Confused

>Opinions?
It sucks that this happened, but it's good that it happened BEFORE you married him. Don't marry him, things like this will happen again.

>>18114870
How old are you and your fiance, 19? Why is his mother at his house? Why would you continue to be in a relationship where you know he will emotionally abuse you already, and are only concerned now that it's escalated to physical abuse?

>>18114878
I'm 26. He's 28.

>>18114875
It does.

I'm torn up. I'm blaming myself for this as well. I should have controlled my emotions and should have not cried.

Im very honest and faithful to him, so when he accuses me of being a cheater, it really hurts me and leaves me frustrated. These are moments where I guess I should have tolerated him and been patient.

Anyways, he is using this entire situation against me and wants to leave me.

I still want him. Can't help but feel unwanted and abandoned.

>>18114878
His mother lives with him.

>>18114889
>I'm blaming myself for this as well.
That's a pretty common reaction after someone does something like this, but nah it wasn't your fault. You had a pretty normal argument that couples have, and he overreacted massively and violently. Nothing you said or did justifies him dragging you up the stairs and throwing stuff at you.

You didn't even do anything wrong to start his whole tantrum. You didn't cheat or flirt with the guy or do anything behind his back at all. You literally just brought up a conversation you had with your friend. And he's not even sorry after he freaked out, he's still blaming you. That's abuse, straight up

If he wants to leave, just let him leave. You'd be lucky to be out of this relationship. Seriously, if you stay with him, it'll happen again and it'll probably be worse. Take care of yourself

this is an unhealthy relationship and love. If he wanted to make things up he would have apologized for this (and so would you), but instead of this he started to accuse you with his mother (lol).
this situtation started because of his distrust (did you ever cheated or was he always like this?)
either way it was not the last time that such thing happened. also dont blame yourself for crying this is the last thing you should worry; and by the way its emotional abuse and not a relationship.

>>18114889
>I'm blaming myself for this as well. I should have controlled my emotions and should have not cried.
that may be true, but its not an excuse for violence

you need to get away from this guy and get a restraining order so he doesn't go OJ on you

She wont listen and 10 years from now she will have no friends after they get sick and fucking tired of having to listen to her cry on the phone every time she gets beat up by the abusive husband she refuses to leave.

as a woman who has been abused get out now... before it's too late...

>>18114953
By the way, that part where he wouldnt let you leave the house? That's the biggest red flag to me as someone with an in-law who gets beat up regularly. It always happens when she tries to leave the house while hes in a rage and he wont let her.

>>18114923
That's true. Though his mother and him insist that I should have controlled my emotions, and not left the house (despite him insisting). They've managed to make me feel extremely ashamed, and defective - as they say "you're the woman, you must control yourself, no matter what he says/does."

It makes me feel less than "woman" and unfeminine.

I appologize. I'm a completely insecure and emotional wreck after all of this. The whirlwind of feelings..too much. It's mainly due to him wanting to dump me after it all.

The twisted thing is... I'm worried if I will ever find someone as great as he is.., someone who would treat me as good as he does. None of this makes sense.

>>18114941
I have never cheated on him. In fact, I keep my distance from all men, and don't really have any guy friends.

/tv/ is that way >>
but i dont think they like lifetime movies

>>18114988
No, please listen, he's not great and he doesn't treat you well. You don't have to apologize or feel bad, because you're going through a tough thing right now. It's an abusive relationship, and you still want him because he's got you addicted.

It always works a certain way with guys like this. This is gonna be tough to hear, but the best way to illustrate it is that he trained you like a dog. Carrot and stick, reward and punishment. I don't mean that to demean you, I mean it to demean him, because that's no fucking way to treat a person that loves you. He's a bad person, and he can pretty much only do bad things to people in the long run.

What he's doing right now is just another part of the endless mindfuck. He knows he crossed the line and did a crazy thing, you could even get him in trouble with the police if you wanted to. So he threatens to leave, the withdrawal symptoms kick in, and you're willing to forgive anything if he'll take you back.

Don't let it happen. You're free now for a moment, get your head together, get the fuck away from him and never go back. Go somewhere he won't look for you, and don't answer his calls.

>>18115013
Thanks for that.

I'm going to have to muster some super strength to get over my low self-esteem (stems from childhood).

Objectively speaking, despite having a full time engineering job and making $100k more than him, being called "pretty" by other people, and other "positive qualities" friends/families/acquaintances comment on..... none of it actually gets into my head. I honestly feel like I'm never "enough".

This, in combination with the uncertainty of the future, is what keeps me holding on to this; this is what prevents me from moving on. I'm just too scared. I fear regret.

