallowed being his second choice for years and only being important to him when they're "off" and all but disappearing when they're "on". It hurts. It hurts so much. He can make me feel so amazing and loved, then the second she decides to stop fucking randoms and give him the time of day he goes crawling back and just essentially tells me "sorry, but we have history". I know I sound bitter, but fuck. I feel used. I feel sad. It feels so unfair. Last time this happened I tried killing my feelings by completely cutting him out for a year, but it still didn't work. I still think about him all the time. I still want him so much. This fucking hurts. I want this to be done but I'm too pathetic and needy to end it. ive been drinking a lot more but I know that's not healthy. I don't want another manic episode. Maybe I just need to throw myself into working out instead

You guys should be grateful that you're at least able to love. I think I have some untreated mental illness that's somewhere on the psychopath's spectrum because I'm literally unable to love. No matter how hard I try, I just can't.
The closest I feel to love is a little bit of butterflies when I see an attractive stranger. Or what I feel when I don't know people. But as soon as I get close to them, all I feel is a neutral feel and slight disgust. Might be projected self-hate whatever.

What I'm trying to say is that even when it all went to horrid shit with you guys, you should be glad for the great memories you have and the general knowledge that you're able to feel this again.

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She lives 11+ hours away from me. I spoke to her, twice... believe it or not.
She's in a 2 girl band duo. I want her to be mine. But if she cant reciprocate this feeling or already has a partner, I think I'll just shut myself off from dating.

Met her when I was just 18 on some party. We made out and she got attached right from the start. Somehow got my number and started calling me randomly. Scared the fuck out of my inexperienced, insecure coward ass though so I ignored her when she called and when we saw each other sober in fear of ruining it. Only when we met drunk, we got along and made out. Went like this for a couple of weeks. Then we just didn't came across each other for 2-3 months.

We started texting though and I started developing my first ever crush. This went for like 2 months, then we started seeing each other on nights out again. Was now so scared of fucking it up that I couldn't even talk to her when I was piss drunk. Autistic af. To cope with my insecurity I even started acting like a massive douche.

So we stopped texting except for bday wishes etc. Months after stopping, now about a year after we met, I send her a completely ridiculous, pathetic, kinda aggressive, maybe even a bit psycho love confession bs text after a heavy night of raving. She refused ofc.

Since then we never really had contact again and it was awkward just seeing her once every couple of months. Funnily, she got together with my best friend a year later. Thing is, from everything he's told me about them, her and me would have never worked anyways.

Yet, 5 years after meeting her she still haunts me in my dreams and I think about her every single day. Way more than my long term ex gf even. Not because I hope we could get together (though that image exists), but because I find it terribly sad that I've never really had the chance to apologize for fucking everything up and being such a complete jerk to her and that I don't have any contact to the first love of my life and the woman that influenced me the most (besides mum). Unfortunately, her picture of me probably isn't a good one due to my behaviour and I guess she doesn't think about this the way I do, so I don't contact her and she'll continue haunting me.

>>18121523
>I was the one to fly or drive to her. She never once came to see me.
Such discrepancies are always dangerous. Hate to tell you, but her moving again was probably just the final chance for her to break up without giving an actual reason.

She invited me to her birthday party and I went just because my friends were going. We slowly began seeing eachother and dated.
I found out she originally only used me to scare off a clingy guy friend. He apparently expressed his feelings and wouldnt take no for an answer. So she ran into the arms of someone she thought would intimidate him and make him back off. But I guess afterwards she actually liked me and felt bad for using me.

We dated for 3 years and she was pretty fun. She was a tough tom-boyish girl and pretty strong. We would go outdoors a lot and even wrestle. It was nice because I really like to roughhouse and most people are too frail. Felt great to have someone I could actually do activities with rather than movies and talking. Something I could be physically active with.

Her old NICE GUY friend showed up again though. Just pretending to be in the area and making up any excuse to come by her place. He never got over her and was really depressed about it. Threatened to kill himself if she didnt leave me and then even got her friends involved in it and tried framing me for attacking him. Actually began doxing himself and got himself fired saying I was behind all of it and I was a jealous controlling asshole.
And her friends totally bought it. And eventually she bought it.

She left me thinking I was some abusive monster and soon after she began dating that NICE GUY. She slowly got fat, depressed, and cut all contact with her friends/family. I happened to see her last year by chance and she kind of lit up seeing me again but her new boyfriend just grabbed her hand and pulled her away. I didnt even get to say hello.

I havent been close to anyone since then. Nothing hurts more than knowing someone you felt completely true and honest to would just believe lies without even talking to you and turn their backs.
I exercise and got a great career and moved to a new city but i still hurt over it.

>>18121579
>I exercise and got a great career and moved to a new city but i still hurt over it.
shit man, I always thought these would help a great deal even tho im not in a position do the latter...

>>18121543
>No matter how hard I try, I just can't.
You don't try loving. It happens or it doesn't. I thought like you, that I was unable to love etc. Then, at 19 it just randomly happened. I've been in a long relationship since then, but I don't think I actually loved that girl. Hard to say though what love is and what's just liking and caring for someone alot. If you're searching for some clearly distinguishable 'love-feeling', atleast for me that does not exist, so maybe stop searching for this.

>>18121579
>Nothing hurts more than knowing someone you felt completely true and honest to would just believe lies without even talking to you and turn their backs.
That sounds really fucking weird man. Who does something like this?

>>18121514
I met him online 3 years ago. We just clicked. We could talk for days and it was just good.
I felt anxious the first time we talked on the phone - I never felt anxious around a guy. The first time we talked on video I felt my stomach emptying. I started at his face in silence and I was just happy.
He is the funniest person I've ever met. Really smart and full of interests. He was so handsome and probably the sexiest guy I've ever seen.

After 8 months we decided to stop talking. We promised we'll meet next life and be together.
Still kinda hope it will be like that.

>>18121557
I figured. Also, she was always kinda isolated as a person. A huge introvert. But she just recently got a bunch of friends at her internship, so she probably feels like she doesn't need me anymore

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>>18121514
>be me
>meet wonderful french red head
>spend 4 years laughing an loveing with all my heart.
>she decides to cheat on me
>crushed.jpg
>join Army to go die
>have a string of empty relationships around the world.
>everyone gets killed except me
>shot in leg and discharged
>spend years recovering now I am fat bald and forever alone.
Want my advice kid just get used to meals for one. If you are lucky after a few decades you wont feel anything at all anymore.

>>18121514
I fucked her and then got dumped after New Year's. I had a LOT going on in my personal life at the time so I took it really bad. Tried the friends crap for the first time and it just made me miserable. It also opened me up to her being a cunt to me. Coped on and realised she was never person I liked so cut all contact.

Still a sadfag over it though.

>>18121514
it took me 3 or 4 years of not talking to her
it's long

32J

That's all you need to know

>>18121617
Why did you stop?

>>18121738
pics or it didnt happen

>>18121537
I feel you, anon.

You must find happiness within yourself, you relied to much on that person emotionally and it's fucked your psych, You don't need them to be happy, you need to find yourself again. I assure you of this, coming from someone who lost their high school sweetheart to some guy who was making much more money at the time.

I'm actually in a relationship with my oneitus.

Literally don't know what I'll do if they leave me. Nobody else could compete.

>>18121706
I'm >>18121554
I've talked to her maybe 3-4 sentences on 2 occasions the last 4 years and it hasn't really gotten better as time progressed. Infact it's been getting alot worse lately. Is this going to be some kind of eternal punishment for being an autistic douche back then? Or will it somehow get better?

>>18121777
I'm actually pretty happy with myself and I absolutely don't think I need her to be happy. It's not even that I think she's 'the one' or in anway perfect for me, I actually think she's precisely not 'the one'. But she sure as hell is the one I can't fucking get out of my head.

>she asked me out first
>beautiful black hair
>gorgeous brown eyes
>shy and aloof like me, though im slightly more social and open in comparison
>we get along great, go on dates, have fun, laugh together
>so much potential for an amazing relationship
>out of nowhere she pushes me away
>still has feelings for her ex
>tfw never even got to kiss her even tho i tried and she refused cuz she was nervous
>tfw still a kissless virgin
>tfw she was one of the few girls i had a chance with and I fucked it up by not being like her ex
>tfw im ugly as hell and have bad teeth so i may be kissless lonely virgin till i die

Fuckin sucks bros

>>18121747
Too far away.
I still kinda regret it, because I never met someone like him. But, such is life.

>>18121867
Wish I could share a beer with you.

>>18121904
Why have you never met and thought about the possibilty of moving to each other?

>>18121939
He lived on the other side of earth. Literally.
We both didn't have the money and were stuck in school for 3-6 years at least.

We thought it was wise to end it before we got too involved.

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>>18121523
>She broke up with me yesterday

Fuck, that makes two of us literally yesterday
I don't feel as down as I assumed, things grew stale over time,the spark literally went I tried to improve the situation, but to no could tell she lost interest.

I'm mostly okay then I get sudden feelings of loneliness knowing I have nobody that loves me.

She is successful, rich, smart and very beautiful. With long, blonde hair, blue eyes, capable of being devoted and a loving partner.

And the twist is, I'm a girl and she's not bi or lesbian AND she's taken by an equally handsome guy and they're happy together, and I'm ugly as sin. And all other lesbian girls around here are edgy twitchy hipsters with bad taste for clothing.

>>18121956
You sure it's not just the nostalgic thought of your teen crush is what you love so much, more than the guy itself? If not and you're still thinking about him to this day, why not try it when/if you're done with school?

>>18122017
Heh, I wasn't really a teenager when we met.
He is an amazing person. Sure, I'm not the most objective, but he was really great. He was into all the stupid shit I like, he was really loving and kind. He wrote me a story. I even just enjoyed sleeping with him on Skype.

I don't have any way to contact him, and he probably moved on.
I will eventually find someone I like just as much, I am not going to die.

>>18121867
>tfw she was one of the few girls i had a chance with and I fucked it up by not being like her ex

Wow dude, you cannot think like that. You didn't fuck anything up by being yourself; it was her issue. She wasn't the One and you need to move on.

>>18121968
Sounds like... it's never, ever going to happen? It's insane to get hung up on such an impossible outcome. You might as well be sad you weren't born with wings. Go find somebody else; move to a different town if your other prospects are really that bad.

All you're doing is metaphorically stabbing yourself in the hand with a fork by being hung up on a straight, taken woman. Don't be a dummy.

