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Anonymous
Can't keep/make friends 2017-03-12 05:28:19 Post No. 18120289
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Can't keep/make friends 2017-03-12 05:28:19 Post No. 18120289
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Hey /adv/, loner here.
I have trouble making friends and keeping friends. I've always had trouble with this for as long as I can remember, but in high school I was somewhat able to gain a social life with a few of my peers. Now it's been 5 years and I have no "real" friends. I mean, there's the people on Facebook. But I don't hangout with those people. I've tried to set things up several times but it doesn't really ever work out for whatever reason. Either I'll get shot down or we set something up and for whatever reason something always happens to interrupt the plans before they even happen. Actually, they went through once. It was okay and I didn't get any weird vibes but after that one time it didn't happen again.
I also have trouble bonding with people I am trying to be friends with. For example everything on my end feels uncomfortable the entire time I'm around them. I feel like I can't relax and like I am faking everything. I desperately want to open up to them sometimes but then I feel like it will come off too strong, too fast. It's frustrating. And I don't even know why I get that intense feeling of wanting to open up, I'm not entirely alone. I have a SO. And I open up a lot with them, more than anyone else. So it's not like I don't have someone to talk to.
I'm 22 and I struggle with anxiety and depression, if that helps.
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Fellow loner here.
Trying to force friendships to gel will only set you up for disappointment after disappointment in the long run. True friends that want to hang out with you, and love you despite your flaws, are painstakingly hard to come by, so dont get your hopes up.
However, if you reframe your mentality to focus on being friendly in general, instead of revolving your life around having friends, you'll be able to connect with folks much easier and possibly turn one of these connections into a satisfying comradery.
So just try to be gregarious, don't take socializing too seriously, and the rest will take care of itself.
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>>18120318
I tend to force it constantly. I do give off that friendly vibe I think, I smile a lot and I try being polite, even engaging in small talk with random people from time to time.
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>>18120356
Good. Now just relax and try to have fun.
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>>18120387
I'm on edge majority of the time, it's really hard for me to relax unless I'm alone or with someone I'm close to.
I guess this still leaves me where I started but now i can tell myself that it's okay.
How can I make myself accept that I might not have many close friendships in my life?
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>>18120419
I dont think its a question of 'might'. As someone said already, true, close friends will not be in your future. The more you live the more you will see that you have fewer close friends than you did 5 years ago. People grow, people come and go, they will dissapoint you. The number of friends in your life will thin, and only time will shape them into either a friend or close friend. Its key to remember the difference between friends and close friends.
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