There's only one of each person on this earth. I'm scared of loosing him, and regretting it. I won't know unless I let go. But it's so difficult for me.

>>18114870
>>18114988
>That's true. Though his mother and him insist that I should have controlled my emotions, and not left the house (despite him insisting). They've managed to make me feel extremely ashamed, and defective - as they say "you're the woman, you must control yourself, no matter what he says/does."
>It makes me feel less than "woman" and unfeminine.

What the fuck? This is some serious backward-ass, misogynistic bullshit. And I say that as someone who hates sjw's.

I know you are feeling very distraught, and it's very confusing while being within the situation, but the whole situation is very clear to the rest of us who have an objective view:

You are not at fault. You are being manipulated into thinking it is. You are being emotionally abused. You need to get out.

You *need* to understand, it is *not* your fault. There is no special onus on you to take shit just because 'you are the woman'. None. Just think, would you have done the same in his situation? Would you have not listened in the conversation? Would you have thrown something at him, told him to get out, and then *overpower him and drag him and throw him around*?

Yes you hit his hand, but he was trying to grab your phone (which is a disrespectful thing to do in the first place by him). There is no excuse for what he did, and absolutely no excuse for him and his mother to blame the whole thing on you.

>The twisted thing is... I'm worried if I will ever find someone as great as he is.., someone who would treat me as good as he does. None of this makes sense.

What good things has he done, that allows him to physically attack you like he did?

>>18114870
Dude get the fuck out now.

I married in my early 20's and now I'm in my mid 20's and I very much regret it. My husband is extremely illogical and is literally killing me with all the stress and pressure he puts on me.

I'm only with him right now because I'm afraid of being rejected. Being alone. Part of me also cares about him, but I don't think this marriage will get better. There's just so many differences.

The way your man and his mom acted is a disgrace. Blaming you? Especially the mother. Wtf, they are crazy...You need a simple person. Stay away and run as far you can. You are young.

I am young too. If things don't get any better soon I AM taking the same advice I am giving you. Please remain strong. Avoid fighting with him in the future. if you do break it off get a restraining order. Change the locks. Warn loved ones.

>>18115053
I doubt he's done much to help with your self-esteem, though, has he? Abusive guys tend to hook right into that insecurity and use it against you.

It's always tough to leave someone and make a big change in your life like this, I get it. I'm sure he had his nice moments that you miss, but trust me, it's worth it to get out of what your relationship has become, and to avoid what a MARRIAGE with that guy would turn into.

Your future is brighter if you leave, trust me. It sounds like you won't have any trouble standing on your own feet financially, and you'll meet other, better guys in the future. You don't have to put up with beatings and paranoid freakouts in exchange for love.

>>18114870
Sounds like over the course of a marriage, you would experience even worse with him. You would probably become afraid of doing simple common things out of fear.

I would figure out your individual goals for yourself over the next 20 or 30 years and make those a priority before worrying about codependency.

For myself, I spent about 4 or 5 years dating and was almost married. I had spent all my time trying to appease the wants of lazy, selfish, and unprofessional people. When I realized I needed to be financially stable and have a very valuable skill, I made that a priority and achieved it pretty fast without many distractions.

>>18115062

This is so true. I've just now thought of a reversed scenario and the fact of the matter is that if I've done similarly, his world would flip upside down, and he's consequently punish me emotionally for months and remind me of it everyday.

Equality does not exist here.

in terms of good things - honest, faithful, usually romantic.

>>18115063
I'm sorry.

The idea of leaving a person can be so difficult. I often rationalize shortcomings by telling myself there is no such thing as the perfect person... that every person has flaws, including myself. But maybe that's faulty thinking.

>>18115084
In some ways he has degraded it, and in others he has helped. He makes me feel desired and wanted from a physical stand point. He makes me feel beautiful. If I'm single, I become insecure in these aspects. It sucks.

Im not a very social person. I'm pretty introverted and no social circle where I live... seems daunting to meet new people. Things will need time and efffort.

>>18115102
Nobody's perfect, but some flaws are acceptable and some aren't. This guy physically attacked you and feels no remorse about it. If somebody hits you, and you come back for more, he'll hit you harder next time. That's pretty much a law of nature. He'll just get worse and worse

>>18115102

I posted this in a thread for someone else a few days ago; i think it's applicable to you: >>18100451

>>18114889
I don't know him, I don't know you, but based on what you said. He was WAAAAY out of line, and has deep insecurity issues. He sounds like an utter loser and you should definitely reconsider marrying this man. You are not to blame for what happened, he was wholly unreasonable.