He's very special. Intelligent, witty, funny, sweet, just...Dear to me. He claimed to have a couple things wrong with him which most people wouldn't admit to, but I didn't see him as that at all.
I first met him on here. I can't quite tell what drew me to him...He was friendly and we had this sort of connection even though we never met in real life.
Then I messed everything up when I took things too fast. I tried to cram everything into a short time period, I overcomplicated him when I half meant it, I was fake, inexperienced. So he just left without explanation.
I guess not everything was perfect because he made false promises and said a couple things that insulted my image, but I was too butthurt.
Unfortunately, we met at the wrong time in my life. If he were here now, everything would be different. I would fully mean what I say if I spoke my feelings. I wouldn't self pity for attention. I could have actual conversations about things we have in common and things he might actually like rather than pretending to treat him as an object. I wouldn't rush anything.
I think about him everyday but I know it's not the other way around.
How I'm coping, not very well. I have extremely low self esteem. I starve myself and have become very suicidal. A lot of things remind me of him. If I ever improve my appearance I plan on being a useless whore to forget about him because nihilism. I cry pathetically a lot just wishing he could be here and I could apologize and hold him, if not then just talk to him and see his smile. :'(
A part of me wants him to read this but deep down I know that if he did he would think I'm even more pathetic and be reminded of how much of a waste I am.
I am trying to move on. It makes me sick to think that he is out there loving someone else. But I also have this yearning affection towards him, that I want him to be happy even if it's with someone else or even a friend. I wish I had a time machine, but I guess this is karma.

>>18121514
Had massive oneitis with this one lady. Told her I had romantic feelings - she doesn't. Wasn't that bad actually; took a few days but I think I stepped into 'neutral' mode. While I do acknowledge that I probably still harbor deep feelings down there somewhere, they don't show very often anymore and I'm glad I can keep being good friends with this rather great person.

The oneitis dream has to end - one way or the other. Either you end up getting together, or you get confirmation that she just doesn't feel that way.

>>18121962
>I'm mostly okay then I get sudden feelings of loneliness knowing I have nobody that loves me.

That's the biggest thing. I never felt like there was a spark missing. Me and my ex gf had sex like, 4 days ago, and we always told each other about our problems. This totally blindsided me.

She was the person I always told everything to. And now I feel like I have nobody to vent to about life.

>>18121537
Are you me? Holy fuck. Except mine offered me the option of being in a polygamist relationship with them. I hate myself for even considering it.

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She came over my apartment yesterday and I told her about moving our relationship forward. We were on the patio discussing the whole thing and I was pretty drunk. I asked her why she never likes being touched she said she did does by only boyfriend or something. I cut her off before she said it and said just not by me uh? Anyways she said she wasn't really looking for s boyfriend right now and asked if I had anything to say to her. I told her I rather go inside and tell her so we did. All the way inside my eyes were tearing up and I couldn't look at her in the eyes. She was obvously looking at me because my voice was cutting off. We got inside and I immediately turned on the tv to try to dissuade the situation but then she asked me again and I told her to turn off the tv and the lights because I don't want her to look at my face(I can't control my emotions very well). I told her that I've been having feelings for her for a long while and that she kind of gave me hope when she was ambiguous the last time I asked her. She told me she has never liked me that way but that I'm. Really nice and comfortable to be around and she would still like to be my friend. I asked her what's so unlikeable about me in my madness and she said there wssnt anything wrong with me, that it was her. I told her how giving me hope fucked me up harder than her being straight forward and asked her to be honest and straight with me from now on because I don't like opening myself to be hurt, that I was going all in about the whole thing and she's should've perceived this a long time ago. I texted her later on at around 3am and told her that I was sorry for the uncomfortableness situation and that I would eventually get over but I ended some time and that if I'm being distant it's not personal but I was trying really hard to not make it about myself since I got so much personality issues.

>>18122544
She replied to me and told me that its okay if I still feel that way and that she'll try not to distance herself because she enjoys being with me as a friend. She also apologized for not being straight foward with me and told me it was odd for her to be in that situation because it's usually a situation she's in. We talked a bit today but I haven't actually move for from bed besides to eat and shit. I can't handle this whole issue but I need to get over it eventually. Somehow I feel bad for her because she apologized to me so much. I try so hard not to like her but it's imposible considering we're so similar and she makes me be a better version of myself. We'll be seeing each other next weekend because it's something we've done since we met but I fear I'm gonna start to resent her.

>>18121514
>had oneitis
>got into a semi-relationship with her
>really happy
>got blackout drunk and fucked some ugly slag at a party
>ruined it

feel so bad about it too and would do anything to undo it t b h

>>18121554
>Unfortunately, her picture of me probably isn't a good one due to my behaviour and I guess she doesn't think about this the way I do, so I don't contact her and she'll continue haunting me.
I never understood things like this. Why even care what she thinks if you think it will help you feel better? Fear of rejection?

To get a woman you need to do the opposite of what you think. You actually need to treat women like crap. Women do not like nice guys - period. I was you, learn from me. I once was with a girl and treated her like a queen. She left me to go back to her old boyfriend who pushed her out of a moving car. That's when it hit me. From that day on I treated girls like crap and I can't get rid of them, They keep coming back for more. I'm not talking beating them of anything harmful, but I do not go out of my way for them, do what they want, or speak nice to them. If you want this girl in your life IGNORE HER100% and she will come crying back to you. But you need to avoid here till she comes crying back.

She's a tall, black haired middle eastern girl with a foul mouth and a dark sense of humour. Kind hearted yet brutally honest all at once.

We were great on paper: both musicians, into similar stuff, both a bit socially weird, lazy, we agreed on politics and even on "social justice" issues (definitely not something I'd ever expect from most women, bitter as that might sound)
The good times were amazing. But I happened to be going through a horrible time in my fledgling career, feeling both undervalued and inferior. I complained a lot about it. It didn't get better while we were a couple. It's getting better now, but too late I guess. I wasn't fun to be around, I used her as an emotional hanky to tell me that I'm worth something. I was unsure and self conscious about the tiniest things. It got really old. She broke it off and I was okay at first, but denial wore off quickly and anger came in full force. I threw all her good advice in her face and told her she would never understand me and burnt everything to the ground.

That was 8 months ago, we haven't talked since and I can't bring myself to. Even saying sorry for how I was feels like it runs the risk of hurting her more. I don't wanna dig up old wounds just for my own benefit. To be honest she's strong enough that she may just laugh at it, which I guess wouldn't be so bad.

She was kind and affectionate when we were together then I turned her off with my clingyness and she got disgusted with me. Now she has a guy who only wants her for sex and here I am still bitter about it all since the furthest I got was making out. I cope through vidya and occasionally looking at her social media which I wish I could stop doing.

i went and fapped, feelings slightly faded, meet a superior girl, forget the old one but since this oneitis shit is common i stay away from superior girl,not get attached and discipline myself. feelsgood

I'm a miserable fuck who just can't get a single woman to respect him enough or to like him.

>>18122686
>beeep beep booop I never touched a woman boop beeep boop

Actually I'll tell you about my one-itis.

I know this girl isn't special or anything, I know that I think too much of her.
I just can't let it go I don't know why.

The fool I am thinks hard that this girl likes me back...

Now this girl is being distant as fuck with me.
It hurts to know how distant she becomes even before I get rejected or tried to talk to her for more than a minute.
Because girls can smell that you're a needy loser who can't date for shit.

And I don't even give a fuck anymore actually because there is a huge contradiction in the dating process:

you need to not be needy with a girl in order for her to pick interest in you, but to do this you actually have to show that you like her then act as if you don't give a fuck.

So yeah, no matter how girls put it, and I know a lot of guys here will understand me : We're just condemned to that hit or miss.

What I mean by I don't give a fuck, is that i'm actually going to go for it and show her that I get a hard on for her, whatever happens is no big deal because I'm already freaking her out.

I freaked her out the day our eyes crossed and she saw that I like her.

If I was a Chad she wouldn't doubt that she isn't the only option I have.
But since I am an ugly, boring ass, push-over, she will just see me as a jerkoff.

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>>18122763

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How do I "separate" my happiness from my oneitis' reciprocation? Whenever I have this one special girl in my mind I'm either extremely happy when things are going well, or pretty sad when things aren't. Even simple things can trigger these mood swings. How do I make my happiness more stable and independent?

>>1812278
There's a difference between being disinterested and just not being a gush-fest, and appearing to be someone that has their life together. That, from what I understand, is what women want, and probably most men too. I mean yeah we live in pretty shallow times where people are almost scared of human connections, but that doesn't invalidate them. It's our awful modern dating culture that tells us having feelings for someone is somehow weird and off-putting, and you are most likely trying to reinforce that narrative by wrongfully attributing how she's acting to something you've done when it could be any old bullshit. Fuck it mate, don't crucify yourself for having feels.

where do i even fuckin start? we met in 10th grade, started talking, only had her in one class. eventually i began to get a bit of a crush on her. keep in mind i was even more autistic and awkward than i am now. she actually ended up asking me out towards the end of the school year. me being the anxious, insecure idiot i was/am, kinda thought it was a joke or something, but i said yes. i had never been more scared in my life. i come in to school the next day, and...nothing happened. we didnt bring it up. didnt talk about it. it was so strange. i didnt end up asking her about it until this past july when i decided enough was enough. threeish years of just... constant pain and regret. she was amazing. she had ana amzing smile and laugh, super smart and talented and kind and beautiful. im still amazed that someone like her ever had feeling for me. i asked her what happened and she said she let her anxiety get the better of her. same thing happened to me.
throughout the years we texted occasionally but never hung out. until around febuary 2016, i was working at the local grocery store and she comes up and says hi to me. i was shaking so much, i wonder if she noticed. she even hugged me after we finished talking. from there we started talking nearly every day over the summer. out snapchat streak was super long. every morning id roll over, check my phone and see her name on my lock screen. she sent my cute pictures, we talked about random shit, it was amazing. but even then, i was too scared and stupid.
eventually, i ended up going over her house. i think this was the final nail in the coffin. my last chance to redeem myself, squandered.
i was just so...weird. i was nervous and scared and i let it get the best of me...after that she didnt talk to me as much. i mean, she was busy with school and stuff, moving away and all that....(cont)

>>18123095
after that i did end up sending her a lot of stupid autistic texts which probably sealed the deal. i unfortunately deleted them all so sorry if you wanted me to post them to laugh at my misery.
everytime she comes back down to visit for whatver break shes on, she always posts snap stories of her hanging out with her other friends and doesnt respond to mine. it hurts. especially when she posts pictures of herself with this other guy. a few nights ago she posted some of her and this guy cuddling, he was playing with her hair....if i wasnt so scared and passive and anxious and weak that couldve been me. ive tried to get over her, i have, but im not sure if i ever will. it fucking hurts. she came into my life, stole my heart, smashed it to bits, left, and hasnt looked back. honestly, after all this pain, i dont think i even wanna bother with romantic relationships. it just seems so pointless. why bother if itll just lead to pain and heartbreak and divorce? i understand the point of taking risks. you wont succeed if you never try, but...i dont know if i want to succeed.
i tried blocking her a while ago and it kinda worked, but...i dunno what to do guys. i just dont know...

