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Anonymous
How do you stop living a lie? 2017-03-11 07:51:27 Post No. 18117629
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How do you stop living a lie? 2017-03-11 07:51:27 Post No. 18117629
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Here's the short version of how I got to where I am now.
>Be me as a child, probably around five at the time
>Family teases me about something
>Can't handle the bants, become secretive to avoid it
>Get used to and skilled at lying, hiding interests, doing things in secret, etc.
>Slippery slope, things become worse and more irrational over the years
>Be me now, early 20's
>Live almost entirely based around this persona, do almost nothing openly except play vidja
>My behavior is dictated by irrational fear of judgement and trying to be whoever I think the world wants me to be
>Worst with parents and family, still bad with friends and coworkers
>Not sure if I can ever be myself
What do? How do I undo like two decades of living a lie? How can I ever reveal this to anyone and finally let the act drop?
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>>18117629
Move to a city where nobody knows you and your not expected to play the role you have been pushed into at home.
You'll realise the act isn't that much of an act.
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Literally the exact same thing here, OP. My advice is shitty advice, but even shitty advice can be helpful.
>lies started to catch up to me
>slowly get new friends and be complete honest, but keep my distance
>this subsection of friends I reach out to when I want to
>tell them the complete truth about everything even if it may hurt them
>tell them I got a problem with lies so I'll tell the lie upfront and then tell them the truth after
Old friends:
>literally cut off outgoing communication unless approached
>tell them another lie that I seen a shrink that told me I'm a habitual liar, double life, personality disorder
>the few friends left accept me and move to other section of friends
>majority cut me off or maintain anger with me
Improving everyday now that I maintain only 1 lie now. I'm becoming more trusting in people.
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>>18117629
Exactly the same thing here, OP. The person I am and who my parents think I am are utterly different. I know it's stupid and I should just stop lying and be truthful about everything, but it's really hard and feels like I would die from shame.
It's nice to know I'm not alone, at least.
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