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My oneitis said she never loved me and that I am a freak. My oneitis is fat and dating a crazed ohioan who talks with a fake european accent. I just ran a 15k in an hour 15 minutes yesterday and am still losing weight. Don't settle guys, love is everywhere in your lives but you can't see it at first.

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No oneitis. Just came here to read

>>18122788
I FORGOT!

My oneitis has a boyfriend.

>>18123169
same

>>18123285
What's your story?

What should we do anon?

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He is with me for lif

[spoiler]he is a tulpa[/spoiler]

My relationship is failing right now. We've been together on/off for almost a decade. I tried to leave recently and came back because I felt distraught and I finally got him to agree to go to counselling for his untreated but diagnosed depression and anxiety. He has gone, only one appointment so far and I don't expect a miracle cure, but the way he treats me and the fact he blames everything on that or me and will literally say he won't try to fix things is inexcusable. I have depression and anxiety too but I don't pull the kind of things he does and I don't know if I can handle waiting for a change, or if there ever will be one in how he treats me even if he gets his own shit together.

There are no good parts to our relationship anymore. All we do is fight, all he does is twist my words around and blame me. When we're not fighting he's avoiding me for days at a time or refusing to spend time doing something fun with me on the basis it won't be fun. I know that so many of these are symptoms of depression, but I'm at my breaking point from how long this has been going on and how it's gotten progressively worse and worse.

The only reason I didn't end things with him today is because I'm hoping that if I wait I'll become more apathetic and less emotionally invested, making it easier to stick to a break up and move on. Sometimes I find myself secretly hoping he'll get it together at least somewhat before I decide to do that so I have an excuse to stay, but that kind of thinking is why I've stuck it out this long in the first place, and it hasn't gotten either of us anywhere yet. Most of the time I realize it's probably not going to go back to the way things were, and I don't dare to hope.

I really miss who he used to be.

I met her two months ago. She's perfect for me: posts here, loves the same vidya I do, likes to laugh at edgy internet humor, and she's extremely adorable, to the point that there isn't a single thing she does that isn't fucking cute as hell to me. We hang out a lot, lots of going to the movies but she also enjoys getting fucked up so she comes over and drinks and passes out here a lot. We also sometimes go into town and hang out with some friends of hers and sleep over. We're also into exercising together.

The other night, we were drunk and I finally told her about a lot of my feelings, and she came back to my house and went to sleep. The following day we held hands and she was very affectionate towards me in a way that she hadn't been before. I thought shit couldn't get any better.

Today she started posting on social media about some other guy. Like, a lot. She goes out of her way to avoid me appearing in her snaps, but she made many of him. He could be anyone: perhaps she doesn't even like him, but I know he's not like a direct relative and he also has a specific set of features that she prefers in men. So I'm fucking terrified.

I need this thing to go well. I haven't been in love like this in five years. And I've been getting my life together for the first time in years because of it. She was helping me escape from NEETdom and now I'm terrified that it's already over. I've accomplished so much during these last two months. I'm so close to escaping the hole. I don't know what I'll do if I have to distance myself from her. I'll probably relapse hard.

What hurts the most is that I've never met anyone like her in my life. She's literally my dream girl in every possible way. Why is life so fucking cruel?

I've been desperately trying to get his attention for four years whether I like to admit it or not. The most I get from him is a "hey" when I see him. kill me senpai

>>18123641
This is so freaky, like I could have written this word for word 4 years ago and it just now posted.

My biggest regret is that I didn't end it sooner. Years sooner. Just do it now.

>>18123641
Can you give us some examples in what way he mistreats you?
And why did you think that happened? You said he changed, meaning he wasn't that way before?

>>18121554
That must be terrible, seeing her go to your best friend. You're a strong soul, never let that go.
>>18121523
I'm on the other side of that m8. Its tough. Hold in there.
>>18121543
Sometimes I feel you man..
>>18121579
This is a real gut wrencher. It hurt me to hear that she ended up in a bad place with someone so evil. It sounds like this guy destroyed her life. That would be pathetic if it wasn't so depressing.
>>18122219
I'm truly sorry anon. Just know I am sending you love now. You can make someone happy, I know it.
>>18122738
I'm glad to hear your story, though it was full of sadness because it was also full of learning. I think you should find closure with her.
>>18123111
This reminds me of a story from my past. Know that there can be many more girls like her if you look in the right place.
>>18123641
This makes me sad because there is no good answer. You need to look into yourself and decide if the relationship is helping or hurting.
>>18123751
I am the person who says "hey" to everyone instead of being getting close. Try a little more, try and get closure. You may be surprised what happens.

>>18123693
If this isnt a troll I sincerely hope you don't relapse, dude. Continue to exercise, learn to do the things you two shared together on your own to bring into your next relationship. Maintain those hobbies, anonbro. There's always going to be more girls out there if she isn't the one, so continue to build yourself up and never stop improving. You wouldn't be doing yourself a service if she leaves and you slip back into your old habits and rituals while she upgrades; you're initially proving to her that you were just a buffer. Good luck, man.

>>18123768
If I do it now I can promise you without a shadow of a doubt I'd go back to him. Even if I full on cut contact. I'm almost certain I should end it, but if I'm going to do so I am going to *need* to be completely tired of this, completely over how he treats me, and dead certain of my choice. In a way that I won't go back to him or take him back when he comes to me. I've been with him for so long that walking away and sticking to it is so, so much harder than it has ever been with anyone else. One day maybe I'll regret not having ended it sooner, and sometimes I regret it now. But where I am right now, that's not a step I'm prepared or able to take.

>>18123773
>And why did you think that happened? You said he changed, meaning he wasn't that way before?
Like I said, depression and anxiety. I've been telling him for years that he's got both, urging him to get help. After he graduated college he didn't do anything with his life, and that sort of ate away at him and eroded his self-esteem little by little. He spent less and less time hanging out with his friends too. The healthy relationship we built started to crumble because he was too anxious to tell me important things that affected our relationship and would lie to me instead, and it started happening regularly. We'd (obviously) get into fights over it when the truth came to light and then that reaffirmed his anxiety and fears. He didn't used to believe he was depressed or had anxiety, and he didn't believe he needed help until fairly recently. His anxiety and stress is so bad that he sometimes faints from it. In all fairness, I haven't helped. I've done my share of lashing out at him and saying shitty things to or about him as well. But I've tried hard to mitigate it and to change, and to be supportive. I've tried very hard to be there for him when he needs me to, and to give him space when he doesn't. I don't like the person this relationship is making me into. And I don't like the person he's become.

>>18123826
Continued:

>Can you give us some examples in what way he mistreats you?
As I said before, he's lied about major things. We've made plans over the course of months for trips together, and then just days before the flight told me he hadn't booked tickets or intended to travel at all and that he was too anxious to broach the subject at first, then it spiraled out of control. We talked it over, he promised it wouldn't happen again and a year later the exact same thing happened.

He can be verbally abusive. He's also explicitly threatened to kill himself as a means to try to manipulate/hurt me when he had no intention to do so and did not feel suicidal at all (by his own admission). I'm not going to excuse his behavior because it is absolutely disgusting, but I am sympathetic to what he's going through. He had a panic attack and nearly passed out, I helped him get to a sitting position so he didn't hit his head when fainting and then he broke down.

It is draining, it is exhausting, and he fails to support me in the same ways that I offer support to him. I love him still, but I also hate him in a way for how he treats me and what he has become. And that in turn makes me much worse to him as well. I'm far from perfect or innocent in this all.

It's funny, when we first started dating I was an insecure wreck of a person, and he helped elevate me to be so much more. He taught me to like myself, he taught me to stand up for myself, he was patient, kind, loving, reassured me a thousand times a day. He'd go out of his way for me no matter how passive-aggressively I communicated.

When things started to get bad I was so dead-set on standing by him because how could I not? He'd done all this for me, and we'd built a beautiful, healthy relationship out of it. Of course I was going to be there for him and of course I was going to help him. Even when he started with the lies I stood by him. But it's been about three straight years of things getting worse and worse now.

>>18123693
How is she a perfect girl when she does the things you talk about?
I can't get this into my head - how can you possibly call someone like that perfect?

Confront her about her behavior, tell her how it makes you feel and then see what she says and how she acts.

>>18123843
From what you write that sounds quite horrible indeed.
Like he is completely unstable and insane.

What I would like to hear about is how you come into play here, though. What are your actions that trigger some kind of negative reaction in him? What is it that he blames you for?

>>18123863
>What I would like to hear about is how you come into play here, though.
At times in reaction to some of the things he's done I've called him psychopathic, cruel, abusive (obviously the last one is factual, but it's no less abusive to say these things to him). Today I called him "the most disgusting person I've ever met." in the midst of a fight. I genuinely didn't used to be this way and even now I try hard to respond patiently and with calmness no matter how mad or hurt I am. But I do fuck up, and there is no denying I haven't worsened things lately as well. I find it a lot harder to communicate my feelings to him nowadays in a loving or at least neutral way. And oftentimes when I do, he'll ignore it.

>What is it that he blames you for?
Right now he blames me for everything. How he acts, how he feels, why our relationship is this way. Every fight we have. All of it is on me in his eyes. He used to take ownership for a lot of it and he used to be apologetic or try to make amends. But as things have gotten worse, he's stopped trying to fix things or acknowledge responsibility.

I ask about his day every day that we get to speak, and I ask with real, sincere genuine concern. But just today he said I never ask after him and that if I did care, I would ask about him sometimes so why should he care about me or hear what I have to say.

Our relationship is poisonous and dysfunctional right now and there's no two ways around that. We are both abusive. But I really do want to change things. I want to change myself, I want to fix my problems, and I want him to fix his own. Another small part of my desire to stick things out is the hope that if I change enough of myself, if I go back to the kind of person I was at the height of our relationship, maybe he can start to change too. But I'm not remotely certain that that would make the difference.

>>18123887
That really sounds like a mess. I guess your plan to emotionally disconnect over time isn't that bad.
Best of luck with that!

First crush ended up going for someone across the ocean, and frequently made me uncomfortable asking for advice since she thought we were similar.

Fast forward a year, and I start developing feelings for a friend. She had recently dumped her boyfriend, and I wanted to be respectful even though she had been over the relationship for months before that so I refrained from asking her out too quickly. Then I found out she shacked up with a mutual friend like a week later, later learning that this was a regular thing between the two of them.

Shit sucks, but its nothing I can change right now. I'm not really sure what to do now, not really good with people.

>>18123799
>That must be terrible, seeing her go to your best friend. You're a strong soul, never let that go.
I didn't really mind that at all desu. It was strange because that meant she was finally taken and gone and every last romantic tiny bit of hope that we'd somehow still end up together was now pointless. But that was minor. I got in a long term relationship at the same time aswell, so my thoughts regarding here weren't really romantic at that time. It's just that wish to apologize/sort the shit with her out and the sadness about not having her in my life at all (no matter the form).
Again, I have no delusions about ever coming together with this girl, but even though I'm very clear about it, I can't stop thinking about her and wondering what she's up to nowadays.

She ruined my chances of ever enjoying being with a girl that has a less attractive body than her. Personality wise, she is just an idiot who will never accomplish to anything and I don't miss her personality at all. But goddamn I miss her tits n ass.

>Should I delete her nudes?

>>18124124
>Should I delete her nudes?
Post em you faggot.

>>18124125
I've done enough of this already on /b/ and this is a blue board

>>18124129
Link it

Had one that was the first love of my life, I grew up with her as kids and even in the times when other girls were gross we hanged out

Moved to another town

Then when we were teenagers when Facebook was a new thing I found her on there and messaged her and she was surprisingly really interested in meeting me

I didn't expect that and had no idea how to react to her inviting me over to sleep at her house 3 times, waiting for me at the bus stop when I came to my hometown and coming to talk to me at party events while completely ignoring all my friends that were standing around

So basically I reacted to none of that because I didn't know how and after several months she started getting visibly bored of my shit and was sending me bored responses instead of the super excited long responses filled with smileys she used to send

It was only at this moment I knew I had fucked up irreparably and just cut all contact

She probably thought I'm fucking gay or something, after all those sleepover invites and that one time she was waiting for me at the bus stop and I dismissed her, telling her I had arranged to meet at one of my guy friend's house :D

I've felt sexual attraction to many, many girls after that but after accepting the mindset that I'd never have my perfect teenage love I haven't had romantic feelings for anyone ever since, even though I'm going into my 20's now, and it's not like I can't let go or feel any longing, since she isn't the girl she used to be so I'm not at all interested in her anymore

>>18124679
Oh god, are you me? I wasn't that bad (the sleepovers), but I made out with her several times when drunk and after that never really managed to do anything but texting like some faggot.

>that one time she was waiting for me at the bus stop and I dismissed her, telling her I had arranged to meet at one of my guy friend's house
Lmao did pretty much the same. I arranged ONE meeting with that girl once within a year of contact, but then just decided to chill with my buddys out of fear I might fuck it up. Just thinking about this makes me cringe. To think we've ruined our teen loves because of this shit...

But unlike you, I'm still extremely interested in her, even though that was years ago. The thought of having fucked up something I wanted so hard just messes with my ego like nothing else.

>>18121514
I just write her off as a fluke. (She was my first and only relationship.) We're still friends but we haven't talked in so long, I've nearly convinced myself she was a figment of my imagination. I've yet to meet another girl that found me attractive and showed interest in me, because I live in an area not conducive to young people meeting up and dating.

There will always be a part of me that loves her though.

bleh, she was showing signs of cheating, told her to cut it out

she didn't, so after awhile, I dug deeper to find what I was looking for, and she was chatting sexually online with a bunch of guys and exchanging pics

so, I broke up with her


took her back, and she did the same shit to me again.

so, we broke up again

i dunno how it happened, but we got together again, and I'd just catch her in the stupidest, most irrelevant white lies, all the fucking time, and it just brought back all the memories of her lying to me before, so I didn't even care if she was doing it again or not, she's just a compulsive liar, so I broke up with her for the final time.

It fucking sucks man, she was raised really shitty and had every excuse in the book, but she'll never forget how good I was to her despite it all.

I really tried, really hard. I gave her the opportunity to clear it all up, and she just lied all around it when I had the truth sit out in plain sight and might as well have rubbed her nose in it while she kept lying.

shit sucks sometimes. there's still a mystery incident that I never brought up with her.. She got caught shoplifting at Wal-Mart, but I never understood what she was stealing, or why because she made more money than I did, and I made pretty good money.. And, we were 3 years in at that point, and she knew if she needed a bit of scratch, I would've had it for her..

But, whatever, compulsive liar, I tried my hardest, but I wasn't good enough.

>>18121514

Shes one of my best friends. We talk a lot together and make each other laugh. Year ago I started liking her and asked her out. Of course she rejected.

Since, I have attempted to cease any emotions towards her. She has made an effort to maintain friendship, but likes to mock flirt with me e.g:

>At party, talking to her and other friend
>She mentions she has nipple piercings
>Says to me "I'd bet you'd love to see them"

There are many instances like this where I will be in a conversation with her and/or someone else, and she will place herself above me.

Even though it hurts I still subconsciously crush on her and its infuriating as it doesn't stop.

shes a lesbian my dude

>>18124728
Yeah, exactly the same with the fear of fucking up and texting like a gay best friend.

I declined her because I had some autistic idea that I have to be the one to initiate it and take control, and then I didn't know how to do it perfectly and just waited for another chance that never came because I had declined her so she probably thought I wasn't that interested and was much less inclined to direct things into that direction.

And another reason was that my parents were extremely overprotective and even if I made the arrangements they had to be in touch with the parents of my friends so they always knew exactly where I was, which was too much for my pride to take, I basically just bunked over at my guy friends' houses because I wanted to slip over to her place without having my mother call their family up, because I didn't want her to know I basically had to ask mom for permission to meet a girl. It had to be me.

I know she meant well and I'd probably be the same as a parent myself but man.

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I met her and we had a lot of interests in common. She was one of the most beautiful girls I've ever laid my eyes on. She moved schools and haven't talked to her in almost a half a year since she moved. I just texted her out of nowhere one day and we hit it off like things used to be. It was going great at first until she started getting pissed off at me for no reason.

On the day I was gonna ask her out, she exploded on me so hard that I decided that I cease contact with her and haven't talked to her for a month until she texted me again the day after Valentine's Day. She would make all these claims that she changed and wants to start over with me.

I gave her a second chance and that only lasted about 5 days before she went back to her old self with being pissy for nothing. She told me that she didn't want me to love her and we're most likely that we would drift apart than being together. I got tired of her shit and just told her goodbye and have a good life.

She was my only friend that I can actually talk to about anything, but her behavior is just unbearable. It disappoints me that our relationship ended up in the shitter as we had so much potential with each other

I've known him since we were 4, we went to the same school and we also went to gymnastics and Ju Jitsu together.

I became best friends with his 2 sisters(Triplets) This meant that we would also hang out with him a lot and he became one of my closest childhood friends.

I started to develop a crush on him when we were about 14, he was really starting to grow into his looks around then. But he never really showed any interest in me. I started trying to distance myself from him when we were 16 because he was stating to date pretty much every attractive girl at our school, and I just got so sick of hearing about everything that they got to do with him that I couldn't. But it was hard to keep my distance because I was such good friends with his sisters.

I made it to the end of school without losing my mind over him and we were still friends. I went to Cambridge with his sisters, and he to my annoyance and his parents rejected his offer to Cambridge to go to Newcastle and party.

We would Skype eachother 2-3 times a week and I enjoyed it, it felt like something I could manage I formed an almost fake relationship in my head which wasnt healthy as everytime I would go on facebook I would see pictures of him having fun in a club with girls hanging off him and it sent me into a mild rage. I was never much good at dating everytime I let a guy get close I'd subconsiously sabotage it because my mind would go what if RG likes me. Which was stupid. I'm pretty sure he's still the reason I'm a virgin because everytime I get to that stage in a relationship I sabotage it as if I'm subconciouly saving myself for him and its so stupid but soething in me makes me do it. I'm worried I'll never be able to move past him.


CONT (1/3)

>>18125473
The 1st time I saw him in person again was when we were 21 it was at his parents 50th birthday. He was so perfect, just standing there 6'4 well built just looking stunning in a light blue shirt. And that smile he gae me uh I could have melted. The night was amazing we had so much fun apart from that one soul crushing moment of course. There were about 6 or 8 of us close friends just in the sitting room frinking whiskey or wine and someone asked him who his perfect woman would be and he said me, he said it would be me if we weren't such good friends. We laughed about it but on the inside I felt like I'd been torn apart.

I didn't see him for a while afterr that he went back to Newcastle to do his Masters. We still skyped. Then he came back and went straight to work with his dads company. We went out for their 23rd birthday but his new girlfriend was with us so it was bittersweet for me. We would go to lunch the odd time when we were both free and it was nice just to talk to him 1 on 1.
Then he told me that he had to move to the US for a few months some touor he has to do or something.

So we threw a going away party for him it was a big surprise and he seemed to really enjoy it, I brought a date which was a first for me at one of these things and everything went really well.

CONT (2/3)

>>18125475
I ended up sitting on one of their garden benches with him when we both needed some air. We were talking and it was so amazing it was the best conversation I have ever had with anybody it was so emotional and we were openning up to eachother about everything. He told me about how he doesn't really get along with his gf and he wants to end it but his dad set them up so he feels like he has to keep dating her and he feels trapped an he doesn't want to be tied down to his job like he is right now. So we were pretty glum after that portion of the coversation so I started talking to him about martial arts which he's super into, and we started joking around and I said I bet I could still kick your ass because I could when we were little. So this turned into us actually having a play fight and he pinned me to the ground andwe jsut lay there looking at eachother for ages and it looked like he was going to kiss me but then his sister cleared her throat and the moment was gone.

I've been so confused since I don't know if it means he likes me or if he just got causght up in it all. He's been gone for 2 months now he comes back in a few weeks.

Things didn't progress with my date obviously.

What do you guys think I should do. I've never talked to anyone about my crush not even my brother or sisters.

I do feel a lot better after typing this all out.

FIN (3/3)

>>18125397
>I declined her because I had some autistic idea that I have to be the one to initiate it and take control, and then I didn't know how to do it perfectly and just waited for another chance that never came because I had declined her so she probably thought I wasn't that interested and was much less inclined to direct things into that direction.
Fucking shit, I feel you so hard. Exactly my line of thinking and the reason I fucked it up. I always knew I just had to ask her out, but I was unsure how to progress from there. So I just waited and waited, till she probably thought I'm either gay or not interested. Especially that one time we agreed to meet. That was the one time I made up my mind, asked her to chill at my place - my parents were on holidays that week, so absolutely perfect - but when she didn't text during the day of our meet I sperged completely because I didn't know what to do from there and because I was so fucking nervous. So instead of simply asking here "Hey, so 8pm is still okay?" or if I should pick her up at her place or basically fucking anything, I invited my friends and when she finally asked what I was doing I had to tell her that I was busy watching a movie with my brehs.
Fucking hell man. The poor girl was probably sitting at home, equally as nervous, just waiting for me to 'confirm' everything and then had to hear from me that I was chilling with my buddys. Just writing this makes me physically cringe. And I was actually so incredibly autistic that, in my mind, I blamed her for not texting me and started acting weird towards her. Jesus, that was 4 years ago and writing this I actually think about contacting her and apologizing for my autism and the disappointment I must have caused...

>I know she meant well and I'd probably be the same as a parent myself but man.
That's pretty tragic man. What would your mum say if you told her she made you fuck up with your oneitis?

>>18125473
>>18125475
>>18125480
TELL HIM YOU FUCKING SPERG, I SWEAR WHY DO YOU PEOPLE NOT WANT TO BE HAPPY REEEEEEEEE

>>18123799
Thanks. I really do need to try and meet more people. I gotta put myself out there more.

i fell and im still in love with my ex teacher, i think of her every day, i gave her flowers once in the classroom (we were few, 6 people max) and she accepted kinda kindly but i found out later she hated me so badly
im 21 and she's like 10 years older, she has a bf and planned to raise children and family together
im wishing someday after graduating my career and became fit im gonna cuck her bf and marry her
my plan cannot fail guys, can't it? im planning this for ten years from now she'll like 40 and im gonna be 29

>>18121514
This december will be 3 years. I think of her every day. Just live hour by hour, day by day. >>18121523

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It's been almost a year since she broke up with me. I can't feel anything for anyone else. A girl from tinder wants to go to a bar with my tonight and it just makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it. I'm sure she is a nice girl and she is definitely cute but I just want my ex back.

She was weird and I could truly be myself around her, I don't think I've ever felt so comfortable around anyone in my life. And she was beautiful, to me at least.

I would honestly try to reconnect with her but I'm almost positive she fucked another guy shortly after she dumped me which not only fucking hurts but disgusts me.

I think my problem is I'm an emotionally stunted retard who did date for 7 years since my last gf in high school so I missed out on dating in my early 20s and the growth that takes place there and also I went through a lot for the 2 years I dated my gf and she was always supportive of me, until we had a difference in opinion about something and she just couldn't handle my view on it so she left me.

Feels dead inside man

Coworker I had been friends with for about 5 years. He was exactly my type in looks AND personality but he wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. I fell in love with him around year 3 of this job.

I told myself he was just afraid to love and other shit like that. The reality was just that he didn't find me attractive and saw me as beneath him in a lot of aspects of our lives.

We worked in close quarters nearly every day and it was too much to handle. The job I loved was becoming unbearable because it meant having to be close to him and get glimmers of hope but still knowing we would never happen.

I quit my job and moved a few hours south doing touristy shit. No one knows why I really moved or that 7 months later I still think about him all the time. No one even knew I had a crush on him in the first place.

>>18125949
with due respect we don't care about any female's feels posts
you are the ones who makes us suffer, go post on a girl webpage
shoo shoo cheating fake whore

>>18121514
They're gone. I've accepted it. I'm at peace with being alone romantically the rest of my life since nobody could take their place or be like them. I'll always love them. I feel immense amounts of pain but I'm used to that. I've accepted that's just how things are now as I move forward.

>>18121514
we always had chemistry but she always had boyfriends. she would come on to me and i wanted her but i didnt want to get involved in that kind of drama so i never went for it

now its at the point that i think she thinks that i dont want her, but i do. she still has a boyfriend anyway so fuck her

she's a year older than me but she has a pattern of dating guys that are at least 20 years older than she is

when her creepy relationship with this guy inevitably ends maybe we can have another shot, but honestly at the end of the day she annoys the shit out of me. i still want her, but i think if we actually had a relationship like that i would end up hating her really fast

>never been in love until my mid 20s when I met him
>start dating
>happiest months of my life ever
>"we have to talk"
>gets back together with his ex "sorry but thanks for everything"
>think about killing myself every day
>almost failed uni because I can't think straight
>he still messages me all the time but after a while of talking he suddenly starts talking about his ex
>don't know if he does that on purpose every time
>never wronged him in any way

I wish I would have never felt love.

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Ex who I dated for 2 years is getting married to some dude she has only dated for 5 months. I don't know if I'm starting to get over her or not, but anger kinda helps get your mind off it. So does picking up a new hobby. I tried MMA
1/2

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2/2

I met her last year. She was in a relationship and basically wanted me to sweep her off her feet out of it, everyone knew, all my friends told me she really liked me, but I couldn't do it. If I were to start a relationship like that, I could never trust her. So one day my best friend and her take molly and have sex, and now they are a couple.

We've grown so close since then. We both talk to eachother about our biggest issues and we are just always there for eachother. We are so good for eachother. I love her like she is my sister. All I want is to see her happy and succeeding at life, even if I'm not a part of that. We can sit and talk for hours and never get bored, just smiling, laughing (she's the only girl I've ever met that really makes me laugh), and having deep talks. She loves me to death too, she tells me that all of the time.

Basically all she has are me, him, and that's it. We have a big group of friends but no one is closer than us 3. Their relationship is dysfunctional and she has asked me 3 times over the past 4 months if they were to break up, would the two of us still be able to be so close? She always says "You're more of his friend than mine, so I guess it would end between us"... all three times I didn't say a word, I just fell silent, and she cried... it made me want to cry too. I just want her to be happy. That's it.

We both have feelings for eachother. It's so obvious. I love her so much. Recently I've been going out with a very pretty girl and she's very jealous. I have a feeling that very soon we are going to come clean about what our relationship actually is, and it will be messy as fuck.

>>18121514
Broke up for the first time about 2 years ago because she cheated on me with a former friend of mine whom I had bad blood with. I was super out of shape and somewhat of a leech on her (in the sense that she had a lot of money that she didn't mind using on giving us a really good life). I still blame myself for driving her into the arms of someone else because of my own insecurity and low self-esteem. Then I got addicted to alcohol and cocaine when I moved out on my own and suffered from a mild overdose which drove me to quit both cold turkey. I started going to the gym again and cut weight, my hair, and a lot of my insecurities. All of the sudden, I started getting female attention again and started dating a girl with whom i shared every interest with. Things were great for a while, then the first girl reentered my life with the usual selling points (It was a mistake, I'd never hurt you like that again, etc.). Like an idiot I dropped the new one and went back to the old one.

Our time apart did nothing to help our issues with intimacy and the girl I was with in the interim gave me herpes, so our sex life was sorta erratic because of all my flare ups in that first year. Eventually, she'd cheat again, and leave me homeless: forcing me out WHILE they were hooking up in our apartment. It mentally destroyed me, and now I can only have what I call "surface level" relationships with girls, ones that only last for a couple weeks at a time before I lash out. The shitty thing is that my ex could call me any minute and I would be there in a flash. I fucking hate myself /adv/

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>>18126106
>>18126108
have u ever thought that, perhaps, she might read your post and recognise who you are?
i mean, 4chan isn't a dungeon anymore and any normie knows this place already
>mfw your oneitis read your posts and finds out who u are

>>18121514
Current long distance bf is over the honeymoon period. He's now not as sweet as before and doesn't seem all that eager when I contact him anymore. I was about to fall for him when the cooling down started and now I'm wondering whether I should stay or not.

Thing is, I wasn't attracted to him when we started dating. I was about to fall in love and my toes were just dipping into the whole butterfly feeling, but he got over it first.

Now that he seems to be losing interest I'm starting to lose interest too. I want to break up with him before I waste our time, but he thinks we're just fine and I wonder if it's too cruel to break up with him now.

>>18126434
initials?

>>18126461
Lol. initials of my bf?

ISH. If you're anywhere out there honeypot, I want our flame back. I'm just a coward who can't tell you this face to face.

I have have gotten over it 2/3 times and getting to know your crush so you can see that they are just normal shit people themselves helps. Also, if they make it obvious they want to sleep with me it breaks it.

The first time: I was desperately obsessed with him for years to the point I just cried in bed frequently. I actually had the opportunity to sleep with him once but turned it down because he was being a sloppy drunk so it didn't feel genuine and I had started seeing someone. Eventually he got his gf pregnant, had a rushed wedding and started to become a very normal person to support his family; he got a little chubby and developed a bald spot. I was still speaking to him occasionally but one day his texts sounded a bit thirsty and it killed any feelings I had for him.
He was the ultimate exciting bad-for-me guy, but now he's just a normal young dad in a boring job and the idea of him seeing me as an easy side bitch now that he's fallen so far just made me hate him.

The second time: The sweetest boy I have ever met. I had actually fancied him for most of my teenage years and thought it would only be a fantasy. Suddenly we reconnected and we started hanging out and spooning for a summer in my early 20s, but I chose to stay his friend so that I wouldn't lose him if it went wrong. He then immediately got a gf, married her and hasn't spoken to me since. I'm not over him but it hurts a little less each year. I Facebook stalk him, I'm sure he'll have beautiful children soon. He's the one, I'm an idiot.

Third: Not really onetitus but a 6 year crush that has spiraled out of control. I can't control myself around him. I recently decided to just become his friend to diffuse it (I have a longterm bf so I want to get over this crush) and it seems to be working. I'm still so attracted to him irl that I sperg out whenever we meet, but when I'm away from him I can see he's a bit cringey now. I liked him more before it seemed like I could actually sleep with him.

>>18126475
not him, sorry darling

>>18126498
Oh well. I'll have to let him know eventually. Or break up with him if things aren't improving.

>>18126495

You sound emotionally unstable.

>>18126557
Well obviously, no sane person harbors an all-consuming fixation on someone for 6+ years. But I do support myself financially, live a physically healthy lifestyle with a great boyfriend and have a cosy network of irl friends so... it's not all bad?

>>18126614
its really bad because you are leading on another person

fuck you whore

>>18126626
I can see where you're coming from, but I'm not. I have a fantastic boyfriend who I'm dedicated and committed to, and a pathetically long running crush on #3. Like it or not, even if you are dating the most amazing person in the world, you can still get or carry on crushes on other people.
As you have read previously, I have been hanging out with #3 as a friend and also to hopefully diffuse the crush, and it's actually working. Getting to know him for real is destroying my fantasy version of him.
Even though I act like a sperg around #3, I am completely honest that I'm in a relationship that I have no interest in ruining it, so I can trust him to be a big boy and make his own decision to hang out with me or not.

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Moved 3000 miles away after the relationship failed. Hate the cunt and wish I could stop thinking about her. What a bitch.
>>18121663
https://youtu.be/VKhpE-oNoGY

>>18125475
>>18125480
>>18125473
Have you thought about telling him?

Seems like he might share your feelings.

Maybe talk to his sister the one that caught you, she probably already suspects something and she can give you an indication on where he's at.

Hope this helps anon

I'm a retard who gets oneitis for a girl I haven't dated yet. When I go to bed I can't get a mental image of her face out of my mind. I fall asleep at 4 am or so and sleep about 4 hours a day.
I'm gonna ask her out this weekend, she'll probably say no but I've been told being rejected helps to stop this feeling. I'm kind of terrified of rejection though, as if my whole world will fall apart.
She used to be pretty cool with me though she's shy and cold in general but lately she's been quite distant, sometimes strongly ignoring me. I'm sure she must get tons of guys after her in college anyway.

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I had a oneitis. We went to the same elementary school, but never really talked. Wasn't a very remarkable girl. Met her in middle school, same deal. High school, sophomore year, I saw she grew quite fucking beautiful. The way she dressed, looked, talked, acted, fucking lovely girl. She had a boyfriend, unfortunately. Different classes, too. Junior year I start talking to her semi-regularly since I had friends on the soccer team and would watch their games. Her boyfriend was a soccer player. We just got along so fucking well. Conversations were NEVER dull, a feeling I haven't been able to capture since with any other person, male or female. Just back and forth, cracking jokes, insults, insights, whatever. Senior year we have a class together, I end up getting her number because teach made students exchange numbers for help (it was a particular math class). Talk all the fucking time, into the hours of the early morning. Not texting, phone calls just talking for hours and HOURS.

All this, she was still with her boyfriend. I had come to know him. Cool dude, I didn't much care for him but he was pleasant enough. We couldn't hang out together, she and I, since she would be with her boyfriend. She eventually breaks it off with this guy, but moves for university. Fucking sucked.

Still talked for hours and hours, while we'd study, or whatever. But she was so far. Killed any real chances of a relationship. Long story short, she ends up getting involved with some men who really damaged her. She turned to alcohol a lot, much to my dismay. I was there for her as much as I could be, but it wasn't enough. She gave less of a fuck about things, just overall became less pleasant and less the woman I fell for. I still remember the exact moments I fell out of love with her. We stopped talking as of last year.

It's a childish notion, but I always thought I'd be in love with her for as long as I lived. But it wasn't so. I cherish those moments talking into the early morning hours.

I held strong for so long... But iv looked her up again on instagram. Iv seen her pictures with some emotional stuff underneath it.. But 100% sure it wasnt for me, iv contacted her friend a few months ago who said to her that i loved her. Today i was very weak and feel really emotional.. I dont know why, she was adorable but cultureal differences drifted us apart and i was her first .. Im not sure what to do.. I told her to block me on instagram.. I guess she moved on.. 1000 followers she has.. It hurts me, really bad today for some reason.. I feel helpless thinking about life now and whatever is coming on my path

Who fell in love with their teacher here?
I swear I wanted to take the course again just to not miss her ever so much.

One does not simply cope having oneitis.

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Just a blog post feel free to ignore.

>09' meet my ex by chance hanging out with friends - didn't even think about relation or even friendship back then
>a month later I meet her again while hanging out with some friends - her and my circle intersected or rather I finally got

some real friends and she was acquainted
>she contacts the khsv that I was - later tells me she fell in love with me that day
>as time passes she takes my first kiss; we hold hands in public and heavy make out sessions in the evening
>because I hear my parents and relatives talk shit about girlfriends of my cousins even though they never met them once I

decide to keep her a secret
>my happy little secret (except for my friends and one cousin who was like the brother I never had)
>skip 1-year
>It's our anniversary and she tells me to come over since her ma will be out of town for a week
>we started hanging out at her and her moms place when it got to cold to stay outside all the time
>I get comfy on the sofa after giving her a bouquet and she told me she wants me to eat the lasanga she made for me
>home cooked food by my gf - I thought myself in heaven
>she enters the room - no food
>just a fucking sexy negligeé
>I take her virginity and eventough it's also my first time I don't come instantly
>we fuck like 3 times and alomst everytime we met since that day
>3 months in I get back from a trip we made with our class
>haven't seen each other for a week so we have to make up this lost time
>long story short: we didn't use a condom that day and she got pregnant
>we decide to go through this together
>finish school, start university and move in together - thats the plan we had
>I guess hormones happend - but she breaks up with me twice because she says she figured out I wouldn't be a good father -

goes back on these words 2 days after
>we stopped having sex after her first trimester - she did'nt want to hurt the baby so we went back to just making out
>skip 6 months to my sons birth

>>18127789
>I get a call about 11am the next day and it's her
>"Anon, do you want to meer your son"
>tfw I have no face
>I'm a father now
>I missed the birth of my son; was not the first to hold him and see his wrinkeld babyface
>she went into labour about 1 after I drove home
>She decided it would be best to not call me when she got to the hospital
>I'm devastated and euphoric at the same time
>Run to my car and tell my parents and sisters on the way that I just had a son
>since we didn't tell them about us they thought I was joking - I expected this but it's to late to introduce them sooner now
>rush to the hospital
>she tells me that her entire family had already visited her and congratulated us
>something inside me breaks but it's fine - It's just us three now
>my happy little family
>since we didn't find a place to live in in time we crash at her moms place and sometimes at my parents place in my old room
>we start fighting sometimes about little things but thats okay the situation is shitty
>in the month we spent looking for an appartment everything started to go downhill
>I have to admit I did text with an ex of mine a few days before my sons day one and told her that in the short relationship

we had I liked the smell of her hair and also admitted that I cant fucking wait to have sex again since the last time has

been so long ago(the one time I had to open up to somebody over something and it had to be this to my ex)
>this lead to the fuck up
>you see I didn't want to admit that I texted my ex - didn't want her to be envious like me, after I heard that she sometimes

texts with her very first boyfriend
>she noticed I was hiding something and logged in into my AIM an read the messages
>that evening she asked me wether I was hiding something
>not knowing what she had done previously I deny anything
>she breaks into tears and tells me that she had read my messaging history and decidied it would be best for us to break up on the spot

>>18127797
>I beg her not to - telling her it was just text and she was my only love
>two days later she calls and wants to talk; she suggest moving in together anyway but with a new start in our relationship

->no kisses, no sex
>I thougt I can make it work again
>I couldn't
>the 4 years following this day are spent trying to work things out and fighting
>everyday the trying ceased to be from her side to and the nitpicking and fighting increased
>we both start to be somewhat passive aggressive
>I don't want this for my son so I have to work more
>left uni to get into a fulltimejob which could support us both so she can take care of our kid without having to worry about money(it was work from 6pm-2am/4am monday to friday)
>but doing this, she tells me, made her be more dissappointed in me
>she moved in with me so I could be financially stable and what I made was not enough for regular holidays
>this is not the case anymore
>october '15 she told me she wants to move back to our hometown and already terminated the contract for our appartment - wether I want to live 1,5h away from my son or move back too is up to me
>so I start looking for a room and a job back there but nothing comes up and time's running out
>I quit my job and move back to my parents for six months
>the shame I felt these months I never want my son to feel
>I got a job but struggled to find a appartment which fit into my budget
>at least I get to see my son regularly as long as I'm here were my thoughts as I moved into the cheapest appartment I found
>as I pay the alimony and debt we accumulated because she decided we shouldn't pay the rent for 3 months I'm living on my bare minimum
>timeskip one year again
>debt paid off (just 3k€) I can finally start thinking about moveing into a bigger place so my son can spend the weekends at my place
>start uni again so I won't be a disapointment as a father

>>18127805
>during that one year I noticed her having some financial problems beacuse she didn't want to life on wellfare and chose to work a somewhat parttime job and thus offered to pay for some basic stuff my son needed and wanted
>I somewhat got over her during this year and we became "friends" because this was the way I could secure seeing my son almost every second day instead of biweekly
>sometimes I think we could work it out again but this fades almost immediately because we still fight almost everytime we see each other
>here's where I make yet another mistake - I tell her my plans about moving which gets her gears starting
>she wants to move in together so our son has both parents in one place and make it easier for the both of us financially, like roomies
>basically she wants us to move together as friends without benefits
>that feeling that this possibly could work fires up again
>I'm still not over her it seems
>I want to do this but I know I shouldn't
>I could play pretend for my son but I shouldn't
>I too think my son would gain some positive stuff from but also I am certain it will be moving into a broken family and portay a distorted view about family in general into his little mind

She tore me apart /adv/ and now I trick myself into having hope again

What do I do?

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We met over 10 years ago, maybe 13 years ago, talking about Mega Man Battle Network. We clicked right away, we became really, really close... We even trusted our deepest secrets to each other.
We remained super close until 2 years ago he began getting angrier and angrier at me for no reason. He'd say he can't stand me anymore, or that he needs a break. He began becoming more and more insulting torwards me...

So, I stopped talking to him. He wanted me "away from his life", so I did...

And the weirdest part is that every week for the past month he ocasionally texts me (but I do not reply) with passive-agressive comments, as if he tries to provoke a reaction from me. Sunday he texted me basically if "I want my crap back" (a card deck he got me a year ago) but I will not reply.

I hate him for it... And yet... I still love him. And I wish things were different.

>>18121867
Don't worry bro, she may be a bitch, but there are a group of anonymous people that don't know you that are here for you. You'll find someone for sure.

>>18121907
Fucking this.

We broke things off a few months ago for a few childish reasons. She hates me (while I maintain I was in the right), and I've forgiven her for every dumb thing she's done. I just want her to be happy, and I'm not too bothered anymore, but I want her back anyways. Lord knows I miss her, regardless of the fact that I shouldn't. It does get better anon, but it may take time. Keep in mind you don't need her and you'll get over it, or at least be able to live with it in time. Good Luck and stay happy if you can!

>>18123693
This anon here again. So, I found out that the other guy was actually a family member, but some shit went down. She came over last night and was just unbearably rude, and my beta ass couldn't shut her down, so she basically got away with treating me like a servant. I want to be done, but I love her so much that I keep letting her be completely shitty to me. I need to push her away before she finds someone else and I implode, but we have made like 53982352398 plans and something keeps screaming at me that if I ghost, I won't know what could have happened and I'll regret it forever. But there's no way she has any respect for me after the way I let her treat me last night. This fucking blows, mates. I'd go into detail, but it's too embarrassing. Let's just say that I have it on good authority that she knows that a number of things she does bothers me, but she finds it amusing how I refuse to stand up for myself, and is now toying with that.

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>>18127875
I'm off to gym... I don't think I'll come back tonight, I rather avoid my skype because I know he'll text me tonight because I haven't gotten back at him...

Good night /adv/

>>18121579
Fucking hell Anon.

>>18122865
Try to see her flaws, get her out of your mind, and cope with other things (your hobby, video games, going to the gym, seeing friends, whatever)

Focus on other things and try to improve yourself, your life (and ONLY your life, not your life with her)

She's a coworker, she had a boyfriend for awhile so it was always hidden but they broke up a few months ago
We get along perfectly, we never run out of things to talk about, we just click
She came over one night and we made out and confessed feelings for each other, thought that was it and we'd make it official, especially since literally everyone already assumes we're dating, then a few days later she says she just wants to be friends and doesn't want anything serious right now
But now we're back to how we were before, everyone still assumes we're dating and she doesn't do much to dispel it, we still see each other all the time. It just confuses the fuck out of me

God this is such a highschool thing. Fucking grow up already. You're never going to date if you can't even be the slightest bit independent
Boo fuckin hoo. Jesus christ

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>>18121514
I love her but was unable to figure her out. She broke up first day after I moved to the town she lived in (I lived in the next town and moved here for work, happy to be more flexible with seeing her as well, though we've spent almost every day together up to New Years Day, after which she said she needs time for herself I me clinging to the hope it will work out somehow). Now she is gone altogether, moved away. That was the last time I talked to her and saw her, when she wrote me she want to give me my stuff back because she is moving. Yesterday I discovered her profile on a dating side and it tore open all the wounds. I feel physically sick and don't really know what to do anymore. I'm just tired of trying.

>>18127808
Whatever you do, don't do this. It won't work, it will hurt you and it will hurt your son. Heavy story, I'm really sorry to hear that.

>>18127808
You shouldn't have used this thread for this, but in any case, I don't think you should move in with her. Definitely spend more time with each other, by all means develop that friendship, but don't subject your son to the life of unhappy cohabiting parents. It's horrible and not worth it, and shows him a bad template for how couples should live.

>>18128156
Look anon, you developed feelings for a person you had a great relationship with but who might not return them and is now being shitty to you, that really sucks.
On the plus side, you have improved your life and are coming out of NEETdom. It's really important that you don't forget this, you might experience a bit of a dip if this girl leaves your life but nothing can take that from you. Nobody deserves to be treated like shit, but at the same time, she doesn't actually owe it to you to be your manic pixie dream gf.
If she's being an asshole, tell her how she's hurting you before you ghost her. She has no right to demand that you put up with her shitty behavior. You got this anon, there are other girls and friends out there.

Pretty much what this anon >>18129119 is saying to another anon

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>>18121579

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>this thread

>>18123693
>>18128156
Just remember its you thats fixing your life, not her.

you did it, anon. Keep it up

>>18126654
Yay I'm not alone! You sound very much like me. I've been in a committed relationship for over 10 years but have long-running crushes (that I would not act on, but I still get butterflies around)

>>18129700
Holy shit I was literally going to make a counseling appointment about this today. Your post helped me more than you know.

I have a 5 year relationship with my fiance. I'm going to finish my undergrad in May and move back home with her. In the meantime, I've developed a crush on this girl at school who is kinda into me because I give her the emotional attention her fuckbuddies don't. I never acted on anything but I feel SO guilty about it. Am I supposed to tell my fiance?

>>18129708
How about stop talking the girl and perpetuating the problem.

>>18129714
That's what I'm trying to do. The most compromising situations have occurred when her club had functions at my frat, and I would get drunk and make the poor judgment of hanging out with her.

>>18126654
>>18129708
>>18129700

Also checking in.

Have a wonderful gf of 5 years who is everything I want out of a girl. But I'm still crushing on a girl I knew before we got together, and sometimes I'll meet a girl who clicks with me really well and I'll develop a crush. Or sometimes a girl will flirt with me and it's really agonizing to turn her down.

It is nice to know that I'm not alone. sometimes you get into a thought spiral that goes "well if I really loved her I wouldn't feel this way about another person, maybe my gut is saying she's not the one" but then I think part of it is seeking the novelty, or the unknown, or something.

I don't think human urges or feelings will ever go away. But it's about weighing what you'd be giving up, and so far none of my crushes/lusts are remotely worth ruining what I have.

>>18129729
>"well if I really loved her I wouldn't feel this way about another person, maybe my gut is saying she's not the one"
Those feelings just show you that "the one" stuff is romantic bullshit made up by hollywood.
You want the certainty and security a "the one" provides, you always want to be sure you're not alone. Fair point, but you obviously are not made to love just one person.

I bet you guys can't beat this:

My oneitis is a girl whose profile I saw on JDate. I sent her two lengthy messages over the course of two weeks, and she never logged in again to receive them.

Fast forward two and a half years and she's still the one.

>>18129708
I'm >>18126654 and I just wanted to chip in. I really do think it's ok to have your crush, but always ask yourself "would I be okay if my girlfriend/boyfriend was watching this conversation". The temptation is always really strong to give in and blue the lines between friendship and emotional cheating but there really is a distinction there. When I find myself crossing that line, I either force myself to talk about my boyfriend or admit something gross about myself (toilet humor or something) to pull it back into non-romantic territory. If nothing can shake that atmosphere, it might be best to talk to them less.

>>18121663

Fuck dude. I'm sorry.
I've been wishing I don't wake up almost every night. But you actually gave it a real shot. Makes my problems feel insignificant.

>>18129937

This is just plain dumb infatuation. No profile or photo can really tell you who that person really is. You can spend years with someone and still not know them completely.
I have no respect for you.

>>18121579

Ok, first of all I'm sure you're putting your own spin on the whole story to make yourself look better than you probably were.
But even if not there is a glaring problem with your attitude in all of this. It doesn't sound like you put up much of a fight against this dude. I mean if this girl was the one, surely you'd be as prepared to do anything as that other guy was right? It sounds like you were just comfortable to let her get snatched from under your nose.
Pretty much all girls like and want attention. They want to be the center of your world. They want you to fight for them and prove that you're not wishy washy when it comes to commitment. Even someone abusive has more value than you if they're ready to do anything to get them.
So not much sympathy here I'm afraid.

>>18126626
>>18126654
>>18129700
>>18129708
>>18129729

Remember that at the end of the day we're just animals with urges. Although monogamy does exist in nature, this whole love and commitment is pretty much a human construct and just as intangible as the concept of money.
Getting urges and crushes is a completely normal reaction, you should never try to suppress those feelings, what matters is only what you DO. You shouldn't feel guilty for being attracted to someone and wanting to flirt with them. You should even try to openly discuss something like that with your partner if they're more open minded. It will give you both some peace of mind.

>>18129953
This is good advice. Also, if you can get yourself to do it, bring it up with your SO. Even jokingly, like "oh man i kind of have a crush on so and so." No need to make it a serious conversation, but having them aware of the crush in some way or other makes it feel way less secret and guilty, and can even help the feelings go away.

>>18129986

Oh and as far as it goes for the person you are flirting WITH, as long as they know you're already in a relationship it's on them whether they get lead on or hurt. You're not responsible for their actions.

>>18129965

>this is just plain dumb infatuation

I am aware of that... she's perfect though. has just enough info on her profile to get my noggin floggin

>I have no respect for you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9Cp1AsqFkQ

>>18125606
>What would your mum say if you told her she made you fuck up with your oneitis?

Well, she wouldn't have if it wasn't for my pride. She definitely would have understood had I told her what was going on, but I considered it insulting that I'd have to spill my personal relationships to her so that she wouldn't be worried and let me go, and I suspected she would gossip about it and I'd get teased at family meetings :D

I fucked up because I wanted to be the perfect guy in my own eyes, even though I was already so good in her eyes she had chosen me over the others. I thought I was perfecting myself for her, but I was actually just trying to meet the requirements I created in my own head to the point where it spoiled the whole thing.

>>18130819
I loved this show so much. To this day it's the only anime I've ever enjoyed.

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She's single now, she got fat, i don't care, she knows my current gf, current gf is angry all the time. Current gf is disabled and will cost a lot in looking after in the future if I wife her. Chubby ex likes to travel, try new things, she was the best one in my life, the only one to break up with me, not the other way round. I want to leave current gf and run back to ex (who added me back on Facebook after a 2-3 year silence) but I'm afraid of being seen as a scumbag for leaving gf and I'm afraid ex gf will say no then I'll be completely alone and will never meet anyone because i never go out anymore

Rock and a hard place

>>18130979
What kind of disability?

>>18130819
>>18130835
wut show.

I avoid women altogether, I had about two obsessions and they ended messy, I was with both the girls but they got freaked out when I wanted a relationship and my obsessiveness pushed them away.

I avoid romance with women or any other than friends because I am terrified of becoming obsessed, I hate the control it has over me and turns me into such a needy cringy faggot when I know they would actually like me for me.

>>18130979
I know you didn't ask, but you should probably cut them both out of your life. You take care of your current gf for the rest of your life, as unhappy as you are, you'll resent the shit out of her. It'll blow up eventually, may as well light the fuse now for a smaller explosion.

>>18131062
The Future Diary.

I don't have one. Cute girls are a dime a dozen. My experiences in relationships proved to me that the ideal girl usually isn't ideal after you start getting closer

I have a crush on one of my close friends but she's in a relationship and I respect it, even though I haven't usually in the past. Pursuing other girls and going on dates got me past it pretty quickly

She left me without any coherent reason.
"I'm confused, and I don't understand why we need to be a couple to be together"
And it is really weird, because in the last week she started flirting with me again, idk wtf

I was grieving the loss of a close family member by ignoring everyone and everything for long periods of time, and she said things werent working out, after 5 or 6 months of me hardly ever saying a word. She said maybe in the future she would want to try again, but for now, she thinks we need space. I assumed she meant many years down the road but she told me around the fall, if we bumped into each other she would love to meet up for coffee and see if things respark. I dont know if I should be sad I lost her, or hopeful for a future with her. I was planning on proposing to her, but the funeral really took its toll on me

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>>18131432
>she thinks we need space

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>>18131445
Every fucking time...
It's been a month, anons. It hurts, it hurts so much. Every day I feel as if a hand was squeezing my heart.

>>18131451
>>18131451
Do the same as her, go fuck random people.

>>18131461
>tfw I wasn't left "needing space", but left for someone else altogether
>tfw he (yes, role reversal) lives with that woman and her mother now
I swear I want to fucking stab him.

We met when I was heavily on drugs and he had emotional issues. He did what he could to help but had to stay away from me as I was such a mess and would have b rought him down. I think he was also scared of how he felt.

I will never forget the words he said to me . "You're too good for this." And the ladt time i saw him we looked at each other and i turned away.

We've spoken briefly since and i apologized. He seems happy and is glad to hear from me.

Honestly it was a bit freaky having met him and feeling strange and intense feelings. It's been years and i haven't felt interest towards anyone else. I thought it was ok to not be with anyone and that I was happy if he was happy. But recently I met someone new who gives me butterflies in my stomach. I havent felt that since him. I don't know what will happen but it's no use to be sad about it. You can't just sit around and wallow. You have to go out and do things and meet people. Because he wouldn't want me to wallow so why should i?

>>18131445
You stole that photo from me u ass.

>>18131451

How old are you? You must be at least eighteen years of age to be here.

>>18131062
uncultured shit

>>18131590
26
Doesn't make the pain an less hurtful, I loved him for 10 years.

>>18131046
Mild physical, she'll be in a wheel chair by time she's 30-40

>>18131187
But then I'd be alone

I literally got over my oneitis just a few days ago

> get super depressed because too cowardly to ask her, starts dating a guy
>try to get over it
>do by improving myself and finding other womem

>few days ago, get over her

>she talked to md today
>told me she was no longer dating
>gave me a hug

>oneitis starting up again


Do they know how much this hurts? Is it deliberate???

She was the on girl that actually gave a fuck about me. she actually loved me. idk what it is, but i can't love back. (i was emotionally abused pretty hardcore when i was younger)

i went through the motions, and i cared about her, but the thing is, we broke up because i wouldn't let her help me. something about me always wanting to solve problems by myself drove her away from me. i miss her....... she was more than a girlfriend, she was also an awesome friend.

>>18131683
kys weeb

He lives a day of driving away, and I haven't seen him in six years. We used to talk every day, even when I was still with my ex. Now I get a call once a week maybe, texting is sparse and dry.
At one point I think he was going to tell me he loved me, but we got into an argument that turned into other issues. He said he wants to make a trip out here this year but I'm not holding my breath.

It's easier to just distract yourself with everything else in the world OP. Dive into a new hobby and don't come out for a while. Avoid contact if you can, just makes it harder.

>>18131782
Yes. Women keep orbiters as backup plans. Even if it's just for attention, she's going to keep on using you.

>>18131359
She just wants to be your best friend with benefits brah

>>18131916
You know men do this too? They tell girls they aren't ready for a relationship and fuck them on the side, whilst the girl waits for him to come around

>>18121777

You got dumped by a girl who basically married into money, you lost nothing. If she was any kind of woman she'd be by your side when you're absolutely poor.

The girl I like, she has a few significant things in common with me, but I am uncertain to what extent we are not alike. Next year, if she's single, I plan to spill it all out. Because I lost an opportunity like an idiot catching so many feels at once, that I was overwhelmed.

>>18121523
>I'm listening to lots of Modern Baseball and Front Bottoms

That's not going to help, listen to music that gives you energy.
Listen to some fucking metal or something like Foxy Shazam or Queen and dance around your room. READ. Manga or comics works, too, but make sure it's something you can invest yourself in.
Now is a good time to pick up any creative projects you were working on and dropped, too.

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Met my oneitis in october after years of absence. First met her when we were teens a decade ago. I regret that I ever met her again, I learned that I haven't let go of my feelings for her but merely been hidden away within me. My insides exploded into that familiar feeling like the first time I met her, I never felt so alive. She had moved on of course and that's where it really hurts. You need to avoid them. They won't do you any good.

We met when we were both 17, still in hs. Up till then I had trouble with people, but with her things happened so fast. We clicked so well and we felt that we could trust each other from the start. She told me things about her childhood that left me only wanting to be with her even more. Things were simple then, easy to deal with. I had never felt this way about another person. Sure, I had crushes and such, but this meant the world to me. Seeing her smile would instantly cheer me up, seeing her tear up (however rare) would break my heart.

Then I got deployed, and came back a changed man. She stood by me as pushed away and began my self-destruction. She tried everything she could to show me that she was there for me, but I, blinded by my own despair and fear didn't see what beauty stood before me. I tried to figure what was wrong with me in the process I damaged her in ways I shouldn't have. Said things that ruined the trust we had and made myself feel worse as I could see what I was doing, but had no way of stopping myself. I wanted to tell her that I needed her, that I loved her, but the words never came out right. I became a monster in my own eyes, but she still loved me nonetheless.

This went on for a while until I pushed her too far, until after years of trying to bring us together, I blasted us apart.

So much has happened, it been 3 months now since we talked properly. Since we seen each other. 10 years total of struggle, 5 of trying to recover, only to lose the one I wanted the most. She still texts me from time to time, but now it's about once a week, eventually it will stop. I don't know what to do anymore. I only try to learn from my stupid and foolish mistakes.

I will probably never get her back, not this time, I have to accept this. Likely I will never truly get over her, or trust anyone as I did her. This is what I deserve for my actions.

I have to try to move on, but I can't seem to let go. Part of me doesn't want to, but I must.

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I met him three years ago, when we were band mates. I'm gonna see him tomorrow. It's crazy how time flies, and to see him now and how successful his new band is.
I'm so proud of him. But I cannot let him go and it hurts so bad. But I have to be there for him.

I'm reading this thread and am honestly glad that I got rid of that part of me that feels.

I don't "love" anyone. I will take advantage of whichever girl has interest in me and sort of just ride the wave until something goes wrong.

I used to care and I used to pine after many women, and even "loved" my exes. But all they did was take advantage of that love.

Now I'm on the receiving end and know exactly how oneitises feel. You all need to pull your head out of your ass. If they don't want you, move the fuck on. They aren't worth your time. I make conscious decisions all the time about who I let in and what I do with people.

I keep work in a separate box from my personal life. I don't date or fuck anyone at work despite how flirtatious they get with me. Likewise I never let anyone get near me. Thank God for tinder. I never go far with people that are directly in my life. They just sit on the sidelines for me. I don't care about their lives, or their hobbies, or anything. When I date, it's only to fill that loneliness that comes with being antisocial.

>>18126654

You yourself used the words "all-consuming fixation". Sure, you can have a little crush on someone even when you're already in a relationship, but "all-consuming fixation' is a completely different matter.

I can't stop thinking about my oneitis, even though we haven't seen each other in two months, and the last time we saw each other, we didn't speak.

I have no idea how I would react if I saw that person again. Sometimes I feel extremely angry towards them, sometimes loving, sometimes full of sorrow.

We stopped being friends five months ago, and the last time we were together was seven or eight months ago.

Why doesn't it stop hurting?

I want to move on, I really do, but it's just not working. Even with no contact, no social media . . . the shadow of this person is always with me, and I think about them all the time, all day. When I wake up, when I go to bed, and all the time in between. I can't stop it.

>>18121514
I got over my oneitis after she told me she didn't think we could be friends because she thinks I physically abused her and also because I wasn't hysterically anti-Trump.

We were close friends for about 7 years and even went through a short but intense period where we fucked like rabbits.

>>18121514
I've had a lot of long term relationships and with time I figured I miss them all in some way. But that's nice, because it means I had great times. Open up, try to get to know somebody else and don't compare her/him with your past loves. Then enjoy !

>>18133881
empty chad thundercock detected

>>18133881
fuck off and die in a carcrash chad

>>18134712
this guy gets it!

He was the only person I could really show myself completely to. He was everything I had for two years. I have never met someone that could think in the same way I do, and was so similar to me.
I thought that even if we weren't perfect for eachother we could have been happy. Amd yet he got away in the worst possible way imaginable.
He knew that I would feel like this. That I don't have the strenght to just stop loving him.
Why did he do it? I tried my best, I was the best person that I could manage with him and helped him always, shared his interests, I teached him how to love and be affectionate, I made him smile and laugh.
I did everything I could and it wasn't enough and this thought is tormenting me. My very best means nothing. I'm just not worth loving at all. There is something wrong with me.

I hate him so much, but I love him and it makes me want to die.

>>18131943
The key difference here is that the men who do this are engaging in sex and giving the females what they want while females who do this do nothing but waste their backup plans time.

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>>18133196
We're broken, anon.

>>18133182
You're entitled to your own feelings, but I personally feel you're out of touch if you feel one kind of crush is okay but another is not. I didn't ask for that crush, and I'm working hard on making it go away and not doing anything inappropriate so that it doesn't ruin my genuine relationship.
I wonder if you can say the same if you ever end up in this situation

>>18134702
>>18134712
>>18134713
Is this the cuck mc faggot jihad?

>>18134738
What did he do?